Hold on a little bit longer

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4

Don't lose heart

I'm not sure what the phrase "don't lose heart" conjures up in your mind but for application purposes to me it is when I become discouraged enough by the winds and waves of this life to the point of giving up. Yet haven't we all felt that way? At the end of our rope so to speak. We may feel like giving up on the thought of every breaking free of a habitual stronghold that has held us in its grip for far too long. What about the loved one you have been praying for and yet still no sign of change? What about the relationship that barely has an ember glowing and you feel the last bit of hope about to be snuffed out. What about the ones you want so badly to know Jesus and His redemptive power yet their hearts seem so hard and calloused that getting through to them would be like breaking through bars of bronze with your bare hands. I know someone is reading that feels washed up on life's shore wondering if she missed her calling. Maybe you feel like you have blown your testimony beyond repair and you have lost hope that God can still use you. The woman struggling with infertility or is on her fourth miscarriage yet all of her friends are pregnant all around her. Or the person who has been alone in their marriage for far too long and has almost given up on things ever changing. She feels abandoned, rejected and alone. Why would anyone want to fight for her anyway she wonders to herself. Or the woman whose husband has betrayed her with his sad addiction to p*rnography. These are just a few things that I am pitching out there because I do hope that one of them will at least conjure up in you the thoughts of what it is like to lose heart. Paul's admonition here was for those of us in Christ to not lose heart. We must take courage if you and I are going to make it to the finish line having fought the good fight. I really wish I could just be so honest in regards to some of the things I am facing or have faced yet I don't think it would glorify God to just throw out the details on my blog. All that is to say that I know what it is to lose heart. This week I really felt a call to step it up in the realm of spiritual disciplines. I felt in my heart that the Lord was calling me to abstain from food so I could press in and perhaps touch them hem of His garment. And so I did for two days. It was so pathetic at first at how weak my flesh is. Yet I was determined with His might working in me that my flesh was going to bow down to the Holy Spirit because I needed Jesus more than I needed food. I needed to sense His presence. I needed to take courage from His word which He imparts to us so readily...yet sadly so often I forfeit the grace that could be mine for lesser things.
I realized in that small act that I really am nothing apart from Him and can do nothing apart from Him. Also, I think the removal of something like food or whatever for a time brings you clarity and the blessed reminder that He is our portion in the land of the living.

In our Western Post-Modern Culture we are usually among "the have's" and not "have not's". I was up at 3 am in what would have been yesterday, studying James Chapter 5 and I was sickened over my own self-absorption. I had to hurry to obey the Lord at 4:30am to start cleaning out my closets to purge of my own greed and continual lust for more. It is so easy to get caught up in covetousness and greed and think little to nothing about what a discontented state we are in because it is so the norm. Especially when the culture surrounding us screams so loudly that we need to feed our flesh that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit is drowned out by the deafening noise of the modern day Babylon we live in. One sure fire way for us to lose heart is to amass wealth and things to the point that we become enslaved by them and in doing so lose sight on what is unseen because we get so flipping distracted by what is seen and what is temporary!

So, do the odds seem to be stacked against you? Take heart.

"Paul has supplied several reasons for refusing to grow discouraged in spite of seemingly overwhelming odds: (1) his divine commission as a minister of a new and superior covenant (4:1), (2) the prospect of sharing Christ's triumphant resurrection from the dead (4:14), and (3) his immediate task of promoting the Corinthians' spiritual welfare and the glory of God (4:15). But he was realistic enough to recognize that his toil and suffering had taken their toll on him physically. For this, however, there was a splendid compensation. Matching the progressive weakening of his physical powers was the daily renewal of his spiritual powers. It was as though the more he expended himself for the Gospel's sake..., the greater his spiritual resilience..."

Let me just say that you and I have got to be in the word of God if we are going to have this spiritual resilience I just quoted. I don't know any other way to withstand total defeat then to take up our sword of the Spirit and press in to know Him through His word. I'm not here to argue about "quiet times" but I know that I can sense the Lords guidance and presence more in the morning than any other time of the day. I can't tell you the number of times I am sure Rod and I both would have rather been out of our marriage yet I can only speak for me when I say it is the dailiness of seeking God that has kept my marriage as imperfect as it is. Anyone that knows us would say our pictures would not quite be in the yearbook under "most likely to succeed!" Yet God in His grace has continued to breathe life into us when we feel like we can't withstand another day. The pure fear of the Lord has kept us together and the mercy that triumphs judgment that we have both been such great recipients of.

This spoke volumes to me this morning about the staying, accomplishing work that the Lord wants to do in and through the life of the believer (in reference to how quick and momentary this life on planet earth is):

"This life goes fast. A vapor. A mist. Picture someone exhaling warm breath into the freezing cold. There it is. Then it's gone...When circumstances are really tough, we can find comfort and courage in the verses about life's brevity. We can think to ourselves, In the eternal scheme of things, He's only asking you to do this hard thing for a few minutes. You can be faithful. It's not that long!" (Beth Moore, page 152 of James:Mercy Triumphs)

Should you stay in an abusive relationship? NO! Are there biblical reasons to leave a marriage? YES! But what about doing the hard thing and being one of the ones that Hebrews 11 talks about when it says that the world was not worthy of them? I love the hall of faith passage because these people were certainly not living "their best life now"! They were being put to death, stoned, sawed in two and etc for their faith in Christ. You may not ever be martyred for your faith in Christ Jesus but He may call you to stay put in some hard situations and persevere. These people did not receive on earth what was promised but you can bet they will in eternity. Sometimes we have to wait for the answer, even when it comes to the Lord's judgment, but though it linger we should wait for it...even if it doesn't come this side of heaven

Hebrews 11:37-39

³⁷ They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— ³⁸ the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.

³⁹ These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

I just turned 32 last month and after having three kids I can T-E-S-T-I-F-Y that outwardly we are wasting away as our bodies decay but just like the Lord said, we are not to live in fear of those who can kill the body but not our souls. Because these earthly tents we live in will eventually be taken down and one day we who are in Christ will receive glorified bodies that are incorruptible. The Lord cares about what concerns you. Even when you don't feel it.

Luke 12:4-6

⁴ “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. ⁵ But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. ⁶ Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

So, we must press on past our discouragement by letting Him teach us and speak to our weary souls. So many of you know that Rod's best friend and one of my best friends committed suicide almost two years ago in February. I wrote about that here.

He gave into the despair and the weakness of his flesh and unfortunately did not fight the good fight of faith. He became disheartened...he gave up.

In regards to focusing and fixing our gaze on what is unseen, I love this paragraph again out of Beth Moore's new study on James:

"I loved this commentary excerpt, she writes. See if it speaks to you, too: "This life cannot be properly understood without considering the spiritual realm, a realm that impinges on and ultimately determines the material realm in which we live day to day." Beth goes on to say, "Maybe we've heard this until the holes of our ears have grown over, but God is the only one looking through every layer and at every implication. He also looks upon a situation in context of what it is, what was, and what is to come. His deliberations don't just involve immediate impact. He sees our place and our positions amid carefully woven generations."

And I have to go on to quote this even though I realize how lengthy I am getting here:

"Are you ever tempted to think that this whole human thing is rigged? That God formed us with souls that seek well-being yet shuns us when we do what comes naturally? What if we understood down to the marrow of our bones that His is the only plan that really does end up prospering us (like spoken of in Jeremiah 29:11...I don't believe she is speaking of just monetary prosperity but a prospering in our soul)? What if we really believed Jesus when He said that those who insist on finding their own lives will lose them and those who lose them for His sake will find them (see Matt. 16:25)? What if we really believed that, if we seek God's kingdom and His righteousness, everything else of true value would be given to us, too (see Matt. 6:33)? What if we really believed that "He did not even spare His own Son but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything" (Romans 8:32)? What if we really believed that "godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:8, NASB)?

To quote Moore again, "What if we really believed that God is not only great, He is good?"

To draw off of all of that when we focus only on circumstances and do not lift our eyes to His word we become jaded and then creeps in the losing heart, the despondency, the despair.

So as the weight of life comes down on your shoulders bend your knees or fall to your face and like Paul in 2 Cor. 4, let the idea of proportions that he experienced thrust you closer to the Father. "The greater affliction Paul suffered, the greater the glory produced for him."

As I live and breathe I can testify that some of the greatest gifts in my life have been pain because like a thorn in my flesh I would turn toward God and come to know Him in greater ways than I could have had that circumstance or pain not entered my life.

My only living grandparent died a few weeks before Blair was born. I think about it everyday...not to be preoccupied with death but it just washes all over me how brief this life is. Her body failed her and then of course she gave up her Spirit and she was cremated in the blink of an eye. Her presence seemed so immovable yet she is not here. She didn't take a single possession with her when her time was up. It keeps speaking volumes to me because she liked the finer things in life. I am reminded daily that this is not it...this is not my home. It's only temporary. Let's keep pressing in and pressing on until our redemption draweth nigh. He is coming and He will not delay.

Hang on my brother or sister and keep getting up, steadying your feet and gather the manna of God's word each day. We are more than overcomers in Christ Jesus our Lord! We can do this thing.

1 Cor 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

His Ministry to the Brokenhearted

There are so many places that this post could go but I am trying to keep things a tad bit shorter because my little sister says my posts are too long. I love her honesty! She even tells me while I am mid-sentence that what I am saying is over her head and makes no sense to her. I love her for that as well because I get stupid some times and think that you are all reading the same book that I am! Anyway, Blair is just now five months old and to tell you that I am in love, drunk on him, smitten...are phrases that would just do no justice. If he were the richest dessert in the world I would take the tiniest spoon and eat him up! I am so humbled and thankful for the opportunity to stay home with my little mister and watch him grow. His cheeks are really filling in and he has the chubbiest little grin when he smiles from ear to ear. After losing our first child Shelby Hope, and then the war story of bringing Morgan into this world, I sure didn't envision having another child. Yet somewhere tucked away in the recesses of my mind I did not rule it out either. Each time I found out I was pregnant I literally got on the floor and bawled my eyes out before the Lord. I would literally freak out before Him because I felt all of the inadequacies rush in and the weight of responsibility fall on me no to mention the blessedness of being able to steward another child. I am one of those people who can't start a movie without googling it and reading what happens from the beginning to the end on wikipedia. Yes, I annoy even my own self. When certain parts of suspense come up I tell Rod resoundingly that yes I know what is about to happen its no secret to me, I am already well informed! When reading a Christian fiction book, I start about two chapters then thumb my way to the last few pages of the book to make sure everything will turn out like I want it to or I am not wasting my time with it. I am beyond annoying you are thinking! As I sit here on the floor typing let me tell you that my last irritating issue was picking out my pajamas. They have to match and as much as I have tried to convince myself that it will be OK if they don't...there is no going to bed with the mismatched pajamas. Listen, I know that there are far greater issues going on in the world this just happens to be part of my own madness. In a world where you and I have very little control I would at least like a bit of it in some areas if that is OK.
So, naturally I get ahead of myself even in the parenting department and start to worry about outcomes and years up ahead if I do not intentionally make myself stop and focus on passages like Matthew 6. I am comforted to think of the Israelites being brought out of their land of slavery and how God literally rained down their provisions daily for them. I would have been the chick out there gathering too much than what we needed, as evidenced by my pantry, (hoarding as our generation would call it) and then being scolded by the Lord for not trusting in Him to give me my daily bread (Click Here for the story of the manna in Exodus 16). We would have been the tent that smelled like rot from the manna that went bad. I am just saying.
Side note: When I found out I was pregnant with Blair I took the test in his friends cabin in Kansas (who does that but me?) so they all found out with us and I am sure they thought I was weird...I then went back to our cabin and had the freak out session with the Lord.
So, on to the point. Lately I have been in a funk. I have felt inadequate at best in so many areas. Then, with some things going on in my own life that are so personal, I have been focused on myself. I hate how that works out. Then, Friday night I went out to eat with the fam. As a new mother to Blair I so enjoy when others dote over him and tell me how cute he is. You know when you are the mom you think your baby is so cute even when he could be the ugliest baby anyone has ever seen. To you his face needs to be plastered all over baby food jars. Several people had commented on him in the restaurant and I noticed the waitress would not even look at him. She came back and forth to the table so many times and almost acted as if he wasn't even there. I noticed she did not wear any wedding rings as I tried to converse with her. Finally she told me that she had miscarried in September and she is expecting right now. Immediately I remembered how hard it was for me to share in other peoples joy of a child once I had released my own daughter to be with Jesus. I would scurry past the baby aisles and avoid contact with anyone that had a newborn. I was happy for others but was an emotional bomb waiting to go off on the inside. When you are in the throes of loss it doesn't take much for the floodgate of tears to open up, at least for me. So many people are so well intended yet maybe they have not been through grievous loss in their lives and they in attempt to provide some semblance of comfort to you say the dumbest things...or pious platitudes as some would call it. I was thankful to come in contact with her the other night to be reminded that so many people have desires that are not met in the way that they think they should and they are hurting and broken. It's not just the desire for children. There is severe loneliness, depression, feelings of worthlessness, despair, betrayal...and the list goes on. So even though I am fortunate enough to have this precious child I won't forget for a second that so many are struggling with infertility, miscarriages, the loss of a child and etc. I don't have much to offer here but I do know what it is like to suffer and to feel empty or have hope that is deferred maybe like the single girl that loves Jesus and is in her thirties and still waiting for the Lord to bring that man in her life. I know what it is like to look into Gods word and go oh this is what this relationship should look like but it doesn't and there is nothing I can do Lord but ask You to change me. To make me OK. To not let me grow bitter. I know what it is like to have to come to grips with the fact that some desires are not going to be met this side of heaven and to understand that it's going to be OK because those thorns in life are what drive me closer to Jesus and I wouldn't trade knowing Him for anything. So, tonight I come to say...the Lord cares about your broken heart. He cares about the state that you are in. He is truly what we need but let me ask you this...are you going to be okay if the longing is not fulfilled this side of heaven or will you quit because of the prosperity gospel that tells you that to have Jesus is to have all the best of this world. Or can you stand with me and continually lay yourself as an offering on the altar of the Lord and be the living sacrifice and allow that very longing to be your spiritual act of worship? It is not for the faint of heart when you come face to face with the fact that this world is fallen and broken and under a curse. You and I long for wholeness and there is nothing wrong with that but it will only be found in Christ.

^{Romans 12:1} Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

So, I am praying that if that baby never comes, (don't quit seeking God's face over it and don't quit telling Him the desires of your heart) if that relationship is never repaired, if there is someone that is not coming back from the dead, if your marriage is never what it is supposed to be, that you will know the One that will bind up your broken heart and that in your deepest need you will find that you would never have known Jesus the way that you could if that disappointment or hardship had not come into your life.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I do realize that what I wrote is not very encouraging yet it comes from great sincerity and the desire to see others know the Healer while living in such brokenness. It is also my prayer that the very thing you have hoped for does not turn into bitterness. Oh do I know that one well. It is so easy to become bitter toward others and God because you feel like you have been dealt a raw deal and maybe you have.

I pray that you will fight the good fight even when the road is rough. I pray that He will send forth His word and heal you. Because without that healing of the heart...we are destined for an early grave. We can allow ourselves to die long before we ever really do. Let's live unto God and press on to know Him.

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD’s Favor

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

May the Lord send forth His light and truth and guide us until we are ushered to His holy mountain, to the place where He dwells.

Psalm 43:3
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

Looking through the Rearview

^{Psalm 68: 5-7
5} A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
⁶ God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ⁷ When you went out before your people, O God,
when you marched through the wasteland,
Selah

Recently. I had the privilege to read Passport Through Darkness by Kimberly L. Smith. To tell you I was convicted would be an understatement. I felt almost as if the book were just pressing down on my heart and engaging my mind to things that I had no clue about. I felt pathetic and puny in my relationship to my reality colliding with the truth of Gods word. Sadly, as I evaluated my sacrifice for the Lord and my love for Him I would say that sometimes my talk didn't match my walk. The book is a must read for anyone with a pulse. Am I called to go to the Sudan and work in an orphanage...not necessarily. God has us each gifted in so many different ways and all of our callings are equally important. Yet I could not read it without assessing the sad state of my own soul. Am I wigging out in sin right now? No...but at times have I settled for what is mediocre...a resounding yes would beg to bellow up from the depths of my being. I have indeed been content with less than Gods best. There is a world out there starving for the truth and salvation of the gospel as well as basic human needs and here I am tonight opening the fridge 50 times hoping that the Lord would fill my refrigerator with a mirage of goodies because I have been to lazy to go to the store.
I am not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip this is a personal assessment of mine. I truly feel like our Western Civilization has spoiled us and we have deceived ourselves into thinking that we deserve all of the best that this world system (and a polluted world system at that) has to offer. We pity others and we pity ourselves so much so that we enable hosts of people to stay in their bondage when freedom beckons their name...yet they won't come because this life has dealt them a raw deal. After reading that book I realized that I really didn't grasp what it meant to show kindness to the poor and the widow of this world. Most of us in America are technically not poor. I am just saying. Some of us have no idea the atrocities that are out there in the midst of human life. There are real orphans out there that don't even have orphanages to go to. There are people that can't get a job because their civilization is so corrupt that they have no jobs available. I could go on. I will not be able to look at America in general under the same lens after digesting that book. Not to get into politics but when Morgan registered for kindergarten the first thing all of the kids received was a form to get free and reduced lunch. So many of our handouts are pure enabling yet I am not discounting the fact that there are people who are in true need. Please don't misunderstand. I know a family that had three kids who were abused mentally, emotionally, and physically. No child deserves that. Anyway, the three girls took three different paths. The first one decided to brush it all under the rug. This IS NOT biblical forgiveness...to pretend like nothing ever happened. This person seems like she always has a front up, she doesn't deal with real issues of the heart, and seems like the star at the masquerade ball. She misses the chance to testify to the grace of God in her life and the power of full redemption. The second person chose wild living and played the victim card. Nothing is her fault it is everyone else. This person lives their life feeling sorry for herself and trying to get others to feel sorry for her. She forfeits the grace that God gives when He says that we can be more than overcomers. The third person was extremely determined to deal with her junk and chose to see that what people in her life meant for harm God turned around for the good. She chose to testify to the truth that there is resurrection power in the life of the believer that He can bring what is dead back to life in the empty places of the human heart, soul, and mind. She chose to try to help others be free from the victim mentality and in choosing so, she chose to cling to Christ as the Author and Perfecter of her faith. The Lord became her Father, her husband, her friend that sticks closer than a brother.
All this is to say that I think we spend so much time looking at ourselves and focused on self and how we can work things out in our cracked pot of a life that we lose focus of our Lord Jesus. It is such a paradox but if we lose ourselves in Him by steadying our weak knees on the path of His word and fervently seek to obey it we find life and strangely we find healing. Instead of greed and giving to others only out of our abundance we can sacrifice and actually have joy from it.

I had to grow up extremely quick in my opinion. Our real dad was out of the picture by the time I was four or so. I remember being so contemplative as a child and also feeling the deep pangs in my heart over rejection experienced at such a young age. I was an extremely fearful child and I don't have a lot of great memories of my adolescence. I never really felt loved or cherished. I thank the Lord for that because it became a gift in the sense that the Lord allowed it to turn into a desperation for Him, my one true love...the Lover of my soul. I felt very ugly as a child, I was ashamed of my clothes, my hair, and the things I felt that I didn't have. I wanted to be popular, a cheerleader, have boys like me, and be all of the things that popular kids were. But I was just a dork really that never fit in much anywhere. As misfit you could say. Friendship was so important to me. I will never forget my best friend in the 5th grade. We spent all kinds of time together. I mostly went to her house and we would stay up and giggle and play games until late in the night. I loved her with a friendship kind of love but I am sure I cared more about the friendship than she did. As time went on she changed B.F.F's and I didn't get invited over much and slowly the friendship faded out. I remember sitting at lunch by myself with a tight lump in my throat because I had lost my best friend. At that point I began building walls of protection in hopes of not getting hurt like that again. Rejection is an ugly beast isn't it? Something about it just sends us into a tailspin emotionally speaking. This wasn't the last time this would happen either. I hated my insecurities and I sure didn't have much of a foundation with the Lord at that time to help me get through my hurts. I really didn't know how to articulate them myself. Yet now as if I am almost looking through a rear-view mirror over the shoulder of my past, I see where God was orchestrating the friendships in my life and the paths that I would take to get me to where I am now in relationship with Him. The people I was friends with (with the exception of one) do not seek the Lord at all. They are missing out on the bridegroom. Why can't we sometimes step back and try to see that maybe in our rejection we are sharing in the sufferings of Christ but just maybe in our rejection we are being protected as God continues to mold us like clay on the potters wheel. On my last post I mentioned that I have been going through some very personal trials and the Lord gave me clear instruction to persevere...to bear up under the load and to keep coming to Him to unburden my heavy heart and disappointment. Even if the mountains don't move in the hardships of life I will trust that even if not in this lifetime my suffering will not be in vain. It will not be wasted. The Lord will redeem it and help me to turn back and strengthen the brethren.
Now all of that leads me to say that my precious baby girl has had a hard time lately making friends. It physically hurts me when she hurts, yet I know that she is not so innocent either. I have seen her be rude and hurtful to people that want to be friends with her. I almost cried this week when Morgan told me that she wasn't going to wear a gift that had been given to her by another little girl because the girl told her that the item that said bff (best friends forever) was something that her mom made her get for Morgan because she is not Morgans bff. I felt as if a dagger was about to go through my heart...and then I remembered again that while we may not understand things at the time God is working out all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. This life is so short and so many of us are staring in the face of great hardship, rejection, fear, loneliness, loss, regret, guilt...but instead of wallowing in the mud of it all let's choose to be brave, to be strong, to be courageous and entrust ourselves and even our children and family to the One who neither slumbers nor sleeps.
I love the verses at the beginning because they are in reference to a desolate place being inhabited. We know that God had an allotment of land (that is still being fought over to this day in the Middle East) for His chosen people, the Israelites now referred to as the Jews, and He did not mean for it to be barren or uninhabited but thriving, flowing with milk and honey, and inhabited by His people. So I come to say, because I know it to be true in my life, whatever you are lacking He is the answer. Even if the answer isn't fulfilled until you cross your Jordan. Life isn't fair so can we just accept that and continue to persevere and pray like crazy that we will know Him all the more in our affliction and pain.

Defender of the widow.
Father to the fatherless.
The One who places the lonely in families.
The One who leads forth the prisoners with singing.

Oh please let Him break the chains that are binding you. Lord, please put a new song in our hearts in what seems to be our own personal Babylon, the land of captivity. Help us to remember that we are strangers here and let us be unpolluted by this world. Help us Lord to take up the case of the widow and orphan. Let our hearts be like Yours. Let us get lost in You instead of trying to figure out who we are so much so that in our attempts to find ourselves that we lose this small stretch of time here on planet earth and become lethargic and complacent. Rain down on us Lord.

LORD, we are in a battlefield and the enemy has taken many casualties. Help us like the writer of Hebrews says in Hebrews 12:12-13 ^"12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ¹³ “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Constant

^{James 1:2-4
2} Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Man, I feel like I need to dust off the ol' laptop over here. The dust is finally starting to settle from what has been a whirlwind as of late. Major life events of moving, having a baby, then surgery and some very personal trials have kept me a tad preoccupied. Yet through it all I am so thankful for the constant One in my life. At times I have felt like curling up in a ball and crying from the deep longing in my soul for "a better country" a more lasting one. As much as I want things or people to be my rock to stand on I am ever aware that this earth is not my home and what is unseen is better than anything or anyone I can get my hands on here. I long for the place where there will be no more pain, no sorrow, no death, and yet in a strange way the things that bring me pain, the things that are close to home so to speak are the very things that drive me closer to the heart of Jesus. I truly know what it means to consider it pure joy whenever I face trials of many kinds. Let's face it, just like Josephs coat of many colors our trials can seem to come in a thousand different ways. We could call in the ROYGBIV of trials! Just a wide variety and spectrum of trials. I find it interesting if you jump down to verse for where it says that once perseverance (the ability to bear up under a load and not quit) finished its work we will be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Isn't that just it though...you are trucking along and all of a sudden a bomb drops and you find this cavernous hole inside of you like a cannon ball has just been launched through your guts and you have that gnawing feeling that you are lacking in some way, shape or form? You long for wholeness and yet here you are at a crossroads and you are lacking. You don't feel complete and it is such a hard place to be but such a good place to be all at the same time. Trials and hardships will teach but will we let God have His way and use the good, bad, and the ugly to allow Him to heal and mold us and most of all fill us that we will be mature.complete.not lacking anything? Will we see the things that seem to devastate us through with Him until we see that He truly brought beauty from the ashes a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair?
Clearly I am not going to go into details but I recently experienced a major betrayal in my own life. Yet I am so thankful that I serve a God who is so relentless in His pursuit of me and thankful to the One who gives me hope in the midst of what would seem like a river of despair. No matter what I have endured as I seek Him through His word and prayer He changes me and reminds me that He is my comfort that His Name is Near and when I feel like quitting His word lights up the dark places and reminds me that I am more than an over-comer and that the same God that got up from the grave and rose from the dead lives and breathes life into me. These aren't just words on a page to me, they are life.
Even tonight I was playing out certain scenarios in my head regarding the season I am in and the hurt that has cut so deep and was wondering when these bombarding thoughts would quit crowding out my mind. If your hurt is not brought before Christ and you don't allow Him to tend to your brokenness that will eventually turn into bitterness and I know that all to well. So, feeling like I am just carrying these burdens I was gently reminded that I needed to take what was bottled up (because when you are in the throes of raising children esp ones like Morgan who are radar it is hard to just start praying outloud without her asking questions...or bawling my eyes out because of course then she will want to know why I am sad) and "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Regardless of what pit you have found yourself in whether it was your fault or not that you got into that pit...He cares for You. Throw those cares off on Him. He will lighten your load and that may mean breaking out your prayer journal and casting that weight of the trial off onto Him several times a day but as you do your freedom will come and you will come to know the One who gave His life to redeem You. The only One who is constant. His name is Faithful and True. Truth in a world chock full of lies. He is Life and wholeness.

Double Minded

It doesn't take much for me to scan back over the pages of my life and get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach over the sin in my life that has occurred from just being straight up double-minded. If there is ANYTHING I do not want Morgan to be, it is a weak willed woman. Honestly, sometimes the only reason I have sought freedom in my own life is because I want my children to see a life of authenticity before the Lord. Yet I fall so short. We all do don't we? I am so thankful that with the LORD is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. Not just partial redemption but full. Rebellion is so bound up in our hearts and we are so conditioned by this world system to just live for ourselves. I can't even tell you the times I just flat out sinned because maybe deep down I bought into the lie that I deserve something more and that I had been obedient for long enough yet there was no change in my situation. I would in essence begin to doubt God's goodness. Beth Moore put it this way in her new study on James, "Mercy Triumphs":

"all rebellion is essentially the attempt to take now what God won't give. The object of our deformed desire looks so alluring and promising that we can't imagine it birthing death, yet it eventually always does.". -Beth Moore

We essentially become double minded when we have a heart that is divided. What is it though that can cause a true believer to become double-minded? You could add your own list but for the sake of studying James I would say that we bend under the weight of trial and time and we choose now instead of persevering. The battle takes too long and feels too hard and we cave. We allow our fleshly desires to dominate and control us instead of the Spirit. At least that has been the case for me. We begin to flop around and allow "lesser things" to seep in maybe even slowly until things that were black and white, do and don't, become gray. I would be willing to bank so much of our double mindedness on a heart that has been hurt in some way. Maybe a rejection of sorts, a moral failure, a past track record that we can't get over...that we feel marked by...but we begin to allow time + trial to = wavering. We maybe spend less time in the word, less time around believers, and more time finding ways to fill our needs because we bought the lie that God just wasn't doing it for us. Let's face it living a life of duplicity is going to result in instability with you being the star at the masquerade ball.

The lexical form of the greek word for being double minded "Dipsychos" just fell on me like a ton of bricks.

Im no scholar here but lets break down that word di- meaning twice in the greek and psychos which has its origin in the word psyche and what do you get? Almost two totally polar opposite people. Division. Mark 3:25 says²⁵ If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

If we are in Christ we are housing the holy spirit and if we are living a life of duplicity that life will ultimately crumble.

Here is the lexical definition I was telling you about:

" ...double-minded, inclined toward antithetical ideologies, having conflicting dispositions. Twice in James, referring to one who has not resolved to embrace the way of faith in God. It is not merely weak in faith, but being disposed to embrace the way of righteousness in faith (believing God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and following them and believing His promises to be true and relying upon them) while being equally disposed to embrace the way of unrighteousness (disbelieving God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and disbelieving His promises and relying upon one's own means). Such a person is spiritually unstable (1:8) and prone to duplicity (4:8).

Whoa! If you have lived a life of just one good decision after another thank and praise God for His grace that has kept you from sin. However, if you are like me and have learned the hard way you get the above definition. You know what it is like to be divided. You know the anxiety that it brings. I taught in the singles ministry for years at my church and if there is one challenging area I have taken note of it is the area where a guy/girl has really tried to live for God and years have gone by with no promise of a life partner on the horizon. Then, doubt crept in and before you know it he or she was back to their old way of trying to get that need met. The need to get married overrode the obedience that came from waiting on God no matter what. It is hard. I am not saying it is easy. I'm just saying that I have learned the hard way that God's ways are best. His word is true and His promises are true. We can lean on Him and trust and place our confidence in Him even when our feelings override everything we know to be true. Or we can place confidence in ourselves and watch everything burn down around us, only we lit the match with our own unbelief.

It makes me sick to think about the bad decisions I have made based on my own self-reliance. Seriously, as I type this I can feel the sickness in my gut. Also, I sit here writing in amazement that we have a God that is so incomparably good and merciful and that His mercy does indeed triumph over judgment. He does not treat us as our sins deserve.

When we feel we are lacking because clearly trials present the opportunity for us to see our need because we so desperately want to grasp at the heels of control and we find through trials that we have no semblance of control...when we feel that gaping hole inside of us we would be wise to come before our God who opens His hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing and beg for His help and His filling. Look at the following verses:

^{James 1:2 -8 2} Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Man do we have us some trials of "many kinds" here on planet earth! Yet these are meant to test our faith and help us to persevere. I will never forget studying this verse oneday and learning that perseverance was the ability to bear up under a load. It isn't that we aren't going to have any loads to bear up under but that we will indeed have them and that we can learn from them and learn to bear up under them and not quit. Quitting is easy...but to me quitting on this thing called faith and my relationship with Christ would be misery. What is the dealio here with some perseverance? Why such the big deal? Well, from experience I would venture to say that persevering...going on with God...has taught me that He is the God who sees me and He is moved with compassion over my plight. Little ol' me. He is about relationship and in this relationship He fills us and completes us so that we can learn what it means to be mature and complete not lacking anything. Can I just say that reliance upon God is what snatches us from the flame. I have tried so hard to seek refuge in man to get my needs met only to be let down time and time and time again. Yet even if my situation has not changed, I have never been "let down" by God so to speak because I have gained intimacy with Him and sacred knowledge of Him.

This to me is a personal example but just one of many that I thank God for:

In 2004 my sweet baby girl Shelby Hope, was born and lived for 30 minutes. For times sake let me say that I really never imagined that I would lose a child so it was not something I prepared emotionally for. My natural assumption kicked in that Rod and I would go through that together and we would grieve. So, a week goes by and it is almost as if Rod packed that chapter up and put it in a box because there was nothing he could do about it. I have heard men are "fixers" I don't know because I am not one of them but through observation over the years that is the way Rod is. He is more about things that are logical and if something is out of his control he must move on. Not me. It was a nightmare of sorts but I will say that I stayed in the Word (by God's grace) and walked the thing out by faith and not how I felt. There were times that I would be sitting in the floor crying so hard I almost threw up and wondered why the heck he wasn't checking on me. Why was he not still crying? Where was the comfort I should receive? None of it matters now but to tell you that it marked me for the good. I realized in that time that not even your man who is the father of the child you just lost is going to be God to you. His grief is not going to look the same as yours and unless you embrace that God even allowed him not to be a comfort to you so that you would learn what it means to lean on Christ Alone...then your trials will turn to bitterness and resentment and ultimately be the bitter root that Hebrews speaks of that springs up and defiles many!

God is not looking at us wondering why we don't get the picture regarding His infinite wisdom and ways yet He tells us that if we need wisdom over these trials we can ask. This lofty God of ours who dwells in inapproachble light says we can approach His throne with boldness! Who else but our God! Yet we are not to doubt because He will indeed answer us. We need not rely on ourself as geared toward our flesh as we are we must hold His word in high esteem and run to it and seek refuge from the tempest that rages against us. He is our answer and in Him we find life and revival in our souls. Choosing to trust is choosing to thrust ourself in belief upon our God if no one else ever shows up with us or not. It will not lead us to an unstable life ever! Our feet will be planted on the Rock and we will be as surefooted as a deer! Let it be Lord! We need You. Help our unbelief! Be our strength when we feel weak and feel like we can't go on. Make us sure footed and able to stand.

Habakkuk 3:19

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

as of late

stephy and blair

me

cousins

me and steph my little sister

my boy

mr thom and me at lifeway w the new beth moore bible study

I Think I Am On to Something...

Proverbs 25:11 (NIV1984)

¹¹ A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

I love me a word fitly spoken! Can I just say I am a little fatigued and feel like a chicken with my head cut off from moving, having a newborn, and trying to raise my six year old. I don't know how people do life without Jesus. Seriously. The overarching cry of my soul as of late are things like this:
"Lord, I need You.
Lord, fill me.
Lord, conquer this aching in me.
Lord, don't let me miss You in the day to day.
Lord, I want to know You.
Lord, You are all I really have in this life.
Lord, HELP ME!"

I want what the Psalmist cries out for...I want Him to teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). I know if you are reading this that you probably want the same things in the deep down of your heart. So much of my lack of fellowship or peace at times is a refusal to not only confess my sins but to repent of them. To turn from them. We can be walking in the light and not feel His presence and have to walk by faith and not by how we feel. Yet we seem to shy away from the whole theme of repentance in this Western culture we live in. We lack peace. We lack contentment. So many times we feel like maybe we have lost our way, yet God wants us to return to Him with all of our hearts and walk with Him and be blameless like He told Abraham after his whole attempt to help God out with an heir to the promise. I love that God is a God of fresh beginnings. It is never too late to fall on your knees or your face before Him and return. So, I was reading this section in the Jewish Book of Why about death and mourning. I don't have time to site everything I am thinking of you would be here all day but in the Beatitudes when Jesus is saying "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" he is speaking in the Greek language of a mourning over sin. When we mourn over our sin we will be comforted. Because in our repentance there is a rest and comfort for our soul that no amount of pills, or alcohol, or entertainment can provide. The pure in heart will see God and if we are to be pure in heart it is going to mean some confession and some repentance. There is just freedom in coming clean before the God who already sees, who already knows, who is ready to forgive.
So, let me get on to the small clip I was reading (BTW, I am always fascinated with anything about Judaism that can help me glean more into the scriptures of Jesus' day and time):

Why do some Jews follow the custom of placing the deceased on the floor and of then pouring water on the floor?

In biblical times the pouring of water was a way of expressing a person's or a nation's sense of guilt. It was a way of acknowledging God's displeasure with man's actions (Judges 20:26) or of expressing remorse at a time of calamity (Joel 1:14).

Although no longer widespread, the practice of pouring water on the floor where a deceased lay is considered by many a way of notifying people who enter a room that a death has occurred. It originated in the Middle Ages, when it was common belief that the ghost of the dead was present after death and was dangerous to ungrateful relatives. This custom, in a variety of forms, was practiced in many cultures. Primitive man believed that spirits could not cross bodies of water and that the ghost, if it made such an attempt, would fall in.

So, I probably didn't have to include the last part but I am making a point. Tonight Morgan was talking to me about a girl that she is having trouble getting along with at school. Don't you hate that it starts that young? We have talked about it everyday and tonight I said, "Morgan tell Jesus. Pour out your heart to Him and tell Him you don't like her. Be honest with Jesus. Ask Him to change things and then we will see Him work." So she begins to do just that in the back seat. It reminded me of the following verse:
^{Lamentations 2:19} Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street. (emphasis mine)

Not only does The Lord of Hosts want us to pour out our hearts about whatever is troubling us, it just hit me like a ton of bricks with the implication of pouring out my heart like water in the presence of the Lord. If you will connect the earlier paragraph about how pouring water out in ancient times was symbolic of a person or nations guilt we are also to come before the Lord in lamentation of our own sin and just pour it out before Him acknowledging that we are dead to sin and we too want to leave that dead person on the ground with our old man, our sin nature. A true believer in Christ should wrestle with sin. We should not have peace when we are wigging out in a heap of sin. Romans 6 does way more justice on this matter than I could ever do. You and I in Christ are dead to sin and made alive in Christ yet we live in a fallen world and we continue to sin and need forgiveness and restoration. God is the re-builder of walls. Whatever seems broken down, maybe even burned down, and beyond repair God can and will speak life into. We don't have to stay the way we are. We can be cleansed by the washing of the water of the Word and made free to walk in obedience. Maybe you have blown it and others don't want to let you be free but when we encounter the Lord He is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Then, we can have confidence before Him...the only One who matters.
Make us right Lord. Thank You that even when we have blown it beyond measure You cleanse us and restore us. Fortify our walls Lord and may You be our Refuge and hiding place.
You are Worthy Lord. Free us from our guilt and the pride that keeps us from pouring out our hearts in confession and repentance. Help us Lord. Thank You that You are intimate and loving and that Your discipline is even merciful.

Psalm 62:8

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

Lamentations 2:18-20

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁸ The hearts of the people
cry out to the Lord.
O wall of the Daughter of Zion,
let your tears flow like a river
day and night;
give yourself no relief,
your eyes no rest.

¹⁹ Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street.

²⁰ “Look, O LORD, and consider:
Whom have you ever treated like this?
Should women eat their offspring,
the children they have cared for?
Should priest and prophet be killed
in the sanctuary of the Lord?

UPDATE on BABY BOY

So baby boy is 10 weeks old! UNREAL!! It is so hard to believe that 2 months have already come and gone! Here are some recent pics of the little mister. I am so in love!!


Here is Blairsy on his first beach trip! I took him and Morgs this past weekend and they were both sick! It was like as soon as we set foot in the condo they were sick. We were still thankful to get away and see the beach!

And the reining queen of my heart! It looks like she was the only one at the beach because it was sort of windy and cold. Here she is at 75 months! LOL

Fist pump for the tigers! Or maybe the Lord was ordaining praise! I will go with the latter!

sweet girl trying on clothes at the outlets in Destin.

LOVE these smiles. I was so worried he would be a grumpy boy but he is so sweet!


Here he is in a hat I had made for him that he is wearing for his baby dedication on Sunday! Morgs had her baby dedication 6 years ago on October the 9th and his is Sunday, October 9th! So sweet!


HELLO~~~ I can hardly stand all of the cuteness! LOVE HIM!!!

Baby boy and I at the beach! Here I am at 381 months!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Love this man! Dr. Erwin Lutzer...sermon on his 70th bday

This sermon blessed me so much! If you are not familiar with Pastor Lutzer you can listen to him for free on www.oneplace.com. He is such a sound teacher and I so enjoyed getting to hear some of his testimony.

Beth Moore's new bible study: :James, Mercy Triumps" !!!!!!

Y'ALL!!!! I am dying to get my hands on the new Beth Moore study on James!!! Here is the Lifeway link! I will begin stalking my local Lifeway and calling my precious friend in receiving, Rhonda, to find out when it gets in. It is scheduled to be released in November! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

This Is Not Our Home

Hebrews 11:13

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

Morgan rushed in the room this morning and sort of asked but said, "Mom, this is not our home!, right?!" Right I told her. I just saw the phrase on a blog that said, "As good as it gets!" Well, I sure hope this isn't as good as it gets because if it is we are in for some trouble. I follow several Caringbridge sites and keep up with people who are ill with cancer and various other things. Most of them are strangers to me but strangely enough through their sites and updates, I feel like I know them. Some of them are terminal...but aren't we all. One little precious boy is on the verge of dying as he battles cancer. It is really sickening. My heart breaks for the family and the boy. Another girl is awaiting yet another lung transplant. She is such a fighter and a godly woman. I can't even begin to imagine what she and her family are going through. Especially when I struggle so much to just not pass out when I am in a hospital. I can't imagine living in one daily. Then, I got word of a precious woman whose husband is having an affair. Two children and he has no plans to stop the affair. I mean what in the world are you going to do with this stuff? Christians can mean so well as they rattle off Romans 8:28 which is a wonderful verse but not the best one to throw out there in the middle of someones personal crisis, at least not in my opinion. Here it is if you didn't know it already: ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I think sometimes we just want to say something, anything that could offer perspective or a word of comfort when the hearer really just needs prayer and maybe to be told how deeply sorry we are. I remember so well some of the well intended things that were said when Shelby died that I really hoped I would never say to someone else in their hour of trial but we are all a work in progress, amen!
My little sister called me about a sweet baby girl that was the same age as her little girl that just went to be with Jesus. She died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I saw a picture of the mom holding the lifeless body of her precious dead child in her arms and it was more than I could take.
All of this is to say I am SO thankful that this is not our home, for those of us who are in Christ. I can honestly say now after years of walking with Christ, of testing and approving, of studying Gods word daily for 13 years now...I can say that He is more real to me than anything. I am more sure of Him than I am of the reality of my being. He is true. I can't make anyone know that but I would plead with anyone that if today You hear His voice calling you that you would not harden your heart. Our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. We are not just going to go on and on in these mortal bodies. We will pass from this earth.

Romans 13:10-12

¹⁰ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹² The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

What really brought me to this post tonight was all of the change I have had lately. It is good but it is change. I moved and had sweet Blair all in the same week. He is six weeks old and I still feel so unsure of myself as a parent to both of my kids. More than anything I have had an aching reminder in the form of a feeling that this is not my home. In moving I still don't feel settled but I thank God for how He shakes us up at times because we have gotten too comfortable and maybe even complacent with where we are. There is a contentment in each of us that can be sinful if we are just content with less than God's best. For me I was content to stay in our old house for the rest of my life so I wouldn't have to change anything.

So tonight as I was walking the neighborhood and felt that tinge of discomfort I thanked the Lord for the reminder that in whatever area of life you and I are in, He is "El Roi" the God who sees me and who sees you. He is our comfort no matter how hard we try to find comfort in this world. He is the Rock that we can stand on and the stronghold that will protect us from the enemy when we feel like laying down and dying would be better than taking anything more. I was reminded yet again this morning at how Hagar was mistreated and ran away and was then sent away. This world is going to flat out mistreat us. It just is. I am so thankful that even when we run in our driest land to get back to something familiar, that God opens our eyes to Him and the Well of Living Water that He longs to give us in the wilderness. Life still may be a wilderness but He will meet us there. He will change us if we let Him. So let us not get too comfortable here.

A few ways we get comfortable with less than Gods best:

1. Avoid tribulation at all cost. We try to dodge anything in life that could potentially be the very thing that would drive us so much closer to Christ. We do not get grace for things we haven't faced yet...but I promise you we get the grace to deal when we need it. Not before.

2. We are so polluted with this world and what it has to offer that we lose our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.

3. We haven't kept our eye on the prize and truly treasured Christ as the pearl of great prize!

So how are we to live?

1. 1 Peter 2:11

¹¹ Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

The enemy is all about us becoming not only carnal Christians but what I call chameleon Christians where we blend in because we have lost our fear of the Lord and we begin to live lives of comparison with others which leads to becoming a fool. He wants us to do the opposite of what Christ commanded us. The Lord wants us to stand out and be like a city on a hill. He wants people to take note that we have been with Jesus. So I will just let the word speak for itself.

2. Fix your eyes on Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4:18

¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My mind wants to break verses down and get into the original language to find out what it is saying but you and I have got to make it a priority to spend time in the Word and in Bible study and in a bible believing Church. Those things will change us. There is no real freedom or change apart from the Word of God and us obeying! So fixing my eyes on the unseen is fixing my attentions on the Word and allowing it to dwell richly in my heart, mind, and soul.

3. Then maybe we need to walk through some scenarios that are bothering us or causing us to wig out in fear. Maybe we need to take our worst fears and put them out there before God. He already knows. But somehow I think that if we do that we think that everything bad we have ever thought is going to have to happen. No. But I will say God will meet you where you are when you are there. So if he is even calling you to get uncomfortable because maybe you like me were getting too polluted by the worlds trinkets...maybe you should throw yourself at His feet and just go with Him. We don't want to stay if His Presence isn't staying with us!

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

The Rabble

Hold the phone! I was reading in Numbers 11 this morning when this verse (or verses) stuck out like a sore thumb:

4 The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. 6 But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" (emphasis mine)


Who in the world are the rabble I asked myself? This word rabble (in the NIV) is only mentioned twice in the bible and I had never heard it before. Where have I been?


Websters defines rabble as the following:
2 a: a disorganized or disorderly crowd of people

"The source of discontent is identified as "the rabble" (v. 4), referring to the foreigners who had come out of Egypt with the Israelites (Ex 12:38). Since they were not Hebrews, they had no personal attachment to God and His promises. They were tired of manna and remembered only the food which was formerly available to them in Egypt, forgetting all the reasons for fleeing. They were held in low esteem by the Israelites, but God's people allowed themselves to be influenced by their grumbling." (taken from my Key Word Study Bible)

One of my commentaries referred to the rabble as the "mixed company" that left Egypt with the Hebrew people.

I have written on the subject of forgetfulness in regards to sins slavery in the past, but I can't help but go there again when I read this passage.
First I want to share a couple of points that stood out to me:

1. We are influenced by the people around us and this world system more than we realize. The "haves" of this world greatly entice our cravings. When we decide to get our advice and satisfaction from "mixed company" we set ourselves up for discontentment and sins slavery. When I say mixed company I mean being unequally yoked and seeking advice and contentment from the ideals of the secular world around us. How many times have you seen an ad for something that you didn't know that you needed and it incited a want in you and you had to have that thing and then your affections for whatever it was that you now needed influenced your feet? In other words you had to have what someone else said you needed to be happy and you did what it took to try to achieve that momentary high. But the problem is the temporary fix that it gave you was only temporary.

2. We become like the people we hang with. Perfect example...the Hebrews were mixed in with the rabbles and the rabbles started complaining and grumbling and so did God's chosen people. Just like joy, and passion for the Lord is contagious...so is a critical complaining spirit. Grumbling and complaining is sin and yet we do it so often because we feel so justified in it. It only breeds more discontentment and negativity. What happens when we begin to grumble and complain is that we focus more on our problem than who God is. We focus on what we don't have instead of what we have been blessed with. I had someone in my life who continually spoke doubt and discouragement into my life in the area of trusting God for His provision and on two separate occasions I had to tell this person that I was not going to get on their worry train and I was going to trust God. Just like how sin permeates like yeast in a batch of dough, so does grumbling and complaining. It can breed so many consequences causing bitterness to spring up. So pull that weed out before it takes over the whole garden.
(I had a day today where I found myself griping and complaining about everything and it just made me feel miserable...not to mention probably Rod and little Morgan as well.)


Also, you see in this passage the tendency that we all have. I have been through a lot of tough things in my life. I can remember one really hard season (I am about to get generic so you can relate with your own stuff) where I had to let something go. I really thought that letting go was going to be the death of me. In some ways this thing that I had to move on from functioned as an idol for me. I began to try to find my worth in the way the whole thing panned out. The thing tore me down and I was in a constant struggle in my mind, my emotions, and I began to feel extremely low in the self-esteem department...mixed with a whole lot of anxiety over certain situations. The bottom line...I was in my own land of slavery. When I began to cooperate with God and allow Him to perform heart surgery and pry my hands off of this idol...I began to see such liberation and freedom in my life. Don't get me wrong it was mixed with pain. Later on, after I had been a couple of years removed from the whole situation I began to "forget" how enslaving the whole thing was. I even began to think oh maybe "that" would have been better when some of my situations in life went awry. I even felt at times like the path to obedience was just too hard and man so many people had it so much easier than me...what a lie. The Lord has allowed me to be marked forever with certain reminders to hopefully keep me from ever wanting to go back down to the land that He delivered me from. I would rather die than be the fool returning to my folly because His ways are best and so often I have learned that the hard way (and when I say the HARD WAY I mean every word of it...I have been on one field trip of stupidity after another but the lessons I think are now starting to stick...God is for us...always).

You know the story of the back breaking slavery, the loss of the baby boys, and that the Hebrews were in bondage. The Lord leads them out after many plagues and they had the Lord literally leading them with a cloud by day and fire by night. He was their reward, and He was their provision in the wilderness. If they needed to know where to go they just followed the cloud or the fire. The fire protected them from the deadly pestilence and met their physical needs. And I am sure the cloud provided them relief from the scorching heat. But guess what? They got mixed in with the rabbles and that was not good enough. They were now sick of the manna in other words sick of Gods kind of provision for them. They forgot their slavery and only remembered the food they had there and longed to go back. So you can read on in Numbers 11. God gave them their request. They would have so much quail it would be coming out of their ears.

Again so I don't make this too long...be wise about the company you keep. If you are in a place where you feel like life hasn't turned out like you thought...then tell Him. Ask Him for a thankful heart and more of the Spirit running over in your life. He is good and you do not have because you do not ask. Also, when the tests in life come seek to learn from them. Some of the hardest times in my life have been the best times because I literally was forced to depend on the Lord and see Him work in miraculous ways. I was not allowed to depend on my own strength or provision. Also, don't give up. No matter what you have done...no matter what has been dealt to you...keep fighting the good fight. Lets not forget where He has delivered us from and brought us to. Lets not forget what He has done for us and lets not neglect His word. That is the way in which He leads us today. He is the word made flesh. Thank you for your sweet word Lord. Don't let me be handed over to my own selfish desires. Let me live trusting and abiding in the shelter of the Most High. When I do complain help me to resist running to others but let me run to You and pour out my complaint to the One who is Safe. Give me more of Your Spirit. I am so desperate for You.

Psalm 106:13-15
13 But they soon forgot what he had done
and did not wait for his counsel.

14 In the desert they gave in to their craving;
in the wasteland they put God to the test.

15 So he gave them what they asked for,
but sent a wasting disease upon them.

My Strange Addiction- Widow Eats Husband's Ashes

Wow! This is extremely strange and weird. I will give them that! There will be a resurrection of the dead for these earthly bodies (see 1 Corinthians 15) I just hate that it will be thru her fecal matter (sorry...but it's just really strange). WHEW! Help her Lord!