A few recent pictures

   Here are a few recent pics of my babies!  I can't believe how slow life used to move and it seems like the older I get, the faster it fly's!  Johanna Cosby took three of these and the last one is where baby boy was eating and I just love those blue eyes but I doubt they will stay that way!  He is such a blessing.  So far his nicknames are: Blay Blay (Morgan), Blairsy Boo (by Rod), Honey Boo Boo Child (from toddlers and tiaras) and names from me Scruffy, Scruffy McScruffers, Grumps, Grumpers, mommies baby, and Big Boy!  His real name is Blair for those of you who don't know and for the cynics of course we won't keep calling him Blay Blay as he gets older!!!  I am so completely in love with my kids!  Morgan has been a tad challenging as of late!  She is so much like me and as stubborn as they come but she has a sweet heart for Jesus!  Sometimes I forget that she is only 6!  She loves people and loves to give.  She also is the nosiest thing I have ever seen and reads everything!  There is no spelling things in front of her!  She reads my text messages and anything within an eye shot.  It is so hard after 6 years with her and her being the Queen of my Heart to have to divide my attention with her and McScruffs!  So many of you will remember how that Morgan child will not sleep!  She still doesn't!  I prayed and told the Lord over and over the concern of my heart that I would have another one that wouldn't sleep.  Little dude has to go to bed around 9 or he is like what in the world?!?!?!?!?  He is all about his sleep Praise You Lord!  Yet from the time I get up until the time I go to bed one of them requires my attention.  Its been hard staying sane.  Sometimes I wonder though if it's my hormones considering I had him, moved (and I'm not all about change...in a world chock full of change I want some sameness) and had a hysterectomy!  It doesn't seem fair that my face breaks out and I have to dye my hair.  I should at least get a break on one of them!   As far as Morgan goes, I'm still teaching her the scriptures and praying like crazy that she will grow up to know and follow hard after the Lord Christ.  I didn't have the kind of instruction that she does and and I pray she doesn't take what she embraces for granted and that she will see the Lord as Her Life and the Length of her days!  Same for Blair!  Even though he is a mere 8 months I have been teaching him about bad girls like Delilah that may want to come his way and how he is going to have to stay away from them.  LOL!  Little dude is an overachiever already.  He wanted to crawl around 7 months and I would quickly pick him up because I didn't want him to crawl so fast.  I know I'm not right but he's my baby and my last baby!  He already says mamamama like my my my momma!  He says uh oh and da and we are pretty sure he is saying morga  since we sometimes call her morga.  The Mister is so expressive and loves the ladies so I already pray all over that heart and mind and private (hehe) in this age of seduction...I'm just begging for his purity!  Now that all of y'all think I am crazy!!!!  Here are the pics!!  So thankful for such joy from these two in a life that can be so full of hardship!

Ever Been Betrayed? Betrayal and Forgiveness (Part 2)

Psalm 55

So, David has been betrayed and in the last post I talked about how our first step when we are in the wake of being betrayed is to cry out to God.  We most likely will have to cry out numerous times because we don't really get betrayed by people who aren't close to us, do we?  A very practical way to cry out to the Lord is through a prayer journal.  At my house the only risk I run of having someone read my journal now is Morgan.  In fact she even took one of them to school.  Rod couldn't be any less interested in reading my journals.  My little sister has been instructed upon my death to burn those things.  Good grief I have the last 14 years of my life poured out in honesty to the Lord! 

So, in verses 2-3 we see where he is troubled and distraught.  Rejection, betrayal, loss, all of that cause such pain don't they?  The girl who gave of herself and lost her virginity to a guy that promised her his undying love and devotion "if only" yet she sleeps with him and he is never to be heard from again.  The child who instead of receiving love and a home to be nurtured and flourished in is abused.  The engagement that was broken.  The friend who betrayed your confidence.  The husband or wife that has never loved you or kept their commitment to the Lord.  The person who cheated in their marriage.  The mom or dad you never got the approval from.  You get the picture and whatever it is you are distraught.  So what is one thing that you want to do just like David wanted to do when a "bomb" of sorts has hit you or your house and left you in an emotional upheaval want to run!  Just like him I want leave the mountainous situation and find refuge somewhere far from the storm because after all, how could this be happened to me.  Like a nightmare you want to pinch yourself and wake up and it all be over.  He wants to flat out escape the situation.  Hey, some situations God is not calling you to escape but to bear up under the load.  I am not talking about staying in an abusive relationship or anything of that nature.  Yet, through whatever trial has beset us there are times where we are called to flat out endure the thing which in some greek renderings can mean the ability to bear up under a load.  I think about the main verse prompting these posts which is verse 22 and some loads we bear but we are only able to because we have released the weight of them to the Lord.  So he wants to flee away and fly off like a dove or find shelter from the storm raging against him.  He wants that undisturbed peace that has now been upset.  Here's where the rubber meets the road.  Will we bury our heads in the sand with our trials?  Will we love eyes wide-open and do the hard thing?  Or will we flee and cave to bitterness and a calloused heart?  Which one will it be?

Here is where it gets good in the description of the human emotion of the heart. 

 ⁴ My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.
⁵ Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

You can't know what he is articulating here unless you have done some real live living.  If you don't know this part maybe it will lend you some insight into what someone else is going through.

His heart is in anguish within him.  Check out what the word for anguish means in the Hebrew (PLEASE STAY WITH ME HERE):  Hiyl: "To turn in a circle, twist, revolve; to writhe, travail (in childbirth), bear a child; to be born; to be afraid, tremble, shake.  The main idea is that of writhing in pain, which is particularly associated with childbirth...also denotes trembling..., suffering torment...experiencing anguish or distress."

Listen, he was betrayed and writhing in pain.  He was travailing over his hurt like one who would travail in childbirth.  When I started to pick apart this passage I began to scroll through memories of things that caused me the most pain.  As far as physical pain goes, hands down, the most pain I have been in on a scale of 1-10 (I hate when they ask you that at the doctor) was when I had meningitis. Yet on a scale of suffering, I have been through a lot and nothing quite hurts like betrayal.  Even the pain of losing a child for me was something I had to grieve and such a nightmare yet there have been hurts so deep that have caused me almost as much pain. 
I thought though how many of us really have no intention of turning our hurts and trials over to the Lord?  You know the person I am talking about.  The one that calls you up for the hundredth time and talks about something that happened 15 or 20 years ago and you can almost taste the bitter gall or smell the smoke from the smoldering pot because they are still living that thing out each time they tell it.  It's the part of the movie where you want to scream MOVE ON!  GET OVER IT!  QUIT BEATING THE DEAD HORSE!!!  WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT!  That is so 1996 DON'T WAST YOUR LIFE!  Yet that bitter root took way and it has sprung up and defiled many just like God's word says.  So, if we are going to guard ourselves from bitterness from that kind of pain David is talking about it is going to have to be intentional and it is going to require work.  It won't be for the faint of heart, because we at times are going to have to work so fervently for a renewed mind.  We are going to have to work it out with the Lord so we don't fall prey to the enemies mixed bag of offenses.  Yet it is going to be a process. 
This verse is what came to mind when I thought of David travailing in childbirth

Isaiah 26:18

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁸ We were with child, we writhed in pain,
but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth;
we have not given birth to people of the world.

 

We do not have to let our suffering be in vain.  If we view everything as a cup of suffering that the Lord has allowed to come into our lives we will give birth to something beautiful, something that will strengthen the brethren...yet we will also risk being misunderstood by people who really haven't known that road.  I promise you though I may not be where I need to be with some fresh wounds that the Lord is healing but I would not trade one hurt I have been through because I have come to know the Lord in so many ways that I otherwise would not have fellowshiped so deeply with him.  So let us press on but press through and turn around and pay the enemy back when we are whole enough to do so.  We won't give birth to the wind...

We can limp across the finish line but have done it with some victory and stand with others in the hall of faith and it can be said, "The world was not worthy of them!"  What the enemy meant for harm, God meant for good!

 

Our testimonies can be instruments that help strengthen the feeble hands and steady the knees that give way as they run their race and we pass the baton able to say our God is faithful and worthy for us to follow!  (to be cont'd)

Isaiah 35:2-4

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

² it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God. ³ Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”

Betrayal and Forgiveness (Part 1)

Psalm 55:22

²² Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 55:22

²²Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail).

For years now the Lord has usually given me a verse three times in the period of a day or even a week to confirm to this stubborn child that YES, it is a word I need to apply and get to know deep down in my bone and marrow.  Whenever I do have times of doubt I am reminded of how obvious the Lord makes Himself to reveal to me the same verse of scripture out of the thousands of scriptures...there is no coincidence and the odds of it can't even be measured it has happened so many times.  I'm not sure why He does it this way with me but He does and I love Him for it.  So, I picked a random card  out of some bible promise cards and Psalm 55:22 was the verse I picked out of 101 cards. Then, I was cleaning my downstairs going through old papers and unrolled a scrolled up piece of paper with that same verse in the middle of it and then later that night I cracked up at the Lord because the chapter I had started reading in Pastor Erwin Lutzers book "When You've Been Wronged" moving from bitterness to forgiveness started out with you guessed it...Psalm 55!

So, as I studied it I was so thankful once again for the depth of human emotion that is penned in His Holy Writ.  I have always loved the Psalms and maybe because I am so flawed and so human and can relate to the roller coaster ride that life brings.  I often have people ask me how they can pray for me and I am dead serious when I say, "Pray that I will be close to the Lord and seek to live and walk in His Presence."  I mean it because if some of my situations never change this side of heaven, I know I can face anything with the Lord's presence and like Moses cried out to God, I don't want to move from any place I am in unless His Presence is going with me. 

So here we have David lamenting in Psalm 55.  I always love the subtitles... "For the director of music. with stringed instruments.  A maskil of David."  In my Western vocabulary and mindset I just can't see this passage being sung to some stringed instruments. Unless maybe it were a country song.

Psalm 55:1-7
¹ Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
² hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
³ at the voice of the enemy,
at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
and revile me in their anger.
⁴ My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.
⁵ Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
⁶ I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest—
⁷ I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

So here we have David, a man after God's own heart, a man who is fragile yet strong.  We see through the word where he is betrayed and yet he also betrays.  Yet what do we a man or woman like him choose to do when we have been betrayed?  If you have never been betrayed I would check my pulse to see if I was still on this planet or I would see if I had disconnected from people all together.  If we don't deal with the offenses that have been dealt to us we will ultimately become hard hearted, bitter, and maybe jaded.  If we don't wrestle our struggles out with the Lord in all honesty (since He already knows our hearts) we will inevitably try to build walls of protection ourselves instead of letting God be the watchmen on the wall of our hearts and we will become bitter and our relationship will be hindered with the Lord.  We will be tempted to self protect when we waver in unbelief shocked that a certain offense even came our way.  Even if we are mad at the Lord for letting something pass through our hands we need to come and confess our dissappointment.  He already knows we can't fool the Lord.  Very recently I was misunderstood by a precious woman in the faith and the Lord used this passage to speak to me.  I had been through some very personal trial and this person felt as if I were carrying hatred, bitterness, or unforgiveness when in reality I have been struggling and wrestling this offense out with the Lord.  I was misunderstood by her because she didn't know all of the details and she did not understand how this offense did not take place overnight and the process of forgiveness wasn't going to be overnight either.  I think so many people are well intended in the Body of Christ but also they may have limited vision into the trials of other people.  Yes we are to forgive yet just like people who struggle with addiction maybe some of them are literally delivered from a long term addiction over night but rarely is that the case.  They didn't become addicted over night and live in that addiction over night they may have spent years in the pit of sin until it has become a way of life and the process out of the pit is of course that the Lord deliver them yet they may have to spend years rewallpapering their minds with scripture and cooperation with the Lord because He is about relationship and intimacy with His children.  Why do we think the phrase "tough love" is spoken of so often?  Because of our propensity to wander.  If we receive instant deliverance from something like God just "bailed us out" so to speak we are very conditioned to forget.  We may have received a delieverance but we have not come to know our deliverer.  And I am sorry but what a tragedy it would be in my opinion to not have cooperated with the Lord freeing us up and thus miss out on such sweet times of healing and intensive care that the Lord worked in us. 
So, verse 1, David asks the Lord to listen to his prayer and not ignore his plea.  The word for "listen" used here is literally in Hebrew Azan, that God would "turn, lend an ear to, listen, attend to, ponder..."  There is something within the human heart that wants to be heard.  We want to have a voice.  The old phrase, "children are meant to be seen and not heard"  bugs the mess out of me and I am sure it does Jesus too since He would call the children to come to Him and not be hindered.  There are many references to His love for children and our need to humble ourselves and become like them because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 
There is something to be said for having some friends for a long period of time.  People who really "know" you.  They get your heart and also know some of the pain you have been through.  People who in essence you have walked this road of life with.  What bugged me so much the other day about this precious person I referred to is I felt that she was projecting on me that I haven't forgiven such a fresh offense when the people close to me really get me and know that this wasn't something freshly brewed and that of course they understood where I was at in the process.  We have to be slow in rattling off how someone needs to forgive 70 times 7 (which I could teach a whole post about that verse and how taken out of context it is) when injuries that didn't take place over night may not have scarred up just yet.  I remember Beth Moore speaking one time about the difference between a festering wound and a scar.  If we are still bleeding from a wound and it hasn't scarred then there is something that needs tending too.  So, David wanted to be heard and quite honestly you may go through times where you feel so misunderstood and God is the only One who gets you and that's OK too.  He is greater than our hearts and knows everything.  Who better to make your plea to? 
David has been betrayed and the guy is in anguish over it.  So many people don't want to be their brothers keeper and they don't want to get into anything seemingly messy and so what do they do?  They ignore.  He is asking God to give ear and not ignore His plea.  He cries out to God for "divine retribution" over his enemies.  "The psalmist is full of inner turmoil.  Instead of the roaring of the sea, he hears the "voice"  (lit., "noise"; GK 7754) of his enemies threatening his existence.  They cause him to suffer grievously."
If you have ever studied the life of David you will see how many people were after him before he ever took the throne as king over Israel.  We may not be running with people in hot pursuit of us but we have that unseen enemy prowling around seeking those he can devour.  We don't need to give him too much credit but he is after us alright.  And we better wise up to his schemes.  After more than a decade of teaching or working in some facet of ministry with women I have heard many stories of betrayal.  I have also seen where the enemy is taking so many casualties from moral failure in the Body of Christ.  He knows his time is short and look at how he is turning up the heat to use anything he can to appeal to the lust of the flesh and snatch the testimony of true believers, true lovers of God.  Please hear me when I say, if David can fall into sin and still be called a man after God's own heart then you and I are a decision away from being ensnared or jumping into a pit of sin ourselves.  Listen to me, take heed you stand less you fall.  Left to yourself and your own depravity you are capable of any manner of sin.  If there is one shocking statement that I have heard it is from the lovers of God that wonder how they got to the place they are in?  How did they fall?  What happened?  So many people though are left in the wake of betrayal and pushed into a pit that they didn't make for themselves.  It may be someone stabbing you in the back, a promise not kept, a spouse that was unfaithful, a group of Christians that let you down, parents that were never parents to you, untold abuses...yet here you are and what are you going to do?  Well, you would be wise to start crying out to God.  There is a good step because we have got to deal with these offenses or rest assured they will deal with us.
I'm headed to start this continuum because I realize I already have gone to long and that's one thing I am...long winded!

(cont'd)