Wednesday, December 3, 2008

desperate for prayer

I have not been real public about something that I have been struggling with so here goes. I am desperate for prayer for deliverance. It has been almost 2 1/2 years when I began to have what has been diagnosed as panic disorder.
I went to several doctors before I found one that looked at my heart and diagnosed it. I thought I was going to die or worse not be able to take care of Morgan. If you leave it untreated it gets worse and worse. They said that because of my mitral valve that it can show up after you have a child or in your late 20's and etc.

Well, I tried not to take anything for it for a long time until I had a really bad episode that lasted like 6 hours and I had tachycardia with it. Rods family really helped me and took me to the dr. and etc after the fire department had to come to my house. I was worn out from that, and completely horrified. If you have never had one I praise God for you.

I have prayed every prayer I know and so has Rod. Please ask God to deliver me and please pray for me. I had one this morning and I am headed to Rods moms house just so I can stay and she can help me with Morgan.

If you aren't familiar here is a list about it (I experience everything on the list)

Common Symptoms of Panic Disorder

An estimated 1% to 2% of people experience panic disorder at some time during their life. The diagnosis is 2 to 3 times more common in women than in men. Most cases of panic disorder begin between late adolescence and the mid-30s.

A family history can put you at risk. If a biological parent or sibling has or has had panic disorder, you're up to 8 times more likely to develop it yourself.

Panic disorder is characterized by repeated and unexpected panic attacks followed by a period of constant worry about when the next attack will occur. These panic attacks include at least four of the following symptoms striking suddenly and peaking within 10 minutes.

Review the list of symptoms of a panic attack.

  • Racing or pounding heartbeat
  • Sweating
  • Trembling
  • Feeling short of breath or smothered
  • Choking sensation
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Nausea or stomach discomfort
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Surreal or detached feeling
  • Fear of losing control or going crazy
  • Fear of dying
  • Numbing or tingling
  • Chills or hot flushes

Panic disorder also involves 1 month or more of the following reactions to a panic attack:

  • Persistent fear of more panic attacks
  • Intense worry about possible causes or effects of the panic attacks (for example, losing control, heart attack, going crazy)
  • Significant behavioral changes
I know some people will judge and think I am crazy but for those of you that I know won't PLEASE pray for me.


Sista Staci said...

I am praying for you precious Sista! You are not alone. Take one day at a time and look to our sweet JESUS for your complete healing! Remember when the Hebrew children were in the flames the only thing burned off of them were their chains. Sista, you are in the fire, and GOD is burning your chains of bondage off of you in the name of JESUS!
Stay strong and know that your Sistas are here for you!
No condemnation!
Sista Staci

Holly said...

My dear friend struggles with this. I will most certainly pray for you, Jenny! No, you are not crazy (except for Jesus, which is a GOOD thing!).

I'll talk with my friend and see if she has any good things she has learned over the past few years and I'll pass it along.


Joanne (The Simple Wife) said...

Hey Jenny,

I'm praying. I so know what you're going through--having had a couple of panic attacks myself. YUCK! (My sister deals with them too.)

Praying for God's peace to speak "be still" to your fears.

Much love,


Sharon said...

Praying for you, Jenny!

Your Sister in Christ,

April in real life said...

Sweet Friend... I have and will continue to keep praying! My prayer is that God would deliever you from these attacks! I will be praying specifically over all the things that are going on and for you and Morgan! I am so glad you can stay with Rod's parents right now! Please keep me updated on things... Love you so much friend!

April in real life said...

and on a 2nd note girl no one has any right to judge ... and if they do - do NOT worry about it... we know you are walking the walk and you are sheltered under the wings of the Almighty!!!!

darla said...

I used to have those, and still have mild cases of it...Girl I love you and I am praying for you... wish I could just come and help you with morgan and love on ya!

Anonymous said...

for He has given us a spirit of power and love and sound mind....that is a verse that I clung to during the fall of 2001 when not only had 9/11 just happened and our world was upside down but I was physically sick and it manifested into all sort of panic and psychosematic disorders. I believe that I had at least two panic attacks and there were horrifying.

Jenny, I pray that God will provide you with wisdom, peace and healing. May you rest at night and find strength during the day. May the Holy Spirit speak to you all day. Call me if you EVER need me. Love, Jill

Toknowhim said...

Sweet Jenny,

Thanks for sharing... We share something in common... Feel free to email me anytime if you want to talk more about it. Blessings sweet one as you fight for Freedom from this affliction...

Emmy said...

Sweet Jenny-
This is exactly what brought me to my knees 13 years ago... please email me and we can talk... there is healing I promise... it is scary... the worst thing in the world.... but it is my testimony! I am thankful God led me to read your post tonight! I'll be praying! You are going to be ok I promise... Jesus has you in the palm of His hand!

Praying for you Jenny- Emmy : )

"So do not fear, Jenny, for I AM with you; do not be dismayed, for I AM your God! I WILL strengthen you and help you Jenny! I WILL uphold you with my righteous right hand!" Isaiah 41:10

Cindy said...

Jenny I will be praying for you. I am glad you had the courage to share with Siestas so we can lift you up to the Father.

It is a privilege to be praying for you.

Profbaugh said...


I have mitral valve prolapse and have experienced panic attacks, where I thought I was going to die. It's very debilitating. Words don't do it justice. I know. I've been there.

Drop me an e-mail so we can talk one-on-one. I've learned how to manage them pretty well. I think I can help.

In the meantime, I'll be praying for you. Know that with His help you can manage this.

Much love,

ocean mommy said...

You know I'm praying. I'm so sorry you experienced this again...

Hang on to Him, even if it seems to be a second by second thing.

Love you so much and I will keep praying...


Stephanie said...

Praying for you Jenny!

MJ said...

Dear Jenny ~ you are certainly not crazy. I will pray that you are delivered from these symptoms and attacks. God Bless!

lavonda said...

I don't know you Jenny, but just saw you at the siesta fiesta when you spoke about your back scratchers and jumbo pencils :)...
I will certainly be praying for you though. Just reading those symptoms I can't imagine going through one of those episodes.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this, and will be lifting you up in prayer.
Another Siesta,

Becca and Dee said...

Bless your sweet heart - I so understand this. I, too, suffer from the same thing. I will tell you this, when I feel it coming on most of the time I try to stifle it. BIG mistake. I've been told time and time again not to try to suppress them because it only makes it worse, but still I try because I hate the way they make you feel. I was divinly healed of liver cancer almost 5 years ago and at the same time, was delivered from all forms of panic attacks. Unfortunately, for the past year they've been creeping back in. I wish I had some brilliant advice for you...I don't. One thing I do try to do is separate myself from everyone else. I will tell my husband what's about to happen, but then I'll go in a room alone. I find it so embarrassing for anyone to watch me and that just adds to the problem. If you ever need to talk about it with someone who has first hand knowledge, please feel free to contact me. In the meantime, I'll certainly be praying.

A fellow Alabamian siesta...


Suzanne B said...

You know I've got your back Sista!! I'll be having a talk with My Father about it. :)

As someone who had a cardiac stress test this year because of my panic/stress attacks, I feel for you. Unfortunately your's seem to be much much worse than anything I experienced.

Love Ya!

Mary said...

Jenny --I'm praying with you. And praise God that you have the strength to share your story. God is at work and I can see His fingerprints all over your person. I'm praying that the panic attacks will stop and that you will have a sense of true peace and joy in your spirit.

Tonight in Bible study we were talking about fear. One of our ladies shared this verse:

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." Isaiah 41:13

Hang on with all you have, sweet girl. I'm praying all over you tonight.

Andreea said...

I am praying for you too! That God totally and completely delivers you from this, and He will! I don't know if this will make any sense but I just feel like you need to know that NOTHING can separate you from God's perfect and unfailing love. And I am with condemanation.

I think you are awesome for asking us to pray for you. You will definitely be in my prayers from now on.


GratefulinGA said...

Praying for you Jenny. I have relations that have struggled with this. It's very real, very dibiltating and nothing to be taken lightly.

love you girl,

creative gal said...

I am praying for you. Hang in there! With all us siestas praying, Satan doesn't stand a chance!!

Patty said...

I want you to know that I love you and I am praying for your deliverance. This is real and I have known another young lady who had a panic disorder. God is bigger than this! His arm is not to short that He cannot save and He hears the cries of the righteous and brings deliverance.
Love you,

Danielle said...

Jenny, I am sorry to hear that. I will be praying for you!

darla said...

hey! I've been twittering you...add you, and have moved you to the top of the prayer list, thank you for sharing so we can pray better for you!

Fran said...

"Dear sweet Jesus...
I ask you to take this from Jenny and I ask for your deliverance of this terrible thing in her life. Lord, surround her with only peace and freedom here. Lord, take her to a beautiful place of complete healing. Lord, she loves you so much and we believe that You will do this. Give her strength God as she becomes free."

I love ya Jenny. I'm praying for you always.

fuzzytop said...

I'm praying for you Jenny...


Michelle V said...

Praying for you! (And you are not crazy!)


kathleen in TX said...

I've had them for years. I've found that praying my way through them helps me the most. If at all possible, I speak scripture/pray out loud, they have been getting fewer and milder. I will be praying for your deliverance!

Jenni said...

I occasionally read your blog (but have never commented). Ifound it from a blog thru a blog, etc., on a list of blogs I read once a week or so. This may be long and I apologize in advance.

Anyhoo, I am a normal 51 years old who loves life, my family and especially God, my Saviour. Spiritually and physically. I say that because at about 27 years old, I was walking through the mall with my then 3 and 4 year old children, just enjoying our day, when a major panic attack hit. Out of the blue. I'd never had one before and had NO idea what it was or what was happening to me. I had all the symptoms you listed.

To shorten my story, I lived this 24/7. I was barely functioning. I feared doing almost everything outside my house, having my haircut (you can't leave easily in the middle of a hair cut if panic hits), and for that same reason, feared the checkout at the grocery store, being "locked in" by cars at intersections, flying in planes, etc. The fear was intense and had its grip. I was to the point where I didn't want to get up in the morning to face the never-ending fear and panic that lived in me.

This went on for a few months. Very.Long.Months.

One night I laid in bed while my family ate dinner, crying and telling God, "I'm no good for my family this way. Can't you just give me a quick cancer or something and let them have their lives?" Now, I didn't really want to leave my family, but the fear was so big it consumed me. I prayed, "Please! Deliver me from this or take me!"

God chose that same moment to have my husband walk in and say (with tough love - he was my second savior), "You have a husband and two small children. This is hard for you and I'm here for you but you have to choose to live and learn to function. You need to face this, step by step. It's up to you." And he went back in to our children eating dinner.

I was so shocked - torn between amazement at God's timing, and anger that he was so "mean" about it. But it catapulted me into, "I'll show him, I'll get up and be just fine." (Thank you to God and my husband, they both seemed to always know when I needed a shove.)

My biggest fear was "what if." What if it happens at the store or the intersection or whatever. So I adopted my own "so what" attitude. What's the worst that would happen? I'd walk out with my hair half cut? So what. I'd fix it myself at home and never go back there. If the stylist thought I was nuts, so what. By telling myself that, I was able to get through it to the end. It was still hard, but I did it, one thing after another, month after month. And I never did have to walk out of any situations because as long as I had that "out," I stayed just a minute longer, then another minute, until I could actually walk out with my mission at the time accomplished to the end.

It took me 3 years total until I realized, wow, I don't even have the symptoms anymore. (The first year was the toughest, it was much easier as time went on, only the bigger things were problems.)

No medicine, no therapy, just me, God and my husband. (Not that I think meds are bad, I just didn't know about them in th e1980's - they weren't that well-known if they were even available back then. My doctor just said it's stress, you'll have to learn to manage it.)

I live a wonderful life and am so thankful for that time because I drew very close to God, was very aware of Him, and my husband and I bonded even closer.

Hang in there. Find what works for you, work through the tough parts. I know it's hard, I felt like I was going to have my heart and lungs burst out of my chest at times, but slowly it got better. I haven't had any panic issues for almost 25 years now, and I no longer fear them! I really don't think about them. Praise God!!! And my husband. :)

Sometimes I think it was a blessing too, because a few times in my life, I've been able to pass my story on to someone like you in hopes that you will feel hope of it resolving. We have a great big God who really can do ANYTHING! I'm proof that he heals us.

God's blessing to you and your family and I will be praying for you from California!

Heather said...

he heals ALL our diseases...All of them.

love you and praying for you.

Susan said...

My mom, my sister and I all struggle with them. You are NOT crazy. Because of your heart condition, I'm not sure what meds you can take, but a combo of meds and some therapy with a Christian Counselor has helped me. The Counselor helped me to know how to recognize triggers, recognize when they were beginning and how to deal with them. The meds (and we're talking the lowest dosages possible) really helped and continue to help when I need them.

Praying for you, Jenny. You are not alone, I promise. And so does He.

Much love, Susan

Lori said...

I suffered with panic attacks for 2-3 years. I was on medicine at one time and then went to see a counselor (here in Birmingham) that specializes in panic disorders. I am very happy to say and hope you are encouraged to know that you CAN BE FREE FROM THEM! I have not had one in 3 years! There are times that I can still feel one coming on but I have not gone into a full panic attack in awhile. I will email you my number if you want to talk about it. Also, I am close so if you are at home and you are having one I can come sit with you. I knew I always feared being by myself when I had them.

Praying for you,

connorcolesmom said...

Girl you know I am with you I suffered terribly for years with Panic Attacks but had my worst one at Disney a few weeks ago
It was the worst thing I have ever experienced and I felt so out of control!
I will be constantly covering you in prayer and I am CLAIMING God's deliverance in this matter - AMen in Jesus NAME!
Love you

ocean mommy said...

Just want you to know I'm still praying for you...


Lora said...

Sweet Heavenly Father,
One of Your own, dear Jenny Hope
Is crying out Lord, hanging on to her rope
Please Lord deliver Jenny Hope
On You we rely and won't give up - nope
Deliverance is what Jenny needs
So we come before you and beg and plead
Your deliverance is what Jenny needs
Lord You hold the cure for the panic attack
Bind the enemy and hold him back
Protect dear Jenny from the panic attacks
Yes, bind the enemy and hold him back
Thank you Lord for her family and their practical care
Please let Jenny know her Siestas love her as her pain she's bared
Let us Lord encourage and do our part
Bring healing quickly, so she and Morgan can create more art
You are God over Jenny's panic attacks
Right what was wrong and allow her to bounce fully back
We ask for a full and complete healing
Your Words, Your ways, Your will revealing
We ask for a full and complete healing
And let her know she is not being judged
But Siestas, with her in prayer, through this trial trudge
Deliver Father, dear Jenny Hope
We thank You in advance Lord that You hold the rope
In the mighty and powerful Name of Jesus, Amen.

Darlene R. said...

Hey Jenny,

Know that I will be praying for you in this. There's no judgement here. Love and miss you!


Ang baylis said...

I just listened to John Piper talk about anxiety on one of his messages. It was SO good. He talked about how it seems as if you are driving along the road in your car and all of a sudden a big piece of mud gets on your windshield making you unable to see. He said you need water and your windshield wipers. You need prayers and His sword (Word). I'm praying for you, sweet sister and admire you for your vulnerability! None of your real friends will judge you... especially me!
Love you,
Angie xoxo

Yolanda said...

I'm praying also, Jenny.

Heather said...

Praying for you sweet friend! Don't ever give up praying! God will not abandon you!

jenlovesthelord said...

You bet ya I will pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Jenny, just wanted you to know I'm praying for you right now.

kathleen in TX said...

Thank you for this post! It helps me to know that I'm not alone! I learned a lot from reading everyone else's comments as well. Oh how I could relate to Jenni with the hair cutting, grocery lines and traffic dread! I had a pretty bad one the night before your post and I really needed to read this!

Teri~Facedown said...

Hey girl. I don't know when you posted this but I still feel led to comment. I just want you to know I am praying for you. You need to know that you are not alone. I also had panic attacks, shortly after my mother in law died and had them for about two years. They were quick to check the heart for mitral valve prolapse, because my panic attacks included tachycardia as well. Honestly Jenny, it was a true work of the spirit that happened in me. There was no formula or special prayer, but yes, as other women have commented, scripture, TRUTH seemed to dispel the lie the best. You are doing all the right things Jenny...keep crying out to Him, He hears you.
You are an amazing woman of God with a passion for the word and for sharing it with people...the enemy sees what you are doing and is furious about it. Just know, you will be the victor Jenny. It might not seem like it now, but God will indeed use this situation to glorify himself.
I love you girl and will be bathing you in prayer.

twinkle said...

Jenny, I want you to just relax. Take a few deep breaths. Lift your shoulders up and down slowly. One more time. And again. Once more.

What you are going through is real. I am sure not here to judge you! Please remember that we are all human and suffer through things, too! I believe God is doing a powerful work in your life right now as we speak. The enemy sure wants to stop that work...but he will NOT!
Medicine may be what you need. But don't give up on God working a miracle in your life. Scripture, a desire to overcome this no matter what, and a need for HIS POWER to give deliverance will get you through this.
Father in heaven, we all come to Jenny Hope in the name of Jesus Christ, praying by the power of Your Holy Spirit. We each one encircle her as she kneels at Your Precious Feet. As we place our hands on Jenny, I pray that she will feel the power of Your Spirit delivering her from this torture. I pray that You would rise up in Jenny, interceding in her need when we just don't have the words to pray. I pray that You would replace her mitral valve problem with a thorough healing by Your Hand. I pray that the emotions and the adrenaline issues would be healed and that she would be delivered by Your Mighty Power overcoming whatever she is dealing with. Father, we cannot see what we wrestle with here on this earth. But You see. We serve a Mighty God. Christ was tempted in all points like we are. He was able to heal hopeless people just through His touch. I know that Jenny has faith Lord. Hurry her through this and may she come out gloriously gold...and may she testify of Your Great Power in her need. May Jenny fear not! May she be held tightly in Your Grip. Give her scripture to battle this. I pray for the Spirit fruit of peace in her body, mind and spirit. And all my sisters pray for her in accordance with Your Word and Your Spirit. We thank You, Lord, for hearing this prayer and answering Jenny's need. Yes, Lord, we thank Your for answering our prayers.In the Name of Jesus we pray believing. Amen.

DaNella Auten said...

You're not crasy, just human. I suffered from panic attacks for several years, but extreamly mild compared to yours, simply being totally naucious, and having to go poop every 5 minutes. Even just talking about it now makes my stomache turn... But God delivered me. He has not forgoten you. He knows your name and where you are, and every hair on your head.

Kristen Dulion said...

I know exactly what those attacks are Jenny. I had my first one when I was a little girl and had to go to the ER. I also have MVP and have dealt with anxiety all of my life so I ca definitely relate. I will stand in prayer with you against our anxiety.

jennyhope said...

Kristen thank you so much!! It can be so dibilitating and people that are not familiar DO NOT understand. Praying for you to girl!!

Bev Brandon said...

I am praying for you Jenny HOPE that the God of all Hope will so invade and take this away. I so deal with panic attacks and always have---HE knows our frame Psalm 139:15,16 and how we have been abandoned and why we are like we are today. An remember what your Mama Beth says: Your desperation is a gift. You know God more than most twenty-something year olds that I know cause you're face down and in the good Book and connected to HIM. You so honor HIM!

Bev Brandon said...

I am praying for you Jenny HOPE that the God of all Hope will so invade and take this away. I so deal with panic attacks and always have---HE knows our frame Psalm 139:15,16 and how we have been abandoned and why we are like we are today. An remember what your Mama Beth says: Your desperation is a gift. You know God more than most twenty-something year olds that I know cause you're face down and in the good Book and connected to HIM. You so honor HIM!