Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman- Beth Moore

It is indeed tough being a woman but I sure wouldn't want to be a dude! haha!
This coming Tuesday night we start fall bible study. I AM READY to say the least.
Here are the details:
TIME: 6:30-8:00 pm
PLACE: Hunter Street Baptist Church, Room s107-108
What will you need? Your bible and Workbook
You can purchase a workbook at Lifeway.

Please sign up online if you have not already. CLICK HERE


This study is SO good!

Love the LORD with ALL your HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND STRENGTH

Man life can be so brutal to the human emotions. Right now I am staring several uncertainties in the face. In a way I am so thankful because it forces me to meditate more on scripture and spend more time praying. It is tough being a jar of clay and realizing just how fragile and out of control you really are. Yet if you truly bring yourself before our Almighty and Sovereign God you find that He is steadfast concerning you and He is faithful. It is impossible for Him to lie or for His love to change. I need to know that and I think you need to know that deep down in the recesses of your innermost being. We need to know the love that surpasses knowledge. Morgan is always trying to tell me in some form of measurement how much she loves me. She will say, "Mom, I love you up to the sky...I love you times 100...I love you a hundred pounds." It is so precious to me but I am reminded every stinking time she says it how God birthed that in our DNA. We want to be able to know that we are loved and part of our human condition is that we will search the world over (in the flesh) looking for someone to love us so lavishly, so deeply, so perfectly, so unfailing, and we will search in vain until we find Him. He is the only one that can meet the deep and I mean deep, often times cavernous needs, of our soul.
I was talking with a woman last weekend and she asked me the normal chit chat questions like what do you do? are you married? and so on. She then said, "So...you have been so happy in your marriage for 7 years!" Um, that was sort of an unusual question. I told her no (of course no relationship is all happy all of the time...and if you are searching to be happy 24/7 with a relationship hinging on your happiness you will live a very narcissistic life) and that I am sure Rod would say the same thing. It is the fear of the Lord that has kept us together at times when we would both rather part ways and call it quits. The Lord has been VERY gracious to us and very merciful (psalm 130). Along the way I have learned a lot about Rod and the Lord has taught me to the core that He is still my Royal Bridegroom even though I am married. The Lord defines me, the Lord is the only One who can fill me and even heal me. While He may use earthly relationships to bless us greatly I am convinced that if I had the perfect man in my life I would sure make him an idol. So, I can truthfully tell you that I have to cease striving where my expectations are concerned and just let some people off the hook. It doesn't mean I don't go through times where I feel needy or clingy but I have to take those things to the Lord or I will in essence suck peoples will to live trying to get them to make me feel special. I can say that even through marriage and earthly relationships that where I have felt let down or failed and have taken those things to Jesus I have been so thankful to see what He is to me that no one else can be. I wouldn't know that if I was constantly searching for it in every other way. I have also made it my prayer that I would see each opportunity where I feel hurt or needy as an opportunity to fall upon His limitless love for us. I love Rod now more than I ever could at the beginning because I see how God has used my earthly relationship to love my Heavenly Father more. But don't think I didn't try to suck the dregs dry only to come up empty before I learned the hard way.
So, what in the world does it mean to love God? Why in loving Him do we get to be blessed back? He knows how prone to wander we are and Him telling us that we need our hearts to be surrendered and wholly His means our liberation. We are safe to love others in the way that God would have us, even at times if it means to be guarded, when our hearts have been set at rest in His presence.

Mark 12:30 (New International Version)

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Part of loving God is trusting Him. Placing our trust and confident expectation in Him. Trusting that even if __________________________ (fill in the blank) leaves you or forsakes you that He won't. It is the whole "even if" that scares us to death. Some of you may not have one iota of fear concerning loss but I will say that you are not the norm. I had to personally think through some fears this week that were flat out giving me anxiety. I took them to the Lord and practiced what one of my favorite bible teachers taught. I knew good and well I was supposed to be casting my anxiety on Him. We don't need to throw off what we aren't carrying. He is telling people that are burdened, anxious, fearful, to cast ALL of our anxieties on Him because He cares for us. He is our Shepherd. We are the sheep of His pasture. When Israels kings or priests were often sited in the bible they were referred to as people who shepherded God's people. So lets not get a lowly view of Christ here. He is God on the Throne. He is in our tomorrow and He wants us to get up daily and seek Him as He gives us spiritual manna to feed our souls with what we need for that day. His word works. It brings healing and peace to my soul when nothing else will comfort. Yet we have to go and gather that manna like the Israelites had to do in the wilderness. It was supernatural that God fed them and the Israelites expected that God would deliver them and then that they would have no more hardship. That is so us. We want to walk with God and take what He has to give but we sure don't want trials. We don't want friends, husbands, kids, to walk out of our life. We can live plagued by fear over any of those things and just think that God is constantly out to get us. That is not God. He wants us alright. Our bodies to be the living sacrifices because when it comes down to it...those of us who are in Christ...He is all we really have. The only certainty. So, yes like the Israelites had to gather enough manna for them (otherwise hoarding manna would spoil)and God gave according to their need. He is not going to let us wig out with worst case scenarios that have not happened and give us grace to just sit there in our heap of worry and become paralyzed. That is not true living. Back to my fears and anxieties this week. I did a couple of things:
1. I petitioned several people that I knew would pray for me and asked them to pray.
2. I spent time in the Word.
3. I had to go to God over my fears ...myself. No one can have your relationship with the Lord for you. You won't find peace living vicariously through others relationships but not having your own. Isn't that why reality t.v. is so popular? Finding excitement in someone else's life. We NEED godly teaching and sound teaching but it can't replace our own intimacy with Jesus.
4. I walked what I was fearing through with God and thought about the worst possible situation that could happen (not to be negative). I found peace and comfort in my soul that I would ultimately be ok in this life because I have Him.

We literally are going to have to attach ourselves to Him, cling to Him, at times just fall on our faces before Him, make much of Him and you get the idea...if our hearts are going to be healthy. It doesn't mean they won't be broken but He is the One that binds up and heals.

Joel Osteen Says Jesus Christ is Not the Only Way

Mark Driscoll on Twilight

The Shack

Lol lol on Twitpic

Lol lol on Twitpic

Morgans First Day of Big School K-5 and other pics

Here was her bday at BuildABear.





sweet girl

me and my baby

Kenley, James, Bre, Morgan, and Maddie

morgan at church!

her getting ready to ask the congregation to pray.

So before she left for school today she asked me to please not get out of the car
she wanted to go in on her own.

When she got back in the car I asked her a million questions. The funniest thing she talked about was a talk she was having with some of the kids. She was telling them that Jesus did in fact rise from the grave and her and another kid argued because he said that Jesus did not rise from the grave. Of course we told her she was right. That's some heavy duty K-5 talk on the first day. haha. She said she had a bad day. I was already hormonal, then sick with fever, so none of it all stacked well with me today. I was so sad and missed her.

her nap mat, new keens, and that ugly bag.

come on mom

Beth Moore's Schedule for 2011

CLICK HERE for her schedule for 2011. I can't wait!

Rabbi Jesus-- The Good Shepherd--Part 2

Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

I was talking to Morgan today and telling her how we are the LORD's people, the sheep of His pasture. Like a light bulb coming on she exclaims, "Mom, I am a pastor! We are all pastors!" Praise the Lord that we are not all pastors...amen! However I do love that verse.

I want to head back to the book I mentioned in the previous post before diving back into what it looks like to be a disciple of Christ.

One of the most popular images of Jesus is as the "good shepherd." who hasn't seen painting after painting depicting Jesus with a lamb slung tenderly across his shoulders? This image comes from Jesus himself, who said: " I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--and I lay down my life for the sheep" (John 10:14-15). His words conjure another favorite image, that of the shepherd in Psalm 23:1-3a:

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want...
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

Any rabbi worth his salt would have known that the mere mention of the word "shepherd" would have caused the rest of that passage to float through the minds of his listeners. Even now we find great comfort in this psalm.

They go on to write:

But Jesus was doing more than evoking a comforting image of himself. He was also evoking an image of power, because shepherd imagery is often used to describe kings.

Here is where it gets really good! What is shepherd imagery used to describe? Kings. Although some of you have studied David and seen him come from the fold of sheep to be anointed as future king over the people of Israel (2 Samuel 16) we normally don't think of a king when we think of a shepherd. Praise God for that little power packed verse tucked in the same passage when Samuel was searching for the king to anoint and David was not yet standing with his brothers:
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Morgan was getting in trouble today for her attitude and she said, "mom, I need a heart like yours." Well, I sure wouldn't go that far AT ALL. Yet her theology is so correct. The Lord looks on the heart regardless of outward appearances there is nothing hidden from the Creator of our hearts. The true prophets of the Lord were to lead, teach, guard, and guide the people of Israel from running after other harmful things. They were to teach them the word of the Lord.
Just like them shepherds performed the following duties: They would herd, tend, and guard the sheep. I love that picture of unity, then tending to their very basic needs and guarding them from any harmful pestilence. The Lord, our Good Shepherd is indeed good. He will never lie to us. He always has our best interest at heart and He will guard us jealously. His love is so measureless, so concerned, and so intimate. He knows us. He made us. We are His. A shepherd was a keeper, a defender, a protector and a guardian of those entrusted to his/her care. I love that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38) and how we have a defender alright. If anyone touches a child of God, they touch the apple of God's eye Zech 2:8 (the cornea metaphorically speaking. The most important part of the eye.)

So, I am just sick. I finished my post and it erased from this portion down.

Let me just try to persevere and remember my point...ugh!!

In Isaiah, for instance, King Cyrus of Persia is called a "shepherd" (44:28), and in Psalm 78:71-72 King David is pictured as "shepherding" his people. Most interestingly, in Ezekiel 34, God expresses his anger at the leaders of his people by describing them as "bad shepherds." He then promises to save his flock and to send a good shepherd to lead them. Could this be what Jesus was thinking of in John 10?
Listen to what Herod's counselors told him after his encounter with the wise men who had come looking for the newborn king of Israel. They quoted Micah 5:2 (See Matthew 2:6):
6" 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'"

When Jesus called himself "a shepherd" in John 10, he was hinting at his identity as the messianic king, the future ruler of God's kingdom.
Such a reference would have astonished his listeners. But they would have been stunned by another allusion. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 25:31-32:

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

Now listen to Ezekiel 34:17:
" 'As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats.

What is so stunning about Jesus' words is that by using the metaphor of a shepherd sorting his sheep, he is linking himself to God, who is often called the "Shepherd of Israel." No doubt many of his listeners were shocked. Others would have been scandalized. We need first-century ears to hear Jesus' claims to oneness with God the Father.

So are the teachers we are sitting under pointing us to Christ or away? Are we becoming more intimately acquainted with Christ or are we in it for what we think He has to offer us? I asked Morgan to go to the store with me the other day and she asked me if I was going to buy her something. I told her no so she said she did not want to go. We can so be like that with Jesus where if we feel like nothing is in it for us then we don't want to go along for the ride. However, we miss truly knowing and beholding the glory of God when we settle for the things that would so easily lead us astray. Christ is the good Shepherd. His love is a purifying, protecting, measureless love. It is in the intimacy that He leads us and none of that will happen by accident. We must sharpen our swords and stay alert.

Not really important post compared to the last one....

1-this is part of my old shutter project for the fireplace. They were UGLY brown.

I bought this table for 6 dollars at the Thrift Store. I spray painted it Krylon lavender. Morgan loves purple. It is for her room. Like she needs anything else. I am going to do some other work on it.


I got this for a really SWEET price at Hobby Lobby. I just love it.


This little end table was 20 dollars.

This is my favorite from Hobby Lobby. It was $39. I love it because I have a lot of bookshelfs going on in the house but none in my room which is sort of my sanctuary of study. I normally have books in piles all over my room and the guest bedroom from where I am reading at night.

Rabbi Jesus--Part 1

I have been a bit absent as of late but with good reason. I have been extremely busy with just life in general. Also, I have had the holy privilege to serve some of the most precious women that I know through bible study. We have been going through "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore on Tuesday nights and "Ruth" by Kelly Minter on Thursday mornings. I have had to prepare much and also deal with my own insecurities in the midst of teaching on the grand subject. Well, all that is to say that I know several of you are about to love some of the things I am going to share because you dig Jesus. So, what I am going to do is share some wonderful treasures that I am learning from "Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus" by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg. Out of all of the reading I have done not one book besides the bible has been as intriguing to me as this book. So here goes:

"Disciples of the wise increase peace in the world, for it is said, "And all your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children." - Babylonian Talmud, Berakhot 64a.

I can not tell you the times in the last 11 years where I have read the gospels and marveled and wondered at the call of the disciples. I am a very visual learner so I would try to picture Jesus walking up on the shore of the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 4) and calling Simon Peter and Andrew to be his disciples. I would wonder if He had some mysterious glow about Him or Holy aura and the disciples just drop their nets, leave their money, and etc sort of in a trance. No. This was a common thing for a Rabbi to train up people under Him.
First of all what in the world is a disciple? In Ancient Judaism it was customary for a Rabbi to begin his ministry at the age of 30. So, it makes perfect sense that Jesus' earthly ministry began when He was 30. I once had a girl tell me that the Lord would really be able to use me when I turned 30. Praise God He uses infants and children to ordain praise. I can't tell you how He has used my child to minister to my own life and heart. It was custom for a Rabbi to have at least ten or so disciples under him. They would walk where he walked, stay where he stayed, learn from him, eat with him and so on. Take a look at Elijah and Elisha in the Old Testament if you want to get a glimpse of the kind of relationship. A phrase was penned in 2 century BC that was attributed to Yose ben Yoezer that speaks of the Rabbi (which Jesus was a Jewish Rabbi lest we forget) "Let your house be a meeting place for the rabbis, and cover yourself in the dust of their feet, and drink in their words thirstily." So, the disciples were in essence what we would call modern day apprentices or an easier word, a learner. I loved this...I am quoting straight from page 58 of the book:

"The disciples would have shared the difficult life of their rabbi. But they would also have experienced great joy in the midst of it. After all, they were the talmidim of an extraordinary rabbi, learning from him about the deep things of God."

Let me break real quick to define talmidim:
"Talmid (tahl-MEED); plural, talmidim, tahl-mee-DEEM). A disciple or student, one who dedicated himself to learning a rabbi's understanding of Scripture and his way of living it out. In Greek, a disciple is a mathetes (plural, mathetai). In both languages the words mean "student" or "learner." A female disciple would be a talmidah in Hebrew, or mathetria in Greek. But were there any female disciples? Surprisingly, in Acts 9:36 Dorcas (Tabitha) is called a mathetria, a (female) disciple."

Stay with me here and please don't get lost in the fact that her name was Dorcas...haha.

Modern Christians have sometimes been confused about what discipleship is, equating it with "discipline." Of course discipline is vital to the spiritual life. Jesus himself said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34). But the overall goal of discipleship is not simply to grow in self-discipline, but to be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Imagine for a moment if someone were to define parenting only as discipline. Of course children need discipline. But we would have great cause for worry if discipline was the only thing a parent focused on.

Sometimes we hear the word "disciple" and conclude that it's too hard to become one. But think about the alternative. To refuse to become Jesus' disciples is to consign ourselves to perpetual childhood and condemn ourselves to a waisted, frustrating life. The more we enter into relationship with Rabbi Jesus, the more joy we will experience. To become more like Christ will deepen our relationships and allow us to live more authentically. It may not always be easy but it will certainly be good, and, as we follow him, we will find ourselves living with greater passion and purpose, experiencing a life of greater fulfillment."

We also can glean from Luke 6:11-13 that Jesus prayed about the chosing of His disciples.


Well, I am just about to pass out. It is almost 1AM and I have gone non-stop (glory!) all day long. Tomorrow I want to blog about the Rabbi-Disciple relationship/bond...it gets REALLY good.

Any thoughts?

Old Window Shutters

I love THIS blog on how to use old shutters.

I will post pics of what I did later.

So Long Insecurity Discussion Weeks 1 and 2

This is straight from Beths blog. Here are weeks 1 and 2 of the discussion
WEEK ONE: (CHAPTERS 1, 2, and 3)
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

4. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?

5. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?


WEEK TWO: (CHAPTERS 4, 5, and 6)
1. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?

2. After reading these three chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.

3. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)


FEEL FREE TO COMMENT HERE.

Awe

Eph 3:14 When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,

Sometimes there are just no words that can be said to describe how Great, Wise, Mighty, Loving, Gracious, and Sovereign the Lord is. All you can do is think on these things and then maybe like me, your mind starts to shut down over His greatness. I praise Him that we don't have to stumble around in the darkness. Nothing is dark to Him. There is no place that His light will not shine. Even if we have run from Him, like Jonah. Or sinned grievously against Him like Moses, David, or Jacob. His plans are far greater than what we can think. His light so bright that there is no need for the sun...darkness is as light to Him. No pit too deep that He can't pull us from. No love greater than Him sending His Son...for us. No sin that He hasn't already atoned for. Before one day came to pass...He knew it. Before one sin of mine was committed (past, present, or future) He paid for it. Who is this King of Glory? Who is this One who loves us so freely and so perfectly?

WHO IS THIS KING OF GLORY?
The LORD strong and mighty.

When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan...
I fall to my knees and pray to the Father.

The Loss of a Child

I remember shaking nervously as I took the pregnancy test. In just a few minutes my life would forever be changed. The test was positive. I stared at the results as everything on my insides sort of fell to my feet. I fell to my face and cried my eyes out to the Lord. How could I ever be a mom?, I thought to myself. I began to just bawl my eyes out over the weight of responsibility and blessing. Then, I screamed for Rod as my hands shook while showing him the results. He was thrilled and the excited person that I am isn't going to wait to start calling people. He is a lot more hesitant and wondered if we should wait to tell others but our joy overrode our caution.
For the duration of the time I was sick as a dog yet so excited over this child, this precious girl Shelby Hope, that was being woven inside my sinful body.
I will never forget the shock to the system my body received all due to the blessed hormones! Stinking Adam and Eve! I had no idea what in the world was going on with my sensitivity to smell and a whole host of other things. Hardly showing I packed my suitcase, bible in tow, and headed to Baltimore for the bible study taping of the "Patriarchs" by none other than Beth Moore (haha for those of you who know me). Beth began to talk about Gods faithfulness to the covenant that He made with Abraham. Her love for women is so evident and she is so in step with the Holy Spirit. She sees a precious woman that is pregnant and pulls her up out of the crowd. Then, she calls for anyone else who is pregnant to come down to the stage. Well, you would have thought that I was on the "Price is Right" and that Bob Barker had just yelled for all of the pregnant ladies to come on down! I was a' runnin'!!! Mainly because that was my hero in the faith and human as she is it meant the world to me that she was going to pray over my sweet baby (James 5:16).
After she prays over us I was on cloud nine. That woman had meant so much to me...still does...She has mothered me in the faith literally in the last 12 years.
I am a person who journals my prayers. I had been praying for my future child(ren) for several years prior, however, I thought that the Lord was going to have some special plans for Shelby. Several months go by and we just continue to prepare our home and our hearts.
Rod of course needed a manual. So, he read "What to Expect When You are Expecting" and told me every detail of it. We were excited, yet it all seemed so surreal and miraculous.
I am a big believer in memorizing scripture. We can all say that we are not good at memorizing scripture yet we can so easily memorize things that we are more interested in. I know some people that can quote you the stats of every football player for Auburn from the last 20 years but the only scripture they know is John 11:35 "Jesus wept."
I had some verses that the Lord kept giving me every time I turned around. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to memorize them and think how sweet the Lord was to continually remind me of them in various ways.

Let me just say I had a MAJOR stronghold of fear as a child and as a young adult...MAJOR. There have been so many things I have feared along the way that have never happened. I would fear stuff almost so I would never be caught off guard. Sort of like expecting the worst. Not good. So here is the verse:

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Now fast forward to August 19th 2004. I was having horrible back pain and had called the doctor that day just to make sure. I was new to this whole thing and did not know what to expect. I was told that if I was still having pain/bleeding to come in the next day. The pain was worse and worse and worse until I had to get to the hospital. They check me out and send me home. I stayed up all that night (I still remember what I was wearing) in pain. I finally can't take it anymore and wake Rod up to take me to the hospital. I did not want to be a burden but I could not tolerate the pain. The nurse checks me and of course I think everything is fine. The doctor is sitting at the foot of my bed not long after breaking some of the worst news of my life. Shelby was coming, there was nothing humanly possible that could be done, and her lungs were not developed. She would not live. I literally put my hands over my ears and quoted scripture not wanting to hear anything else. I let the doctor finish talking to Rod and of course we prayed like crazy that God would perform a miracle. Our prayer wasn't answered in the way that we had hoped. Yet as hard as it was to swallow, the unfolding events brought God glory.
God is infinitely wise. He is not limited by time. He makes no mistakes. The plan for Shelby's life was the same plan that was before the foundations of the world. Shelby would be born on August 20th 2004 and she would live for only 30 short minutes. What is so ironic is that in all of the things that I have feared...losing Shelby was not one of them. I never feared that I was not going to parent her or that I was going to bury my own child. Yet it happened. She was not ours and this world was not her home. The Lord birthed her, He knit her together, and He called her home after 30 short minutes. The plan was the plan from the beginning of time. God is in our tomorrows, today's, and yesterdays.
It was by far the worst day of my life and I struggled for so many more. Yet I struggled before the Lord and I stayed in the Word. Those things were key to my healing. No one, not even your husband, can walk certain roads with you and heal your heart but the Lord.
As soon as the doctor left the room after that horrible news the Holy Spirit reminded me of a certain family in the Word. I had heard the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus in John 11 taught a thousand different ways. Yet the Lord allowed no time to pass before He spoke so tenderly to my heart. I heard Him just speaking to my heart (mind you I had not studied this passage in months)almost as if to say: "Jenny...I was not just crying over Lazarus. I was crying for you and the Mary's and Martha's of this world that have suffered the sting of death. You were not meant for the sting of death and this is to my Fathers Glory. Eternity is set in your heart you were never meant for this fallen world."

You have no idea what peace He spoke over me and what a direct word it was. None of that cancelled the pain or tears yet I was comforted. If I could tell anyone that is suffering loss anything I would tell them to stay in the word even when you don't understand.

One of the funniest things was told to me months later. The doctors asked Rod if they could give me something to calm me down and they did. I was delirious for a portion of time. All of my good friends were in the hospital room and I was in the bed. I asked someone to read me my bible and they took turns. My friend Amy said that she couldn't believe how I went around the room and prayed for each person and made them hold hands while we prayed. If that wasn't the Spirit of God I don't know what was because I had NO...I mean NO remembrance of it! It was quite humorous. She said I prayed specifically for each one of them. I get tickled over that to this day since I don't recall doing it.

The coming months were hard and painful yet God never left me. He never forsook me. He is the God of my life and the length of my days.

Morgan wanted to go by her grave the other day. She knows that she is with Jesus but still. She prayed, cried, and wrote her a note. She grieves the loss of her sister and wishes she could play with her. We were listening to praise music so I had it turned up while we were standing there and just let Morgan take her time. It broke my heart that Morgan can care so much about someone she has never even met. I was so moved in worship that I lifted my hands to praise the Lord. I then held Morgan with one arm (and the help of my hip) and praised Him with the other. The day we buried her, Amy sang "Glory Baby" by watermark and I lifted my hands to the Lord and bent my knees to my Creator. It never occurred to me that I would be holding the delight of my life in the same place years later and lifting my hands in worship over the life that now lives. Redemptive.

Matthew West - Save A Place For Me (Official Music Video)