Double Minded

It doesn't take much for me to scan back over the pages of my life and get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach over the sin in my life that has occurred from just being straight up double-minded. If there is ANYTHING I do not want Morgan to be, it is a weak willed woman. Honestly, sometimes the only reason I have sought freedom in my own life is because I want my children to see a life of authenticity before the Lord. Yet I fall so short. We all do don't we? I am so thankful that with the LORD is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. Not just partial redemption but full. Rebellion is so bound up in our hearts and we are so conditioned by this world system to just live for ourselves. I can't even tell you the times I just flat out sinned because maybe deep down I bought into the lie that I deserve something more and that I had been obedient for long enough yet there was no change in my situation. I would in essence begin to doubt God's goodness. Beth Moore put it this way in her new study on James, "Mercy Triumphs":

"all rebellion is essentially the attempt to take now what God won't give. The object of our deformed desire looks so alluring and promising that we can't imagine it birthing death, yet it eventually always does.". -Beth Moore

We essentially become double minded when we have a heart that is divided. What is it though that can cause a true believer to become double-minded? You could add your own list but for the sake of studying James I would say that we bend under the weight of trial and time and we choose now instead of persevering. The battle takes too long and feels too hard and we cave. We allow our fleshly desires to dominate and control us instead of the Spirit. At least that has been the case for me. We begin to flop around and allow "lesser things" to seep in maybe even slowly until things that were black and white, do and don't, become gray. I would be willing to bank so much of our double mindedness on a heart that has been hurt in some way. Maybe a rejection of sorts, a moral failure, a past track record that we can't get over...that we feel marked by...but we begin to allow time + trial to = wavering. We maybe spend less time in the word, less time around believers, and more time finding ways to fill our needs because we bought the lie that God just wasn't doing it for us. Let's face it living a life of duplicity is going to result in instability with you being the star at the masquerade ball.

The lexical form of the greek word for being double minded "Dipsychos" just fell on me like a ton of bricks.

Im no scholar here but lets break down that word di- meaning twice in the greek and psychos which has its origin in the word psyche and what do you get? Almost two totally polar opposite people. Division. Mark 3:25 says²⁵ If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

If we are in Christ we are housing the holy spirit and if we are living a life of duplicity that life will ultimately crumble.

Here is the lexical definition I was telling you about:

" ...double-minded, inclined toward antithetical ideologies, having conflicting dispositions. Twice in James, referring to one who has not resolved to embrace the way of faith in God. It is not merely weak in faith, but being disposed to embrace the way of righteousness in faith (believing God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and following them and believing His promises to be true and relying upon them) while being equally disposed to embrace the way of unrighteousness (disbelieving God's commands and ethical dictates to be good and disbelieving His promises and relying upon one's own means). Such a person is spiritually unstable (1:8) and prone to duplicity (4:8).

Whoa! If you have lived a life of just one good decision after another thank and praise God for His grace that has kept you from sin. However, if you are like me and have learned the hard way you get the above definition. You know what it is like to be divided. You know the anxiety that it brings. I taught in the singles ministry for years at my church and if there is one challenging area I have taken note of it is the area where a guy/girl has really tried to live for God and years have gone by with no promise of a life partner on the horizon. Then, doubt crept in and before you know it he or she was back to their old way of trying to get that need met. The need to get married overrode the obedience that came from waiting on God no matter what. It is hard. I am not saying it is easy. I'm just saying that I have learned the hard way that God's ways are best. His word is true and His promises are true. We can lean on Him and trust and place our confidence in Him even when our feelings override everything we know to be true. Or we can place confidence in ourselves and watch everything burn down around us, only we lit the match with our own unbelief.

It makes me sick to think about the bad decisions I have made based on my own self-reliance. Seriously, as I type this I can feel the sickness in my gut. Also, I sit here writing in amazement that we have a God that is so incomparably good and merciful and that His mercy does indeed triumph over judgment. He does not treat us as our sins deserve.

When we feel we are lacking because clearly trials present the opportunity for us to see our need because we so desperately want to grasp at the heels of control and we find through trials that we have no semblance of control...when we feel that gaping hole inside of us we would be wise to come before our God who opens His hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing and beg for His help and His filling. Look at the following verses:

^{James 1:2 -8 2} Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Man do we have us some trials of "many kinds" here on planet earth! Yet these are meant to test our faith and help us to persevere. I will never forget studying this verse oneday and learning that perseverance was the ability to bear up under a load. It isn't that we aren't going to have any loads to bear up under but that we will indeed have them and that we can learn from them and learn to bear up under them and not quit. Quitting is easy...but to me quitting on this thing called faith and my relationship with Christ would be misery. What is the dealio here with some perseverance? Why such the big deal? Well, from experience I would venture to say that persevering...going on with God...has taught me that He is the God who sees me and He is moved with compassion over my plight. Little ol' me. He is about relationship and in this relationship He fills us and completes us so that we can learn what it means to be mature and complete not lacking anything. Can I just say that reliance upon God is what snatches us from the flame. I have tried so hard to seek refuge in man to get my needs met only to be let down time and time and time again. Yet even if my situation has not changed, I have never been "let down" by God so to speak because I have gained intimacy with Him and sacred knowledge of Him.

This to me is a personal example but just one of many that I thank God for:

In 2004 my sweet baby girl Shelby Hope, was born and lived for 30 minutes. For times sake let me say that I really never imagined that I would lose a child so it was not something I prepared emotionally for. My natural assumption kicked in that Rod and I would go through that together and we would grieve. So, a week goes by and it is almost as if Rod packed that chapter up and put it in a box because there was nothing he could do about it. I have heard men are "fixers" I don't know because I am not one of them but through observation over the years that is the way Rod is. He is more about things that are logical and if something is out of his control he must move on. Not me. It was a nightmare of sorts but I will say that I stayed in the Word (by God's grace) and walked the thing out by faith and not how I felt. There were times that I would be sitting in the floor crying so hard I almost threw up and wondered why the heck he wasn't checking on me. Why was he not still crying? Where was the comfort I should receive? None of it matters now but to tell you that it marked me for the good. I realized in that time that not even your man who is the father of the child you just lost is going to be God to you. His grief is not going to look the same as yours and unless you embrace that God even allowed him not to be a comfort to you so that you would learn what it means to lean on Christ Alone...then your trials will turn to bitterness and resentment and ultimately be the bitter root that Hebrews speaks of that springs up and defiles many!

God is not looking at us wondering why we don't get the picture regarding His infinite wisdom and ways yet He tells us that if we need wisdom over these trials we can ask. This lofty God of ours who dwells in inapproachble light says we can approach His throne with boldness! Who else but our God! Yet we are not to doubt because He will indeed answer us. We need not rely on ourself as geared toward our flesh as we are we must hold His word in high esteem and run to it and seek refuge from the tempest that rages against us. He is our answer and in Him we find life and revival in our souls. Choosing to trust is choosing to thrust ourself in belief upon our God if no one else ever shows up with us or not. It will not lead us to an unstable life ever! Our feet will be planted on the Rock and we will be as surefooted as a deer! Let it be Lord! We need You. Help our unbelief! Be our strength when we feel weak and feel like we can't go on. Make us sure footed and able to stand.

Habakkuk 3:19

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

as of late

stephy and blair

me

cousins

me and steph my little sister

my boy

mr thom and me at lifeway w the new beth moore bible study

I Think I Am On to Something...

Proverbs 25:11 (NIV1984)

¹¹ A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

I love me a word fitly spoken! Can I just say I am a little fatigued and feel like a chicken with my head cut off from moving, having a newborn, and trying to raise my six year old. I don't know how people do life without Jesus. Seriously. The overarching cry of my soul as of late are things like this:
"Lord, I need You.
Lord, fill me.
Lord, conquer this aching in me.
Lord, don't let me miss You in the day to day.
Lord, I want to know You.
Lord, You are all I really have in this life.
Lord, HELP ME!"

I want what the Psalmist cries out for...I want Him to teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). I know if you are reading this that you probably want the same things in the deep down of your heart. So much of my lack of fellowship or peace at times is a refusal to not only confess my sins but to repent of them. To turn from them. We can be walking in the light and not feel His presence and have to walk by faith and not by how we feel. Yet we seem to shy away from the whole theme of repentance in this Western culture we live in. We lack peace. We lack contentment. So many times we feel like maybe we have lost our way, yet God wants us to return to Him with all of our hearts and walk with Him and be blameless like He told Abraham after his whole attempt to help God out with an heir to the promise. I love that God is a God of fresh beginnings. It is never too late to fall on your knees or your face before Him and return. So, I was reading this section in the Jewish Book of Why about death and mourning. I don't have time to site everything I am thinking of you would be here all day but in the Beatitudes when Jesus is saying "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" he is speaking in the Greek language of a mourning over sin. When we mourn over our sin we will be comforted. Because in our repentance there is a rest and comfort for our soul that no amount of pills, or alcohol, or entertainment can provide. The pure in heart will see God and if we are to be pure in heart it is going to mean some confession and some repentance. There is just freedom in coming clean before the God who already sees, who already knows, who is ready to forgive.
So, let me get on to the small clip I was reading (BTW, I am always fascinated with anything about Judaism that can help me glean more into the scriptures of Jesus' day and time):

Why do some Jews follow the custom of placing the deceased on the floor and of then pouring water on the floor?

In biblical times the pouring of water was a way of expressing a person's or a nation's sense of guilt. It was a way of acknowledging God's displeasure with man's actions (Judges 20:26) or of expressing remorse at a time of calamity (Joel 1:14).

Although no longer widespread, the practice of pouring water on the floor where a deceased lay is considered by many a way of notifying people who enter a room that a death has occurred. It originated in the Middle Ages, when it was common belief that the ghost of the dead was present after death and was dangerous to ungrateful relatives. This custom, in a variety of forms, was practiced in many cultures. Primitive man believed that spirits could not cross bodies of water and that the ghost, if it made such an attempt, would fall in.

So, I probably didn't have to include the last part but I am making a point. Tonight Morgan was talking to me about a girl that she is having trouble getting along with at school. Don't you hate that it starts that young? We have talked about it everyday and tonight I said, "Morgan tell Jesus. Pour out your heart to Him and tell Him you don't like her. Be honest with Jesus. Ask Him to change things and then we will see Him work." So she begins to do just that in the back seat. It reminded me of the following verse:
^{Lamentations 2:19} Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street. (emphasis mine)

Not only does The Lord of Hosts want us to pour out our hearts about whatever is troubling us, it just hit me like a ton of bricks with the implication of pouring out my heart like water in the presence of the Lord. If you will connect the earlier paragraph about how pouring water out in ancient times was symbolic of a person or nations guilt we are also to come before the Lord in lamentation of our own sin and just pour it out before Him acknowledging that we are dead to sin and we too want to leave that dead person on the ground with our old man, our sin nature. A true believer in Christ should wrestle with sin. We should not have peace when we are wigging out in a heap of sin. Romans 6 does way more justice on this matter than I could ever do. You and I in Christ are dead to sin and made alive in Christ yet we live in a fallen world and we continue to sin and need forgiveness and restoration. God is the re-builder of walls. Whatever seems broken down, maybe even burned down, and beyond repair God can and will speak life into. We don't have to stay the way we are. We can be cleansed by the washing of the water of the Word and made free to walk in obedience. Maybe you have blown it and others don't want to let you be free but when we encounter the Lord He is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Then, we can have confidence before Him...the only One who matters.
Make us right Lord. Thank You that even when we have blown it beyond measure You cleanse us and restore us. Fortify our walls Lord and may You be our Refuge and hiding place.
You are Worthy Lord. Free us from our guilt and the pride that keeps us from pouring out our hearts in confession and repentance. Help us Lord. Thank You that You are intimate and loving and that Your discipline is even merciful.

Psalm 62:8

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

Lamentations 2:18-20

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁸ The hearts of the people
cry out to the Lord.
O wall of the Daughter of Zion,
let your tears flow like a river
day and night;
give yourself no relief,
your eyes no rest.

¹⁹ Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at the head of every street.

²⁰ “Look, O LORD, and consider:
Whom have you ever treated like this?
Should women eat their offspring,
the children they have cared for?
Should priest and prophet be killed
in the sanctuary of the Lord?

UPDATE on BABY BOY

So baby boy is 10 weeks old! UNREAL!! It is so hard to believe that 2 months have already come and gone! Here are some recent pics of the little mister. I am so in love!!


Here is Blairsy on his first beach trip! I took him and Morgs this past weekend and they were both sick! It was like as soon as we set foot in the condo they were sick. We were still thankful to get away and see the beach!

And the reining queen of my heart! It looks like she was the only one at the beach because it was sort of windy and cold. Here she is at 75 months! LOL

Fist pump for the tigers! Or maybe the Lord was ordaining praise! I will go with the latter!

sweet girl trying on clothes at the outlets in Destin.

LOVE these smiles. I was so worried he would be a grumpy boy but he is so sweet!


Here he is in a hat I had made for him that he is wearing for his baby dedication on Sunday! Morgs had her baby dedication 6 years ago on October the 9th and his is Sunday, October 9th! So sweet!


HELLO~~~ I can hardly stand all of the cuteness! LOVE HIM!!!

Baby boy and I at the beach! Here I am at 381 months!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Love this man! Dr. Erwin Lutzer...sermon on his 70th bday

This sermon blessed me so much! If you are not familiar with Pastor Lutzer you can listen to him for free on www.oneplace.com. He is such a sound teacher and I so enjoyed getting to hear some of his testimony.

Beth Moore's new bible study: :James, Mercy Triumps" !!!!!!

Y'ALL!!!! I am dying to get my hands on the new Beth Moore study on James!!! Here is the Lifeway link! I will begin stalking my local Lifeway and calling my precious friend in receiving, Rhonda, to find out when it gets in. It is scheduled to be released in November! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

This Is Not Our Home

Hebrews 11:13

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

Morgan rushed in the room this morning and sort of asked but said, "Mom, this is not our home!, right?!" Right I told her. I just saw the phrase on a blog that said, "As good as it gets!" Well, I sure hope this isn't as good as it gets because if it is we are in for some trouble. I follow several Caringbridge sites and keep up with people who are ill with cancer and various other things. Most of them are strangers to me but strangely enough through their sites and updates, I feel like I know them. Some of them are terminal...but aren't we all. One little precious boy is on the verge of dying as he battles cancer. It is really sickening. My heart breaks for the family and the boy. Another girl is awaiting yet another lung transplant. She is such a fighter and a godly woman. I can't even begin to imagine what she and her family are going through. Especially when I struggle so much to just not pass out when I am in a hospital. I can't imagine living in one daily. Then, I got word of a precious woman whose husband is having an affair. Two children and he has no plans to stop the affair. I mean what in the world are you going to do with this stuff? Christians can mean so well as they rattle off Romans 8:28 which is a wonderful verse but not the best one to throw out there in the middle of someones personal crisis, at least not in my opinion. Here it is if you didn't know it already: ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I think sometimes we just want to say something, anything that could offer perspective or a word of comfort when the hearer really just needs prayer and maybe to be told how deeply sorry we are. I remember so well some of the well intended things that were said when Shelby died that I really hoped I would never say to someone else in their hour of trial but we are all a work in progress, amen!
My little sister called me about a sweet baby girl that was the same age as her little girl that just went to be with Jesus. She died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I saw a picture of the mom holding the lifeless body of her precious dead child in her arms and it was more than I could take.
All of this is to say I am SO thankful that this is not our home, for those of us who are in Christ. I can honestly say now after years of walking with Christ, of testing and approving, of studying Gods word daily for 13 years now...I can say that He is more real to me than anything. I am more sure of Him than I am of the reality of my being. He is true. I can't make anyone know that but I would plead with anyone that if today You hear His voice calling you that you would not harden your heart. Our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. We are not just going to go on and on in these mortal bodies. We will pass from this earth.

Romans 13:10-12

¹⁰ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹² The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

What really brought me to this post tonight was all of the change I have had lately. It is good but it is change. I moved and had sweet Blair all in the same week. He is six weeks old and I still feel so unsure of myself as a parent to both of my kids. More than anything I have had an aching reminder in the form of a feeling that this is not my home. In moving I still don't feel settled but I thank God for how He shakes us up at times because we have gotten too comfortable and maybe even complacent with where we are. There is a contentment in each of us that can be sinful if we are just content with less than God's best. For me I was content to stay in our old house for the rest of my life so I wouldn't have to change anything.

So tonight as I was walking the neighborhood and felt that tinge of discomfort I thanked the Lord for the reminder that in whatever area of life you and I are in, He is "El Roi" the God who sees me and who sees you. He is our comfort no matter how hard we try to find comfort in this world. He is the Rock that we can stand on and the stronghold that will protect us from the enemy when we feel like laying down and dying would be better than taking anything more. I was reminded yet again this morning at how Hagar was mistreated and ran away and was then sent away. This world is going to flat out mistreat us. It just is. I am so thankful that even when we run in our driest land to get back to something familiar, that God opens our eyes to Him and the Well of Living Water that He longs to give us in the wilderness. Life still may be a wilderness but He will meet us there. He will change us if we let Him. So let us not get too comfortable here.

A few ways we get comfortable with less than Gods best:

1. Avoid tribulation at all cost. We try to dodge anything in life that could potentially be the very thing that would drive us so much closer to Christ. We do not get grace for things we haven't faced yet...but I promise you we get the grace to deal when we need it. Not before.

2. We are so polluted with this world and what it has to offer that we lose our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.

3. We haven't kept our eye on the prize and truly treasured Christ as the pearl of great prize!

So how are we to live?

1. 1 Peter 2:11

¹¹ Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

The enemy is all about us becoming not only carnal Christians but what I call chameleon Christians where we blend in because we have lost our fear of the Lord and we begin to live lives of comparison with others which leads to becoming a fool. He wants us to do the opposite of what Christ commanded us. The Lord wants us to stand out and be like a city on a hill. He wants people to take note that we have been with Jesus. So I will just let the word speak for itself.

2. Fix your eyes on Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4:18

¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My mind wants to break verses down and get into the original language to find out what it is saying but you and I have got to make it a priority to spend time in the Word and in Bible study and in a bible believing Church. Those things will change us. There is no real freedom or change apart from the Word of God and us obeying! So fixing my eyes on the unseen is fixing my attentions on the Word and allowing it to dwell richly in my heart, mind, and soul.

3. Then maybe we need to walk through some scenarios that are bothering us or causing us to wig out in fear. Maybe we need to take our worst fears and put them out there before God. He already knows. But somehow I think that if we do that we think that everything bad we have ever thought is going to have to happen. No. But I will say God will meet you where you are when you are there. So if he is even calling you to get uncomfortable because maybe you like me were getting too polluted by the worlds trinkets...maybe you should throw yourself at His feet and just go with Him. We don't want to stay if His Presence isn't staying with us!

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

Why did God accept Abel’s offering, but reject Cain’s offering? Why did Cain then kill Abel?

The Rabble

Hold the phone! I was reading in Numbers 11 this morning when this verse (or verses) stuck out like a sore thumb:

4 The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. 6 But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" (emphasis mine)


Who in the world are the rabble I asked myself? This word rabble (in the NIV) is only mentioned twice in the bible and I had never heard it before. Where have I been?


Websters defines rabble as the following:
2 a: a disorganized or disorderly crowd of people

"The source of discontent is identified as "the rabble" (v. 4), referring to the foreigners who had come out of Egypt with the Israelites (Ex 12:38). Since they were not Hebrews, they had no personal attachment to God and His promises. They were tired of manna and remembered only the food which was formerly available to them in Egypt, forgetting all the reasons for fleeing. They were held in low esteem by the Israelites, but God's people allowed themselves to be influenced by their grumbling." (taken from my Key Word Study Bible)

One of my commentaries referred to the rabble as the "mixed company" that left Egypt with the Hebrew people.

I have written on the subject of forgetfulness in regards to sins slavery in the past, but I can't help but go there again when I read this passage.
First I want to share a couple of points that stood out to me:

1. We are influenced by the people around us and this world system more than we realize. The "haves" of this world greatly entice our cravings. When we decide to get our advice and satisfaction from "mixed company" we set ourselves up for discontentment and sins slavery. When I say mixed company I mean being unequally yoked and seeking advice and contentment from the ideals of the secular world around us. How many times have you seen an ad for something that you didn't know that you needed and it incited a want in you and you had to have that thing and then your affections for whatever it was that you now needed influenced your feet? In other words you had to have what someone else said you needed to be happy and you did what it took to try to achieve that momentary high. But the problem is the temporary fix that it gave you was only temporary.

2. We become like the people we hang with. Perfect example...the Hebrews were mixed in with the rabbles and the rabbles started complaining and grumbling and so did God's chosen people. Just like joy, and passion for the Lord is contagious...so is a critical complaining spirit. Grumbling and complaining is sin and yet we do it so often because we feel so justified in it. It only breeds more discontentment and negativity. What happens when we begin to grumble and complain is that we focus more on our problem than who God is. We focus on what we don't have instead of what we have been blessed with. I had someone in my life who continually spoke doubt and discouragement into my life in the area of trusting God for His provision and on two separate occasions I had to tell this person that I was not going to get on their worry train and I was going to trust God. Just like how sin permeates like yeast in a batch of dough, so does grumbling and complaining. It can breed so many consequences causing bitterness to spring up. So pull that weed out before it takes over the whole garden.
(I had a day today where I found myself griping and complaining about everything and it just made me feel miserable...not to mention probably Rod and little Morgan as well.)


Also, you see in this passage the tendency that we all have. I have been through a lot of tough things in my life. I can remember one really hard season (I am about to get generic so you can relate with your own stuff) where I had to let something go. I really thought that letting go was going to be the death of me. In some ways this thing that I had to move on from functioned as an idol for me. I began to try to find my worth in the way the whole thing panned out. The thing tore me down and I was in a constant struggle in my mind, my emotions, and I began to feel extremely low in the self-esteem department...mixed with a whole lot of anxiety over certain situations. The bottom line...I was in my own land of slavery. When I began to cooperate with God and allow Him to perform heart surgery and pry my hands off of this idol...I began to see such liberation and freedom in my life. Don't get me wrong it was mixed with pain. Later on, after I had been a couple of years removed from the whole situation I began to "forget" how enslaving the whole thing was. I even began to think oh maybe "that" would have been better when some of my situations in life went awry. I even felt at times like the path to obedience was just too hard and man so many people had it so much easier than me...what a lie. The Lord has allowed me to be marked forever with certain reminders to hopefully keep me from ever wanting to go back down to the land that He delivered me from. I would rather die than be the fool returning to my folly because His ways are best and so often I have learned that the hard way (and when I say the HARD WAY I mean every word of it...I have been on one field trip of stupidity after another but the lessons I think are now starting to stick...God is for us...always).

You know the story of the back breaking slavery, the loss of the baby boys, and that the Hebrews were in bondage. The Lord leads them out after many plagues and they had the Lord literally leading them with a cloud by day and fire by night. He was their reward, and He was their provision in the wilderness. If they needed to know where to go they just followed the cloud or the fire. The fire protected them from the deadly pestilence and met their physical needs. And I am sure the cloud provided them relief from the scorching heat. But guess what? They got mixed in with the rabbles and that was not good enough. They were now sick of the manna in other words sick of Gods kind of provision for them. They forgot their slavery and only remembered the food they had there and longed to go back. So you can read on in Numbers 11. God gave them their request. They would have so much quail it would be coming out of their ears.

Again so I don't make this too long...be wise about the company you keep. If you are in a place where you feel like life hasn't turned out like you thought...then tell Him. Ask Him for a thankful heart and more of the Spirit running over in your life. He is good and you do not have because you do not ask. Also, when the tests in life come seek to learn from them. Some of the hardest times in my life have been the best times because I literally was forced to depend on the Lord and see Him work in miraculous ways. I was not allowed to depend on my own strength or provision. Also, don't give up. No matter what you have done...no matter what has been dealt to you...keep fighting the good fight. Lets not forget where He has delivered us from and brought us to. Lets not forget what He has done for us and lets not neglect His word. That is the way in which He leads us today. He is the word made flesh. Thank you for your sweet word Lord. Don't let me be handed over to my own selfish desires. Let me live trusting and abiding in the shelter of the Most High. When I do complain help me to resist running to others but let me run to You and pour out my complaint to the One who is Safe. Give me more of Your Spirit. I am so desperate for You.

Psalm 106:13-15
13 But they soon forgot what he had done
and did not wait for his counsel.

14 In the desert they gave in to their craving;
in the wasteland they put God to the test.

15 So he gave them what they asked for,
but sent a wasting disease upon them.

My Strange Addiction- Widow Eats Husband's Ashes

Wow! This is extremely strange and weird. I will give them that! There will be a resurrection of the dead for these earthly bodies (see 1 Corinthians 15) I just hate that it will be thru her fecal matter (sorry...but it's just really strange). WHEW! Help her Lord!

God is NOT the great kill-joy...nor do I even need to defend Him or His Godness

Hosea 6:1-3

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Hosea 6

Israel Unrepentant

¹ “Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
² After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”


Over the years I have had more conversations about why "so and so" wants nothing to do with Jesus. Normally, almost every time, it is because they have the idea that Jesus is the great killjoy and that life in Christ is all about what you can't do as if we who are in Christ are all martyrs when it comes to any kind of pure joy or fun. There are some things that we just plain need to stay away from and I am not denying that because the bottom line is that just because something is permissible doesn't mean it is beneficial.

1 Corinthians 10:23The Believer’s Freedom ²³ “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.

Case in point: I come from a long line of addiction in my family. I am the type that would go buck wild in Chuck e Cheese for goodness sake...trying to win tickets for some prize that is worth 2 cents. So, I know that there is NO WAY my tail should ever be in a casino if I can't play skeet ball without losing my witness. It just makes me sad that so many people have seen so much hypocrisy that they want NOTHING to do with the faith. We live in a fallen world and we all struggle in many ways. It grieves me that I am sure I have been a stumbling block by my own sin. I certainly don't want to turn others away from Christ by my witness. However, we can't focus on people and what they do or don't do, while I am not discounting the importance of our actions or consequences to our sins. I am thankful for the words of psalm 130 and that if the Lord kept a record of sins NONE of us could stand...but with Him there is forgiveness therefore He is feared and we have to put our hope in that. This morning Morgan and I were getting ready for church and we were late because as we were getting ready we with hair brushes in hand, and our praise music blaring, were dancing away in the bathroom getting our praise on. I couldn't help but hope that Blair will be joining in during the years to come. I want to raise these babies up to know Him and to know that while blessing comes from obedience and that God tells us No to some things because He is God and He knows the affects sin has on us and in essence how harmful some things are...that there are some clear Yes's in Christ. There is joy and abundance to be had. I want them to know that while He is completely other and holy that He is also fun! I want us to be able to dance before Him like David did!

As Israel was unfaithful to the Lord and grumbled and rebelled against Him we to can fall into that rut and join in with the rabble in our own wilderness or wastelands spiritually speaking. We all go through desolate times where we feel like we are wanderers in an endless dry desert where there is no water to be found. Yet let us return to the Lord no matter the time that has gone by. Let us let Him redeem the time lost because He will. He wants to. He is a God of full redemption and let us dance in the dry desert even when we feel our strength is gone until He opens our eyes to a well springing up before us and we too like Hagar come to know El Roi, the God who sees me and sees you. I desperately need to know that He sees me. That He is so personal and tender with me and that He loves me and you in such an indescribable way. He is worthy of our affection and our lives. To miss Him is to miss everything.

He is life. So break out your hairbrush why don't you and sing before the Lord and dance. Even if you were raised baptist where you weren't supposed to dance. If this white girl can do it...so can you! LOL

My Baby Boy!

RODERICK "BLAIR" WILLIAMS, JR.

It wouldn't be fitting if I didn't introduce my little guy to you! He has totally stolen my heart! The Lord is so wise and I am so thankful for the opportunity to steward this baby boy! I could seriously eat him up. I am so thankful that the Lord gives us such depth of emotion because I would rather open my heart wide and drink deep of the love, pain, and vulnerability of life than close myself off because of the fear that comes with it all. I didn't think it possible to love another one like my Morgs, but the Lord proved me wrong. Let me tell you the boy is a pistol!
He was born at 39 weeks on July 28th (I think...haha) at 2:21am. He weighed 8 lbs and 4 oz. I couldn't believe it! I am so thankful he is FINALLY here! I was pregnant for like 2 years! We were worried Morgs would be jealous but she is as taken with him as we are!
He scared us to death at birth! They lost his vitals because of my mitral valve issues. My blood pressure and heart rate tanked and they had to take me to the O.R. and get him out as fast as possible. Rod didn't even get to come back there and I was completely under when I had him. So thankful that the One who watches over Israel who neither slumbers nor sleeps watches over me and my life is in His hands. I remember asking the doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologist if he was going to be OK and they could offer me no reassurance. They only told me that they were worried about me and had to take care of me first. So thankful they were putting me to sleep as soon as they told me they didn't know about him. Praise God he was fine but the little stinker decided he wasn't going to try to breathe on his own so he received oxygen for 8 minutes and was headed to the NICU. He came home with us after our stay and he is doing great! We love him so!

My Grandmother

LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) HARRIS

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HARRIS, LILLIAN AVARA (BECKY) Lillian Avara (Becky) Harris of Birmingham died July 19 following a lengthy illness. She attended St Mary's Episcopal School in Sewanee, TN and was a graduate of Ramsay High School. Prior to her retirement she and her husband spent several years in music ministry. She worked as a decorator and was a volunteer rape response counselor and Red Cross disaster volunteer. After retiring she enjoyed traveling, gardening, Bible study her dogs Lillie and Bridget, and attended St Mark's Roman Catholic Church. Lill was predeceased by her husband of thirty-nine years, Skip Harris and great-grandchild Shelby Hope Williams. Survivors include daughters Temple Wells (Glenn) of Trussville; Leslie Schmidt (Bob) of Destin, FL; sons Skip Harris, Jr. (Vickie) of Hoover; Blake Harris (Kellie) of Tuscaloosa; sisters Nancy Gillis of Alabaster and Cindy Felis of Boynton, OK; thirteen grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. Celebration of her life will be August 27, 11:00a.m., at St Mark the Evangelist Roman Catholic Church, 7340 Cahaba Valley Road. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to United for Life Foundation, P. O. Box 745, Fairfield, AL 35064.

James 4:14

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

I have been meaning to write for a while and to say things in my life have been busy is an understatement!

My grandmother, affectionately known as GiGi (which to her stood for gorgeous grandmother. She felt she was too young to be called grandmother with the southern drawl that we pronounced it with. It went graaaaannnd mutherrrrr in really loud tones when we would call for her...so she changed it to GiGi). Morgan never quite figured out who she was and just called her "Aunt GiGi" but I know she appreciated aunt instead of grandmother.

She went to be with Jesus on July 19th 2011. I have spent a lot of time pondering over her life and the years spent with her especially when we were younger and my mom was divorced. Her, my granddad, and uncles were the family that we knew and were raised up with. The Lord used them in so many ways to provide for us. I just moved a couple of weeks ago and it has really given me perspective when it comes to "stuff". This life is just blowing by and so many of the things we pour ourselves so relentlessly into just don't matter. The here and now matters for all of eternity but am I pouring my life out like a drink offering for Christ or am I just living for me and my stuff? It is so sobering to think that if the Lord tarries that we will be having my funeral and as the Lord receives me into Glory, I will take nothing with me.

There is so much more to say but with a four week old and moving...I am about to pass out. My grandmothers funeral is tomorrow so I am going to go and spend some time with Jesus and head to bed before my night shift with Blair starts!

=)

My Sweet Baby Girl-SIX years OLD

So, I am a month late on this post but better late than never. My poor child is going to have an electronic baby book haha! No, but birthdays are sort of a big deal to me! My birthday is the week before Christmas and I always felt like I was jipped. Most kids were out of school and on Christmas vacation and I also have a twin so take whatever modest gift she and I were going to get and split that in half. Then, I always loved how my grandparents would come out and give Holly and I a little bday something and then Heather our sister that was 16 months older, she got something too. But hey that's water under the bridge! I couldn't do much for Morgans bday this year since I was confined to the bed. We had a small family water party at our house and of course Rod thought it was ghetto but it was all I could do.

Here were the favors:


Morgan before bed. I love that little stinker!


Her shirt that she wore for all of 5 minutes!


Her cake and her favorite person in the world "Aunt Steph"

Rod and I took her to see the new Cars Movie on her bday. I think Rod liked it the best even though it was packed with political agenda. We then took her to Justice and the Olive Garden.



We have been a tad busy around here. We are moving this coming Monday and having a baby boy! I can tell where Morgan is finally starting to get excited about a brother. I am excited with a mixture of terror at the thoughts of being responsible for a little soul. I need the Lord to help me and fill me with the one I've got now. I so want them to follow the Lord.

Well, on to Morgan. She is still QUEEN of what is left of my heart.
She finished K-5 this year and she loved school. I am thinking she may be like me when it comes to that.

One thing I got to really see about her this year is what a tender heart she has. I told her some stories about when I was little and didn't have a snack in 3rd grade and how my friend Tiffany would share some of her honey bun with me. It meant so much. So she set out all year to make sure that every kid in her class had a snack! It really blessed me. I even got to watch her do some hard things. There was a little girl in her class that she did not care for and we would pack her an extra snack but Morgan did not want to give it to her. She gave it to her anyway and I was thankful to see her do what was right, even if it wasn't easy for that little, then, five year old self.

That girl still doesn't sleep and we sure had our share of health issues this year but oh are we blessed!

Morgan has decided that she is going to Auburn to cheer and be a fashionista! I will be so interested to see how those plans change!

She has given me a time this year with attitude as well. We have to go over who the boss is all of the time.

I can already see God birthing gifts in Morgs. She loves missions and has such a heart for the poor. She wants to give and give. I just hope if she gets into missions that she does it next to her momma. It is just neat to see this little precious person grow up before the Lord and as hard as some days are I just pray I am doing a good job with her.

I can't thank God enough for her! Such an undeserved blessing. Lord help me, and fill me as I seek to raise this baby child! I love You for allowing me to love her Jesus.