Monday, July 28, 2014

The mister is 3! Happy birthday baby boy!!

Papa smurf! Who knew I'd have a 9lb baby full term?? All three of my pregnancies are war stories but one of the worst parts about this pregnancy was when I started to code. All heck broke loose and everyone descended on the room as we were in a real clear emergency. I was mad at rod and jokingly said I wasn't going to let him see Blair be born. Well, I'll never forget asking the anesthesiologist if my son was going to make it. He yelled ma'am... He might die but we are worried about you dying right now. (Rod says this conversation didn't take place and of course I was like dude you weren't even there! He had gone to tell his family I was having a c section and when he left all heck broke loose) uttered 2 things to The Lord: 1) Lord, I've lost one child before...I know you'll get me thru it again but surely not.  2) thank you for this anesthesia. By Gods grace I came out of emergency surgery and wasn't sick from anesthesia. My first words: is my son alive? I could cry. So rod and I both didn't get to see him be born. It was 3 or 4 something in the morning by the time I got rolled into see him. Rod asked me, "are you sure you want to see him tonight or just wait until the morning?" He carried Blair to the NICU and had already seen him. I was a little mad that others saw him before I ever did since it's such a sacred moment but it is what it is. Anyway, I went in and saw all his hair and was like is he mine??? He scared me for like 2 weeks because he had a furrowed brow and finally I was like I'm your mother child and pushed that cranky brow up with my finger. I'm still not used to the whole changing of the diaper and seeing "it's a boy!" yet. I don't know what to do with a boy!  Lol. Anyway, praise The Lord this dude made it. The NICU doctor that I was familiar with from Morgan didn't tell me until I was discharged that my boy didn't breathe on his own for 8 minutes and they had to bag oxygen him. I've yet to have one season of ease in my life. Everything is on the edge of my seat...go big or go home...enduring trials full of twists and turns and even almost near death!  I guess I'm really stubborn and need a lot of trials to keep me humble. Yet I wouldn't trade how I've come to know The Lord from them all. I'm so thankful for my firstborn in heaven that taught me that life is about Gods glory and to trust Him when there are no footprints in the sand. I'm thankful for my sweet Morgan and The Lord teaching me to have more faith and that even when I'm not faithful He remains faithful as He can't deny Himself. I wished with her I would have just believed God even if the outcome was wrong... That I would have gone forward with some faith. There were far to many scares and too much time plus hormones staring at 4 walls for months at brookwood. It caused me to see what a brute beast I was before The Lord in psalm 73. Now this dude!!! Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life. I never aspired to be a mom and got on my face and cried all three times I found out I was pregnant out of fear of being a mother and failing. Fail I do. Apologizing...I have to do a lot. But this boy teaches me and he's so much like me it's scary. I pray he grows to love Jesus and isn't a 1/4 of the fool I've been in life. If they make it out of my house without being totally dysfunctional it will be all praise to Jesus!!! I'm smitten with him!  And yes I mourn over them getting older. Some don't. I do. I've never wished away any stage of their lives. I feel so not fit to steward them but here we are!! The Mister!  Oh and he was voted best dressed in the NICU!  Lol. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Devotions: 1

Genesis 4:7
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it."

Just like eve was tempted in the garden we too are tempted to focus on the one thing we can't have instead of all that God has said yes to. When we focus on the one NO that God puts in place we will desire that one thing and if we merely hear the word but don't obey it we will succumb to the lust of the flesh and the lies of satan. Remember he is like a roaring lion (that's pretty scary when you think about it. We are no match for the enemy. Only Christ in us and by drawing the sword of the Spirit which is His word and prayer can we take our stand) seeking those whom he may devour. He wants to have you all bound up in a stronghold. A stronghold can be a good thing if The Lord is our stronghold but when sin is our stronghold we remain stuck and also like Adam and Eve, we will hide from The Lord in our sin and shame.  Be sure of this the enemy wants you to self-destruct since he can't have the believer in Christ, as we are sealed unto the day of redemption, but mark this he wants us to be living in rebellion and disobedience to God and he wants us to doubt Gods goodness. Friend, remember Gods commands are for our good. Let's focus not only on what we can't do, see, taste or touch, and focus on what God has said yes to in Jesus Christ. If you're like me the second I've ever tried to go on a diet I'm focusing on everything I can't have. I open the refrigerator over and over craving and wanting those 3 bags of carrots to suddenly taste like chocolate pie...and before you know it I'm focused on the wrong thing and I'm then chowing down on everything and could eat my purse! That's the same thing in essence we try for a minute and instead of persevering and focusing on what God says is for our good we fail or fall and give up so easily. Baby steps... Make one right decision after the next and remember that whatever stronghold you are in The Lord is about delivering you but also about you knowing the deliverer. Some of the hardest times of obedience for me have been the most blessed lessons I've learned because I've come to know Him in ways I couldn't have otherwise. Keep you gaze on Him sister!  I beg you from one woman who has been such a fool and had to learn the hard way, don't  let the enemy cause you to self-destruct or drive his flag of victory over you. When you fall, get back up and run to Him (or crawl)...He is faithful. 

Father, thank You that You are for us and every yes and amen has been fulfilled in Christ. Lord give us eyes to see and ears to hear and not focus on what is seen but what is unseen. Fix our gaze on You. May our appetite be one of hunger and thirst for you in this dry and weary land and may we drink deeply from the well that never runs dry. May we understand that our battle is not against flesh and blood and that we have a real enemy crouching at our door wanting to devour us. Consume us with a holy hunger for You and Your word. Cut the chains that so easily bind us and set us free from our own flesh that we may not live as a slave to sin and may sin and satan not master us but Lord, You be our Master. We can do nothing apart from Christ working so powerfully in us. In Jesus Name, amen.