Monday, June 28, 2010

His Word Does not Return Void

Isaiah 55:10-11
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Lately I have really been trying to have a balance regarding my focus on being so hard on myself and saturating myself in Gods word regarding His love toward me. It is so true that we operate not only on how we feel, but out of what we think. We are told through the apostle Paul, in Ephesians 3:18-20 a prayer that he was inspired to pray that there is a love that surpasses knowledge. The Lord wants us to be able to grasp something that is beyond our mind and senses. We look for that everywhere, yet there is something greater than an earthly love. It is a lavish love that surpasses what our minds are capable of. The Lord calls us to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength...but why? Because in that we find our life because He is our life (Col 3:4) and the length of our days. We find wholeness and freedom. We find healing. It is a great paradox that we could love someone, in a world of love that fails us...a world of risk...the risk of putting yourself out there to love and only be rejected. So what keeps us from surrendering our hearts fully to the Lord? I would venture to say a couple of things but at the top would be old wounds, unbelief, and fear.
Old wounds- I know someone who has a sore that they have made on their face. They keep scratching and messing with the sore (for years now) and every stinking night this person puts neosporin on their face only to start the cycle over again when they get up. The answer seems obvious...quit picking at your face! Yet it is a habit. Sometimes we have lived with negative drama for so long that maybe we don't want to get well, maybe we keep picking at an old wound making it bleed mixed with trying to let it heal overnight, yet it results in failure. We cycle in and cycle out. I have used the same scenario over and over but I used to be extremely co-dependent. The Lord never ceases to work miracles because He changed me and healed me no doubt. I would beg God to change me when I finally gave the go that I was serious about my heart being healed. My heart wasn't safe because it wasn't satisfied fully by God. I was not attracting healthy people because I was not a healthy person. I had to bathe myself in the word and prayer. It took a solid year before the healing process let up. There were days were I let the idea that I was rejected because a man wasn't in my life eat at me. I could either pick that wound, act out of a wound, and make it fresh again...or I could allow it to scab over and heal forming a scar. Scars heal but they are still scars. I like to think that the scars stay as reminders of what the Lord has done. Sort of like a rock of remembrance.
Going on from there, it is partly habit to act out of our wound and never let it heal, and it is part of daily living and doing battle in a fallen world. We have to train ourselves to set our minds on things above or we lose and eventually default into a carnal mindset instead of the view Christ has of each of us.

Unbelief- Unbelief keeps me and you from so much. The idea that there is a cause and effect reaction seems to be dismissed from our thinking when we are wallowing in unbelief. Just like Proverbs 15 for example. Verse 1 talks about a harsh word stirring up anger. Yet how often do we want to get a jab in and not expect a ripple effect with the rock we just through in a bond?
Someone called my child a brat today. I forgave this person but let me tell you...when Morgan came in and told me I was livid. Them are fighting words. I was fine until that was said and then it stirred up anger within me. I am then reminded that in my anger I do not need to sin...yet I also need to put off falsehood and tell my neighbor the truth. So, I said something regarding the apple of my eye. Yet were it never said there would have not been the strife. My point, Gods word is true. His word is accomplishing. It does what it says it will do. Just like the rain has a purpose and waters and nourishes the earth, His word does what He desires because after all His word became the Word made flesh to dwell among us. be continued. I have got to go to bed! =) blessings!

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Sunday, June 27, 2010

She is five

Jenny get a grip. I love to speak in 3rd person.
We just celebrated Morgans 5th birthday! I can't believe it. Some of you on this blog have watched her grow even to this age. Let me just type out a few Morgan-ism's mainly for me to remember.

For Morgan (where do I even begin?):

-you are one of the greatest sources of laughter ever!
Just yesterday you poured my $10 bottle of body wash in the tub to make bubbles. You knew way better. I proceeded to tell you that you were paying for another bottle out of your own money. You then said, and I quote, "OK Mom but get it at Wal-Mart because it is cheaper!"

Whenever I ground you from television you say, "that's OK mom, I will just watch Fox News!"

You have a red mark in the shape of a J on your forehead. Whenever you cry it appears. In your hospital pic it is very visible. So, I was telling you how Jesus knit you together in my womb and how you He took His finger and made a "J" for Jesus on your head. Then, I told you a couple of weeks ago how we in Christ are sealed unto the day of redemption and how we have a mark that is probably visible to the unseen realm. You looked at your cousins and said, "I have a J for Jesus on my head. Because I believe in Jesus. What mark do you have on your head? Whew! I could teach a whole lesson on that!!

Last month you went to bible study with me. When we got there someone asked you to tell them a bible verse. You did. Then you proceeded to talk about "booty stank"! I about died. You were then grounded.

You love Beth Moore. You always ask when you are going to go over to her house and play. ha! Too bad she lives in Texas!

You can pretty much talk your dad into everything.

You call your Aunt Steph everyday at work. We all forget that you are now 5 going on 30. She is your favorite. You ask her most everyday what she had for lunch or how her day is going?
-You were leaving her work the other day (so she could watch you after the booty stank episode) and she was waving to her boss. You then asked who she was waving to. She told you her boss Lam. You said, "oh you are waving to your mom?" Steph told you no and she explained that his name was Lam like a llama. You then said, "Oh, Obama our president...we don't like him." We about died!

You are my snuggle bunny! You LOVE to shop.
You start kindergarten soon and you want me to be happy for you!

I think you have the gift of mercy because you tell me that you feel sorry for just about everyone.

I love when you say Praise the Lord over something!

I love how you tell me I am your b.f.f. and you even gave me a bff necklace to wear.

Well, now I am getting sad about the queen of my heart being five. My heart just aches over how fast things are going.
I love you more than words could ever tell.

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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Fill my Cup

Isaiah 45:18 For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.

Just like the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth, did not create the earth to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- the places that make up our heart, mind, and soul were not created for emptiness. We were created to be filled with something and in that hopefully man would reach out for something more than ourselves or this world in our search to be full.
The human race will do almost anything to feel something. We want something to either deaden our pain and problems or make us feel alive. Murderers, adulterers, thieves, gluttons, immoral people...all have one thing in common...they have a need in them that needs to be met at all costs and are fueled by how they feel. It's true. Someone who murders and has no regard for life, in essence they think they are "god" or greater than the one true God. Look at satan, he was a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). Either you are a child of God or a child of satan. You are filled with one of the two and there is no way around it (1 John 3:10). A good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree bad fruit (Matthew 12:33). Whatever is in our heart will come out of us since we know that out of the mouth our heart is speaking (Matthew 12:34). I was talking with Rod about the Lords supper on Sunday and Morgan (who picks up on EVERYTHING) asked me about it. She said, "Mom, Jesus came to the Lord's supper, He was there? You saw Him?" I told her I hoped that He was there...amen! How often though do we do things in our own strength without even calling on the Lord or inviting Him to overflow in our lives? It reminds me of the treaty in Joshua chapter nine where the people of Gibeon deceived the men of Israel by claiming to be a rag tag band of people who had come from a distant land fresh with their worn out sandals and moldy bread. Yet we see here ( 14 The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD.) that the men of Israel DID NOT INQUIRE OF THE LORD. They went off of what was on the surface. What was logical with human deduction. Um can I get a witness? I am just as guilty of plowing into something without even stopping to see if this is the direction the Lord has for me.
I thank God for His stubborn love over me. I want to be honest, even though I don't say much on my blog about this, but for the most part I did not have a happy childhood to say the least. It was chock full of bars that were raised too high, growing up way before it was time, turmoil...constant turmoil, and a real lack of peace period. I felt loved to the extent that I was able to perform. Sort of a works system. You had to do good to get love. That is one way I have tried so far to teach Morgan that her actions may be bad but she is not bad and that nothing will ever make me love her less. For so many reasons I was a perfect candidate to look for love elsewhere and find myself in one broken mess after another. In never feeling unconditionally loved as a child I sought that out relationally. Our souls are just wired to want to be loved unconditionally yet unfortunately human love will always inevitably fail us. Even if that love is wonderful it can not fill and satisfy us in the ways that only God can. Let me tell you I.LOVE.MY.CHILD. if you can not tell already. That child causes me to feel things I didn't even know were in me. Like the fact that I can greatly dislike another five year old if they are doing my child wrong. Just sayin'. I have already needed God to help me love a five year old that messed with my child. I mean really. I am very affectionate with her and if she is near me...she is on me. With my neck problems I am always telling her to quit pressing or leaning on me because is hurts my neck. God love her. Now she can make me not misunderstand. I was making Rod his favorite birthday cake last week and upon noticing that she was getting a little too close to the cake I told her not to touch it. I turned around and she had grabbed handfuls out of the cake and put them in cupcake holders. I had to tell her to get out of my presence until I could calm down. Anyway, we have this routine where one of us will say give me some sugars. (SIDE NOTE: Rod will ask me to give him sugars sometimes and I am like DUDE...I am not your Anyway, I told her that I needed to get 50 sugars from her and she said in her most serious tone, "mom, I can only give you five...then I don't have any more." She cracks me up. Listen though...when I have felt really needy the Lord has made dang sure that I don't go make an idol out of someone. Bottom people we just don't have it to give. We want 50 sugars when the only person has five! We can just put the weight of the world on someone and cause them to suffocate and we wonder why we can't get our needs met. Yet there has never been a time, not ever, never, that I have gone to the Lord with all of my neediness and He has not loved me back or filled a place in me that I needed filled. I may ache and have to come back the next day but man the Lord is faithful. He isn't going to berate me when I can't even put my finger on the need I have or cut me down when I am vulnerable. So may He remind all of us when we feel the need to overload a human being with all of our needs and expectations that no one will tend to us with such care and affection as Him. No one will satisfy but Him and people, as precious as they are, will prove to be broken cisterns to our soul. I am not knocking friendship, companionship or as Morgan says...b.f.f. I am just suggesting that we let God be God and let others off the hook. There is freedom in that. Put your hope in God. Half the time us being needy comes from insecurity. We have a need to feel wanted or validated so we literally sometimes can go to desperate measures to beg someone for love. Yet I have come to realize that I don't want someone to pay me compliments or drag themself to spend time with me if it is forced. Forced love is not love at all when you are trying to make someone be everything to you and you everything to them. Liberation comes when we know how loved we are by God and we can be secure in that. After God has done so much to heal me through His word and restore me to Himself, no matter what anyone says or does I am convinced to the core that God loves me and that He is my Rock, my Salvation.
I was broken over my friend that lost her husband, and my husbands best friend and I thought about Romans 8 and asked God to chase her and comfort her with the love that will never be separated from her even in the wake of a tragic loss like hers.

We were at the pool Monday and Morgan found a little girl to play with. She noticed the girl had gone to the "big pool" and asked me if she could go over and see her "best friend" (the one she met an hour before). Then she said, "mom, I am going to see my best friend, what's her name again?" It cracked me up! As adults we can be so locked in to having to have so many surface relationships to feel popular or wanted that everyone is our "best friend" but we may not even know their last name! LOL.

Lord, help me. Help us.

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Saturday, June 5, 2010


Hello All 2 People Who Read my Blog!!

So much to say...
I have been doing Beth Moore's (IMAGINE THAT) latest release "Here and Now...There and Then".
I have heard that it is on back order at some of the stores in Alabama but for the last couple of months I have been able to find it at mine just fine. I was shocked that Lifeway stocked it since it is through Living Proof but I am so glad they did! Drives me crazy when it takes a whole year for one of her studies to come out...yet they are worth it!
Anyway, digging a little deeper on my own I have been convicted to the core. Just a few things for application in my own life: A Call to WAKE strengthen what remains. Yes that is in the letters to the churches yet I personally need to look a little closer at my own walk and testimony. I don't want to walk through this life blind to the things of God because I was too full of the world to be able to see. With all of the facebook, twitter, text, email it is so hard to not get sucked in to the trap of mile wide communication with and inch deep of intimacy. For me personally I am not one to do most things in moderation...just sayin'. I was fine before all of those forms of communication but lately I have not been fine. I have seen where I have just plain been distracted. My heart is to be rich toward God and not fall in the trap of over communication and feeling like I will miss out on someones fb status telling me that Walmart was out of strawberry eggo waffles. I mean seriously. All of these forms of communication can be great tools but again I just fall into the trap of time wasting. There is so much about the Lord I want to know here on this earth and I sure don't want to stand before Him and say Lord, I know there was much to be had...but Father...I needed to check facebook. So...that is one of many areas from that one verse that have just hit me where it hurts.
Go here with me for a second: So many of you know that our first daughter, Shelby Hope, was born premature and is with Jesus...I have TERRIBLE pregnancies. Any of you that read my blog should be ever so thankful that I was not blogging during that time...ha! My pregnancy with Morgan was terrible, yet worth it, to say the least. I had MUCHO bed rest-o! Much bed rest. I thought I was the brute beast before the Lord in psalm 73 from being in the bed. The day I had her (I had been home for a month or so) I drove myself to the hospital but I had not walked in a few months. My rebellious self had to leave that hospital and I would also scoot down the stairs when no one was with me just so I could leave the room. So, needless to say I had some atrophy going on. I remember these crazy things I had to wear on my legs they made movement or something and I had to have those bad boys on at.all.times. Talk about a stinking pain when they are attached to the bed and you have to take them off every time you have to go to the bathroom as a pregnant woman goes to the bathroom. So, after I came home from the hospital I was physically week since any pregnancy for me requires not being on my feet for longer than ten minutes and not lifting over ten pounds...THE.WHOLE.TIME. So I was weak. I could bore you for paragraphs more but I won't...glory! Oh, one more thing. When I went shopping I was the girl in the electric wheelchair at WalMart who would ride around and then jump up out of the chair to reach what I needed and then sit back down. You know the people of WalMart site would have been all over that one seeing as most of the time I was not showing that bad until 5 or 6 months. Anyway, me ever so caring what people think, wanted to attach a sign to my chest that read: Really, I am pregnant, not lazy...and attach a picture of her ultrasound for proof because of course the wheelchair police may come by at any given moment. as.if. Just like when I was in Target recently and I had my eyes dilated. I had to wear sunglasses and seriously I told people that I normally would not wear sunglasses in a store but for the fact that I had just had my eyes dilated. I know they wanted 30 seconds out of their life back from that. So, application wise when I am not staying in tune with the Spirit I am obviously having a trade off for walking in the flesh. When I am not sensitive to the Holy Spirit I feel like I am asleep to the things of God. I sure don't want Him to have to give me a wake up call...I would like to beat Him to the punch. Yet, the Lord in His each of us opportunity to repent of the ways that are causing us to be ineffective. I uttered the words a minute ago that I am MISERABLE apart from a full dose of Jesus and the filling, instead of quenching, of the Holy Spirit. Anyone still reading is probably like dude she needs to quit writing at 3:08 am. I have been affectionately known as RANDOM for these reasons.
So, again...wake up! Get out a pen and paper and ask the Lord to convict you of things that you may not even be aware of. That is the Holy Spirits job. Our hearts can get so calloused from just living life that we may not even know how we descended to the place we now are. Ask Him for a few things that need to go. Then, in place of their departure fill up what lacks with learning scripture, spending more time in prayer, serving (preferably after you have been filled so you will have something to offer from your cup!) bible study. Something that breeds true joy instead of pseudo intimacy.
I have been dissecting the letters to the churches in Rev. and have asked God to not let me get bit by the bug of familiarity. He has been speaking loud and clear thru them to me!
We have to truly put our faith to the test and stretch the muscles that matter in our walk with Christ. We need to engage fully with our hearts, our minds, our mouths, and our hands and feet! And maybe too we should shake our booty in the devils face just to show that ancient serpent that by the blood of Christ and His resurrection that we are more than conquerors.
Oh and quick story: I told Morgan that the only people we are to HATE is the devil and his co-horts. She is cracking me up because she will say..."I hate the debil (not with a v)."

I guess I need to get going to bed which is why I was really writing anyway. I know that some of you have just been so stinking loyal to me and flat our encouraging. Over the last 6 years I have been NO stranger to trials health wise. For a stretch I really became a constant prayer request. I really feel bad for asking on here but if you think of me please pray for me. I have been "writhing" in pain tonight and for the past few days. So many of you know that I have a bad neck. Well, I went for ANOTHER (out of a billion) MRI Thursday. I possible have a pinched nerve or a herniated disk along with my neck being shaped wrong at the top in the first place. When my neck goes out it is the worst pain of my life. I would rather give birth 50 times over than go through that. I can't even move without terrible pain when all of that happens. So...I am in pain with my neck. One of the muscles is pulling to the left and causing me to not be able to turn my head. I have shooting pains down my back and arm. I don't want to complain as I have been dealing with this since I was 12 or 13. If anyone in my family gets wind of me starting to have the neck junk they all get worried and nervous about it since they have witnessed it going out and disfiguring my face over and over. God love them! I have tried everything you can imagine for almost 18 years doctor wise in an attempt to get some relief. However, as I get older it is worse. Every doctor says the same thing...they are sorry they have not seen anything like it and I had to have injured it but there isn't much that can be done. Hey...but God! He can do whatever He wants to do. Next to having my bible, I have to have my special pillows and my heating pad. Thank you in advance for any prayers. I hope to be able to share some more tomorrow! Much Love

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A few random pics!

Morgan and her cousins Leah and Kate

Bless her heart she went so hard that she fell asleep at the table...she said she wasn't tired. ha!

Rod and Morgan

me and morgs

sweet Kelsie at Morgans graduation

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