Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"The" Priority

Matthew 6:33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I am pathetic. This past weekend I had what most people call "the ugly cry". I started to lose it because my house has been a total wreck. I have never been a person that can just tolerate all the mess. I could sit here and make excuses but the truth is sometimes I am eating the bread of idleness and other times I am just too slap busy to get things done like I want to. I immediately begin to look around and freak out because there is so much to do and I don't know where to start. That makes me want to go hide under the covers. Top that with putting a million expectations on myself and listening to the subtle whispers of the enemy telling me that I am a failure and you have one overwhelmed chick!
I cried for what may have been an hour on Saturday. Rod doesn't see me cry that often so when he heard me going to pieces we actually were able to communicate some things that we really just needed to talk about.
Not that I rejoice in the iniquity of others AT ALL but I feel better when I turn that show on called "Clean House" (I think that is the name). I can then tell myself that none of that does anything for my situation but hey it could be worse. So wrong of me.
To the praise and glory of Jesus I am not where I was on Saturday and I have actually accomplished a lot. Sometimes though we (especially as women) just need to let out everything we've been holding in and be honest before God. I believe when we get in His presence and even just cry and not have the words that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groaning's and longings that can not be expressed.
My bible study group is wonderful by the way. I can not tell you how honored I am to be able to serve these women along with my Sunday morning class. I am so humbled that God would allow this child with all of her frailties still be used by Him. He is so Other.
So, I had the above verse on my heart. Our relationship to Christ has to be our life. Our highest know Him. As we seek Him, His Kingdom and His righteousness He gives us everything we need for life and godliness so that we are able to walk this thing out on planet earth.
When I am not seeking Him first things are just out of balance in my life. A lot of mornings I wake up with vertigo and the room just seems to spin. God is on His throne and will always be on the throne of His mercy seat. Even when we feel that everything around us is spinning out of control He is not moved. He doesn't need to be just a number on a list of priorities. He is the priority and life and the abundance of the soul that comes from the Holy Spirit only flows from a seeking soul who longs to seek Him above all else.
I just pray that each of us would long for Him more than anything. That He would just give us a bitter taste in our mouth regarding the things that we are putting before Him.
There is nothing in all of life like a vibrant relationship with Christ. Do what you have to do to be in that place with Him. Forsaking all other lesser loves for the pursuit of the most worthy Lover of our Souls.
Now I have no idea if I am making any sense because I am about to pass out I am so tired! I just finished priming a few walls. Have I ever mentioned my hatred for wallpaper?!?!? If not there you go!

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Carolyn said...

Hey Jenny! I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog, and Bible study on Tuesday nights. I love your openness and honesty. I truly am able to see the Lord through you, and how only He can set the captive free. Thank you for your willingness to be His servant.

Svee said...

Thank you so much for this post. I was just thinking this morning how God needs to be first in my life. I tend to wake up and start thinking about all the concerns in my life and God is an after thought. Today I decided I want to just think about how I can serve and focus on Him and He will take care of my concerns. Then I read your post and it helped to reenforce that I need to put God first. Thank you for sharing. It is a real encouragement to share the walk of our Lord with others who help us on our journey:)

God Bless,

He Knows My Name said...

Have you been snooping in my life or something. My wake up call was when my poor grandson's white socks were dirty when I knew he came over clean, 2 buckets later, my floors were clean...that was my Monday of this week. I didn't go to work so I could clean. My Achilles heal is paper/mail...I still have not got a good system there.

I deal with the "failure syndrome" almost every day...I worry too much too. I getting better at stopping mid-thought and quote take every thought captive...

He will give you strength. You are a great, godly mom (most importantly), and a faithful servant of our King.

hugs, janel

michellemabell said...

I just love your prayer that we long for Him more than anything else.

I do have to say when I got to the end of your post I burst out laughing at your declaration of hatred of wall paper. :)



McBetty said...

Jenny, you don't know me.... but I discovered your blog when I was trying to find out more about Beth Moore's Inheritance DVD. Can you tell me if this DVD has closed captions for the deaf or if it has subtitles? The outside of the package should tell. We're thinking of getting this DVD for our Bible study group.

bmcbroom at gmail dot com

Warren Baldwin said...

"Top that with putting a million expectations on myself and listening to the subtle whispers of the enemy telling me that I am a failure and you have one overwhelmed chick!"

One thing the evil one wants to do is convince us we are no good. But, in the midst of such thoughts it is hard to discern where they are coming from!

Remember Gal. 3:27 - whoever has been baptized in Christ has been clothed with Christ. That means he covers us, protects us, values us. So, no matter the state of the house or the world, or no matter how we feel at the moment, we have value!