Jenny Hope

Hold on a little bit longer

2012-01-18T00:35:00.003-06:00

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4

Don't lose heart

I'm not sure what the phrase "don't lose heart" conjures up in your mind but for application purposes to me it is when I become discouraged enough by the winds and waves of this life to the point of giving up. Yet haven't we all felt that way? At the end of our rope so to speak. We may feel like giving up on the thought of every breaking free of a habitual stronghold that has held us in its grip for far too long. What about the loved one you have been praying for and yet still no sign of change? What about the relationship that barely has an ember glowing and you feel the last bit of hope about to be snuffed out. What about the ones you want so badly to know Jesus and His redemptive power yet their hearts seem so hard and calloused that getting through to them would be like breaking through bars of bronze with your bare hands. I know someone is reading that feels washed up on life's shore wondering if she missed her calling. Maybe you feel like you have blown your testimony beyond repair and you have lost hope that God can still use you. The woman struggling with infertility or is on her fourth miscarriage yet all of her friends are pregnant all around her. Or the person who has been alone in their marriage for far too long and has almost given up on things ever changing. She feels abandoned, rejected and alone. Why would anyone want to fight for her anyway she wonders to herself. Or the woman whose husband has betrayed her with his sad addiction to p*rnography. These are just a few things that I am pitching out there because I do hope that one of them will at least conjure up in you the thoughts of what it is like to lose heart. Paul's admonition here was for those of us in Christ to not lose heart. We must take courage if you and I are going to make it to the finish line having fought the good fight. I really wish I could just be so honest in regards to some of the things I am facing or have faced yet I don't think it would glorify God to just throw out the details on my blog. All that is to say that I know what it is to lose heart. This week I really felt a call to step it up in the realm of spiritual disciplines. I felt in my heart that the Lord was calling me to abstain from food so I could press in and perhaps touch them hem of His garment. And so I did for two days. It was so pathetic at first at how weak my flesh is. Yet I was determined with His might working in me that my flesh was going to bow down to the Holy Spirit because I needed Jesus more than I needed food. I needed to sense His presence. I needed to take courage from His word which He imparts to us so readily...yet sadly so often I forfeit the grace that could be mine for lesser things.
I realized in that small act that I really am nothing apart from Him and can do nothing apart from Him. Also, I think the removal of something like food or whatever for a time brings you clarity and the blessed reminder that He is our portion in the land of the living.

In our Western Post-Modern Culture we are usually among "the have's" and not "have not's". I was up at 3 am in what would have been yesterday, studying James Chapter 5 and I was sickened over my own self-absorption. I had to hurry to obey the Lord at 4:30am to start cleaning out my closets to purge of my own greed and continual lust for more. It is so easy to get caught up in covetousness and greed and think little to nothing about what a discontented state we are in because it is so the norm. Especially when the culture surrounding us screams so loudly that we need to feed our flesh that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit is drowned out by the deafening noise of the modern day Babylon we live in. One sure fire way for us to lose heart is to amass wealth and things to the point that we become enslaved by them and in doing so lose sight on what is unseen because we get so flipping distracted by what is seen and what is temporary!

So, do the odds seem to be stacked against you? Take heart.

"Paul has supplied several reasons for refusing to grow discouraged in spite of seemingly overwhelming odds: (1) his divine commission as a minister of a new and superior covenant (4:1), (2) the prospect of sharing Christ's triumphant resurrection from the dead (4:14), and (3) his immediate task of promoting the Corinthians' spiritual welfare and the glory of God (4:15). But he was realistic enough to recognize that his toil and suffering had taken their toll on him physically. For this, however, there was a splendid compensation. Matching the progressive weakening of his physical powers was the daily renewal of his spiritual powers. It was as though the more he expended himself for the Gospel's sake..., the greater his spiritual resilience..."

Let me just say that you and I have got to be in the word of God if we are going to have this spiritual resilience I just quoted. I don't know any other way to withstand total defeat then to take up our sword of the Spirit and press in to know Him through His word. I'm not here to argue about "quiet times" but I know that I can sense the Lords guidance and presence more in the morning than any other time of the day. I can't tell you the number of times I am sure Rod and I both would have rather been out of our marriage yet I can only speak for me when I say it is the dailiness of seeking God that has kept my marriage as imperfect as it is. Anyone that knows us would say our pictures would not quite be in the yearbook under "most likely to succeed!" Yet God in His grace has continued to breathe life into us when we feel like we can't withstand another day. The pure fear of the Lord has kept us together and the mercy that triumphs judgment that we have both been such great recipients of.

This spoke volumes to me this morning about the staying, accomplishing work that the Lord wants to do in and through the life of the believer (in reference to how quick and momentary this life on planet earth is):

"This life goes fast. A vapor. A mist. Picture someone exhaling warm breath into the freezing cold. There it is. Then it's gone...When circumstances are really tough, we can find comfort and courage in the verses about life's brevity. We can think to ourselves, In the eternal scheme of things, He's only asking you to do this hard thing for a few minutes. You can be faithful. It's not that long!" (Beth Moore, page 152 of James:Mercy Triumphs)

Should you stay in an abusive relationship? NO! Are there biblical reasons to leave a marriage? YES! But what about doing the hard thing and being one of the ones that Hebrews 11 talks about when it says that the world was not worthy of them? I love the hall of faith passage because these people were certainly not living "their best life now"! They were being put to death, stoned, sawed in two and etc for their faith in Christ. You may not ever be martyred for your faith in Christ Jesus but He may call you to stay put in some hard situations and persevere. These people did not receive on earth what was promised but you can bet they will in eternity. Sometimes we have to wait for the answer, even when it comes to the Lord's judgment, but though it linger we should wait for it...even if it doesn't come this side of heaven

Hebrews 11:37-39

³⁷ They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— ³⁸ the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.

³⁹ These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

I just turned 32 last month and after having three kids I can T-E-S-T-I-F-Y that outwardly we are wasting away as our bodies decay but just like the Lord said, we are not to live in fear of those who can kill the body but not our souls. Because these earthly tents we live in will eventually be taken down and one day we who are in Christ will receive glorified bodies that are incorruptible. The Lord cares about what concerns you. Even when you don't feel it.

Luke 12:4-6

⁴ “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. ⁵ But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. ⁶ Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

So, we must press on past our discouragement by letting Him teach us and speak to our weary souls. So many of you know that Rod's best friend and one of my best friends committed suicide almost two years ago in February. I wrote about that here.

He gave into the despair and the weakness of his flesh and unfortunately did not fight the good fight of faith. He became disheartened...he gave up.

In regards to focusing and fixing our gaze on what is unseen, I love this paragraph again out of Beth Moore's new study on James:

"I loved this commentary excerpt, she writes. See if it speaks to you, too: "This life cannot be properly understood without considering the spiritual realm, a realm that impinges on and ultimately determines the material realm in which we live day to day." Beth goes on to say, "Maybe we've heard this until the holes of our ears have grown over, but God is the only one looking through every layer and at every implication. He also looks upon a situation in context of what it is, what was, and what is to come. His deliberations don't just involve immediate impact. He sees our place and our positions amid carefully woven generations."

And I have to go on to quote this even though I realize how lengthy I am getting here:

"Are you ever tempted to think that this whole human thing is rigged? That God formed us with souls that seek well-being yet shuns us when we do what comes naturally? What if we understood down to the marrow of our bones that His is the only plan that really does end up prospering us (like spoken of in Jeremiah 29:11...I don't believe she is speaking of just monetary prosperity but a prospering in our soul)? What if we really believed Jesus when He said that those who insist on finding their own lives will lose them and those who lose them for His sake will find them (see Matt. 16:25)? What if we really believed that, if we seek God's kingdom and His righteousness, everything else of true value would be given to us, too (see Matt. 6:33)? What if we really believed that "He did not even spare His own Son but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything" (Romans 8:32)? What if we really believed that "godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:8, NASB)?

To quote Moore again, "What if we really believed that God is not only great, He is good?"

To draw off of all of that when we focus only on circumstances and do not lift our eyes to His word we become jaded and then creeps in the losing heart, the despondency, the despair.

So as the weight of life comes down on your shoulders bend your knees or fall to your face and like Paul in 2 Cor. 4, let the idea of proportions that he experienced thrust you closer to the Father. "The greater affliction Paul suffered, the greater the glory produced for him."

As I live and breathe I can testify that some of the greatest gifts in my life have been pain because like a thorn in my flesh I would turn toward God and come to know Him in greater ways than I could have had that circumstance or pain not entered my life.

My only living grandparent died a few weeks before Blair was born. I think about it everyday...not to be preoccupied with death but it just washes all over me how brief this life is. Her body failed her and then of course she gave up her Spirit and she was cremated in the blink of an eye. Her presence seemed so immovable yet she is not here. She didn't take a single possession with her when her time was up. It keeps speaking volumes to me because she liked the finer things in life. I am reminded daily that this is not it...this is not my home. It's only temporary. Let's keep pressing in and pressing on until our redemption draweth nigh. He is coming and He will not delay.

Hang on my brother or sister and keep getting up, steadying your feet and gather the manna of God's word each day. We are more than overcomers in Christ Jesus our Lord! We can do this thing.

1 Cor 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

His Ministry to the Brokenhearted

2012-01-08T22:37:00.002-06:00

There are so many places that this post could go but I am trying to keep things a tad bit shorter because my little sister says my posts are too long. I love her honesty! She even tells me while I am mid-sentence that what I am saying is over her head and makes no sense to her. I love her for that as well because I get stupid some times and think that you are all reading the same book that I am! Anyway, Blair is just now five months old and to tell you that I am in love, drunk on him, smitten...are phrases that would just do no justice. If he were the richest dessert in the world I would take the tiniest spoon and eat him up! I am so humbled and thankful for the opportunity to stay home with my little mister and watch him grow. His cheeks are really filling in and he has the chubbiest little grin when he smiles from ear to ear. After losing our first child Shelby Hope, and then the war story of bringing Morgan into this world, I sure didn't envision having another child. Yet somewhere tucked away in the recesses of my mind I did not rule it out either. Each time I found out I was pregnant I literally got on the floor and bawled my eyes out before the Lord. I would literally freak out before Him because I felt all of the inadequacies rush in and the weight of responsibility fall on me no to mention the blessedness of being able to steward another child. I am one of those people who can't start a movie without googling it and reading what happens from the beginning to the end on wikipedia. Yes, I annoy even my own self. When certain parts of suspense come up I tell Rod resoundingly that yes I know what is about to happen its no secret to me, I am already well informed! When reading a Christian fiction book, I start about two chapters then thumb my way to the last few pages of the book to make sure everything will turn out like I want it to or I am not wasting my time with it. I am beyond annoying you are thinking! As I sit here on the floor typing let me tell you that my last irritating issue was picking out my pajamas. They have to match and as much as I have tried to convince myself that it will be OK if they don't...there is no going to bed with the mismatched pajamas. Listen, I know that there are far greater issues going on in the world this just happens to be part of my own madness. In a world where you and I have very little control I would at least like a bit of it in some areas if that is OK.
So, naturally I get ahead of myself even in the parenting department and start to worry about outcomes and years up ahead if I do not intentionally make myself stop and focus on passages like Matthew 6. I am comforted to think of the Israelites being brought out of their land of slavery and how God literally rained down their provisions daily for them. I would have been the chick out there gathering too much than what we needed, as evidenced by my pantry, (hoarding as our generation would call it) and then being scolded by the Lord for not trusting in Him to give me my daily bread (Click Here for the story of the manna in Exodus 16). We would have been the tent that smelled like rot from the manna that went bad. I am just saying.
Side note: When I found out I was pregnant with Blair I took the test in his friends cabin in Kansas (who does that but me?) so they all found out with us and I am sure they thought I was weird...I then went back to our cabin and had the freak out session with the Lord.
So, on to the point. Lately I have been in a funk. I have felt inadequate at best in so many areas. Then, with some things going on in my own life that are so personal, I have been focused on myself. I hate how that works out. Then, Friday night I went out to eat with the fam. As a new mother to Blair I so enjoy when others dote over him and tell me how cute he is. You know when you are the mom you think your baby is so cute even when he could be the ugliest baby anyone has ever seen. To you his face needs to be plastered all over baby food jars. Several people had commented on him in the restaurant and I noticed the waitress would not even look at him. She came back and forth to the table so many times and almost acted as if he wasn't even there. I noticed she did not wear any wedding rings as I tried to converse with her. Finally she told me that she had miscarried in September and she is expecting right now. Immediately I remembered how hard it was for me to share in other peoples joy of a child once I had released my own daughter to be with Jesus. I would scurry past the baby aisles and avoid contact with anyone that had a newborn. I was happy for others but was an emotional bomb waiting to go off on the inside. When you are in the throes of loss it doesn't take much for the floodgate of tears to open up, at least for me. So many people are so well intended yet maybe they have not been through grievous loss in their lives and they in attempt to provide some semblance of comfort to you say the dumbest things...or pious platitudes as some would call it. I was thankful to come in contact with her the other night to be reminded that so many people have desires that are not met in the way that they think they should and they are hurting and broken. It's not just the desire for children. There is severe loneliness, depression, feelings of worthlessness, despair, betrayal...and the list goes on. So even though I am fortunate enough to have this precious child I won't forget for a second that so many are struggling with infertility, miscarriages, the loss of a child and etc. I don't have much to offer here but I do know what it is like to suffer and to feel empty or have hope that is deferred maybe like the single girl that loves Jesus and is in her thirties and still waiting for the Lord to bring that man in her life. I know what it is like to look into Gods word and go oh this is what this relationship should look like but it doesn't and there is nothing I can do Lord but ask You to change me. To make me OK. To not let me grow bitter. I know what it is like to have to come to grips with the fact that some desires are not going to be met this side of heaven and to understand that it's going to be OK because those thorns in life are what drive me closer to Jesus and I wouldn't trade knowing Him for anything. So, tonight I come to say...the Lord cares about your broken heart. He cares about the state that you are in. He is truly what we need but let me ask you this...are you going to be okay if the longing is not fulfilled this side of heaven or will you quit because of the prosperity gospel that tells you that to have Jesus is to have all the best of this world. Or can you stand with me and continually lay yourself as an offering on the altar of the Lord and be the living sacrifice and allow that very longing to be your spiritual act of worship? It is not for the faint of heart when you come face to face with the fact that this world is fallen and broken and under a curse. You and I long for wholeness and there is nothing wrong with that but it will only be found in Christ.

^{Romans 12:1} Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

So, I am praying that if that baby never comes, (don't quit seeking God's face over it and don't quit telling Him the desires of your heart) if that relationship is never repaired, if there is someone that is not coming back from the dead, if your marriage is never what it is supposed to be, that you will know the One that will bind up your broken heart and that in your deepest need you will find that you would never have known Jesus the way that you could if that disappointment or hardship had not come into your life.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I do realize that what I wrote is not very encouraging yet it comes from great sincerity and the desire to see others know the Healer while living in such brokenness. It is also my prayer that the very thing you have hoped for does not turn into bitterness. Oh do I know that one well. It is so easy to become bitter toward others and God because you feel like you have been dealt a raw deal and maybe you have.

I pray that you will fight the good fight even when the road is rough. I pray that He will send forth His word and heal you. Because without that healing of the heart...we are destined for an early grave. We can allow ourselves to die long before we ever really do. Let's live unto God and press on to know Him.

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD’s Favor
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

May the Lord send forth His light and truth and guide us until we are ushered to His holy mountain, to the place where He dwells.

Psalm 43:3
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

Looking through the Rearview

2012-01-07T22:27:00.002-06:00

^{Psalm 68: 5-7
5} A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
⁶ God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ⁷ When you went out before your people, O God,
when you marched through the wasteland,
Selah

Recently. I had the privilege to read Passport Through Darkness by Kimberly L. Smith. To tell you I was convicted would be an understatement. I felt almost as if the book were just pressing down on my heart and engaging my mind to things that I had no clue about. I felt pathetic and puny in my relationship to my reality colliding with the truth of Gods word. Sadly, as I evaluated my sacrifice for the Lord and my love for Him I would say that sometimes my talk didn't match my walk. The book is a must read for anyone with a pulse. Am I called to go to the Sudan and work in an orphanage...not necessarily. God has us each gifted in so many different ways and all of our callings are equally important. Yet I could not read it without assessing the sad state of my own soul. Am I wigging out in sin right now? No...but at times have I settled for what is mediocre...a resounding yes would beg to bellow up from the depths of my being. I have indeed been content with less than Gods best. There is a world out there starving for the truth and salvation of the gospel as well as basic human needs and here I am tonight opening the fridge 50 times hoping that the Lord would fill my refrigerator with a mirage of goodies because I have been to lazy to go to the store.
I am not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip this is a personal assessment of mine. I truly feel like our Western Civilization has spoiled us and we have deceived ourselves into thinking that we deserve all of the best that this world system (and a polluted world system at that) has to offer. We pity others and we pity ourselves so much so that we enable hosts of people to stay in their bondage when freedom beckons their name...yet they won't come because this life has dealt them a raw deal. After reading that book I realized that I really didn't grasp what it meant to show kindness to the poor and the widow of this world. Most of us in America are technically not poor. I am just saying. Some of us have no idea the atrocities that are out there in the midst of human life. There are real orphans out there that don't even have orphanages to go to. There are people that can't get a job because their civilization is so corrupt that they have no jobs available. I could go on. I will not be able to look at America in general under the same lens after digesting that book. Not to get into politics but when Morgan registered for kindergarten the first thing all of the kids received was a form to get free and reduced lunch. So many of our handouts are pure enabling yet I am not discounting the fact that there are people who are in true need. Please don't misunderstand. I know a family that had three kids who were abused mentally, emotionally, and physically. No child deserves that. Anyway, the three girls took three different paths. The first one decided to brush it all under the rug. This IS NOT biblical forgiveness...to pretend like nothing ever happened. This person seems like she always has a front up, she doesn't deal with real issues of the heart, and seems like the star at the masquerade ball. She misses the chance to testify to the grace of God in her life and the power of full redemption. The second person chose wild living and played the victim card. Nothing is her fault it is everyone else. This person lives their life feeling sorry for herself and trying to get others to feel sorry for her. She forfeits the grace that God gives when He says that we can be more than overcomers. The third person was extremely determined to deal with her junk and chose to see that what people in her life meant for harm God turned around for the good. She chose to testify to the truth that there is resurrection power in the life of the believer that He can bring what is dead back to life in the empty places of the human heart, soul, and mind. She chose to try to help others be free from the victim mentality and in choosing so, she chose to cling to Christ as the Author and Perfecter of her faith. The Lord became her Father, her husband, her friend that sticks closer than a brother.
All this is to say that I think we spend so much time looking at ourselves and focused on self and how we can work things out in our cracked pot of a life that we lose focus of our Lord Jesus. It is such a paradox but if we lose ourselves in Him by steadying our weak knees on the path of His word and fervently seek to obey it we find life and strangely we find healing. Instead of greed and giving to others only out of our abundance we can sacrifice and actually have joy from it.

I had to grow up extremely quick in my opinion. Our real dad was out of the picture by the time I was four or so. I remember being so contemplative as a child and also feeling the deep pangs in my heart over rejection experienced at such a young age. I was an extremely fearful child and I don't have a lot of great memories of my adolescence. I never really felt loved or cherished. I thank the Lord for that because it became a gift in the sense that the Lord allowed it to turn into a desperation for Him, my one true love...the Lover of my soul. I felt very ugly as a child, I was ashamed of my clothes, my hair, and the things I felt that I didn't have. I wanted to be popular, a cheerleader, have boys like me, and be all of the things that popular kids were. But I was just a dork really that never fit in much anywhere. As misfit you could say. Friendship was so important to me. I will never forget my best friend in the 5th grade. We spent all kinds of time together. I mostly went to her house and we would stay up and giggle and play games until late in the night. I loved her with a friendship kind of love but I am sure I cared more about the friendship than she did. As time went on she changed B.F.F's and I didn't get invited over much and slowly the friendship faded out. I remember sitting at lunch by myself with a tight lump in my throat because I had lost my best friend. At that point I began building walls of protection in hopes of not getting hurt like that again. Rejection is an ugly beast isn't it? Something about it just sends us into a tailspin emotionally speaking. This wasn't the last time this would happen either. I hated my insecurities and I sure didn't have much of a foundation with the Lord at that time to help me get through my hurts. I really didn't know how to articulate them myself. Yet now as if I am almost looking through a rear-view mirror over the shoulder of my past, I see where God was orchestrating the friendships in my life and the paths that I would take to get me to where I am now in relationship with Him. The people I was friends with (with the exception of one) do not seek the Lord at all. They are missing out on the bridegroom. Why can't we sometimes step back and try to see that maybe in our rejection we are sharing in the sufferings of Christ but just maybe in our rejection we are being protected as God continues to mold us like clay on the potters wheel. On my last post I mentioned that I have been going through some very personal trials and the Lord gave me clear instruction to persevere...to bear up under the load and to keep coming to Him to unburden my heavy heart and disappointment. Even if the mountains don't move in the hardships of life I will trust that even if not in this lifetime my suffering will not be in vain. It will not be wasted. The Lord will redeem it and help me to turn back and strengthen the brethren.
Now all of that leads me to say that my precious baby girl has had a hard time lately making friends. It physically hurts me when she hurts, yet I know that she is not so innocent either. I have seen her be rude and hurtful to people that want to be friends with her. I almost cried this week when Morgan told me that she wasn't going to wear a gift that had been given to her by another little girl because the girl told her that the item that said bff (best friends forever) was something that her mom made her get for Morgan because she is not Morgans bff. I felt as if a dagger was about to go through my heart...and then I remembered again that while we may not understand things at the time God is working out all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. This life is so short and so many of us are staring in the face of great hardship, rejection, fear, loneliness, loss, regret, guilt...but instead of wallowing in the mud of it all let's choose to be brave, to be strong, to be courageous and entrust ourselves and even our children and family to the One who neither slumbers nor sleeps.
I love the verses at the beginning because they are in reference to a desolate place being inhabited. We know that God had an allotment of land (that is still being fought over to this day in the Middle East) for His chosen people, the Israelites now referred to as the Jews, and He did not mean for it to be barren or uninhabited but thriving, flowing with milk and honey, and inhabited by His people. So I come to say, because I know it to be true in my life, whatever you are lacking He is the answer. Even if the answer isn't fulfilled until you cross your Jordan. Life isn't fair so can we just accept that and continue to persevere and pray like crazy that we will know Him all the more in our affliction and pain.

Defender of the widow.
Father to the fatherless.
The One who places the lonely in families.
The One who leads forth the prisoners with singing.

Oh please let Him break the chains that are binding you. Lord, please put a new song in our hearts in what seems to be our own personal Babylon, the land of captivity. Help us to remember that we are strangers here and let us be unpolluted by this world. Help us Lord to take up the case of the widow and orphan. Let our hearts be like Yours. Let us get lost in You instead of trying to figure out who we are so much so that in our attempts to find ourselves that we lose this small stretch of time here on planet earth and become lethargic and complacent. Rain down on us Lord.

LORD, we are in a battlefield and the enemy has taken many casualties. Help us like the writer of Hebrews says in Hebrews 12:12-13 ^"12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ¹³ “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Constant

2012-01-04T00:00:00.002-06:00

^{James 1:2-4
2} Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Man, I feel like I need to dust off the ol' laptop over here. The dust is finally starting to settle from what has been a whirlwind as of late. Major life events of moving, having a baby, then surgery and some very personal trials have kept me a tad preoccupied. Yet through it all I am so thankful for the constant One in my life. At times I have felt like curling up in a ball and crying from the deep longing in my soul for "a better country" a more lasting one. As much as I want things or people to be my rock to stand on I am ever aware that this earth is not my home and what is unseen is better than anything or anyone I can get my hands on here. I long for the place where there will be no more pain, no sorrow, no death, and yet in a strange way the things that bring me pain, the things that are close to home so to speak are the very things that drive me closer to the heart of Jesus. I truly know what it means to consider it pure joy whenever I face trials of many kinds. Let's face it, just like Josephs coat of many colors our trials can seem to come in a thousand different ways. We could call in the ROYGBIV of trials! Just a wide variety and spectrum of trials. I find it interesting if you jump down to verse for where it says that once perseverance (the ability to bear up under a load and not quit) finished its work we will be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Isn't that just it though...you are trucking along and all of a sudden a bomb drops and you find this cavernous hole inside of you like a cannon ball has just been launched through your guts and you have that gnawing feeling that you are lacking in some way, shape or form? You long for wholeness and yet here you are at a crossroads and you are lacking. You don't feel complete and it is such a hard place to be but such a good place to be all at the same time. Trials and hardships will teach but will we let God have His way and use the good, bad, and the ugly to allow Him to heal and mold us and most of all fill us that we will be mature.complete.not lacking anything? Will we see the things that seem to devastate us through with Him until we see that He truly brought beauty from the ashes a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair?
Clearly I am not going to go into details but I recently experienced a major betrayal in my own life. Yet I am so thankful that I serve a God who is so relentless in His pursuit of me and thankful to the One who gives me hope in the midst of what would seem like a river of despair. No matter what I have endured as I seek Him through His word and prayer He changes me and reminds me that He is my comfort that His Name is Near and when I feel like quitting His word lights up the dark places and reminds me that I am more than an over-comer and that the same God that got up from the grave and rose from the dead lives and breathes life into me. These aren't just words on a page to me, they are life.
Even tonight I was playing out certain scenarios in my head regarding the season I am in and the hurt that has cut so deep and was wondering when these bombarding thoughts would quit crowding out my mind. If your hurt is not brought before Christ and you don't allow Him to tend to your brokenness that will eventually turn into bitterness and I know that all to well. So, feeling like I am just carrying these burdens I was gently reminded that I needed to take what was bottled up (because when you are in the throes of raising children esp ones like Morgan who are radar it is hard to just start praying outloud without her asking questions...or bawling my eyes out because of course then she will want to know why I am sad) and "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Regardless of what pit you have found yourself in whether it was your fault or not that you got into that pit...He cares for You. Throw those cares off on Him. He will lighten your load and that may mean breaking out your prayer journal and casting that weight of the trial off onto Him several times a day but as you do your freedom will come and you will come to know the One who gave His life to redeem You. The only One who is constant. His name is Faithful and True. Truth in a world chock full of lies. He is Life and wholeness.

Double Minded

2011-11-14T23:15:00.004-06:00

It doesn't take much for me to scan back over the pages of my life and get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach over the sin in my life that has occurred from just being straight up double-minded. If there is ANYTHING I do not want Morgan to be, it is a weak willed woman. Honestly, sometimes the only reason I have sought freedom in my own life is because I want my children to see a life of authenticity before the Lord. Yet I fall so short. We all do don't we? I am so thankful that with the LORD is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. Not just partial redemption but full. Rebellion is so bound up in our hearts and we are so conditioned by this world system to just live for ourselves. I can't even tell you the times I just flat out sinned because maybe deep down I bought into the lie that I deserve something more and that I had been obedient for long enough yet there was no change in my situation. I would in essence begin to doubt God's goodness. Beth Moore put it this way in her new study on James, "Mercy Triumphs":

"all rebellion is essentially the attempt to take now what God won't give. The object of our deformed desire looks so alluring and promising that we can't imagine it birthing death, yet it eventually always does.". -Beth Moore

We essentially become double minded when we have a heart that is divided. What is it though that can cause a true believer to become double-minded? You could add your own list but for the sake of studying James I would say that we bend under the weight of trial and time and we choose now instead of persevering. The battle takes too long and feels too hard and we cave. We allow our fleshly desires to dominate and control us instead of the Spirit. At least that has been the case for me. We begin to flop around and allow "lesser things" to seep in maybe even slowly until things that were black and white, do and don't, become gray. I would be willing to bank so much of our double mindedness on a heart that has been hurt in some way. Maybe a rejection of sorts, a moral failure, a past track record that we can't get over...that we feel marked by...but we begin to allow time + trial to = wavering. We maybe spend less time in the word, less time around believers, and more time finding ways to fill our needs because we bought the lie that God just wasn't doing it for us. Let's face it living a life of duplicity is going to result in instability with you being the star at the masquerade ball.

The lexical form of the greek word for being double minded "Dipsychos" just fell on me like a ton of bricks.

Im no scholar here but lets break down that word di- meaning twice in the greek and psychos which has its origin in the word psyche and what do you get? Almost two totally polar opposite people. Division. Mark 3:25 says²⁵ If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

If we are in Christ we are housing the holy spirit and if we are living a life of duplicity that life will ultimately crumble.

Here is the lexical definition I was telling you about:

" ...double-minded, inclined toward antithetical ideologies, having conflicting dispositions. Twice in James, referring to one who has not resolved to embrace the way of faith in God. It is not merely weak in faith, but being disposed to embrace the way of righteousness in faith (believing God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and following them and believing His promises to be true and relying upon them) while being equally disposed to embrace the way of unrighteousness (disbelieving God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and disbelieving His promises and relying upon one's own means). Such a person is spiritually unstable (1:8) and prone to duplicity (4:8).

Whoa! If you have lived a life of just one good decision after another thank and praise God for His grace that has kept you from sin. However, if you are like me and have learned the hard way you get the above definition. You know what it is like to be divided. You know the anxiety that it brings. I taught in the singles ministry for years at my church and if there is one challenging area I have taken note of it is the area where a guy/girl has really tried to live for God and years have gone by with no promise of a life partner on the horizon. Then, doubt crept in and before you know it he or she was back to their old way of trying to get that need met. The need to get married overrode the obedience that came from waiting on God no matter what. It is hard. I am not saying it is easy. I'm just saying that I have learned the hard way that God's ways are best. His word is true and His promises are true. We can lean on Him and trust and place our confidence in Him even when our feelings override everything we know to be true. Or we can place confidence in ourselves and watch everything burn down around us, only we lit the match with our own unbelief.

It makes me sick to think about the bad decisions I have made based on my own self-reliance. Seriously, as I type this I can feel the sickness in my gut. Also, I sit here writing in amazement that we have a God that is so incomparably good and merciful and that His mercy does indeed triumph over judgment. He does not treat us as our sins deserve.

When we feel we are lacking because clearly trials present the opportunity for us to see our need because we so desperately want to grasp at the heels of control and we find through trials that we have no semblance of control...when we feel that gaping hole inside of us we would be wise to come before our God who opens His hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing and beg for His help and His filling. Look at the following verses:

^{James 1:2 -8 2} Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Man do we have us some trials of "many kinds" here on planet earth! Yet these are meant to test our faith and help us to persevere. I will never forget studying this verse oneday and learning that perseverance was the ability to bear up under a load. It isn't that we aren't going to have any loads to bear up under but that we will indeed have them and that we can learn from them and learn to bear up under them and not quit. Quitting is easy...but to me quitting on this thing called faith and my relationship with Christ would be misery. What is the dealio here with some perseverance? Why such the big deal? Well, from experience I would venture to say that persevering...going on with God...has taught me that He is the God who sees me and He is moved with compassion over my plight. Little ol' me. He is about relationship and in this relationship He fills us and completes us so that we can learn what it means to be mature and complete not lacking anything. Can I just say that reliance upon God is what snatches us from the flame. I have tried so hard to seek refuge in man to get my needs met only to be let down time and time and time again. Yet even if my situation has not changed, I have never been "let down" by God so to speak because I have gained intimacy with Him and sacred knowledge of Him.

This to me is a personal example but just one of many that I thank God for:

In 2004 my sweet baby girl Shelby Hope, was born and lived for 30 minutes. For times sake let me say that I really never imagined that I would lose a child so it was not something I prepared emotionally for. My natural assumption kicked in that Rod and I would go through that together and we would grieve. So, a week goes by and it is almost as if Rod packed that chapter up and put it in a box because there was nothing he could do about it. I have heard men are "fixers" I don't know because I am not one of them but through observation over the years that is the way Rod is. He is more about things that are logical and if something is out of his control he must move on. Not me. It was a nightmare of sorts but I will say that I stayed in the Word (by God's grace) and walked the thing out by faith and not how I felt. There were times that I would be sitting in the floor crying so hard I almost threw up and wondered why the heck he wasn't checking on me. Why was he not still crying? Where was the comfort I should receive? None of it matters now but to tell you that it marked me for the good. I realized in that time that not even your man who is the father of the child you just lost is going to be God to you. His grief is not going to look the same as yours and unless you embrace that God even allowed him not to be a comfort to you so that you would learn what it means to lean on Christ Alone...then your trials will turn to bitterness and resentment and ultimately be the bitter root that Hebrews speaks of that springs up and defiles many!

God is not looking at us wondering why we don't get the picture regarding His infinite wisdom and ways yet He tells us that if we need wisdom over these trials we can ask. This lofty God of ours who dwells in inapproachble light says we can approach His throne with boldness! Who else but our God! Yet we are not to doubt because He will indeed answer us. We need not rely on ourself as geared toward our flesh as we are we must hold His word in high esteem and run to it and seek refuge from the tempest that rages against us. He is our answer and in Him we find life and revival in our souls. Choosing to trust is choosing to thrust ourself in belief upon our God if no one else ever shows up with us or not. It will not lead us to an unstable life ever! Our feet will be planted on the Rock and we will be as surefooted as a deer! Let it be Lord! We need You. Help our unbelief! Be our strength when we feel weak and feel like we can't go on. Make us sure footed and able to stand.

Habakkuk 3:19

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

as of late

2011-10-20T15:40:00.002-05:00

stephy and blair

me

cousins

me and steph my little sister

my boy

mr thom and me at lifeway w the new beth moore bible study

I Think I Am On to Something...

2011-10-06T00:01:00.002-05:00

Proverbs 25:11 (NIV1984)

¹¹ A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

I love me a word fitly spoken! Can I just say I am a little fatigued and feel like a chicken with my head cut off from moving, having a newborn, and trying to raise my six year old. I don't know how people do life without Jesus. Seriously. The overarching cry of my soul as of late are things like this:
"Lord, I need You.
Lord, fill me.
Lord, conquer this aching in me.
Lord, don't let me miss You in the day to day.
Lord, I want to know You.
Lord, You are all I really have in this life.
Lord, HELP ME!"

I want what the Psalmist cries out for...I want Him to teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). I know if you are reading this that you probably want the same things in the deep down of your heart. So much of my lack of fellowship or peace at times is a refusal to not only confess my sins but to repent of them. To turn from them. We can be walking in the light and not feel His presence and have to walk by faith and not by how we feel. Yet we seem to shy away from the whole theme of repentance in this Western culture we live in. We lack peace. We lack contentment. So many times we feel like maybe we have lost our way, yet God wants us to return to Him with all of our hearts and walk with Him and be blameless like He told Abraham after his whole attempt to help God out with an heir to the promise. I love that God is a God of fresh beginnings. It is never too late to fall on your knees or your face before Him and return. So, I was reading this section in the Jewish Book of Why about death and mourning. I don't have time to site everything I am thinking of you would be here all day but in the Beatitudes when Jesus is saying "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" he is speaking in the Greek language of a mourning over sin. When we mourn over our sin we will be comforted. Because in our repentance there is a rest and comfort for our soul that no amount of pills, or alcohol, or entertainment can provide. The pure in heart will see God and if we are to be pure in heart it is going to mean some confession and some repentance. There is just freedom in coming clean before the God who already sees, who already knows, who is ready to forgive.
So, let me get on to the small clip I was reading (BTW, I am always fascinated with anything about Judaism that can help me glean more into the scriptures of Jesus' day and time):

Why do some Jews follow the custom of placing the deceased on the floor and of then pouring water on the floor?

In biblical times the pouring of water was a way of expressing a person's or a nation's sense of guilt. It was a way of acknowledging God's displeasure with man's actions (Judges 20:26) or of expressing remorse at a time of calamity (Joel 1:14).

Although no longer widespread, the practice of pouring water on the floor where a deceased lay is considered by many a way of notifying people who enter a room that a death has occurred. It originated in the Middle Ages, when it was common belief that the ghost of the dead was present after death and was dangerous to ungrateful relatives. This custom, in a variety of forms, was practiced in many cultures. Primitive man believed that spirits could not cross bodies of water and that the ghost, if it made such an attempt, would fall in.

So, I probably didn't have to include the last part but I am making a point. Tonight Morgan was talking to me about a girl that she is having trouble getting along with at school. Don't you hate that it starts that young? We have talked about it everyday and tonight I said, "Morgan tell Jesus. Pour out your heart to Him and tell Him you don't like her. Be honest with Jesus. Ask Him to change things and then we will see Him work." So she begins to do just that in the back seat. It reminded me of the following verse: ^{Lamentations 2:19} Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street. (emphasis mine)

Not only does The Lord of Hosts want us to pour out our hearts about whatever is troubling us, it just hit me like a ton of bricks with the implication of pouring out my heart like water in the presence of the Lord. If you will connect the earlier paragraph about how pouring water out in ancient times was symbolic of a person or nations guilt we are also to come before the Lord in lamentation of our own sin and just pour it out before Him acknowledging that we are dead to sin and we too want to leave that dead person on the ground with our old man, our sin nature. A true believer in Christ should wrestle with sin. We should not have peace when we are wigging out in a heap of sin. Romans 6 does way more justice on this matter than I could ever do. You and I in Christ are dead to sin and made alive in Christ yet we live in a fallen world and we continue to sin and need forgiveness and restoration. God is the re-builder of walls. Whatever seems broken down, maybe even burned down, and beyond repair God can and will speak life into. We don't have to stay the way we are. We can be cleansed by the washing of the water of the Word and made free to walk in obedience. Maybe you have blown it and others don't want to let you be free but when we encounter the Lord He is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Then, we can have confidence before Him...the only One who matters.
Make us right Lord. Thank You that even when we have blown it beyond measure You cleanse us and restore us. Fortify our walls Lord and may You be our Refuge and hiding place.
You are Worthy Lord. Free us from our guilt and the pride that keeps us from pouring out our hearts in confession and repentance. Help us Lord. Thank You that You are intimate and loving and that Your discipline is even merciful.

Psalm 62:8

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

Lamentations 2:18-20

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁸ The hearts of the people
cry out to the Lord.
O wall of the Daughter of Zion,
let your tears flow like a river
day and night;
give yourself no relief,
your eyes no rest.

¹⁹ Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street.

²⁰ “Look, O LORD, and consider:
Whom have you ever treated like this?
Should women eat their offspring,
the children they have cared for?
Should priest and prophet be killed
in the sanctuary of the Lord?

UPDATE on BABY BOY

2011-10-05T23:05:00.002-05:00

So baby boy is 10 weeks old! UNREAL!! It is so hard to believe that 2 months have already come and gone! Here are some recent pics of the little mister. I am so in love!!

Here is Blairsy on his first beach trip! I took him and Morgs this past weekend and they were both sick! It was like as soon as we set foot in the condo they were sick. We were still thankful to get away and see the beach!

And the reining queen of my heart! It looks like she was the only one at the beach because it was sort of windy and cold. Here she is at 75 months! LOL

Fist pump for the tigers! Or maybe the Lord was ordaining praise! I will go with the latter!

sweet girl trying on clothes at the outlets in Destin.

LOVE these smiles. I was so worried he would be a grumpy boy but he is so sweet!

Here he is in a hat I had made for him that he is wearing for his baby dedication on Sunday! Morgs had her baby dedication 6 years ago on October the 9th and his is Sunday, October 9th! So sweet!

HELLO~~~ I can hardly stand all of the cuteness! LOVE HIM!!!

Baby boy and I at the beach! Here I am at 381 months!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Love this man! Dr. Erwin Lutzer...sermon on his 70th bday

2011-10-05T22:56:00.002-05:00

This sermon blessed me so much! If you are not familiar with Pastor Lutzer you can listen to him for free on www.oneplace.com. He is such a sound teacher and I so enjoyed getting to hear some of his testimony.

Beth Moore's new bible study: :James, Mercy Triumps" !!!!!!

2011-10-05T22:53:00.002-05:00

Y'ALL!!!! I am dying to get my hands on the new Beth Moore study on James!!! Here is the Lifeway link! I will begin stalking my local Lifeway and calling my precious friend in receiving, Rhonda, to find out when it gets in. It is scheduled to be released in November! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

This Is Not Our Home

2011-09-10T22:17:00.002-05:00

Hebrews 11:13

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

Morgan rushed in the room this morning and sort of asked but said, "Mom, this is not our home!, right?!" Right I told her. I just saw the phrase on a blog that said, "As good as it gets!" Well, I sure hope this isn't as good as it gets because if it is we are in for some trouble. I follow several Caringbridge sites and keep up with people who are ill with cancer and various other things. Most of them are strangers to me but strangely enough through their sites and updates, I feel like I know them. Some of them are terminal...but aren't we all. One little precious boy is on the verge of dying as he battles cancer. It is really sickening. My heart breaks for the family and the boy. Another girl is awaiting yet another lung transplant. She is such a fighter and a godly woman. I can't even begin to imagine what she and her family are going through. Especially when I struggle so much to just not pass out when I am in a hospital. I can't imagine living in one daily. Then, I got word of a precious woman whose husband is having an affair. Two children and he has no plans to stop the affair. I mean what in the world are you going to do with this stuff? Christians can mean so well as they rattle off Romans 8:28 which is a wonderful verse but not the best one to throw out there in the middle of someones personal crisis, at least not in my opinion. Here it is if you didn't know it already: ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I think sometimes we just want to say something, anything that could offer perspective or a word of comfort when the hearer really just needs prayer and maybe to be told how deeply sorry we are. I remember so well some of the well intended things that were said when Shelby died that I really hoped I would never say to someone else in their hour of trial but we are all a work in progress, amen!
My little sister called me about a sweet baby girl that was the same age as her little girl that just went to be with Jesus. She died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I saw a picture of the mom holding the lifeless body of her precious dead child in her arms and it was more than I could take.
All of this is to say I am SO thankful that this is not our home, for those of us who are in Christ. I can honestly say now after years of walking with Christ, of testing and approving, of studying Gods word daily for 13 years now...I can say that He is more real to me than anything. I am more sure of Him than I am of the reality of my being. He is true. I can't make anyone know that but I would plead with anyone that if today You hear His voice calling you that you would not harden your heart. Our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. We are not just going to go on and on in these mortal bodies. We will pass from this earth.

Romans 13:10-12

¹⁰ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹² The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

What really brought me to this post tonight was all of the change I have had lately. It is good but it is change. I moved and had sweet Blair all in the same week. He is six weeks old and I still feel so unsure of myself as a parent to both of my kids. More than anything I have had an aching reminder in the form of a feeling that this is not my home. In moving I still don't feel settled but I thank God for how He shakes us up at times because we have gotten too comfortable and maybe even complacent with where we are. There is a contentment in each of us that can be sinful if we are just content with less than God's best. For me I was content to stay in our old house for the rest of my life so I wouldn't have to change anything.

So tonight as I was walking the neighborhood and felt that tinge of discomfort I thanked the Lord for the reminder that in whatever area of life you and I are in, He is "El Roi" the God who sees me and who sees you. He is our comfort no matter how hard we try to find comfort in this world. He is the Rock that we can stand on and the stronghold that will protect us from the enemy when we feel like laying down and dying would be better than taking anything more. I was reminded yet again this morning at how Hagar was mistreated and ran away and was then sent away. This world is going to flat out mistreat us. It just is. I am so thankful that even when we run in our driest land to get back to something familiar, that God opens our eyes to Him and the Well of Living Water that He longs to give us in the wilderness. Life still may be a wilderness but He will meet us there. He will change us if we let Him. So let us not get too comfortable here.

A few ways we get comfortable with less than Gods best:

1. Avoid tribulation at all cost. We try to dodge anything in life that could potentially be the very thing that would drive us so much closer to Christ. We do not get grace for things we haven't faced yet...but I promise you we get the grace to deal when we need it. Not before.

2. We are so polluted with this world and what it has to offer that we lose our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.

3. We haven't kept our eye on the prize and truly treasured Christ as the pearl of great prize!

So how are we to live?

1. 1 Peter 2:11

¹¹ Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

The enemy is all about us becoming not only carnal Christians but what I call chameleon Christians where we blend in because we have lost our fear of the Lord and we begin to live lives of comparison with others which leads to becoming a fool. He wants us to do the opposite of what Christ commanded us. The Lord wants us to stand out and be like a city on a hill. He wants people to take note that we have been with Jesus. So I will just let the word speak for itself.

2. Fix your eyes on Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4:18

¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My mind wants to break verses down and get into the original language to find out what it is saying but you and I have got to make it a priority to spend time in the Word and in Bible study and in a bible believing Church. Those things will change us. There is no real freedom or change apart from the Word of God and us obeying! So fixing my eyes on the unseen is fixing my attentions on the Word and allowing it to dwell richly in my heart, mind, and soul.

3. Then maybe we need to walk through some scenarios that are bothering us or causing us to wig out in fear. Maybe we need to take our worst fears and put them out there before God. He already knows. But somehow I think that if we do that we think that everything bad we have ever thought is going to have to happen. No. But I will say God will meet you where you are when you are there. So if he is even calling you to get uncomfortable because maybe you like me were getting too polluted by the worlds trinkets...maybe you should throw yourself at His feet and just go with Him. We don't want to stay if His Presence isn't staying with us!

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

2011-08-31T12:37:00.000-05:00

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

The Rabble

2011-08-31T11:48:00.000-05:00

Hold the phone! I was reading in Numbers 11 this morning when this verse (or verses) stuck out like a sore thumb:

4 The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. 6 But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" (emphasis mine)

Who in the world are the rabble I asked myself? This word rabble (in the NIV) is only mentioned twice in the bible and I had never heard it before. Where have I been?

Websters defines rabble as the following:
2 a: a disorganized or disorderly crowd of people

"The source of discontent is identified as "the rabble" (v. 4), referring to the foreigners who had come out of Egypt with the Israelites (Ex 12:38). Since they were not Hebrews, they had no personal attachment to God and His promises. They were tired of manna and remembered only the food which was formerly available to them in Egypt, forgetting all the reasons for fleeing. They were held in low esteem by the Israelites, but God's people allowed themselves to be influenced by their grumbling." (taken from my Key Word Study Bible)

One of my commentaries referred to the rabble as the "mixed company" that left Egypt with the Hebrew people.

I have written on the subject of forgetfulness in regards to sins slavery in the past, but I can't help but go there again when I read this passage.
First I want to share a couple of points that stood out to me:

1. We are influenced by the people around us and this world system more than we realize. The "haves" of this world greatly entice our cravings. When we decide to get our advice and satisfaction from "mixed company" we set ourselves up for discontentment and sins slavery. When I say mixed company I mean being unequally yoked and seeking advice and contentment from the ideals of the secular world around us. How many times have you seen an ad for something that you didn't know that you needed and it incited a want in you and you had to have that thing and then your affections for whatever it was that you now needed influenced your feet? In other words you had to have what someone else said you needed to be happy and you did what it took to try to achieve that momentary high. But the problem is the temporary fix that it gave you was only temporary.

2. We become like the people we hang with. Perfect example...the Hebrews were mixed in with the rabbles and the rabbles started complaining and grumbling and so did God's chosen people. Just like joy, and passion for the Lord is contagious...so is a critical complaining spirit. Grumbling and complaining is sin and yet we do it so often because we feel so justified in it. It only breeds more discontentment and negativity. What happens when we begin to grumble and complain is that we focus more on our problem than who God is. We focus on what we don't have instead of what we have been blessed with. I had someone in my life who continually spoke doubt and discouragement into my life in the area of trusting God for His provision and on two separate occasions I had to tell this person that I was not going to get on their worry train and I was going to trust God. Just like how sin permeates like yeast in a batch of dough, so does grumbling and complaining. It can breed so many consequences causing bitterness to spring up. So pull that weed out before it takes over the whole garden.
(I had a day today where I found myself griping and complaining about everything and it just made me feel miserable...not to mention probably Rod and little Morgan as well.)

Also, you see in this passage the tendency that we all have. I have been through a lot of tough things in my life. I can remember one really hard season (I am about to get generic so you can relate with your own stuff) where I had to let something go. I really thought that letting go was going to be the death of me. In some ways this thing that I had to move on from functioned as an idol for me. I began to try to find my worth in the way the whole thing panned out. The thing tore me down and I was in a constant struggle in my mind, my emotions, and I began to feel extremely low in the self-esteem department...mixed with a whole lot of anxiety over certain situations. The bottom line...I was in my own land of slavery. When I began to cooperate with God and allow Him to perform heart surgery and pry my hands off of this idol...I began to see such liberation and freedom in my life. Don't get me wrong it was mixed with pain. Later on, after I had been a couple of years removed from the whole situation I began to "forget" how enslaving the whole thing was. I even began to think oh maybe "that" would have been better when some of my situations in life went awry. I even felt at times like the path to obedience was just too hard and man so many people had it so much easier than me...what a lie. The Lord has allowed me to be marked forever with certain reminders to hopefully keep me from ever wanting to go back down to the land that He delivered me from. I would rather die than be the fool returning to my folly because His ways are best and so often I have learned that the hard way (and when I say the HARD WAY I mean every word of it...I have been on one field trip of stupidity after another but the lessons I think are now starting to stick...God is for us...always).

You know the story of the back breaking slavery, the loss of the baby boys, and that the Hebrews were in bondage. The Lord leads them out after many plagues and they had the Lord literally leading them with a cloud by day and fire by night. He was their reward, and He was their provision in the wilderness. If they needed to know where to go they just followed the cloud or the fire. The fire protected them from the deadly pestilence and met their physical needs. And I am sure the cloud provided them relief from the scorching heat. But guess what? They got mixed in with the rabbles and that was not good enough. They were now sick of the manna in other words sick of Gods kind of provision for them. They forgot their slavery and only remembered the food they had there and longed to go back. So you can read on in Numbers 11. God gave them their request. They would have so much quail it would be coming out of their ears.

Again so I don't make this too long...be wise about the company you keep. If you are in a place where you feel like life hasn't turned out like you thought...then tell Him. Ask Him for a thankful heart and more of the Spirit running over in your life. He is good and you do not have because you do not ask. Also, when the tests in life come seek to learn from them. Some of the hardest times in my life have been the best times because I literally was forced to depend on the Lord and see Him work in miraculous ways. I was not allowed to depend on my own strength or provision. Also, don't give up. No matter what you have done...no matter what has been dealt to you...keep fighting the good fight. Lets not forget where He has delivered us from and brought us to. Lets not forget what He has done for us and lets not neglect His word. That is the way in which He leads us today. He is the word made flesh. Thank you for your sweet word Lord. Don't let me be handed over to my own selfish desires. Let me live trusting and abiding in the shelter of the Most High. When I do complain help me to resist running to others but let me run to You and pour out my complaint to the One who is Safe. Give me more of Your Spirit. I am so desperate for You.

Psalm 106:13-15
13 But they soon forgot what he had done
and did not wait for his counsel.

14 In the desert they gave in to their craving;
in the wasteland they put God to the test.

15 So he gave them what they asked for,
but sent a wasting disease upon them.

My Strange Addiction- Widow Eats Husband's Ashes

2011-08-28T23:37:00.000-05:00

Wow! This is extremely strange and weird. I will give them that! There will be a resurrection of the dead for these earthly bodies (see 1 Corinthians 15) I just hate that it will be thru her fecal matter (sorry...but it's just really strange). WHEW! Help her Lord!

God is NOT the great kill-joy...nor do I even need to defend Him or His Godness

2011-08-28T22:52:00.003-05:00

Hosea 6:1-3

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Hosea 6

Israel Unrepentant

¹ “Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
² After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”

Over the years I have had more conversations about why "so and so" wants nothing to do with Jesus. Normally, almost every time, it is because they have the idea that Jesus is the great killjoy and that life in Christ is all about what you can't do as if we who are in Christ are all martyrs when it comes to any kind of pure joy or fun. There are some things that we just plain need to stay away from and I am not denying that because the bottom line is that just because something is permissible doesn't mean it is beneficial.

1 Corinthians 10:23The Believer’s Freedom ²³ “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.

Case in point: I come from a long line of addiction in my family. I am the type that would go buck wild in Chuck e Cheese for goodness sake...trying to win tickets for some prize that is worth 2 cents. So, I know that there is NO WAY my tail should ever be in a casino if I can't play skeet ball without losing my witness. It just makes me sad that so many people have seen so much hypocrisy that they want NOTHING to do with the faith. We live in a fallen world and we all struggle in many ways. It grieves me that I am sure I have been a stumbling block by my own sin. I certainly don't want to turn others away from Christ by my witness. However, we can't focus on people and what they do or don't do, while I am not discounting the importance of our actions or consequences to our sins. I am thankful for the words of psalm 130 and that if the Lord kept a record of sins NONE of us could stand...but with Him there is forgiveness therefore He is feared and we have to put our hope in that. This morning Morgan and I were getting ready for church and we were late because as we were getting ready we with hair brushes in hand, and our praise music blaring, were dancing away in the bathroom getting our praise on. I couldn't help but hope that Blair will be joining in during the years to come. I want to raise these babies up to know Him and to know that while blessing comes from obedience and that God tells us No to some things because He is God and He knows the affects sin has on us and in essence how harmful some things are...that there are some clear Yes's in Christ. There is joy and abundance to be had. I want them to know that while He is completely other and holy that He is also fun! I want us to be able to dance before Him like David did!

As Israel was unfaithful to the Lord and grumbled and rebelled against Him we to can fall into that rut and join in with the rabble in our own wilderness or wastelands spiritually speaking. We all go through desolate times where we feel like we are wanderers in an endless dry desert where there is no water to be found. Yet let us return to the Lord no matter the time that has gone by. Let us let Him redeem the time lost because He will. He wants to. He is a God of full redemption and let us dance in the dry desert even when we feel our strength is gone until He opens our eyes to a well springing up before us and we too like Hagar come to know El Roi, the God who sees me and sees you. I desperately need to know that He sees me. That He is so personal and tender with me and that He loves me and you in such an indescribable way. He is worthy of our affection and our lives. To miss Him is to miss everything.

He is life. So break out your hairbrush why don't you and sing before the Lord and dance. Even if you were raised baptist where you weren't supposed to dance. If this white girl can do it...so can you! LOL

My Baby Boy!

2011-08-26T23:39:00.003-05:00

RODERICK "BLAIR" WILLIAMS, JR.

It wouldn't be fitting if I didn't introduce my little guy to you! He has totally stolen my heart! The Lord is so wise and I am so thankful for the opportunity to steward this baby boy! I could seriously eat him up. I am so thankful that the Lord gives us such depth of emotion because I would rather open my heart wide and drink deep of the love, pain, and vulnerability of life than close myself off because of the fear that comes with it all. I didn't think it possible to love another one like my Morgs, but the Lord proved me wrong. Let me tell you the boy is a pistol!
He was born at 39 weeks on July 28th (I think...haha) at 2:21am. He weighed 8 lbs and 4 oz. I couldn't believe it! I am so thankful he is FINALLY here! I was pregnant for like 2 years! We were worried Morgs would be jealous but she is as taken with him as we are!
He scared us to death at birth! They lost his vitals because of my mitral valve issues. My blood pressure and heart rate tanked and they had to take me to the O.R. and get him out as fast as possible. Rod didn't even get to come back there and I was completely under when I had him. So thankful that the One who watches over Israel who neither slumbers nor sleeps watches over me and my life is in His hands. I remember asking the doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologist if he was going to be OK and they could offer me no reassurance. They only told me that they were worried about me and had to take care of me first. So thankful they were putting me to sleep as soon as they told me they didn't know about him. Praise God he was fine but the little stinker decided he wasn't going to try to breathe on his own so he received oxygen for 8 minutes and was headed to the NICU. He came home with us after our stay and he is doing great! We love him so!

My Grandmother

2011-08-26T23:21:00.003-05:00

LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) HARRIS

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HARRIS, LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) Lillian Avara (Becky) Harris of Birmingham died July 19 following a lengthy illness. She attended St Mary's Episcopal School in Sewanee, TN and was a graduate of Ramsay High School. Prior to her retirement she and her husband spent several years in music ministry. She worked as a decorator and was a volunteer rape response counselor and Red Cross disaster volunteer. After retiring she enjoyed traveling, gardening, Bible study her dogs Lillie and Bridget, and attended St Mark's Roman Catholic Church. Lill was predeceased by her husband of thirty-nine years, Skip Harris and great-grandchild Shelby Hope Williams. Survivors include daughters Temple Wells (Glenn) of Trussville; Leslie Schmidt (Bob) of Destin, FL; sons Skip Harris, Jr. (Vickie) of Hoover; Blake Harris (Kellie) of Tuscaloosa; sisters Nancy Gillis of Alabaster and Cindy Felis of Boynton, OK; thirteen grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. Celebration of her life will be August 27, 11:00a.m., at St Mark the Evangelist Roman Catholic Church, 7340 Cahaba Valley Road. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to United for Life Foundation, P. O. Box 745, Fairfield, AL 35064.

James 4:14

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

I have been meaning to write for a while and to say things in my life have been busy is an understatement!

My grandmother, affectionately known as GiGi (which to her stood for gorgeous grandmother. She felt she was too young to be called grandmother with the southern drawl that we pronounced it with. It went graaaaannnd mutherrrrr in really loud tones when we would call for her...so she changed it to GiGi). Morgan never quite figured out who she was and just called her "Aunt GiGi" but I know she appreciated aunt instead of grandmother.

She went to be with Jesus on July 19th 2011. I have spent a lot of time pondering over her life and the years spent with her especially when we were younger and my mom was divorced. Her, my granddad, and uncles were the family that we knew and were raised up with. The Lord used them in so many ways to provide for us. I just moved a couple of weeks ago and it has really given me perspective when it comes to "stuff". This life is just blowing by and so many of the things we pour ourselves so relentlessly into just don't matter. The here and now matters for all of eternity but am I pouring my life out like a drink offering for Christ or am I just living for me and my stuff? It is so sobering to think that if the Lord tarries that we will be having my funeral and as the Lord receives me into Glory, I will take nothing with me.

There is so much more to say but with a four week old and moving...I am about to pass out. My grandmothers funeral is tomorrow so I am going to go and spend some time with Jesus and head to bed before my night shift with Blair starts!

My Sweet Baby Girl-SIX years OLD

2011-07-25T23:47:00.003-05:00

So, I am a month late on this post but better late than never. My poor child is going to have an electronic baby book haha! No, but birthdays are sort of a big deal to me! My birthday is the week before Christmas and I always felt like I was jipped. Most kids were out of school and on Christmas vacation and I also have a twin so take whatever modest gift she and I were going to get and split that in half. Then, I always loved how my grandparents would come out and give Holly and I a little bday something and then Heather our sister that was 16 months older, she got something too. But hey that's water under the bridge! I couldn't do much for Morgans bday this year since I was confined to the bed. We had a small family water party at our house and of course Rod thought it was ghetto but it was all I could do.

Here were the favors:

Morgan before bed. I love that little stinker!

Her shirt that she wore for all of 5 minutes!

Her cake and her favorite person in the world "Aunt Steph"

Rod and I took her to see the new Cars Movie on her bday. I think Rod liked it the best even though it was packed with political agenda. We then took her to Justice and the Olive Garden.

We have been a tad busy around here. We are moving this coming Monday and having a baby boy! I can tell where Morgan is finally starting to get excited about a brother. I am excited with a mixture of terror at the thoughts of being responsible for a little soul. I need the Lord to help me and fill me with the one I've got now. I so want them to follow the Lord.

Well, on to Morgan. She is still QUEEN of what is left of my heart.
She finished K-5 this year and she loved school. I am thinking she may be like me when it comes to that.

One thing I got to really see about her this year is what a tender heart she has. I told her some stories about when I was little and didn't have a snack in 3rd grade and how my friend Tiffany would share some of her honey bun with me. It meant so much. So she set out all year to make sure that every kid in her class had a snack! It really blessed me. I even got to watch her do some hard things. There was a little girl in her class that she did not care for and we would pack her an extra snack but Morgan did not want to give it to her. She gave it to her anyway and I was thankful to see her do what was right, even if it wasn't easy for that little, then, five year old self.

That girl still doesn't sleep and we sure had our share of health issues this year but oh are we blessed!

Morgan has decided that she is going to Auburn to cheer and be a fashionista! I will be so interested to see how those plans change!

She has given me a time this year with attitude as well. We have to go over who the boss is all of the time.

I can already see God birthing gifts in Morgs. She loves missions and has such a heart for the poor. She wants to give and give. I just hope if she gets into missions that she does it next to her momma. It is just neat to see this little precious person grow up before the Lord and as hard as some days are I just pray I am doing a good job with her.

I can't thank God enough for her! Such an undeserved blessing. Lord help me, and fill me as I seek to raise this baby child! I love You for allowing me to love her Jesus.

LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) HARRIS Obituary: View LILLIAN HARRIS's Obituary by The Birmingham News

2011-07-24T19:23:00.000-05:00

my grandmother's obituary

LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) HARRIS Obituary: View LILLIAN HARRIS's Obituary by The Birmingham News

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse

2011-06-05T00:51:00.001-05:00

James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

As someone who is in the word everyday and has been for the last 13 years I can tell you what I am guilty of...I am guilty of knowing what to do, listening to the word, and then not following through with the obedience part. Ouch. So that is why I picked this as my memory verse for the next couple of weeks. Lord give us hearts of obedience!!

Things Aren't Always What They Seem...

2011-06-03T22:54:00.003-05:00

Let's face it we live in a world where Satan is the prince of the Masquerade Ball. If there is deception, that little worm is behind it. If there is a lie, he is the one that came up with it. He is a liar and when he speaks he speaks his native language...lies. We can rest assured that the Lord is truth and in Him there is absolutely no darkness or change and no lie comes from the truth so in this masquerade ball of life we have got to be intentional and, as Morgan says, "take up our swords!"
1 John 2:21
(NIV1984)
21 I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth.

Are you being lied to right now?
Are you the one lying?

God's word is true and we will each reap what we sow. If you know me at all you know that I can kill a plant almost by looking at it. Well, this year we decided to plant some tomatoes, sweet banana peppers, sunflowers, and marigolds. Now seriously, when I planted those I prayed and prayed that the Lord would show off and make those things grow. I about died when I went outside and saw little sprouts from the seeds yours truly had planted. Morgan would call her dad or aunt outside and say, "do you want to see something that will make your day, praise the Lord?" as she would show our little plants growing. We literally just speak out His praises over those flowers and vegetables...they make us so happy. Tonight she told me that she was listening to her dad talk to his brother on the phone and that her dad was giving his brother advice on their tomatoes. She said "mom, I really just don't think they are praying over their tonatoes (tomatoes...but that is how she says it)!"

My point is that we are so blessed and thankful for the tangible things that are growing in our yard, however I have definitely taken some seeds of destruction at times in my own life and planted them and they surely came up and produced a crop of something (usually havoc) in my life. Yet I praise God for His mercy in not treating me as my sins deserve but I sure have learned from the discipline that I received as consequences of my own destructive choices. Most of our predicaments or pits that we get stuck in don't happen over night. Just like literal planting, things take time and effort to grow. I can look back and certain seasons in my life and see where sin was pleasurable to me for a time. Why? Because I was being deceived. When we are deceiving others and deceiving ourselves we are being deceived. Something is masquerading itself proclaiming to be the thing that we think we need to feel alive. Remember 2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.
And that is my point...whatever is luring you in right now that you know good and well is going to reap destruction in your life is not really what it seems. You may think a little here and a little there won't hurt you but it will have it's way with you and snowball all over your life if you don't stop and turn from it. At whatever cost take whatever that thing is and confess it before God. As one who knows, there is freedom in bringing your junk before the Lord and asking Him to rid you of the toxic lure to it, the desire for it, the burning passion you feel for it. He already knows. Ask Him to be your one consuming passion and desire. Take it one day at a time but take those lies to Him and expose them with the truth of His word. The enemy wants to deceive you, bait you, trap you, ruin your testimony, and destroy you and your family. He is hard at it and taking out casualties every day. Let that make you mad. Just like the idols all in the old testament and this verse found in Isaiah 44:20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
“Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?”

Is it not so easy with the enemy being the prince of this world and everything being geared to indoctrinate people with delusions and lies to become so easily deluded? To have a heart/mind that is just flat out delusional? Do you know any delusional people? I sure do! I know some people that I feel sorry for but almost can't be around because everything is a facade and delusion that comes out of their mouth. Instead of them ever just dealing with things head on they are straight up eating ashes from the life they have burned down around them. Yet they will try to convince you and everyone else around them that they are perfect people, with perfect little lives and all the while their mouth is black from the ashes spilling out. They have lied to themselves for so long in an effort to have some self-respect and the fact is no one is buying it but them. It gets straight up repulsive! It doesn't have to be like that for us. The Lord is all about rebuilding and us repenting and us rededicating ourselves to Him. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

The thing is we aren't going to get away with our lies when it comes to Him. He hates lies (proverbs 6) because of the author of those lies. We can't pull the wool over God...praise Him! I am so glad we can't fool Him. When we come, we need to come clean and we will be washed in the blood and forgiven. There is such freedom in repentance. One thing is for sure we will have to acknowledge that the thing we have a death grip on in our right hand...whatever it is you know what your holding on to...we will have to expose it and call it a lie.

Don't you think a lot of us become disillusioned with life on account of what we may feel are unmet needs and maybe they have turned into bitterness? We in some way feel like someone or maybe even God didn't give us what we thought we needed or so desperately wanted? So we justify and rationalize sin away because somehow life was supposed to be different and we got a raw deal?

(TO BE CONTINUED...T.M.I. but I am sick throwing up. ;( )

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T20:52:00.003-05:00

Some pics from Morgans Easter where she got up at 2 am! whew!

Truth Lord!

2011-04-09T21:33:00.002-05:00

2 Thess. 2:9-10
9 The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, 10 and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. (emphasis mine)

I have literally been bug-eyed in the word of God this week. I am talking edge of my seat stuff. I shake my head as I study and think of how many people think the bible is just a historical document that is not relevant. When I tell you that it has been time spent in the Word that has changed me and snatched me from the flames... I am not even kidding. I've been in the back half of Daniel where it gets in to a lot of apocalyptic events and eschatology (things revealed and the study of end time events) and even though I have studied it in some depth several times, this time is different. I have found myself ticked off over the enemy trampling the saints underfoot and thought over and over how he is solely out to destroy believers and try to steal glory that belongs to God alone. It has ticked me off thinking about the times that I have fallen prey to his schemes. I even felt a strong fire in my bones over believers everywhere, praying for us to have a passion and love for truth so that we may stand firm and patiently endure as well as get our stinking eyes off of ourselves and on to the unseen war being waged before us. It has become apparent to me that if the word of God doesn't seem to readily apply to us then we refuse to study it and forfeit the greater blessing (as evidenced by popular mainstream "so called" Christian media). I am by no means a scholar however it makes me so mad when people are led astray by false doctrines and held captive to old wives tales and superstitions. The Spirit of God can make us smarter than we are (glory to God) and we need to wise up and know who God is through His word for ourselves. We are truly without excuse in this age of technology. I would venture to say we have a problem more with laziness and complacency in our walk with God and as a majority we seem to be in some sort of stupor spiritually speaking. We have got to wise up to the schemes of the enemy and to the wisdom of God.
For two or so weeks I have just been astonished with the courtroom scene in Daniel where the "Ancient of Days" takes His seat. I am reminded that He will avenge even though He is patient and not easily angered. There is nothing that escapes His sight and nothing will be left undone. I am so comforted that He has the final word and will destroy satan with His very breath. He will blow on that scrawny coward that is surely more powerful than our own strength....but not to Him. Any sin that is not covered by His blood will be avenged and I do take comfort in that.
I am amazed yet again as I see how God's word was given to Daniel and John http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifthe Revelator and how history has fulfilled the word given to them beforehand. It is truly mind boggling and builds up my faith. Then, I have been mad over certain books that have come out with some new vision of heaven or whatever. I am not saying that one couldn't get one but I think we need to be wary of any new revelation that doesn't come from scripture. I also wonder why people can write these books when these dramatic visions are in scripture and the recipients literally fell down as dead when they received them. Daniel was horrified and perplexed, Paul was not even permitted to tell certain things and John fell down as dead. I hope someone is with me on what I am trying to say.
My point in all of this is that we will indeed perish (spiritually speaking) either by wasting our life that we are given here or destroying ourselves from lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6).
With my hormones going nuts from pregnancy I will be the first to admit that I have had to cry out for a hunger for God's word. If you read my journal you would see me asking God to give me a love for His word. I can promise you that is His will. Not to puff us up but for us to know Him and delight ourselves in Him. Our hearts and minds are havoc without truth. Look at how inundated we are with flat out garbage. I also shake my head at the time I have personally wasted that I could have taken to know Him more. So I encourage you to ask Him for a love and hunger for His presence.

Luke 11:10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

The enemy is out to deceive us and deceive the lost that they may not come to the knowledge of the truth. Please let it make you mad. Let the Holy Spirit lead you and I into all truth...however we can refuse the truth that is able to save us. No matter what let us cry out for truth in what is seemingy a perverse generation. Let us not harden our own hearts and so delude ourselves. In this life and in eternity may the cry of our heart be TRUTH!

Pregnancy Update and Prayer Requests

2011-03-14T01:44:00.002-05:00

I did want to pass a long a quick update on a few this and ask for prayer requests just to let you know where I am at.
1. I am getting in to the crucial part of my pregnancy. I am 20 weeks and sort of what I would call a make or break point in my pregnancy. I really need to at least make it to 26 weeks with no drama. PLEASE pray for that. If the baby started to come in the next few weeks he would not make it. Please pray for no labor pains and pray that I will rest. I have been resting a lot but I need to be really serious at this point.
2. On another note, I have had something close to home that has been stressful to me lately. I don't even need that kind of stress right now at all. The last 2 times I went into premature labor I was literally under the gun with stress. 3. Also, if I do have to go to the hospital for my bedrest please pray that it will be when morgan gets out of school for the summer.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!!! LOVE,

Do Not Despair

2011-02-19T16:06:00.002-06:00

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD’s Favor

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,^a]">[a]
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. ⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

All of us come to a crossroad in our lives maybe it is a time in the past, or something you are currently battling where you look back and think thoughts like: man I really blew it, I am marked, I will never be used of God again, His grace is enough for some people but I am the one that missed the mark where grace is concerned. Life is flat out hard and can be nasty at times. Sin can just heap up and make us feel as if we are damaged goods if we don't view our past/present sins in light of the cross. Yes if we look at our ability to be good or forgive and etc we are doomed left to our self. We have to put our hope in the cross. The fact that while our sin may have deep and lasting repercussions that God truly took our sins and hurled them into the depths of the sea. He was the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world and took our blemishes, our sins, and nailed them to the cross. If you live in the evangelical world that I live in this can become so cliche. I just know though that someone like myself needs to place their confidence in this, "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6)

When you are tempted to give into the lie that the Lord is done with you or that you can't be used you have got to settle that with the enemy or he will continue to shoot those fiery arrows at the place where you should be putting up your shield of faith to extinguish those arrows. Your hope and confidence has to be on God and His ability to forgive and restore not how you feel or what you have done. Yes learn from your past sin and failure but do not let it turn to despair. In Christ we have hope and with Him is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. I love (and I do not want to take this out of context in anyway but Jesus is the fulfillment of Isaiah 61) that the Lord will take those who have truly grieved and mourned over their sins and bring us to a place of restoration where He gives us a new place to stand and puts a new song in our hearts and bestows on you and I a crown of beauty instead of ashes. You may feel like life's circumstances and failures have just burned down around you leaving only ashes that you heap on yourself in mourning and you feel covered by the stench and everyone including you can smell it but the LORD puts a crown on your head, gives you the oil of gladness instead of mourning and adorns your precious self with a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. If we still have breath the Lord still has purpose for us. Can we miss our callings...yes. Lets take the bull by the horns and believe God until we breathe our last breath. Lets choose to believe in our merciful Lord and may He give us the courage to stand on the Rock of His word and let whatever grievous things in the past teach us that His word was true all along and may it lead us to a greater fear and reverence and deep love for the Lord. Let's use what we have learned to turn back and strengthen the brethren. Whatever we do let's not give into despair. He knows the plans He has for us, plans for hope and a future.

If I could yell it from a mega phone to the weary person that needs to hear it I would know this... (Hebrews 12:11-13)¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

¹² Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ¹³ “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Believe God for His redemption. He is enough for you and me. Whatever discipline we have received may have not been pleasant but painful...but let's not let it go to waste. Let it produce a harvest of righteousness and peace.

Don't give up and don't give in.

The Lord loves you and longs for you to come to Him so He can have compassion on you. You are precious in His sight.

HERE is a devo that my friend made sure I read yesterday. It is so good. I hope it speaks to you!

Morgan discussing why she hates st patricks day

2011-02-18T14:22:00.000-06:00

This is my child discussing why she hates st. patricks day. I use the term hate loosely because of course she doesn't know what it is but it is hilarious because we sometimes use Bon Qui Qui phrases around here and she says I will punch you if you pinch me on this holiday. We are not mean spirited so please just get the humor! haha excuse my chuckling!

Ace ventura morgan style

2011-02-18T14:20:00.000-06:00

Morgan repeating a scene in Ace Ventura...she has NEVER seen the movie I just taught this to her. hahahaha

iPod Touch 4th Generation Won't Sync

2011-02-03T20:00:00.004-06:00

I was having problems getting my iTouch to sync. First, I prayed about it because I have no clue what to do and have messed with it before and did not want to take it to the apple store. So, I went through some settings and figured out that I had apparently uninstalled Bonjour Windows. I reinstalled it and restarted my computer and it worked! Hope it helps anyone who has the same problem.

Update on Joanne

2011-02-02T04:49:00.002-06:00

Here is the latest update on Joanne for those of you who have been praying. Also, I included a link on my blog to her site if you are interested in keeping up and praying.

He Meets Our Needs

2011-02-02T04:01:00.004-06:00

1 Kings 17: ² Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: ³ “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. ⁴ You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there.”

Since my blog has been so pathetic as of late, I feel updates are in order! This pic of Morgan cracks me up! She loves VBS (vacation bible school) and this years theme as far as baptists go is "The Big Apple". She is already a tad high maintenance and she has requested that I take her to Hollywood and New York for certain birthdays. When she saw this attire at Lifeway she about fell out because she really thought for VBS this year that she was headed to New York! Love her!
I can't even begin to articulate the depth of my love for this precious one. The joy and blessing she brings to our hearts can't even be measured. One thing about her momma is that I loved, LOVED, LOVED me some VBS. I grew up in a small little town and I mapped out just about every VBS in town and had my mom or dad drop me and my sisters off. They always took us and I am sure with 5 kids in my family that the break was welcomed.
I remember eating those cheap vanilla cookies, the kind with cream in the middle, and drinking fruit punch and making crafts. Those times at VBS were so fun. I helped lead it at my church 2 years ago and I am not knocking it but it is so planned out with activities that the kids in my opinion don't have time to breathe or think about what they are doing before they are on to the next thing. I thought about how scheduled and programmed we are and was reminded of how simple yet fun it was for me to go to those little tiny country churches and learn about Jesus.

Next, is this little precious one Blair. I realize that I may have two people that read this that are not on my facebook and do not know that I am pregnant. Here is the latest shot of baby Blair. I feel a little nuts for starting over after 6 years because that is what we will be doing. However, we knew good and well with my horrible pregnancies that we could not try to have another child until Morgan was in school since I have to do the whole bed rest thing. I am excited and terrified! I can't imagine there being any more love in my heart to go around or parenting another child since it is such a HUGE responsibility. I know the Lord will show up on my behalf and in my weakness.

On another note...I am so sick right now with the flu. I have not felt this bad in a while. It always makes me thankful for my health when I feel this way. I am one that CAN NOT sleep with fever so here I am.

I don't know what my deal is lately but I have been reading a lot of commentaries when I study the bible and the more I read the more I realize how much I have to learn. So, it has held me back in a way because I don't want to go writing about something in the Word that is just mere opinion on my part. Yet I realize that I still have to keep sharing and pray that my words fall to the ground if they are not in line with the Word of God. So lately I have just felt a little more desperate for Jesus than usual. I need Him so much and I desperately long to live in His presence. Tonight I felt as if I were Elijah (figuratively speaking) in 1 Kings 17 were he was ordered to go and hide by the Brook of Kerith. We know that Elijah faced depression of discouragement or maybe he was just flat worn out and the Lord told him what to do and attended to his physical needs. Don't for a second miss the miraculous in this passage. The Lord orders Ravens to feed Elijah! Can you just imagine? Instead of the pizza guy showing up at the door some birds show up to bring him "bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening". Here he is hiding out yet he is not for one second hidden from the Lord. The one who commands the wind and the waves commanded the ravens on Elijah's behalf.

HE KNOWS OUR NEED.

There have been many times in my life where I just seem to be exhausting myself yet not with a lot of purpose and the Lord is like enough Jenny...and I am then made to lie down in green pastures. The Lord leads His own by still waters. Elijah was hiding and drinking by a brook which is a small stream. He needed some time where there was no turbulence, a time where God could tend to his real physical need for rest. If you look down a few verses in this passage you will see there was a time for him to recoup and then a time for him to get back up and stand on his two feet so the Lord allowed the brook he was drinking from to dry up.

So what got me thinking about this? Morgan brought me a bible study workbook and she got one for her as well. I had already done this one multiple times but she said, "mom, let's do Daniel again...it's my favorite." She is so funny because of course she is 5 1/2 and has not actually done Daniel. ha! Yet, in such a real way I knew that the LORD used her as my own little raven to bring my what I so desperately needed in the Word. He used her to feed me with some manna from heaven. Some meat and bread!

In all things the LORD knows the way that I take and I am so thankful that He is our portion in the land of the living. He is what we long for, what we need. I pray that if you are weary or broken in spirit that you will take time out to let the Lord tend to your needs and the real issues of your heart. We are so wonderfully complex and He knows us better than we know ourselves. Let us entrust ourselves to the One who is faithful and to The Answer to our deepest needs.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2011

2011-01-14T13:40:00.002-06:00

I am so thrilled to be memorizing scripture together with 8,000 plus women and I am sure a few men!
If you are not familiar, we memorized scripture together in 2009 and praise God we are at it for 2011! His Word truly is eternal. It stands firm in the heavens. The grass will wither...the flowers will fade but the Word of God stands forever. Long after we pass from this earth His Word remains. What He says has to happen because it is impossible for God to lie. He is NOT a man that He should lie! Praise God in a world of lies where the devil is the prince of this world He is truth and that truth stands out like a beacon of light on a dark stormy night. Light always exposes darkness and we desperately need truth to stand firm in this present age. I am a mess without it and I am sure you are to.
Over the last 12 years I would say I have been fervently memorizing the Word and it truly abides. It will not be wasted. I have had scripture come up from the recesses of my soul that I didn't even remember I memorized...yet the Holy Spirit would bring it to mind years later.
I am so pumped about the new FREE app for your Ipad or Itouch or Iphone. Check it out HERE to learn more about it!

Prayer for Joanne Heim

2011-01-11T14:21:00.003-06:00

Matthew 8:8
⁸ The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.

Well, this post is sadly overdue. I wanted to jump on real quick and ask for prayer for a precious Siesta (an endearment for sister in Christ) Joanne Heim and her family. Joanne suffered a stroke a few hours ago and has a blood clot on her brain. Her daughter found her unresponsive. The latest I heard she is in surgery in Colorado. Y'all life really can change so quickly. It really puts things in perspective. She is only 38 with two girls and her husband Toben.

I was just calling out to God and found myself asking Him different ways He could heal her. I just went ahead and went past the doctors and said of course He could just say the word and she would be healed. Or He could dispatch and angel from His Throne to do His bidding. Or He could just be the hands of those doctors. I know no matter what, He will be glorified through Joanne because that is just who she is.

Life is brutal but God is good. Love and prayers. Please be lifting Joanne up in prayer and ask God to teach you to number your days aright that you may gain a heart of wisdom. That is my prayer.

Psalm 62 ¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

Part of My Story

2010-12-01T23:58:00.003-06:00

This was my response to Beth Moores "Talk to me Tuesday" (regarding a time that I went through of prayer and needing faith in a situation where I did not know what to do but seek God) but I thought it worth sharing:

If I could post a picture of my journal from 2001 on here I would but the picture of that journal is forever etched in my mind. I focus a lot better when I pray in writing. A lot of my journals need to be thrown straight into the fire place. That particular one is a rock of remembrance. I moved out when I was 18 yrs old. Nothing like trying to support yourself and hanging on by the skin of your teeth... that won't make you feel a little desperate. I will say I have had that gift of desperation for God, my Father, for years now. I found a wonderful singles ministry at the church I still attend 12 years later and I began teaching Sunday school at 19 (probably had no business doing that one). Nothing has marked me like the word of God. Nothing.

Anyway, nothing makes you realize you are in a crisis to be married like being around a bunch of discontented single women (not everyone who is single is that way). The thought never occurred to me that I may not marry one day...until I was in the singles. Don't get me wrong we totally wrestled with being content in whatever circumstance. Anyway, I had total co-dependency issues from looking for love in all the wrong places and already a pretty good history stacked up (yes even at 18). So, I begin a gut-wrenching process of heart surgery from the age of 21-22 of having (instead of "No Other Gods") "no other man" but Jesus in my life. Jesus didn't need to know I could be secure without a man...I did. I would never cooperate with Him until I prayed one day that I would have complete anxiety when I was outside of His will. I am not suggesting that the Lord gives us anxiety but we are right to have a lack of peace when we are flipping out in disobedience. So, the bone deep agony of anxiety led me to complete surrender in the man department. I really thought it would kill me. For so long a relationship had defined me. I felt a loss of my person if I was not in one. I would have one guy lined up as soon as I dumped the other...and sometimes both at the same time. I didn't care who I hurt and most of all I didn't ever feel that I was hurting me. Not when I could move on to someone else without feeling the pain of loss from the previous relationship. Pain masking at its best. Anyway, I seriously quit manipulating. Even down to the way I dressed. As I died to myself I found out that I no longer had to take on the persona of who I dated. It is tough making yourself a chameleon to whoever you are with. I was finally free to be who I was made to be in Christ.
So, back to the journal...I had dated a guy (named Rod Williams...wink wink) in the Singles before I went on this year long journey with God and before I was up to my same old tactics...it was just so much a part of me. Well, before that cooperation with the Lord...Rod was already on to me and was not about to have any more to do with me. It is a powerful thing, when living in the flesh, to feel like you have set out to get a guy and you get him and then move on...yet it really bruises the ego when they are just done and onto your game. I know some people know exactly what I am talking about. So, Rods heart was literally hard toward me. Besides going to church with him I had no contact with him. Toward the end of that year my feelings were strong for him...yet in my mind there was no way he would ever have anything to do with me. I began to pray and ask God to change the desire of my heart. I didn't want to like him if that wasn't Gods plan. The desire never went away. I would beg God and remind Him that I was delighting myself in Him and that He would make my desires His if I did that. I couldn't take it anymore so I got a little bold in my prayers...yet I believe God prompted it. Rod was never one to have out of bounds relationships so I prayed for the Lord to put something on my heart to pray about the situation so I would know if my desires were His. Instead of obsessing over my feelings for Rod I would pray for him daily. I even prayed the Praying Gods word "unforgiveness" prayers because I felt rejected by him...haha! Anyway, Rod and I never talked on the phone or anything and before work one day I prayed in that journal that if he was the man I was going to marry that we would have a phone conversation and I would know that he was the one. So, toward the end of the day I was at work and Rod emailed me asking me to call him when I got home from work. I will never forget it and sometimes I need to be reminded of it...esp early on in the marriage when we both wondered why we ever got married in the first place! Needless to say I ran on the treadmill for an hour before I called him that day. I was so nervous. When he called, he said he really wanted to give dating a try again.
The rest as they say is history.
It did me good to tell this story...to remind myself how faithful the Lord is to me. I really do love him (rod)...even if he is not the prince on the white horse that will one day come for me.

I have 5 days of free time to share

2010-11-23T03:21:00.001-06:00

It seems like whenever I am teaching a class I don't blog as much. Anyway, I am so excited for some down time where I can actually get on here (if I get a signal).
I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving!

Checklist for my next project

2010-11-01T23:12:00.002-05:00

I am about to rip out the carpet in the downstairs and begin to stain it. I can't wait to see how it will turn out. I bought what I needed tonight...now I just have to prep!

http://www.howtostainconcretefloors.com/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/411243/turn_your_concrete_floor_into_a_marble.html?cat=6

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/196153/how_to_stain_and_seal_a_concrete_floor.html?cat=6

Moved by Compassion

2010-10-27T22:59:00.004-05:00

Psalm 116:5 (New International Version)

⁵ The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

Taking time out to blog is probably one of the last things I need to be doing right now, yet I can't help it. I can't hold it in. Indeed I can not. This may not mean much to you but it means so much to me.

Compassion.

What comes to your mind when you think of the word?

I could give so many scenarios where the Lord has poured out compassion over this head and into the cup of my soul. He has poured out compassion with good measure. Not cheaply, but with great cost. He has poured it out like fine oil that runs over and spills out so lavishly from the throne of mercy.

With the most pitiful words I have to describe, because they don't do justice, I know what it is like to know the Compassionate One when it comes to the depths of my need. The times when the Lord saw straight to my heart, straight to my need, and within the problem opened up my eyes to the reality that He indeed has been...will be...and was always the answer.

Compassion for the sinner. Compassion for the unloved. Compassion for the hungry. Compassion for the weak. Compassion for the sick. Compassion for the blind. Compassion plenty...for you and for me.

Raham is the Hebrew word for compassion meaning: "to have compassion (as God does toward men...), to love deeply (like parents [Isa 49:15]); to demonstrate mercy, obtain mercy...Refers to a strong natural bond, often from a superior to an inferior. Small babies evoke this feeling, but heartlessness sometimes prevailed...God is gracious and merciful to whomever He chooses (Ex. 33:19). He was compassionate even with the enemies of Israel...God looked upon His own people as a father looks upon his children, with deep compassion (Mic 7:19)."

And again sorry for all of the wikipedia quotes but I really liked this definition of compassion regarding Christians:

The Christian Bible's Second Epistle to the Corinthians is but one place where God is spoken of as the "Father of compassion" and the "God of all comfort" (1.3). The life of Jesus embodies for Christians the very essence of compassion and relational care. Christ's example challenges Christians to forsake their own desires and to act compassionately towards others, particularly those in need or distress.^[4] Jesus assures his listeners in the Sermon on the Mount that, "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." In the Parable of the Good Samaritan he holds up to his followers the ideal of compassionate conduct.

The heritage within Western Christendom of compassion as the principle of charity has resulted in recent times in the growth of remarkable charitable phenomena such as Oxfam, Médecins sans Frontières and Live Aid with global reach and budgets of millions of dollars. True Christian compassion, say the Gospels, should extend to all, even to the extent of loving one's enemies.

So pushing pause for a minute on that...

This morning I woke up around 5 a.m. and started my day off in the word. I knew I had a jam packed day and if I was going to have one ounce of victory then I sure needed to seek the Lord. My day hits the ground running as I go to Morgans school to help out with several things. I ended up spending the whole day there. Knowing my purpose is greater than just helping the teacher or eating lunch with Morgan, I was allowed several meaningful conversations about the Lord. I thought surely that was why I was there today. Yet the real why just about floored me. It made me want to burst into tears. I also felt some pangs of hurt for someone I had never met, yet someone that was all too familiar. I am cutting away in the workroom when a little girl stops in front of the door. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Well hello!! I really like your dress.

her: Oh thank you! This is my first time to get to wear it. Isn't it pretty! (as she spun around for effect).

Me: Yes! I love it!

Then without dialogue I looked into her eyes and immediately wondered what her life was like. As I really saw her...I saw the face of so many others. Here in the doorway stood a 7 year old girl who weighed 27 pounds. I looked at her bony legs and arms and face. I secretly hoped that maybe she had a genetic disorder and surely I wasn't staring a precious child in the face that maybe only gets a meal a day...the one she has at school. I then checked out her hair and thought surely she was indeed malnourished. I quickly proceeded to find the teacher to see if my suspicion was correct.

Sure enough she has a really bad home life. How could it be? How could someone not care enough about this child? Without going into great detail, neglect is the case. I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Why? Because this was not in Africa, or India, or Guatemala...this was in my own backyard. This was personal. As I am just going about my business, here is a precious child like my little girl, that may have circumstances that most people in Western Civilization will never deal with.

Of course I tried to find out what I could do to help her. I just can't get her out of my head...the wake-up call out of slumber.

As I saw her, asked questions to see what the reasons were another woman (which could easily be me) sat distracted by her hectic schedule, upset so much over a messed up laminated sign, that she was too distracted to take note of this little girl that is in her sons own class. That fell on me like a ton of bricks that I have been that distracted person in times of want or prosperity that is too busy to notice or too blind to see.

We don't just have compassion and then do nothing with it. The Lord has allowed those in Christ to participate in His Divine Nature and He has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. When He was moved...He was moved to do something. He was filled and moved by compassion even in the midst of sharing in our sufferings. Faith without deeds is no faith at all. Oh that the Lord would open our eyes to not only a global awareness of spiritual and physical poverty but a local one as well. I pray for whoever reading this that the Lord will open your eyes to someone that He wants you to help even this week. That we would stop losing on the minors and focus our attention on what is major...like a starving little child. Starved for the Lord only knows what.

Lord help us.

Isaiah 58

I'm Starting With the Man in the Mirror

2010-10-23T00:48:00.002-05:00

I heard a sermon preached last week that talked about Narcissuss from Greek Mythology. Little did I even know where the word narcissistic had it's origin. In short form "Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others."

As far as "mythology" goes check out what a fool this guy looks like and how being obsessed with oneself betrays the focused object or said person causing more and more foolishness and destruction:

"In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who had never seen his reflection. The nymph Echo had been punished by Hera for gossiping by being cursed to forever "have the last word". Echo had seen Narcissus walking through the forest and wanted to talk to him, but because of the curse she wasn't able to speak first. When Narcissus became thirsty and stopped to take a drink, he saw his reflection in the water for the first time. Not knowing any better, he fell in love and started talking to it. Echo had been following him and started repeating the last thing he said. Not yet understanding reflections, Narcissus thought his reflection was speaking to him and became more engaged. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away at the pool and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus."

Does this not remind you of the old skits from Saturday Night Live (not that I used to watch that or anything...j/k) of Stuart Smalley (or Senator Al Franken) sitting in the mirror telling himself: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me?"

Oprah-theology along with this world system teaches that we need to love ourselves before we can love others. What a lie. Our problem is that so many of us are obsessed with "our own self" even if it is a low estimation of self we still tend to remain focused on us. We can't get over our own self so often that it stifles our ability to really know Christ and make Him known. It really is in losing our life in Christ that we find it. Here is another quote I saw on wikipedia about the greek legend:

"He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. As divine punishment he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool, not realizing it was merely an image, and he wasted away to death, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection."

That just fell all over me that he was so proud that he disdained those who loved him. So true of our society and even the rejection of Christ in the life that is so full of self. No condemnation here but how many relationships experience a death of sorts because that person was no longer meeting our needs or making us happy? Drawing off of the above quote think back for a second to a time when you were so focused on getting your needs met in or through someone else that it literally drained you to where your strength felt sapped and you thought you may emotionally wither away? Been there done that and if I don't stay focused on Jesus I will be there a million times more. I know what it is like to feel so depleted because I was trying to fill myself with something when the Lord offers me dignity, some respect, and He promises to strengthen those hearts who are fully committed to Him. Lately, I have had a huge dump truck of condemnation on me. I am not even sure why but I just think it is an attack from the enemy. Even tonight I just offered the Lord all that I am. However bruised, torn, hurt, lethargic, depressed, mediocre that our hearts are they are His in the offering. He wants us to bring what we have. We do not have to be perfect for our hearts to be committed to Him. Why do you think the Lord says that the most important thing is to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. I can tell you this...it is not because He is some big fat narcissistic God...this I know. Our hearts are not safe left to their own demise. Of course when I say heart I mean the seat of our emotions. Our heart is deceitful and wicked at best. I can't tell you how much I have operated out of pure foolishness when left to my own human inclination.

Philippians 2 talks about how Christ did not consider equality with God as something to be grasped. He took on human form and was tempted in EVERY single way that we have been yet He did not sin. Please don't focus so much on the transcendence of God in theology that you miss out on the fact that He chose to come to earth in human form and be like us and that He would humble Himself to die a criminals death on the cross and take the punishment for all of our sins...past, present, and future. He grew up like us. He learned. He hurt. He was abandoned and forsaken. He taught. He loved. He knew loneliness and suffering. Your plight is not one that He was or is not familiar with. Please don't ever lose sight of that. I about fell out when I had wondered why Jesus' earthly ministry did not start until He was 30 and I heard that to become a Jewish Rabbi that Jesus would had to have been 30. Why did I about fall out? Because it makes perfect sense that He would go through things the way that man did and that He would be the fulfillment of all of the Law and Prophets. The WORD MADE FLESH to dwell among us.
As Beth Moore has said over and over, "The way up is down." The flip side is that the way down is up. If you want to find yourself in a fall pretty quick then you just keep that stiff neck held high. Praise God that He so graciously gives us the opportunity to humble ourselves.

Finally, I am reminded of the following verses: 2 Timothy 3:1-4 1But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—

Lord, forgive us all when we are proud. When we lose site of the plight of others because we are so worried about our self. Give us the courage to be different. We just give you what we have Lord. Please make us a people that love You fully. Help! Thank you for your example that we should follow but please enable us to be the people that you redeemed us to be.

Beth Moore: The Hair Brush

2010-10-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

Beth Moore "It's Scary to Be Us"

2010-10-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

New Study from Beth Moore!

2010-10-22T19:45:00.000-05:00

Beth Moore - Mean Girls

2010-10-22T19:44:00.000-05:00

What About Him?

2010-10-18T00:55:00.002-05:00

Hebrews 3:7-8 ⁷So, as the Holy Spirit says:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
⁸do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion,
during the time of testing in the desert,

With great love and compassion I sit to write this post. I also write from a heart of sincerity begging you that if today you hear His voice that you do not harden your heart against Him. When we delay our obedience it is in essence disobedience yet we harden our hearts to being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God can use whatever means He wants to communicate to you and me but mostly He speaks through His word, through others, and through the proclamation of the public reading of the scriptures. For example this week the Lord has allowed me to hear Psalm 46:10 four different times. As children of God we still learn by repetition like so many teaching methods used in schools across the world. So, apparently the Lord is telling me to literally cease striving in my own efforts, to quit squirming around endlessly trying to meet the needs of my soul. To be still and to know in my bone and marrow that He is the God of my Life and the length of my days. He will be exalted not only in my life and yours but among the nations...period. Even when His glory seems muted He will nonetheless be exalted. If the rocks have to cry out...Lord forbid...He will be exalted.

A concern I have is that so many of us are waiting for so and so to get on board with us and then we will follow God. Here are a few possible scenarios: If only we could get married then we would stay pure. Marriage does not solve a purity problem. Also, you sure can't make a clear decision when impurity is involved (no condemnation but there is a reason that the Lord calls us to just down right flee immorality...it is for our good. He knows how what is intended to be sacred and holy will impact us when not in a covenant relationship). If only our husband would lead us spiritually then we would fully follow God. You are not going to stand before the Lord with anyone but you. We must cease with the notion that our spouse is going to be God to us. Do we want to miss out on Jesus because we are trying to be the Holy Spirit to someone else? Let's let God be in control of that person even when we must have a radical call to walk by what is unseen instead of what is seen. If our significant other would go to church with us then we would go. Don't wait on your husband/wife to go to church before you do. I know it is hard stepping out and going by yourself but especially if you have children...cross that border of fear and get your tail to a bible teaching church. If God would just give us that child then we would be content. What a precious desire yet we still must bring that even to rest in the hands of a loving and faithful Creator, Sustainer, and Provider. Continue to step out and believe God until the veil has been lifted from our scaled eyes that can be so easily blinded to the things of this world. Take your brokenness and pour it out like water in the Presence of the Lord. If I could get a different job then I would be happy. If we had another house then maybe we would be content. If I could just get this one person to approve of me then I would be happy. God determines your worth not anyone else. The Lord is a God who buys us back and redeems us fully. He bought us back from our fallen state and sins slavery by His cruel unmerited death on a cross. If my husband would take the lead then we would do great things for Jesus.
If others are bringing you down please don't wait on them to change before you do. Just like the woman that was hemorrhaging reach out, press in, believe, and be desperate for Jesus. In your weakness you are made strong with His strength. Reach in and get your healing even if it is a healing of your broken heart and not a physical healing. Don't wait on anyone else to find your own emotional healing and wholeness. So many of us have signs in our houses proclaiming "As for me and my house we will serve the LORD." We who are in Christ house the Holy Spirit within us. When you and I proclaim that me and my house will serve the LORD all that we can really bring into submission is our house...the temple that God has given us in these jars of clay. We can set the stage and teach our children about an intimate relationship with Christ but we do not control anyone as much as we can get a tight fist with the people we love...we are not God.

I love the picture in John 21 where Peter hears the kind of death that he will have to die and I just adore the fact that we get glimpses of humanity all in the word. He asks Jesus "what about John?" The Lord basically says forget about my agenda with him this is you we are talking about. Make it your business to follow me Peter. I love when Paul says follow me as I follow Christ. My calling and yours are not the same as far as the means yet the call is the same to follow. PLEASE let's not stand before the Throne of Grace with the "what about him" attitude. I am so guilty of wondering why God isn't being as picky with Rod as He is with me yet you know what that is not my business. I am not Rods boss. So whatever your lot for now...which is so temporary...press in...be undignified...know Him for yourself and make Him known out of that full soul. Let's press on to know Him even when life gravely disappoints. He is our treasure our very great reward.
^{John 21:21}When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" ²²Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

so much to say...

2010-09-27T17:28:00.002-05:00

I truly have so much to blog about because to the great glory of God I have been learning away. I feel such a responsibility to share what I am learning as it is not just for me. Hopefully I will have time to sit and blog tonight for all two of you.

I just love this little picture of Morgan. We are ready for some cool weather (I never thought I'd say that) and here is her fall display she did! I would never even decorate were it not for her.

Finally I have finished my fireplace project

2010-09-18T01:08:00.003-05:00

These pics are for Janel!
The pics aren't that great but these were the old shutters I took down from downstairs and I painted them and then screwed the backs from the old hinges to the backs to connect the shutters. We had an old ugly brass opening to our fireplace and I just like this a lot better!

Fashion Show

2010-09-17T15:43:00.004-05:00

Little girls are so much fun! I found these great outfits on ebay (CLICK HERE) but here is the website: CLICK HERE
I paid $11.99 for 3 of them and $13.99 for one. I also received a coupon for online orders. Use promo code: SAVE to receive 55% off of your entire purchase. I did not have a coupon but that is SUPER cheap. The ebay name was Jess Kidz.
I would buy them off of ebay...so much cheaper.

pics from stephs bday

2010-09-16T16:35:00.002-05:00

well, this is a random pic

morgan and stephanie's husbands grandma

my mom steph and me

LPL- Beth Moore Simulcast this weekend Sept 18th

2010-09-15T12:48:00.003-05:00

CLICK HERE to find out where a church in your area may be hosting this Living Proof Live event. I can't wait! If you live near me, several girls are meeting at First Baptist of Helena it is $15 and childcare is free. You can call and reserve your spot but you pay at the door! WHOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! I can't wait

Happy Birthday to My Little Sister

2010-09-14T08:39:00.002-05:00

Psalm 115 ¹³ he will bless those who fear the LORD—
small and great alike.

¹⁴ May the LORD make you increase,
both you and your children.

¹⁵ May you be blessed by the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Happy 23rd Birthday Stephanie! I will never forget the day that you were born. I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I was wearing my blue "jam" pants with a blue and white shirt. I had anticipated holding you and I was so scared that I might drop you. I will never forget being in second grade and getting word that it was time to be able to see you. I remember checking on you for a couple of years because we had that cat and I wanted to make sure you were alive so I would run in the room, check to see if you were breathing, sometimes move the crib a little, and run out. I am convinced that maybe I saved your life a time or two...just kidding!
I remember loving your baby magic smell and I would rub your bald head and smell your sweet scent.
I also remember all of the times (as we talked about) that you broke into my room and ate all of my candy! Then wrote me cards to tell me you and Will were sorry.
All you did was point and grunt and Heather, Holly (well sometimes Holly...j/k), and I would get you whatever you wanted.
Peas and corn
popcorn
macaroni and cheese
fries, fries, and more fries were the things you loved to eat.

I love that you would eat a whole pack of gum and how I would endlessly try to work with you on your ABC's and you would have NONE of it!
I learned all things Disney thanks to you. There were times I thought I may rip your vhs tapes out of the player if I heard anymore songs. I did love how you loved sing a long songs...and you loved them! That is an understatement. I will never be able to watch a disney movie without thinking of you.

Most of all I love how you love my little girl. She thinks you hung the moon. I am so thankful for you. You are so loyal and such a hard worker. I also love our shared affection for all things girlie even if we don't always agree on shoes. I can't help it if I am more stylish...bahahaha!
I love most of all that you love Jesus and mexican food. It means more to me than anything that you keep getting back up and following the Lord.

Thank you for being such a wonderful sister, aunt (auntie...haha) and friend.

Morgan and I love you more than seven sons!!

Here is a little song I wrote...you wanna hear it...here it go! LOL
A song by dad
hey peppy
come back peppy
I can lean to the left
lean to the right
twist all day
twist all night
I'm peppy
My name is peppy
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, blast off peppy....

In No Particular Order

2010-09-12T00:16:00.005-05:00

So tonight I was able to teach at Underwood Baptist Church in Montevallo, Alabama. I was so thankful for the opportunity. They were such a blessing...I'm not sure that I was...ha! No but really I am usually way over excited, nervous, and I always have more material and not enough time. I felt sorry for them after it was over.
I was so thankful to their church and their pastor (Randy Hollingsworth) for opening their church home to us. It was encouraging to see him operating in the calling that the Lord has placed on his life. I am thankful for him and his wife because they really care about igniting a passion for truth and authenticity in the hearts and lives of God's people. I was only able to get a couple of pictures.

This is Mia. She is just precious to say the least. She has the most beautiful voice and the sweetest heart. Nikol Whitten taught first and it really convicted me about how I will sometimes forfeit extra time that I could spend with the Lord for sleep. She really encouraged us to seek after the Lord and to know Him and walk with Him daily.

Here is that sweet baby of mine at the State Fair. This was the first one I had been to (to my knowledge)...it was not a good start when I saw (and smelled) these animals right when we walked in. She had the BEST time.

This picture cracks me up so bad. I swear besides some friends we saw from church, I think we were the first ones there...kind of creepy!

My heart is so tender to that sweet baby girl. She means so much to me!

I scooped her up from the car and put her in bed a minute ago and had to leave the t.v. on for light to just ponder how blessed I am with that girl...and thank God for the holy privilege to steward her.

facebook

2010-09-11T14:24:00.002-05:00

Y'all I just had to deactivate facebook. I am really working on cleaning house spiritually speaking and for now I have got to get more focused. Anything that is truly hindering me in the Lord has to go until things are in their proper place so to speak. =) I lived without it before and I can do it again...amen! I really want to press on to know the Lord and if I have spare time it needs to be spent on Him.
<3

Ladies Conference

2010-09-10T13:49:00.003-05:00

1 Peter 5:5-8...All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble." 6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I have been hesitant to post anything about this weekend because I don't want to "self-promote". I am good about stepping out and stepping ahead of God so usually my call is one of waiting and humbling myself. However, I have been feeling so sick today and yesterday. I have had a fever along with my throat and etc hurting. I have sort of lost my voice today so I am asking for prayer.
Also, if you are interested in attending this FREE event tomorrow night please join us!
HERE is the link. Also, if you don't mind please pray for the women in attendance that they will encounter the Living God, that God will use this time to draw women to Him. Please pray that the women attending will not be distracted and that they will have a time of refreshing from the Lord. That He would revive our hearts and help us to lay our burdens down.

Thank you in advance. I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve Him this weekend and I know that I am not a big deal but that He is worth making much of!!!

Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman- Beth Moore

2010-09-09T20:28:00.002-05:00

It is indeed tough being a woman but I sure wouldn't want to be a dude! haha!
This coming Tuesday night we start fall bible study. I AM READY to say the least.
Here are the details:
TIME: 6:30-8:00 pm
PLACE: Hunter Street Baptist Church, Room s107-108
What will you need? Your bible and Workbook
You can purchase a workbook at Lifeway.

Please sign up online if you have not already. CLICK HERE

This study is SO good!

Love the LORD with ALL your HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND STRENGTH

2010-09-09T14:47:00.004-05:00

Man life can be so brutal to the human emotions. Right now I am staring several uncertainties in the face. In a way I am so thankful because it forces me to meditate more on scripture and spend more time praying. It is tough being a jar of clay and realizing just how fragile and out of control you really are. Yet if you truly bring yourself before our Almighty and Sovereign God you find that He is steadfast concerning you and He is faithful. It is impossible for Him to lie or for His love to change. I need to know that and I think you need to know that deep down in the recesses of your innermost being. We need to know the love that surpasses knowledge. Morgan is always trying to tell me in some form of measurement how much she loves me. She will say, "Mom, I love you up to the sky...I love you times 100...I love you a hundred pounds." It is so precious to me but I am reminded every stinking time she says it how God birthed that in our DNA. We want to be able to know that we are loved and part of our human condition is that we will search the world over (in the flesh) looking for someone to love us so lavishly, so deeply, so perfectly, so unfailing, and we will search in vain until we find Him. He is the only one that can meet the deep and I mean deep, often times cavernous needs, of our soul.
I was talking with a woman last weekend and she asked me the normal chit chat questions like what do you do? are you married? and so on. She then said, "So...you have been so happy in your marriage for 7 years!" Um, that was sort of an unusual question. I told her no (of course no relationship is all happy all of the time...and if you are searching to be happy 24/7 with a relationship hinging on your happiness you will live a very narcissistic life) and that I am sure Rod would say the same thing. It is the fear of the Lord that has kept us together at times when we would both rather part ways and call it quits. The Lord has been VERY gracious to us and very merciful (psalm 130). Along the way I have learned a lot about Rod and the Lord has taught me to the core that He is still my Royal Bridegroom even though I am married. The Lord defines me, the Lord is the only One who can fill me and even heal me. While He may use earthly relationships to bless us greatly I am convinced that if I had the perfect man in my life I would sure make him an idol. So, I can truthfully tell you that I have to cease striving where my expectations are concerned and just let some people off the hook. It doesn't mean I don't go through times where I feel needy or clingy but I have to take those things to the Lord or I will in essence suck peoples will to live trying to get them to make me feel special. I can say that even through marriage and earthly relationships that where I have felt let down or failed and have taken those things to Jesus I have been so thankful to see what He is to me that no one else can be. I wouldn't know that if I was constantly searching for it in every other way. I have also made it my prayer that I would see each opportunity where I feel hurt or needy as an opportunity to fall upon His limitless love for us. I love Rod now more than I ever could at the beginning because I see how God has used my earthly relationship to love my Heavenly Father more. But don't think I didn't try to suck the dregs dry only to come up empty before I learned the hard way.
So, what in the world does it mean to love God? Why in loving Him do we get to be blessed back? He knows how prone to wander we are and Him telling us that we need our hearts to be surrendered and wholly His means our liberation. We are safe to love others in the way that God would have us, even at times if it means to be guarded, when our hearts have been set at rest in His presence.

Mark 12:30 (New International Version)

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Part of loving God is trusting Him. Placing our trust and confident expectation in Him. Trusting that even if __________________________ (fill in the blank) leaves you or forsakes you that He won't. It is the whole "even if" that scares us to death. Some of you may not have one iota of fear concerning loss but I will say that you are not the norm. I had to personally think through some fears this week that were flat out giving me anxiety. I took them to the Lord and practiced what one of my favorite bible teachers taught. I knew good and well I was supposed to be casting my anxiety on Him. We don't need to throw off what we aren't carrying. He is telling people that are burdened, anxious, fearful, to cast ALL of our anxieties on Him because He cares for us. He is our Shepherd. We are the sheep of His pasture. When Israels kings or priests were often sited in the bible they were referred to as people who shepherded God's people. So lets not get a lowly view of Christ here. He is God on the Throne. He is in our tomorrow and He wants us to get up daily and seek Him as He gives us spiritual manna to feed our souls with what we need for that day. His word works. It brings healing and peace to my soul when nothing else will comfort. Yet we have to go and gather that manna like the Israelites had to do in the wilderness. It was supernatural that God fed them and the Israelites expected that God would deliver them and then that they would have no more hardship. That is so us. We want to walk with God and take what He has to give but we sure don't want trials. We don't want friends, husbands, kids, to walk out of our life. We can live plagued by fear over any of those things and just think that God is constantly out to get us. That is not God. He wants us alright. Our bodies to be the living sacrifices because when it comes down to it...those of us who are in Christ...He is all we really have. The only certainty. So, yes like the Israelites had to gather enough manna for them (otherwise hoarding manna would spoil)and God gave according to their need. He is not going to let us wig out with worst case scenarios that have not happened and give us grace to just sit there in our heap of worry and become paralyzed. That is not true living. Back to my fears and anxieties this week. I did a couple of things:
1. I petitioned several people that I knew would pray for me and asked them to pray.
2. I spent time in the Word.
3. I had to go to God over my fears ...myself. No one can have your relationship with the Lord for you. You won't find peace living vicariously through others relationships but not having your own. Isn't that why reality t.v. is so popular? Finding excitement in someone else's life. We NEED godly teaching and sound teaching but it can't replace our own intimacy with Jesus.
4. I walked what I was fearing through with God and thought about the worst possible situation that could happen (not to be negative). I found peace and comfort in my soul that I would ultimately be ok in this life because I have Him.

We literally are going to have to attach ourselves to Him, cling to Him, at times just fall on our faces before Him, make much of Him and you get the idea...if our hearts are going to be healthy. It doesn't mean they won't be broken but He is the One that binds up and heals.

Joel Osteen Says Jesus Christ is Not the Only Way

2010-09-04T14:38:00.000-05:00

Mark Driscoll on Twilight

2010-09-04T14:33:00.000-05:00

The Shack

2010-09-04T14:32:00.000-05:00

Lol lol on Twitpic

2010-09-02T20:57:00.000-05:00

Lol lol on Twitpic

Morgans First Day of Big School K-5 and other pics

2010-08-12T23:44:00.004-05:00

Here was her bday at BuildABear.

sweet girl

me and my baby

Kenley, James, Bre, Morgan, and Maddie

morgan at church!

her getting ready to ask the congregation to pray.

So before she left for school today she asked me to please not get out of the car
she wanted to go in on her own.

When she got back in the car I asked her a million questions. The funniest thing she talked about was a talk she was having with some of the kids. She was telling them that Jesus did in fact rise from the grave and her and another kid argued because he said that Jesus did not rise from the grave. Of course we told her she was right. That's some heavy duty K-5 talk on the first day. haha. She said she had a bad day. I was already hormonal, then sick with fever, so none of it all stacked well with me today. I was so sad and missed her.

her nap mat, new keens, and that ugly bag.

come on mom

Beth Moore's Schedule for 2011

2010-08-12T23:33:00.002-05:00

CLICK HERE for her schedule for 2011. I can't wait!

Rabbi Jesus-- The Good Shepherd--Part 2

2010-08-06T23:01:00.005-05:00

Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

I was talking to Morgan today and telling her how we are the LORD's people, the sheep of His pasture. Like a light bulb coming on she exclaims, "Mom, I am a pastor! We are all pastors!" Praise the Lord that we are not all pastors...amen! However I do love that verse.

I want to head back to the book I mentioned in the previous post before diving back into what it looks like to be a disciple of Christ.

One of the most popular images of Jesus is as the "good shepherd." who hasn't seen painting after painting depicting Jesus with a lamb slung tenderly across his shoulders? This image comes from Jesus himself, who said: " I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--and I lay down my life for the sheep" (John 10:14-15). His words conjure another favorite image, that of the shepherd in Psalm 23:1-3a:

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want...
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

Any rabbi worth his salt would have known that the mere mention of the word "shepherd" would have caused the rest of that passage to float through the minds of his listeners. Even now we find great comfort in this psalm.

They go on to write:

But Jesus was doing more than evoking a comforting image of himself. He was also evoking an image of power, because shepherd imagery is often used to describe kings.

Here is where it gets really good! What is shepherd imagery used to describe? Kings. Although some of you have studied David and seen him come from the fold of sheep to be anointed as future king over the people of Israel (2 Samuel 16) we normally don't think of a king when we think of a shepherd. Praise God for that little power packed verse tucked in the same passage when Samuel was searching for the king to anoint and David was not yet standing with his brothers:
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Morgan was getting in trouble today for her attitude and she said, "mom, I need a heart like yours." Well, I sure wouldn't go that far AT ALL. Yet her theology is so correct. The Lord looks on the heart regardless of outward appearances there is nothing hidden from the Creator of our hearts. The true prophets of the Lord were to lead, teach, guard, and guide the people of Israel from running after other harmful things. They were to teach them the word of the Lord.
Just like them shepherds performed the following duties: They would herd, tend, and guard the sheep. I love that picture of unity, then tending to their very basic needs and guarding them from any harmful pestilence. The Lord, our Good Shepherd is indeed good. He will never lie to us. He always has our best interest at heart and He will guard us jealously. His love is so measureless, so concerned, and so intimate. He knows us. He made us. We are His. A shepherd was a keeper, a defender, a protector and a guardian of those entrusted to his/her care. I love that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38) and how we have a defender alright. If anyone touches a child of God, they touch the apple of God's eye Zech 2:8 (the cornea metaphorically speaking. The most important part of the eye.)

So, I am just sick. I finished my post and it erased from this portion down.

Let me just try to persevere and remember my point...ugh!!

In Isaiah, for instance, King Cyrus of Persia is called a "shepherd" (44:28), and in Psalm 78:71-72 King David is pictured as "shepherding" his people. Most interestingly, in Ezekiel 34, God expresses his anger at the leaders of his people by describing them as "bad shepherds." He then promises to save his flock and to send a good shepherd to lead them. Could this be what Jesus was thinking of in John 10?
Listen to what Herod's counselors told him after his encounter with the wise men who had come looking for the newborn king of Israel. They quoted Micah 5:2 (See Matthew 2:6):
6" 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'"

When Jesus called himself "a shepherd" in John 10, he was hinting at his identity as the messianic king, the future ruler of God's kingdom.
Such a reference would have astonished his listeners. But they would have been stunned by another allusion. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 25:31-32:

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

Now listen to Ezekiel 34:17:
" 'As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats.

What is so stunning about Jesus' words is that by using the metaphor of a shepherd sorting his sheep, he is linking himself to God, who is often called the "Shepherd of Israel." No doubt many of his listeners were shocked. Others would have been scandalized. We need first-century ears to hear Jesus' claims to oneness with God the Father.

So are the teachers we are sitting under pointing us to Christ or away? Are we becoming more intimately acquainted with Christ or are we in it for what we think He has to offer us? I asked Morgan to go to the store with me the other day and she asked me if I was going to buy her something. I told her no so she said she did not want to go. We can so be like that with Jesus where if we feel like nothing is in it for us then we don't want to go along for the ride. However, we miss truly knowing and beholding the glory of God when we settle for the things that would so easily lead us astray. Christ is the good Shepherd. His love is a purifying, protecting, measureless love. It is in the intimacy that He leads us and none of that will happen by accident. We must sharpen our swords and stay alert.

Not really important post compared to the last one....

2010-08-06T00:54:00.003-05:00

1-this is part of my old shutter project for the fireplace. They were UGLY brown.

I bought this table for 6 dollars at the Thrift Store. I spray painted it Krylon lavender. Morgan loves purple. It is for her room. Like she needs anything else. I am going to do some other work on it.

I got this for a really SWEET price at Hobby Lobby. I just love it.

This little end table was 20 dollars.

This is my favorite from Hobby Lobby. It was $39. I love it because I have a lot of bookshelfs going on in the house but none in my room which is sort of my sanctuary of study. I normally have books in piles all over my room and the guest bedroom from where I am reading at night.

Rabbi Jesus--Part 1

2010-08-06T00:12:00.003-05:00

I have been a bit absent as of late but with good reason. I have been extremely busy with just life in general. Also, I have had the holy privilege to serve some of the most precious women that I know through bible study. We have been going through "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore on Tuesday nights and "Ruth" by Kelly Minter on Thursday mornings. I have had to prepare much and also deal with my own insecurities in the midst of teaching on the grand subject. Well, all that is to say that I know several of you are about to love some of the things I am going to share because you dig Jesus. So, what I am going to do is share some wonderful treasures that I am learning from "Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus" by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg. Out of all of the reading I have done not one book besides the bible has been as intriguing to me as this book. So here goes:

"Disciples of the wise increase peace in the world, for it is said, "And all your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children." - Babylonian Talmud, Berakhot 64a.

I can not tell you the times in the last 11 years where I have read the gospels and marveled and wondered at the call of the disciples. I am a very visual learner so I would try to picture Jesus walking up on the shore of the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 4) and calling Simon Peter and Andrew to be his disciples. I would wonder if He had some mysterious glow about Him or Holy aura and the disciples just drop their nets, leave their money, and etc sort of in a trance. No. This was a common thing for a Rabbi to train up people under Him.
First of all what in the world is a disciple? In Ancient Judaism it was customary for a Rabbi to begin his ministry at the age of 30. So, it makes perfect sense that Jesus' earthly ministry began when He was 30. I once had a girl tell me that the Lord would really be able to use me when I turned 30. Praise God He uses infants and children to ordain praise. I can't tell you how He has used my child to minister to my own life and heart. It was custom for a Rabbi to have at least ten or so disciples under him. They would walk where he walked, stay where he stayed, learn from him, eat with him and so on. Take a look at Elijah and Elisha in the Old Testament if you want to get a glimpse of the kind of relationship. A phrase was penned in 2 century BC that was attributed to Yose ben Yoezer that speaks of the Rabbi (which Jesus was a Jewish Rabbi lest we forget) "Let your house be a meeting place for the rabbis, and cover yourself in the dust of their feet, and drink in their words thirstily." So, the disciples were in essence what we would call modern day apprentices or an easier word, a learner. I loved this...I am quoting straight from page 58 of the book:

"The disciples would have shared the difficult life of their rabbi. But they would also have experienced great joy in the midst of it. After all, they were the talmidim of an extraordinary rabbi, learning from him about the deep things of God."

Let me break real quick to define talmidim:
"Talmid (tahl-MEED); plural, talmidim, tahl-mee-DEEM). A disciple or student, one who dedicated himself to learning a rabbi's understanding of Scripture and his way of living it out. In Greek, a disciple is a mathetes (plural, mathetai). In both languages the words mean "student" or "learner." A female disciple would be a talmidah in Hebrew, or mathetria in Greek. But were there any female disciples? Surprisingly, in Acts 9:36 Dorcas (Tabitha) is called a mathetria, a (female) disciple."

Stay with me here and please don't get lost in the fact that her name was Dorcas...haha.

Modern Christians have sometimes been confused about what discipleship is, equating it with "discipline." Of course discipline is vital to the spiritual life. Jesus himself said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34). But the overall goal of discipleship is not simply to grow in self-discipline, but to be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Imagine for a moment if someone were to define parenting only as discipline. Of course children need discipline. But we would have great cause for worry if discipline was the only thing a parent focused on.

Sometimes we hear the word "disciple" and conclude that it's too hard to become one. But think about the alternative. To refuse to become Jesus' disciples is to consign ourselves to perpetual childhood and condemn ourselves to a waisted, frustrating life. The more we enter into relationship with Rabbi Jesus, the more joy we will experience. To become more like Christ will deepen our relationships and allow us to live more authentically. It may not always be easy but it will certainly be good, and, as we follow him, we will find ourselves living with greater passion and purpose, experiencing a life of greater fulfillment."

We also can glean from Luke 6:11-13 that Jesus prayed about the chosing of His disciples.

Well, I am just about to pass out. It is almost 1AM and I have gone non-stop (glory!) all day long. Tomorrow I want to blog about the Rabbi-Disciple relationship/bond...it gets REALLY good.

Any thoughts?

Old Window Shutters

2010-07-29T19:30:00.001-05:00

I love THIS blog on how to use old shutters.

I will post pics of what I did later.

So Long Insecurity Discussion Weeks 1 and 2

2010-07-20T17:05:00.002-05:00

This is straight from Beths blog. Here are weeks 1 and 2 of the discussion
WEEK ONE: (CHAPTERS 1, 2, and 3)
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

4. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?

5. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?

WEEK TWO: (CHAPTERS 4, 5, and 6)
1. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?

2. After reading these three chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.

3. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT HERE.

Awe

2010-07-19T01:27:00.003-05:00

Eph 3:14 When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,

Sometimes there are just no words that can be said to describe how Great, Wise, Mighty, Loving, Gracious, and Sovereign the Lord is. All you can do is think on these things and then maybe like me, your mind starts to shut down over His greatness. I praise Him that we don't have to stumble around in the darkness. Nothing is dark to Him. There is no place that His light will not shine. Even if we have run from Him, like Jonah. Or sinned grievously against Him like Moses, David, or Jacob. His plans are far greater than what we can think. His light so bright that there is no need for the sun...darkness is as light to Him. No pit too deep that He can't pull us from. No love greater than Him sending His Son...for us. No sin that He hasn't already atoned for. Before one day came to pass...He knew it. Before one sin of mine was committed (past, present, or future) He paid for it. Who is this King of Glory? Who is this One who loves us so freely and so perfectly?

WHO IS THIS KING OF GLORY?
The LORD strong and mighty.

When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan...
I fall to my knees and pray to the Father.

The Loss of a Child

2010-07-11T01:06:00.004-05:00

I remember shaking nervously as I took the pregnancy test. In just a few minutes my life would forever be changed. The test was positive. I stared at the results as everything on my insides sort of fell to my feet. I fell to my face and cried my eyes out to the Lord. How could I ever be a mom?, I thought to myself. I began to just bawl my eyes out over the weight of responsibility and blessing. Then, I screamed for Rod as my hands shook while showing him the results. He was thrilled and the excited person that I am isn't going to wait to start calling people. He is a lot more hesitant and wondered if we should wait to tell others but our joy overrode our caution.
For the duration of the time I was sick as a dog yet so excited over this child, this precious girl Shelby Hope, that was being woven inside my sinful body.
I will never forget the shock to the system my body received all due to the blessed hormones! Stinking Adam and Eve! I had no idea what in the world was going on with my sensitivity to smell and a whole host of other things. Hardly showing I packed my suitcase, bible in tow, and headed to Baltimore for the bible study taping of the "Patriarchs" by none other than Beth Moore (haha for those of you who know me). Beth began to talk about Gods faithfulness to the covenant that He made with Abraham. Her love for women is so evident and she is so in step with the Holy Spirit. She sees a precious woman that is pregnant and pulls her up out of the crowd. Then, she calls for anyone else who is pregnant to come down to the stage. Well, you would have thought that I was on the "Price is Right" and that Bob Barker had just yelled for all of the pregnant ladies to come on down! I was a' runnin'!!! Mainly because that was my hero in the faith and human as she is it meant the world to me that she was going to pray over my sweet baby (James 5:16).
After she prays over us I was on cloud nine. That woman had meant so much to me...still does...She has mothered me in the faith literally in the last 12 years.
I am a person who journals my prayers. I had been praying for my future child(ren) for several years prior, however, I thought that the Lord was going to have some special plans for Shelby. Several months go by and we just continue to prepare our home and our hearts.
Rod of course needed a manual. So, he read "What to Expect When You are Expecting" and told me every detail of it. We were excited, yet it all seemed so surreal and miraculous.
I am a big believer in memorizing scripture. We can all say that we are not good at memorizing scripture yet we can so easily memorize things that we are more interested in. I know some people that can quote you the stats of every football player for Auburn from the last 20 years but the only scripture they know is John 11:35 "Jesus wept."
I had some verses that the Lord kept giving me every time I turned around. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to memorize them and think how sweet the Lord was to continually remind me of them in various ways.

Let me just say I had a MAJOR stronghold of fear as a child and as a young adult...MAJOR. There have been so many things I have feared along the way that have never happened. I would fear stuff almost so I would never be caught off guard. Sort of like expecting the worst. Not good. So here is the verse:

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Now fast forward to August 19th 2004. I was having horrible back pain and had called the doctor that day just to make sure. I was new to this whole thing and did not know what to expect. I was told that if I was still having pain/bleeding to come in the next day. The pain was worse and worse and worse until I had to get to the hospital. They check me out and send me home. I stayed up all that night (I still remember what I was wearing) in pain. I finally can't take it anymore and wake Rod up to take me to the hospital. I did not want to be a burden but I could not tolerate the pain. The nurse checks me and of course I think everything is fine. The doctor is sitting at the foot of my bed not long after breaking some of the worst news of my life. Shelby was coming, there was nothing humanly possible that could be done, and her lungs were not developed. She would not live. I literally put my hands over my ears and quoted scripture not wanting to hear anything else. I let the doctor finish talking to Rod and of course we prayed like crazy that God would perform a miracle. Our prayer wasn't answered in the way that we had hoped. Yet as hard as it was to swallow, the unfolding events brought God glory.
God is infinitely wise. He is not limited by time. He makes no mistakes. The plan for Shelby's life was the same plan that was before the foundations of the world. Shelby would be born on August 20th 2004 and she would live for only 30 short minutes. What is so ironic is that in all of the things that I have feared...losing Shelby was not one of them. I never feared that I was not going to parent her or that I was going to bury my own child. Yet it happened. She was not ours and this world was not her home. The Lord birthed her, He knit her together, and He called her home after 30 short minutes. The plan was the plan from the beginning of time. God is in our tomorrows, today's, and yesterdays.
It was by far the worst day of my life and I struggled for so many more. Yet I struggled before the Lord and I stayed in the Word. Those things were key to my healing. No one, not even your husband, can walk certain roads with you and heal your heart but the Lord.
As soon as the doctor left the room after that horrible news the Holy Spirit reminded me of a certain family in the Word. I had heard the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus in John 11 taught a thousand different ways. Yet the Lord allowed no time to pass before He spoke so tenderly to my heart. I heard Him just speaking to my heart (mind you I had not studied this passage in months)almost as if to say: "Jenny...I was not just crying over Lazarus. I was crying for you and the Mary's and Martha's of this world that have suffered the sting of death. You were not meant for the sting of death and this is to my Fathers Glory. Eternity is set in your heart you were never meant for this fallen world."

You have no idea what peace He spoke over me and what a direct word it was. None of that cancelled the pain or tears yet I was comforted. If I could tell anyone that is suffering loss anything I would tell them to stay in the word even when you don't understand.

One of the funniest things was told to me months later. The doctors asked Rod if they could give me something to calm me down and they did. I was delirious for a portion of time. All of my good friends were in the hospital room and I was in the bed. I asked someone to read me my bible and they took turns. My friend Amy said that she couldn't believe how I went around the room and prayed for each person and made them hold hands while we prayed. If that wasn't the Spirit of God I don't know what was because I had NO...I mean NO remembrance of it! It was quite humorous. She said I prayed specifically for each one of them. I get tickled over that to this day since I don't recall doing it.

The coming months were hard and painful yet God never left me. He never forsook me. He is the God of my life and the length of my days.

Morgan wanted to go by her grave the other day. She knows that she is with Jesus but still. She prayed, cried, and wrote her a note. She grieves the loss of her sister and wishes she could play with her. We were listening to praise music so I had it turned up while we were standing there and just let Morgan take her time. It broke my heart that Morgan can care so much about someone she has never even met. I was so moved in worship that I lifted my hands to praise the Lord. I then held Morgan with one arm (and the help of my hip) and praised Him with the other. The day we buried her, Amy sang "Glory Baby" by watermark and I lifted my hands to the Lord and bent my knees to my Creator. It never occurred to me that I would be holding the delight of my life in the same place years later and lifting my hands in worship over the life that now lives. Redemptive.

Matthew West - Save A Place For Me (Official Music Video)

2010-07-11T01:04:00.000-05:00

His Word Does not Return Void

2010-06-28T00:17:00.002-05:00

Isaiah 55:10-11
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Lately I have really been trying to have a balance regarding my focus on being so hard on myself and saturating myself in Gods word regarding His love toward me. It is so true that we operate not only on how we feel, but out of what we think. We are told through the apostle Paul, in Ephesians 3:18-20 a prayer that he was inspired to pray that there is a love that surpasses knowledge. The Lord wants us to be able to grasp something that is beyond our mind and senses. We look for that everywhere, yet there is something greater than an earthly love. It is a lavish love that surpasses what our minds are capable of. The Lord calls us to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength...but why? Because in that we find our life because He is our life (Col 3:4) and the length of our days. We find wholeness and freedom. We find healing. It is a great paradox that we could love someone, in a world of love that fails us...a world of risk...the risk of putting yourself out there to love and only be rejected. So what keeps us from surrendering our hearts fully to the Lord? I would venture to say a couple of things but at the top would be old wounds, unbelief, and fear.
Old wounds- I know someone who has a sore that they have made on their face. They keep scratching and messing with the sore (for years now) and every stinking night this person puts neosporin on their face only to start the cycle over again when they get up. The answer seems obvious...quit picking at your face! Yet it is a habit. Sometimes we have lived with negative drama for so long that maybe we don't want to get well, maybe we keep picking at an old wound making it bleed mixed with trying to let it heal overnight, yet it results in failure. We cycle in and cycle out. I have used the same scenario over and over but I used to be extremely co-dependent. The Lord never ceases to work miracles because He changed me and healed me no doubt. I would beg God to change me when I finally gave the go that I was serious about my heart being healed. My heart wasn't safe because it wasn't satisfied fully by God. I was not attracting healthy people because I was not a healthy person. I had to bathe myself in the word and prayer. It took a solid year before the healing process let up. There were days were I let the idea that I was rejected because a man wasn't in my life eat at me. I could either pick that wound, act out of a wound, and make it fresh again...or I could allow it to scab over and heal forming a scar. Scars heal but they are still scars. I like to think that the scars stay as reminders of what the Lord has done. Sort of like a rock of remembrance.
Going on from there, it is partly habit to act out of our wound and never let it heal, and it is part of daily living and doing battle in a fallen world. We have to train ourselves to set our minds on things above or we lose and eventually default into a carnal mindset instead of the view Christ has of each of us.

Unbelief- Unbelief keeps me and you from so much. The idea that there is a cause and effect reaction seems to be dismissed from our thinking when we are wallowing in unbelief. Just like Proverbs 15 for example. Verse 1 talks about a harsh word stirring up anger. Yet how often do we want to get a jab in and not expect a ripple effect with the rock we just through in a bond?
Someone called my child a brat today. I forgave this person but let me tell you...when Morgan came in and told me I was livid. Them are fighting words. I was fine until that was said and then it stirred up anger within me. I am then reminded that in my anger I do not need to sin...yet I also need to put off falsehood and tell my neighbor the truth. So, I said something regarding the apple of my eye. Yet were it never said there would have not been the strife. My point, Gods word is true. His word is accomplishing. It does what it says it will do. Just like the rain has a purpose and waters and nourishes the earth, His word does what He desires because after all His word became the Word made flesh to dwell among us.

...to be continued. I have got to go to bed! =) blessings!

She is five

2010-06-27T23:32:00.003-05:00

Jenny get a grip. I love to speak in 3rd person.
We just celebrated Morgans 5th birthday! I can't believe it. Some of you on this blog have watched her grow even to this age. Let me just type out a few Morgan-ism's mainly for me to remember.

For Morgan (where do I even begin?):

-you are one of the greatest sources of laughter ever!
Just yesterday you poured my $10 bottle of body wash in the tub to make bubbles. You knew way better. I proceeded to tell you that you were paying for another bottle out of your own money. You then said, and I quote, "OK Mom but get it at Wal-Mart because it is cheaper!"

Whenever I ground you from television you say, "that's OK mom, I will just watch Fox News!"

You have a red mark in the shape of a J on your forehead. Whenever you cry it appears. In your hospital pic it is very visible. So, I was telling you how Jesus knit you together in my womb and how you He took His finger and made a "J" for Jesus on your head. Then, I told you a couple of weeks ago how we in Christ are sealed unto the day of redemption and how we have a mark that is probably visible to the unseen realm. You looked at your cousins and said, "I have a J for Jesus on my head. Because I believe in Jesus. What mark do you have on your head? Whew! I could teach a whole lesson on that!!

Last month you went to bible study with me. When we got there someone asked you to tell them a bible verse. You did. Then you proceeded to talk about "booty stank"! I about died. You were then grounded.

You love Beth Moore. You always ask when you are going to go over to her house and play. ha! Too bad she lives in Texas!

You can pretty much talk your dad into everything.

You call your Aunt Steph everyday at work. We all forget that you are now 5 going on 30. She is your favorite. You ask her most everyday what she had for lunch or how her day is going?
-You were leaving her work the other day (so she could watch you after the booty stank episode) and she was waving to her boss. You then asked who she was waving to. She told you her boss Lam. You said, "oh you are waving to your mom?" Steph told you no and she explained that his name was Lam like a llama. You then said, "Oh, llama...like Obama our president...we don't like him." We about died!

You are my snuggle bunny! You LOVE to shop.
You start kindergarten soon and you want me to be happy for you!

I think you have the gift of mercy because you tell me that you feel sorry for just about everyone.

I love when you say Praise the Lord over something!

I love how you tell me I am your b.f.f. and you even gave me a bff necklace to wear.

Well, now I am getting sad about the queen of my heart being five. My heart just aches over how fast things are going.
I love you more than words could ever tell.

Fill my Cup

2010-06-09T01:34:00.003-05:00

Isaiah 45:18 For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.

Just like the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth, did not create the earth to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- the places that make up our heart, mind, and soul were not created for emptiness. We were created to be filled with something and in that hopefully man would reach out for something more than ourselves or this world in our search to be full.
The human race will do almost anything to feel something. We want something to either deaden our pain and problems or make us feel alive. Murderers, adulterers, thieves, gluttons, immoral people...all have one thing in common...they have a need in them that needs to be met at all costs and are fueled by how they feel. It's true. Someone who murders and has no regard for life, in essence they think they are "god" or greater than the one true God. Look at satan, he was a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). Either you are a child of God or a child of satan. You are filled with one of the two and there is no way around it (1 John 3:10). A good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree bad fruit (Matthew 12:33). Whatever is in our heart will come out of us since we know that out of the mouth our heart is speaking (Matthew 12:34). I was talking with Rod about the Lords supper on Sunday and Morgan (who picks up on EVERYTHING) asked me about it. She said, "Mom, Jesus came to the Lord's supper, He was there? You saw Him?" I told her I hoped that He was there...amen! How often though do we do things in our own strength without even calling on the Lord or inviting Him to overflow in our lives? It reminds me of the treaty in Joshua chapter nine where the people of Gibeon deceived the men of Israel by claiming to be a rag tag band of people who had come from a distant land fresh with their worn out sandals and moldy bread. Yet we see here ( 14 The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD.) that the men of Israel DID NOT INQUIRE OF THE LORD. They went off of what was on the surface. What was logical with human deduction. Um can I get a witness? I am just as guilty of plowing into something without even stopping to see if this is the direction the Lord has for me.
I thank God for His stubborn love over me. I want to be honest, even though I don't say much on my blog about this, but for the most part I did not have a happy childhood to say the least. It was chock full of bars that were raised too high, growing up way before it was time, turmoil...constant turmoil, and a real lack of peace period. I felt loved to the extent that I was able to perform. Sort of a works system. You had to do good to get love. That is one way I have tried so far to teach Morgan that her actions may be bad but she is not bad and that nothing will ever make me love her less. For so many reasons I was a perfect candidate to look for love elsewhere and find myself in one broken mess after another. In never feeling unconditionally loved as a child I sought that out relationally. Our souls are just wired to want to be loved unconditionally yet unfortunately human love will always inevitably fail us. Even if that love is wonderful it can not fill and satisfy us in the ways that only God can. Let me tell you I.LOVE.MY.CHILD. if you can not tell already. That child causes me to feel things I didn't even know were in me. Like the fact that I can greatly dislike another five year old if they are doing my child wrong. Just sayin'. I have already needed God to help me love a five year old that messed with my child. I mean really. I am very affectionate with her and if she is near me...she is on me. With my neck problems I am always telling her to quit pressing or leaning on me because is hurts my neck. God love her. Now she can make me furious...do not misunderstand. I was making Rod his favorite birthday cake last week and upon noticing that she was getting a little too close to the cake I told her not to touch it. I turned around and she had grabbed handfuls out of the cake and put them in cupcake holders. I had to tell her to get out of my presence until I could calm down. Anyway, we have this routine where one of us will say give me some sugars. (SIDE NOTE: Rod will ask me to give him sugars sometimes and I am like DUDE...I am not your kid...lol.) Anyway, I told her that I needed to get 50 sugars from her and she said in her most serious tone, "mom, I can only give you five...then I don't have any more." She cracks me up. Listen though...when I have felt really needy the Lord has made dang sure that I don't go make an idol out of someone. Bottom line...as people we just don't have it to give. We want 50 sugars when the only person has five! We can just put the weight of the world on someone and cause them to suffocate and we wonder why we can't get our needs met. Yet there has never been a time, not ever, never, that I have gone to the Lord with all of my neediness and He has not loved me back or filled a place in me that I needed filled. I may ache and have to come back the next day but man the Lord is faithful. He isn't going to berate me when I can't even put my finger on the need I have or cut me down when I am vulnerable. So may He remind all of us when we feel the need to overload a human being with all of our needs and expectations that no one will tend to us with such care and affection as Him. No one will satisfy but Him and people, as precious as they are, will prove to be broken cisterns to our soul. I am not knocking friendship, companionship or as Morgan says...b.f.f. I am just suggesting that we let God be God and let others off the hook. There is freedom in that. Put your hope in God. Half the time us being needy comes from insecurity. We have a need to feel wanted or validated so we literally sometimes can go to desperate measures to beg someone for love. Yet I have come to realize that I don't want someone to pay me compliments or drag themself to spend time with me if it is forced. Forced love is not love at all when you are trying to make someone be everything to you and you everything to them. Liberation comes when we know how loved we are by God and we can be secure in that. After God has done so much to heal me through His word and restore me to Himself, no matter what anyone says or does I am convinced to the core that God loves me and that He is my Rock, my Salvation.
I was broken over my friend that lost her husband, and my husbands best friend and I thought about Romans 8 and asked God to chase her and comfort her with the love that will never be separated from her even in the wake of a tragic loss like hers.

We were at the pool Monday and Morgan found a little girl to play with. She noticed the girl had gone to the "big pool" and asked me if she could go over and see her "best friend" (the one she met an hour before). Then she said, "mom, I am going to see my best friend, what's her name again?" It cracked me up! As adults we can be so locked in to having to have so many surface relationships to feel popular or wanted that everyone is our "best friend" but we may not even know their last name! LOL.

Lord, help me. Help us.

Greetings!

2010-06-05T02:39:00.004-05:00

Hello All 2 People Who Read my Blog!!

So much to say...
I have been doing Beth Moore's (IMAGINE THAT) latest release "Here and Now...There and Then".
I have heard that it is on back order at some of the stores in Alabama but for the last couple of months I have been able to find it at mine just fine. I was shocked that Lifeway stocked it since it is through Living Proof but I am so glad they did! Drives me crazy when it takes a whole year for one of her studies to come out...yet they are worth it!
Anyway, digging a little deeper on my own I have been convicted to the core. Just a few things for application in my own life: A Call to WAKE UP...to strengthen what remains. Yes that is in the letters to the churches yet I personally need to look a little closer at my own walk and testimony. I don't want to walk through this life blind to the things of God because I was too full of the world to be able to see. With all of the facebook, twitter, text, email it is so hard to not get sucked in to the trap of mile wide communication with and inch deep of intimacy. For me personally I am not one to do most things in moderation...just sayin'. I was fine before all of those forms of communication but lately I have not been fine. I have seen where I have just plain been distracted. My heart is to be rich toward God and not fall in the trap of over communication and feeling like I will miss out on someones fb status telling me that Walmart was out of strawberry eggo waffles. I mean seriously. All of these forms of communication can be great tools but again I just fall into the trap of time wasting. There is so much about the Lord I want to know here on this earth and I sure don't want to stand before Him and say Lord, I know there was much to be had...but Father...I needed to check facebook. So...that is one of many areas from that one verse that have just hit me where it hurts.
Go here with me for a second: So many of you know that our first daughter, Shelby Hope, was born premature and is with Jesus...I have TERRIBLE pregnancies. Any of you that read my blog should be ever so thankful that I was not blogging during that time...ha! My pregnancy with Morgan was terrible, yet worth it, to say the least. I had MUCHO bed rest-o! Much bed rest. I thought I was the brute beast before the Lord in psalm 73 from being in the bed. The day I had her (I had been home for a month or so) I drove myself to the hospital but I had not walked in a few months. My rebellious self had to leave that hospital and I would also scoot down the stairs when no one was with me just so I could leave the room. So, needless to say I had some atrophy going on. I remember these crazy things I had to wear on my legs they made movement or something and I had to have those bad boys on at.all.times. Talk about a stinking pain when they are attached to the bed and you have to take them off every time you have to go to the bathroom as a pregnant woman goes to the bathroom. So, after I came home from the hospital I was physically week since any pregnancy for me requires not being on my feet for longer than ten minutes and not lifting over ten pounds...THE.WHOLE.TIME. So I was weak. I could bore you for paragraphs more but I won't...glory! Oh, one more thing. When I went shopping I was the girl in the electric wheelchair at WalMart who would ride around and then jump up out of the chair to reach what I needed and then sit back down. You know the people of WalMart site would have been all over that one seeing as most of the time I was not showing that bad until 5 or 6 months. Anyway, me ever so caring what people think, wanted to attach a sign to my chest that read: Really, I am pregnant, not lazy...and attach a picture of her ultrasound for proof because of course the wheelchair police may come by at any given moment. as.if. Just like when I was in Target recently and I had my eyes dilated. I had to wear sunglasses and seriously I told people that I normally would not wear sunglasses in a store but for the fact that I had just had my eyes dilated. I know they wanted 30 seconds out of their life back from that. So, application wise when I am not staying in tune with the Spirit I am obviously having a trade off for walking in the flesh. When I am not sensitive to the Holy Spirit I feel like I am asleep to the things of God. I sure don't want Him to have to give me a wake up call...I would like to beat Him to the punch. Yet, the Lord in His Godness...gives each of us opportunity to repent of the ways that are causing us to be ineffective. I uttered the words a minute ago that I am MISERABLE apart from a full dose of Jesus and the filling, instead of quenching, of the Holy Spirit. Anyone still reading is probably like dude she needs to quit writing at 3:08 am. I have been affectionately known as RANDOM for these reasons.
So, again...wake up! Get out a pen and paper and ask the Lord to convict you of things that you may not even be aware of. That is the Holy Spirits job. Our hearts can get so calloused from just living life that we may not even know how we descended to the place we now are. Ask Him for a few things that need to go. Then, in place of their departure fill up what lacks with learning scripture, spending more time in prayer, serving (preferably after you have been filled so you will have something to offer from your cup!) bible study. Something that breeds true joy instead of pseudo intimacy.
I have been dissecting the letters to the churches in Rev. and have asked God to not let me get bit by the bug of familiarity. He has been speaking loud and clear thru them to me!
We have to truly put our faith to the test and stretch the muscles that matter in our walk with Christ. We need to engage fully with our hearts, our minds, our mouths, and our hands and feet! And maybe too we should shake our booty in the devils face just to show that ancient serpent that by the blood of Christ and His resurrection that we are more than conquerors.
Oh and quick story: I told Morgan that the only people we are to HATE is the devil and his co-horts. She is cracking me up because she will say..."I hate the debil (not with a v)."

I guess I need to get going to bed which is why I was really writing anyway. I know that some of you have just been so stinking loyal to me and flat our encouraging. Over the last 6 years I have been NO stranger to trials health wise. For a stretch I really became a constant prayer request. I really feel bad for asking on here but if you think of me please pray for me. I have been "writhing" in pain tonight and for the past few days. So many of you know that I have a bad neck. Well, I went for ANOTHER (out of a billion) MRI Thursday. I possible have a pinched nerve or a herniated disk along with my neck being shaped wrong at the top in the first place. When my neck goes out it is the worst pain of my life. I would rather give birth 50 times over than go through that. I can't even move without terrible pain when all of that happens. So...I am in pain with my neck. One of the muscles is pulling to the left and causing me to not be able to turn my head. I have shooting pains down my back and arm. I don't want to complain as I have been dealing with this since I was 12 or 13. If anyone in my family gets wind of me starting to have the neck junk they all get worried and nervous about it since they have witnessed it going out and disfiguring my face over and over. God love them! I have tried everything you can imagine for almost 18 years doctor wise in an attempt to get some relief. However, as I get older it is worse. Every doctor says the same thing...they are sorry they have not seen anything like it and I had to have injured it but there isn't much that can be done. Hey...but God! He can do whatever He wants to do. Next to having my bible, I have to have my special pillows and my heating pad. Thank you in advance for any prayers. I hope to be able to share some more tomorrow! Much Love

A few random pics!

2010-06-02T18:04:00.004-05:00

Morgan and her cousins Leah and Kate

Bless her heart she went so hard that she fell asleep at the table...she said she wasn't tired. ha!

Rod and Morgan

me and morgs

sweet Kelsie at Morgans graduation

Link Love

2010-05-22T20:31:00.004-05:00

OK, I remember teaching bible studies at a young age and a singles class (which I am sure I had no business doing) at the age of 19. It was such a struggle to not feel like I had to earn the right to be able to say anything of worth to people that were older than me. I still struggle with it when each new study rolls around but now I have a different perspective. I want to be a voice to be part of His plan. He doesn't have to use me or any of us to be any more or less God. I have so much more sanctification that needs to take place...yet I want to be a woman after God's heart. Anyway, I know the most precious girl that has a voice. A humble voice. She just gets it. The Lord just has His hand on her in a special way. When I think of her I am just seriously taken with the Lord and how He shines thru her life. Seriously. I first started praying for Kelsie before I knew her. She was on a high school choir tour (I think at the beach) and a pole blew over and hit her, breaking her back. Then I met this precious girl who everyone loves. I can't imagine anyone not loving her. Anyway, she just made me think of this verse as I read her blog:

1 Timothy 4:11-13 (New International Version)

11Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.

Also, as I was just being blessed by her blog it made me take a small jog down memory lane over the last decade and look how far I have come with the Lord. I will tell you I have always struggled with being really hard on myself. I mean really. I totally used to look at a year or two and think Lord why am I not making any progress?!?!? Now I look and go what in the world! I am not who I was. I am not where I was. The Lord has been so faithful. I have been faithless, yet He remains. I found myself confessing some things the last couple of weeks regarding my attitude that I just can't believe I can't get with the program on. Anyway, I don't ever want to have to remember the height from which I have fallen...yet we can fall so easily. I want to keep on running the race. I need the Lord so much. I am just plain scary to myself without Him. Please don't think I am living in some condemnation, especially since Psalm 130 is my banner! Let us not forget the quarry from which we have been hewn!

Isaiah 51
Everlasting Salvation for Zion
1 "Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
and who seek the LORD :
Look to the rock from which you were cut
and to the quarry from which you were hewn;

Here is Kelsie's sweet blog:

Kelsie (CLICK HERE)

May we all continue to grow up in Him and grow in grace.

1 Samuel 2:26 And the boy Samuel continued to grow in stature and in favor with the LORD and with men.

Anyway, go over and show her some blog love or siesta love. lol

2010-05-20T11:02:00.001-05:00

A Sinful Contentment

2010-05-12T22:57:00.002-05:00

Leviticus 10
The Death of Nadab and Abihu
1 Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu took their censers, put fire in them and added incense; and they offered unauthorized fire before the LORD, contrary to his command. 2 So fire came out from the presence of the LORD and consumed them, and they died before the LORD. 3 Moses then said to Aaron, "This is what the LORD spoke of when he said:
" 'Among those who approach me
I will show myself holy;
in the sight of all the people
I will be honored.' "
Aaron remained silent.

I have been having a time of personal observation which really isn't that raw and honest considering that the Lord knows me better than I know myself. However, I can't shake the thought of wondering what complacency and unbelief have caused me to miss in the perfect will of the Lord. I found this definition of complacency and it defines my thoughts regarding settling for less than God's best: (complacent-adj.)"contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned"
How much of this definition just about sums up the attitude of the general population at large? Case in point...the other day I asked a certain someone to help me hang up some things in my closet and I told...ahem...cough...cough...that I would give _____ (insert name) a dollar. The response, "only a dollar? well, let me sink (think) about it. Can I do it for two dollars?

Then, the conversation turns to this:
Me: no a dollar and I am not bargaining.
Said person: um, not for a dollar.
Me: You have got to be kidding me. I would rub someones back for an hour for a stinking quarter. I guess you are figuring inflation...or cost of living?

I really couldn't believe that my child was just not going to help for only a dollar. Why should she if she can get more or better yet, why put herself out for a dollar? That was a small wake-up call concerning my dealings with her. I for one want to help teach her the value of money and work and what it means to earn something. If we really got down to the bare bones in the closets of our own "spiritual house" we would see how much we settle, are indifferent, or just plain content with the status quo. I see it in my life. I am sure you see it in yours.
Interestingly, I was reading Ezekiel Chapter 3 and the Lord is telling Ezekiel what he is to say to the house of Israel and of course prophets usually weren't very popular among a stubborn, hard hearted people if you will. I sensed the inflection in the passage almost as if the LORD were saying (this is me paraphrasing): "Hey, you go tell them this. In my hesed love I will send them a human agent to speak to them to turn away from their rebellion and to turn to me. They needed a king like all of the rest of the pagan nations before them so they could see flesh and blood leading them...but Ezekiel...if they aren't going to listen to me, they sure won't listen to you.
We sit and pour over their Exodus from the grueling slavery of Egypt and we scratch our heads and pound our fists when they rebel by the Red Sea or make a golden calf when Moses heads up Mount Sinai and they feel all hope is lost. We wonder why they didn't get it! Why can't they seem to stinking obey the Lord? Yet we are so like them. See for yourself:
Ezekiel 3:7 But the house of Israel is not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for the whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate.

So why in the world am I quoting that Leviticus book? Because Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu (those are some fun names) had a sinful contentment. They were content with less than God's standard of holiness. Their discontent, and Aaron's refusal to discipline his own, led to their own demise and destruction. It cost them their lives. They offered an "unauthorized fire" the NKJ version says a "profane fire". They offered their fire and the Lord gave them His. Was God just being mean? No. Why all the rules...is He just the great killjoy, I mean couldn't he have let them slide? The Lord is absolutely Holy and He was to be regarded as Holy, yet they treated His holiness with disdain.
We need to be on the look out for attitudes of contentment "to a fault" or being "self-satisfied and unconcerned". Isn't that the same mentality that so many of us learned through studying the book of Daniel? The attitude of the Babylonian culture (Daniel 4:4) and ours as well was one of being "contented and prosperous" or "fat and happy". If we read on further we see how that attitude of pride led to the downfall of King Neb. and the fall of the Babylonian empire as we know it.

So what gives. Why do we become so content where we are? I would like to suggest that we have a faulty view of God. We think of our lives in the thought cloud of well, if I really do this thing with the Lord what all tragedies does that mean for my life? We view everything as loss and none as gain. We trade a beauty and intimacy with the Lord for fear of possible future pain. So much of our lives in Western Civilization are wrapped up in comfort. Yet, our true comfort is found only in the presence of the Almighty. Our peace is in Him not in our false delusions of what life should be...a life free from pain. Tell that to my friend who just lost her husband to suicide. Tell the woman who just got diagnosed with cancer again, the mother who just lost her child, the man who just lost his job, tell them that their life should be free from pain. You do that and you have a recipe for disaster on your hands. You know even this week I came before the Lord and asked in essence...Lord if you are so good why do we have to live in a world that is so bad? So painful? So corrupt? I for one do not have all of the answers but to me to live in complacency is to just kill yourself softly. You think you are looking out for you but you are only hardening yourself from the abundant life found only in Him. No matter the doubts that may arise on my part, this I know, He is good and faithful and all of His ways are perfect.

We really don't have long here. Let us press on to know Him. Let's come with no condemnation and allow the Holy Spirit to point out an area (I mean don't overwhelm yourself all at once) that we have become slack in and come before a loving God, a God who longs for us to repent and return, and just deal with our stuff.

Thankfully you and I live on this side of the cross or I am afraid I would have had some fire called down on me so to speak.

I realize that I can get going here and that most people don't have time to read for long (nor would I find myself that interesting) but last week I had a minor health scare. When I was pulling away from my house I saw the cutest little baby girl standing in my yard. She had her cute little haircut, orange shorts, a brown shirt that said "Life of the Party" on it and her flip flops on. My heart broke to think that there could be a possibility that I would not raise her. She even makes me want to be free because I just don't want to mess her up with any of my past junk. Yet I can't promise her my tomorrows anymore than you can yours. One shot. That's it. One life here of pain and suffering among great times of joy. Not to discount pain but this is it for those of us in Christ. No more of it after this brief tenure. So let us not settle because I can say this for sure (Job 19:23-27):
23 "Oh, that my words were recorded,
that they were written on a scroll,

24 that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead,
or engraved in rock forever!

25 I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.

26 And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;

27 I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

Our Redeemer lives. We will see Him face to face and the Lord will be our light that extinguishes any of the darkness.

Jennifer Knapp-Comes out about being homosexual

2010-05-03T03:42:00.005-05:00

In the following article in Christianity Today (CLICK HERE), Jennifer Knapp comes out about her same-sex relationship. She was under a Christian label for a few years, got burned out and left and moved to Australia. There were rumors all over the place that she was now gay, yet those were unconfirmed rumors. Anyway, I really loved her music back then, especially because my walk was so new with Christ. I was genuinely sad to see her up and vanish. I remember going to a concert several years ago in Birmingham and thinking wow that really seemed like nothing more than a secular concert and not a time of worship and praise. Anyway, I am sad for her because she is so misled. I am sure someone will jump on here and try to argue with me to death. It is a funny thing to say we have freedom of speech, yet Christians don't seem to be allowed to have that same freedom without getting ostracized for their belief system. Everyone else can have a belief system, with freedom of speech, but a Christian.
Anyway, my point is you can not be a bible believing Christian and live an open life of a perpetual stronghold, not having any conviction and call yourself a believer. Can you struggle with sin and be a believer? Yes. But to live an openly gay lifestyle and try to make the bible fit around your life and your own belief system in the name of getting a little religion...no! It is the same thing with other issues as well. God made marriage for one man and one woman. We are commanded in Genesis to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. Well, last time I checked you can't procreate with a man and a man or a woman and a woman. It isn't the natural design or order of Gods plan. Can you come out of a homosexual lifestyle and become a believer in Christ, yes! But you have to put off the old nature and put on the new. You can not persist in a stronghold and claim to have the Holy Spirit in you and be joyful about the sin you are wigging out in. I will be praying for her and I do not say that in a self-righteous manner at all, nor am I judging her. However, it is not ok to live an openly gay lifestyle and say you wear the name of Christ. The Lord will convict us and we all have a moral conscience which can become so tainted. Yet if we scorn the Lord and persist in rebellion, we will be given over to our own lusts and a debased mind. The Body of Christ should love, yet admonish in truth, and not preach a gospel of tolerance because that is not the gospel of Christ. He died for our sins so that we might live unto Him. In Him is liberty and freedom...we as believers should be miserable when we are living to please our flesh.

Romans 1:18-32
18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Going all retro and stuff...

2010-04-30T15:34:00.002-05:00

I am pulling out an oldie. I made myself crack up reading something I wrote myself. I mean sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. I just thought I would sound really vain for a minute!

I was on facebook tonight and I cracked up at a fellow sister of mine (we are in bible study together). She has on her favorite songs "Please don't go girl" by New Kids on the Block. I was madly in love with Joey back then...I really thought we would get married one day. The Lord had another plan for me. I can still sing most of their songs to you! I ran 2 miles down the beach in Destin to try to catch a glimpse of them at the hotel they were staying at. To my horror, my sisters and I had just missed them. My life was over! My granddaddy felt sorry for us so he went to the local WalMart (of course) and purchased one of their videos for us. We must have watched it a thousand times. Enough of that! I wanted to do my own little random list of quirks and you can send me yours!

1. I can't stand all of those surveys people send out!
2. Please don't ever send me "Christian Chain Mail"you know the kind:" if you love Jesus you will forward this in the next 30 seconds or else..." Do I need to back that up with some scripture...because I will :)!
3. I carry deodorant on my person at ALL TIMES. There is a stick in my purse, my car, my backpack and just about 10 tubes in my bathroom. Ever since I have been teaching over the last 7 years I almost throw up before I teach every time and I sweat to death. If I don't sweat then Jesus didn't show up and it was Jenny teaching in the flesh! I have a phobia that I may perspire and offend people.
4. I am 27 years old and I still have acne... people come on!!! I mean when does this junk end? I went to the dermatologist and he just gave me some rip off cream! Whatever. I wanted some acutane or something but he laughed (he laughed!) and said that I did not have that bad of a case and I was being a little dramatic. Next!
5. I pretty much eat the same stuff every day (obsessive compulsive)! I am teaching my child to do the same. She seriously had like the kids meal at Chic-fil-A for a month straight. Call DHR! I would get her the 6 pack kids meal. I ate two nuggets and she ate the rest.
6. I love Fancy Cake "Little Debbie's" (Rod calls them my cigarettes. He said when I was sick recently that he was embarrassed that he had to make the purchase for me. Talk to the hand Rod because I found your stash in the drawer with the bullets you are making. All that staying down stairs to make bullets while you hoard your snack cakes...I am on to you. Proverbs 31 woman knows what goes on in her house!)
7. I am extremely competitive! I don't even let my younger nieces and nephews win at connect four! They have to learn to be tough. I also enjoy racing kids on their bicycle and winning! I want to train them to push themselves...ha ha!!
8. I like go-kart racing! I am so serious about this...I will find the fastest card and I will try to beat you! I almost had to get air lifted out of the Track in Destin because I talked so much smack to everyone that they decided to cream me. My shoe even flew out of the go-kart and on to another track I was hit so hard. You have to love that kind of lovin from your brothers in Christ. I have even been kicked out of the Track for ramming people. This other person just comes out of me when I get behind the wheel. I can't control it.
9. I WILL NOT DRIVE A MINI-VAN! Rod can keep up with the fight but he is going down on that one. He can drive a van for all I care (he's 40 so go for it paw paw...no offense to anyone)... but I will not! The wheels on my bus are not going round and round.
10. I own a Glock and I know how to use it. My dad was and is in law enforcement and I have been highly trained with the use of guns (plus I took classes on my own and I love to shoot). People always get so tickled about that and I have no idea why! I am heavily armed though because I live with a hunter. Do not try to throw any surprise parties for me. I have debated often would I shoot someone if they came in my house. I will try to lead them in the sinners prayer and I am shooting for sure :). If you don't know my sense of humor...this is not up for debate or discussion.
11. I take a shower before I exercise.
12. I wanted to get a motorcycle before I found out I was having Morgan. I am thinking I will trade the 4-Runner in for a(pink) Harley eventually. Rod thinks that is hysterical but I am very serious. No, that is not me on the bike in the pic above...but you just wait!
13. I am very serious about chocolate chip cookies. They must be baked to perfection...very soft. I am passing this on to Morgan. I have a picture of her waiting by the oven for them to come out.
14. I eat a midnight snack almost every night and have done this for years. I am about to go fix me up some purple and red skittles!
15. I do not talk before I have had my time in the word. If you need a ride to the hospital or are in an emergency don't call me until I have gotten in the Spirit. I am kidding, I would take you to the hospital. Also, it is a joke now...but I usually don't answer any of my phones. I will not be in bondage to the telephone (I don't screen usually. I just don't have the ringers on unless Morgan is at Mother's Day Out). People think I am all about the phone since I am an extrovert but that is not true. The Lord Jesus made me to have neck problems so it hurts to talk long. I do love to talk about Jesus with friends on the phone. That can take a while...I won't lie to you.
16. I shave my legs EVERY DAY! I am horrified that some girls don't. I have tried to talk myself into it...but I can't.
17. I do not like for there to be dishes in the sink...at all. When I was pregnant and on bed rest, I made Rod take a picture of the sink and downstairs so I could know in my heart that what he said was true. he he :) When you are pregnant you do crazy things.
18. I make myself car sick. I can not listen to talk radio in the car. I only listen to cds or sermons. It is automatic that I will be getting car sick if this does not take place. At least I tell Rod that. I am queen of the cd player. DJ Jenny Fresh they call me. I love to ROCK out and get my praise on especially in the car! It just goes! This is also being passed on to my sweetie. If the Praise isn't on...Morgan has a problem. No talking in the car...just singin and praisin.
19. My pjs have to match. It drives Rod crazy (he is king of not caring if he matches...dude will wear a brown belt with black shoes...no sir!). Morgan has to match too.

...and you thought you knew me!

Sifted Like Wheat

2010-04-30T13:19:00.003-05:00

I have read multiple articles on the sifting process (which is referenced in Luke 22) and I learned that sifting is separating the what from the chaff and preparing for the harvest. That is so like Jesus to use that analogy when describing what Satan was going to do to Peter.
Chaff is the inedible, dry, scaly protective casings of the seeds of cereal grain, or similar fine, dry, scaly plant material such as scaly parts of flowers, or finely chopped straw. In agriculture chaff is used as livestock fodder, or is a waste material ploughed into the soil or burnt.

The sifting was to separate the pure from the impure to prepare for a harvest. Relate that to the process of sanctification. The bull headed type people, like myself, will tell you that they have probably had this take place in a spiritual sense. There are some things that need to go for us to have a harvest of the soul and the Lord can use whatever means to allow our impurity to become pure and useful not something that is thrown out as fodder.

I could be way off here but here are my thoughts on the verse below: Christ references Peter as Simon when speaking with him in Luke 22. We also know that Christ renamed Simon Peter to Peter as in Mark 3:16These are the twelve he appointed: Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter...
We also know that Peter denied Chrit three times and after the death and resurrection of Christ what did Peter do? He went back to the life he had before the shame of his denial. He dropped the net to follow Christ and then picked that net back up after a monumental marking fall in his personal life. Peter loved Jesus. That is so us when we do something that we know better but we don't have the excuse of ignorance or being lost. It almost makes the guilt worse. Peter went back to becoming a fisherman instead of a fisher of men. We do get a huge sense of guilt and feel like we can't be used of God again when we really blow it. With the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. So back to my thoughts on this verse below Christ called him Simon and to me it sounds like He is saying talking about Peter before he dropped his net and followed Christ...maybe the state of being unredeemed. Since Peter's denial and betrayal (which haven't we all betrayed Christ by our actions)Christ knew that for Peter to understand his redemption and live a life worthy of his calling that something in Peter was going to have to go. Only then could Peter turn back, help snatch others from the flame and strengthen the brethren and preach the gospel to the Jews as we are told in Galations 2:7. In the meantime, how fitting it is that Peter penned these words under the influence of the Holy Spirit: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:5-6" If anyone knew of the need to humble themselves it was him. So let us continue to humble ourself under the mighty hand of God. That is our freedom.

Luke 22:31-32 31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

Footnotes:

My Bright Morning Star

2010-04-29T18:13:00.010-05:00

Earlier I was thinking about the fact that one day there will be no enemy taunting us (for those of us in Christ). No more death, no more evil, no more sin nature. Think about what life would be like without all of the spiritual forces of darkness. A place where we will no longer walk in darkness, where there will be no need for the sun because the LORD will be our light. A place where we are never rejected...His gates will never close. A place where we are fully known and loved to the core and the thing is...we will operate out of that love and security to the fullest extent. And Jesus will be all that we need. No more hunger, no more poverty, no widows, no children left without a father, no more victims, no more jealousy, no more adultery. If I am banking on the fact that Jesus is the word made flesh to dwell among us...then what He speaks is truth and what He says will be accomplished. Nothing will go undone. Every wrong will be made right. He is just too much! There are so many times that the Lord has gone out of His way to allow me to see Him work in my life and in others. Listen, if you are a skeptic and don't believe the bible is relevant you need to camp out a while in the book of Daniel. Let me just say that the more I come to know the more I realize that I don't know. His word is a glorious masterpiece! Back to Daniel was given words of prophecy and so many of them have been fulfilled through what we would call history. Every i will be dotted and every t crossed.

So a couple of hours have passed before I have been able to get back to my post. I was on the couch typing this earlier and a Chris Tomlin song was playing and I was so busy lifting one hand in praise and trying to peck at the keys at the same time. Rod looks at me and doesn't really say anything but I know he thinks I am weird (he has thought that for years now I am sure...haha). I just hope to never go out and worship in public when I am not doing so in private. Yet the rocks were going to cry out if I did not praise Him. Morgan came running in singing Hosanna! She then ran out of the house proclaiming: "Hosanna in the Highest!" Cracked me up. He must have been ordaining some praise!

Anyway, I am so ticked off. So many of you know that we lost one of our best friends recently. He was our brother in Christ and he was very precious to us. I have no doubt at all that he was a believer hands down. Yet those of us who are left are here rehearsing a million things in our minds of "what ifs" and "what could we have done?" It still seems unfathomable to think that our friend for the last decade would commit suicide. You can read about that HERE click on the link which will re-direct you to my old wordpress. I have thought about it all every day for the last couple of months. I still can't believe it. It was so final and so tragic. He is missed so much. I feel so bad for his wife. This is not how things were supposed to be.

A girl I went to school with lost her daughter a few days ago. She was playing in the neighbors driveway and they backed up not knowing she was there and it took her life. I hate that it is this way. We just weren't meant for death. I think that is why it is the final enemy to be swallowed up.

I was thinking about Steven Curtis Chapman and their precious daughter that is now in heaven. Then, another friend that I went to school with was in a bad wreck and it claimed the life of her 2 year old and she was so injured that she is still recovering in rehab.

My little sister was driving down the road with her husband and they came up on a wreck that had just happened. The grandad was in his truck with three kids and he was not wearing his seat belt. The kids were not in a car seat either. A car pulled out and they collided. These children saw their grandfather and legal guardian get killed. They saw his mangled body under the truck as they screamed for their mommy and daddy. So tragic.

Not to be morbid but the older I get the more I realize how much suffering so many people are going through. What in the world do we do with all of this?

Numbers 24:17 says: "I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near. A star will come out of Jacob a scepter will rise out of Israel." If we are going to make it with an ounce of victory we have to keep our eyes on the bright morning star. He will give us signs of His presence and He will guide us to the end of our days. Sometimes confusion creeps in because we take our eyes off of Him. Our despair can turn into doubt. Let me tell you when our friend took his life it made me want to think about heaven even more. I felt as if a rug was pulled out from underneath me, leaving a pang of sorrow in its wake. I was so jealous for him with a godly jealousy. I know what it is like to suffer. Those of you who have been in any of my bible studies know that the Lord allowed the enemy to SIFT ME LIKE WHEAT! I NEVER EVER want to go back to that type of school as long as I live. Boy did I learn some things the hard way, yes! I still sought God through it all but it was one of the scariest times of my entire life. So yes I could share in my friends sufferings because I was well acquainted with it myself. I prayed fervently for him to be set free. Yet he gave up and no longer fought the good fight. Was that God's will for him to kill himself, No! But is he in heaven, yes!
**PAUSE** I have my praise music (it is just filling my house with praise) on and I can't contain the feelings of praise it stirs in me. I can't even sit down. Praise the Lord!

Anyway, why didn't the Lord heal my friend of what he was going through? God WILL NOT force us into obedience and He certainly will not force us into the spacious place of our promised land in Christ. He died to set us free but as a sign reads in Washington: FREEDOM IS NOT FREE. He was our ransom, yet we are going to have to believe Him and fight the good fight to cross over our spiritual Jordan's. We have to claim that ground and take back what the enemy has stolen. We will have to work intentionally to be free of hindrances in this cosmos.

Lord, help us to fix our eyes on You!

Back in the day before we got all technical, people had to focus on the skies to get them through the sea. (I can't imagine a life without motion sickness meds...just sayin') Seafaring people would watch the sun to tell whether they were headed east or west. They could also use the night sky to navigate their position. The stars were fixed references and served as instruments to guide.

"Remember that the morning star was considered the harbinger of dawn (a harbinger is a sign of things to come). When Jesus called himself the bright Morning Star, he was saying that he is our reference point--the sign that a new day is dawning on the world. Scripture tells us that this will be a day that will never end. Its light will be so steady, strong, and fixed that darkness will finally be banished from the earth. No more sin, no more sorrow, no more tears. If the first coming of Jesus is like the star that announces the dawn, his second coming will be like lighting, bringing the swift fulfillment of his kingdom.

Like the ancient mariners, who were able to read the skies, we need to remember to look up, to lift our faces to the Bright Morning Star, because it is only when Jesus is our reference point that we understand our true location in space and time.

Jesus faulted the religious leaders of his day for failing to interpret the signs of the times. Let us pray today for the grace to be like wise seafarers, joyful when they saw the morning star rising in the east." (Praying the Names of Jesus, Spangler)

Morgan and I have been going outside, laying towels out, and laying on the concrete to look at the stars. Last night she anticipated it so much that she was literally outside having a count down for it to get dark. It is good to consider the heavens and the work of His fingers. She and I talk about God and how He knows each star by name. He is truly awesome in power.

Psalm 8:2-4
2 From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise [a]
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
So as I conclude I almost tremble but we are just going to have to suffer here, figuratively speaking this world to me is outside of the gate that is to come. So, let us go to Him outside the camp, bearing disgrace because it is so momentary. I am not discounting pain but I am saying we have to go to His throne now since this world is not our "enduring city" because we are looking for the city that is to come with whose architect and builder is the Lord.

Hebrews 13:12-14 (New International Version)
12And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. 13Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. 14For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.

Jenny Hope

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13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

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so much to say...

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In No Particular Order

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¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

1 Corinthians 10:23The Believer’s Freedom ²³ “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.