Don't Hang Your Harp!

 

Psalm 137

¹ By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.
² There on the poplars
we hung our harps,
³ for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”

⁴ How can we sing the songs of the Lord
while in a foreign land?

I am such a visual learner and these pictures of my baby boy speak so much to me.  Some of you who know me may have decided that we have the plague over here.  It seems like there is no area that the enemy is leaving untouched and as I have said, I am not one to blame everything on the devil.  We live in a fallen world.  Our righteousness is as filthy rags...it's only Christ in us that is our hope.  Yet our adversary wants to take any ground that we have gained victory over, and lure us back to sin like a dog returning to her vomit.  He wants to oppress us and wear us down.  He wants to steal our witness, our effectiveness, our joy.  I loved learning the warfare tactics that the Assyrians were known for: psychological warfare, battering rams, diversion of water ways where they crept up under and took over cities, and tunnelling. Right now I have felt assaulted when it comes to having a sound mind so to speak.  Just dwelling on things that are not true according to God's word.  OH HOLD THE PHONE can we talk about what a number the enemy does with us regarding pyschological warfare.  He wants us to live in defeat and lay down in that defeat until we just make our bed in it. Battering rams...the times I just feel so beat up, especially by other believers.  You know what I am talking about if you have lived any amount of time, it's the whole lets come against her and just beat her up with accusation, past sins, or condemnation. DIVERSION of water ways: As they diverted channels of water to sneak in under a wall we become so diverted by the material things that will be shaken when the earth is refined by fire.  We lose sight that our battle really is being waged in the heavenlies, in an unseen realm...it's not about flesh and blood yet we waste so much time biting and devouring one another that you know the enemy is laughing in our faces when the world is supposed to know believers by their love and instead we are busy getting down and dirty in the mud with one another. The Lord has taught me through the book of Nehemiah about walls in our lives and how they can be broken down or how the enemy wants to make a mockery of Gods people by baiting us and us falling for it and being ensnared.  Then, he has all kinds of leverage to mess with us because of our disobedience.  One of my favorite passages thus far is Psalm 130 and I truly believe that there is full redemption for anyone with a track record and unfortunately a lot of times that is believers who allowed a little here and a little there in areas of compromise and our walls just got broken down, or burned down by us pouring the gas around us and lighting the match.  Or maybe someone deeply offended us, betrayed us.  Whatever it is we have a mess on our hands and what are we going to do?

Don't hang your harp while the enemy taunts you!  He will want you to sing songs about how great your God is when you have blown it and are experiencing repercussions of the chastisement from sin.  Don't you dare quit praising because you fell short or jumped head long into sin.  Don't put your bible down.  Don't quit your praise.  He will send forth His word and heal you and rescue you from yourself and the enemy.  Keep on with Jesus when the enemy is at your heels. 

So, we know that God's chosen people, whom He set His affections on, lived under oppresion.  I am always in need of Him filling up what I lack. The enemy wants to take you back to your land of slavery, rob you of your joy, and get you to quit! DON'T LET HIM!  He does not have that right.  I've kidded with some lately but I'm so serious.  I picture myself elbowing my brothers and sisters in Christ when we are in glory (since there will be no more pain) and jumping pews to get to the front row without spilling my cherry limeade that never runs out or my junior mints...so I can see the enemy and his cohorts meet their fate.  They have gloated so much over some of us.  Let's not let the enemy get any victory over us if we can help it.  May sin that was once so pleasurable to us be such a stench that we know the cost of leaving the God we love and saying you know what...that's not worth it to me.  Anyway, as much as he has gloated over us don't you know we are going to get to gloat over him!  I am getting a front row seat to see him get his tail whooped.  I'm just saying! 

Let's keep longing for His appearance and panting for Him like a deer panting for streams of water.  He is Life and He gives us weary sojourners dignity! 

Moving from fear to faith!

Are the eyes of the Lord still looking back and forth across the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him? When the Son of Man comes will He find faith on the earth? My answers to both of those are a resounding YES! 

In all honesty, I have been through a lot in my tenure here on planet earth, yet I can say from the depths of my soul that It is Well!  Whatever the enemy has meant for my harm God has used it for His good.  I was sitting in my kitchen floor earlier thinking some things through and how thankful I am that along the way I have known the Lord in ways I could never have known Him apart from suffering.  We become so afraid of the unknown and the what-ifs that we can become paralyzed and waste our life here always trying to play it safe.  Some decisions we have to make are life altering and they are hard yet they have to get made.  Just like Gods chosen people.  He pulled them up by their scrawny necks (literally) and led them out of their land of slavery and they suffered from unbelief and fear and their carcasses fell in the wilderness and they never got to go into their promised land. They did not take hold of the milk and honey!  They wavered, they grumbled, they complained, and the bottom line was that they lost sight of how Great their God was and instead had their eyes on their circumstances or their enemies.  When we don’t fix our gaze on seeking first His kingdom…we too will tend to focus on circumstances and begin to despair.  Another danger as we are on pilgrimage to our heavenly Jerusalem is to put your hope in man.  Let me assure you of this: YOU WILL BE LET DOWN MISERABLY if you haven’t figured that out already.  Don’t let people trip you up because we live in a fallen world and you will have a big fat bag of excuses as to why you didn’t live full throttle for God during your time here if people are getting in the way of it.  I mean look no further than Adam and Eve…I can hear him in his best whiney voice as he points his finger toward Eve (hear me pinching my nose shut while I say this) “…but God, the woman You gave me, she made me do it!”  PLEASE!!!!!  It’s high time we quit comparing ourselves to others and blaming others for why we are the way we are and take some of the shackles that are inhibiting us from being able to run the race that has been marked out for us and let those weights fall to the flipping ground and stay.  I get the fact that so many people are living in addictive sin.  Yet when you go to your meetings and life is all about what you shouldn’t do and you get a misplaced focus…you are setting yourself up to be the one who sees the wet paint-DO NOT TOUCH sign and what do you do? You touch it!  It’s our nature. Knowing where we are weak and making a battle plan for that and being accountable to others…that’s a different story.  Letting what you did (sin) and what you shouldn’t do, define your every waking moment is not going to produce lasting change because what you have to have is a new heart and a renewed mind and you can’t get it if you are wallowing around in the mire of what you did in the past.  You won’t taste and see that the Lord is good and won’t learn to love Him with all that is within in you if your whole focus is on your addiction.  The addiction then defines you instead of God defining you and changing you with His word.  We need more then just addiction meetings while they are good.  We need to be going after THE Rabboni and learning what we can through His word.  It will change us and make us MISERABLE to be the dog returning to its vomit.  That’s what will change us!  God on the throne as we see our own sin in the mirror and His word will be our freedom as it kills our flesh.   We tend to focus on the one unmet need, the one thing we think will make us happy, and those things rob us of what all we have been so richly blessed with.  As I was going over some different turning points in my life it bolstered my faith even more because there have been times in my life where I’m talking I had no clue what I was going to do and God showed up.  Times where I would tithe my $30 and not have a clue what I was going to do to make ends meet and while there wasn’t some huge monetary prospering, there was a prospering in my soul.  Trials that have literally turned to gold!  The gold of knowing the One in Whom I believe even though I can’t see Him. I’ve learned through suffering that the next time I face this or that I want to do it with some faith because the Lord has brought me a mighty long way.  What if the Beth Moore’s, James MacDonalds, Erwin Lutzers (just to name a few of my heroes in the faith) where scared to death to do what God called them to do and didn’t do it? Well, we sure would have missed out!  That is a vast understatement for me.  They have brought me up in the Lord.  I have no clue where I’d be when there was no Titus 2 woman in sight taking me under her wing.  It was years of bible study that have taught me how to love the Lord and look to Him.  I shudder to think where I’d be without all that these men and women have poured into my soul.  So again I have learned not to live in so much fear when it comes to stepping out and believing God.  It doesn’t mean ease…but the riches you will gain from what seems the black of night aren’t worth comparing to just living at the status quo.  I’m not just making this stuff up!  If you will abandon your ideas of the peachy little cushy life you should have and just throw your hands up you will never be the same. So while I am over here in the thick of it…I look at you and say sister/brother…walk in the word!  Let the Lord strengthen your heart.  Make your ONE THING Him!  Seek Him with all that you have.  He will be found by you.  Go forward with some courage and you will be shocked that as you stay in the word by faith…the very things that you thought would kill you just might be what heals you.  He is so worthy.  His word works.  May we abandon ourselves to Him.  I guarantee you this: You are a lot stronger than you think!  The freedom that comes from making it to the other side of what you thought you could never make it through will teach alright!  Everytime I start to panic all I have to do is jog down memory lane over the rocks of rembrance that are along the ol' timeline.  Places where God showed Himself strong on my behalf.  Or things like the death of a child, I never thought I could get through that sort of thing and I did and I'm whole.  Maybe some of us need to step back a tad from being constantly torn to shreds by the fat mouth of the Lion...the accuser of the brethren.  Maybe we need to spend some time in the word gaining God's thoughts toward us and not let man or the enemy continue to be the loudest voice in our head but let His word dwell richly in us and change us so that we operate as the blessed children of God and align our lives to His word.  I know I'm miserable when I'm not right with Him.  Once you have tasted and seen that the Lord is good...all else while some may be good, is a cheap imitation.  It won't satisfy you.  Let's quit squandering anymore time meandering around in mediocrity.  If God is for us, who can be against us?

My response to my last fb status where I am usually misunderstood

Y'ALL this is why I can't stand Facebook sometimes. I AM NOT judging someone's heart in prayer!!!!!! Let me tell you what when my face is on the floor with the Lord I have to come honestly and w humility over the fact that no matter how I have ever been offended or betrayed that I am not better than anyone else. On my best day i could out sin any of you because i am prone to wander...prone to leave the God I love! If people can't understand what I'm saying when someone gets up and prays that way in front of everyone and almost preaches to the person they are praying for (which is total manipulation btw) while speaking in a fake voice that they talk to no one else in...then I'm sorry. I'm not judging I'm just saying that I don't get it. Let me say this and I'm so serious: JESUS saves me from myself daily and I don't think for one second any of us...ANY OF US...can grasp or even have a clue as to how Holy, Holy, Holy the LORD God of Hosts is...yet His death and the temple curtain being torn in two was so we could come to Him. We could enter the Holy of Holies without bells being tied to our legs so someone could pull us out if we died in Gods presence since no one can even look at Him and live He is so Holy!  He didn't die for creeds, religion without relationship, form without function, faith without deeds! Our country, believers, and churches lack FEAR of the Lord because Gods word is true when He says it is the fear of the Lord that will keep us from sin. Let me say this I went through a 3 year period of having the devil unleashed on me (with Gods permission) to sift me like wheat. I clung to Him in the word like I do daily yet clung to Him when I didn't know if I was going to make it out of the lions den alive or not. That period of time literally shakes the doorposts of my house (the temple God has given me) when I even start to think of lighting a match to my own flame. It scares me to death not because I'm superstitious and think He is just going to zap me but straight up I am scared of the consequences from my loving Father who disciplines me (Hebrews 12). I'd say you can look at our nation as a whole or turn on tv and say where is the fear or respect for a holy God because we who are with unveiled faces can't even distinguish most of the time when our lives look no different than the average "good" lost person we are so busy plunging head first into the same flood of dissipation. I say this to say God is about relationship and if praying in a voice you don't even talk to your man, kids, best friend and etc to is what people think is reverence then I'm not game. I have to get on my face and beg for mercy a lot of times and I ask Him even why He would still contend with me? Why would He not swallow me alive in the ground because that my friends is what I deserve yet when Joshua the High priest (contemporary with Nehemiah not Moses' successor) appeared before the throne and satan was there accusing him before God because under the law he was the people's representative and his clothes were dirty instead of him being clothed in fine linen like the blessed consecrated people of God should be...in the Hebrew he literally appears before God with excrement (poop) on his garments.  Satan had reason to accuse him or he wouldn't have been dirty and when Satan tries to get God to judge him and prove his holiness in judging...what does God do? He tells the angel of the Lord (which was a direct reference to the Son, Jesus Christ preincarnate) to strip him of those clothes and clothe him...He exercised His mercy seat! Joshua and the people he represented as high priest were sinful and yet he was clothed and stripped of the dung he was wearing...and that's the only way we have access to God is Christ in us. He see's Jesus and we are justified by the blood of the Only perfect Lamb without spot or blemish or defect because He is holy and apart from His Spirt we've got nothing and He is about us being relational with Him.  What a paradox that He would even stoop down low and send His son to die for us that we might live. I don't get it!!!! He didn't die so we could have our outside looking clean but on the inside we are dry desolate bones. He didn't die so we could argue over translations of the bible in the west where the bible wasn't even penned over here since Jesus literally died before amerigo vespucci (sp) or christopher Columbus washed up on te shore in  1492 A.D.   So all I'm saying is He is Holy and how is that changing us because it should. One more reason why I dont agree with any of the I died and went to heaven and came back to tell y'all something God forgot to leave you in His word since He clearly states that His word is everything we need for life and godliness and revelation is strong when it says not to add or take away from the word of God since Jesus is the Word made flesh to dwell and live within us. This is me clarifying that I'm talking about being fake and not relational. I'm not talking about people who have done their memory work in the KJV and are praying scripture because I'd be right there with them. I'm talking about phoning in a relationship to the Lord that you don't have because we are all on level ground at the cross. Back to the died and gone to heaven books. Is that possible yes! Warm and fuzzy and inspirational...yes! Can Satan masquerade himself as light and give us false views of heaven!!! YES! He totally wants to mess us up and trip us up on our view of God. He doesn't want us to come clean before the Lord and go running to the One who is greater than our hearts and knows everything yet still calls us out of darkness and into His marvelous light. He wants us to believe God is far off or just at church. Yet we are fools if we don't pour out our hearts to the Only one we can be laid bare before and yet have some dignity left when we are done. I'm so thankful for years of prayer journals where if I felt like I had hate in my heart toward someone...I could tell Him because I know we can't hate in our hearts and be in fellowship w the Lord...and there have been times when He knew that even though I was telling Him I hated someone that I really didn't hate them I was hurt by them and He won't tell my secrets and He knows me better than I do and He is the Only One with the power to change this sinful woman. I love that about Him. I don't have to pretend and I would be lying to myself to not see my position before my Holy God and sinful me. My righteousness is as filthy rags!!!! No amount of goodness is getting me to Him and I am so thankful for His word. He has meant everything to me! Any encounter in the scriptures where for example in the New Testament John when he is exiled on patmos and in the Spirit on the Lords day...a dude that is named the beloved disciple...a disciple of the Rabboni...one who was at that time old but stood at the cross and watched His Savior...the same Jesus that he reclined at table with and leaned on His chest to feel the palpitations of God with us...he knew Jesus...and he falls down as dead before the angel sent to reveal the book of Revelation...and the angel tells JOHN to get up! Don't worship him! That messenger of God got it! He was not to be worshipped. He wasn't having it.  Just like in isaiah when he gets the throne room vision and we see how the serafin and cheribum could not even look at Him.  They did His bidding but with their wings they covered their face.  They understand what we are so blind too. He is HOLY!!! Paul gets called up to heaven (and yet he is not permitted to speak of what he saw!) and he tells us only what is inspired so I say all of this to get to the point that if we really got it...if we truly had the scales fall from our eyes we couldn't shake a fist at the heavens and our lives would be so different if we understood that kind of relationship through His word. We would die from His holiness yet He calls us to come and invites us to relationship. He calls us friend. I don't get it! He saves us with all of our DNA makeup and bridles these personalities and uses sinful us to accomplish His purposes.  He doesn't have to. He could say the word and destroy this earth at His word. He didn't sacrifice His son for our self exaltation! Acting lofty and better than others is pride. More recently when I was on my face telling on someone to God and how much they had hurt me and how I wanted paybacks I got back up off the ground seeing that I am no different from this person and I need the full redemption of psalm 130. I need unfailing love, I need mercy, I need grace, I need His loving discipline and is unabashed love that won't let me go and I got up having spilled my guts and raw emotion and was moved to a pale where I saw my sin and prayed for the same mercy God has on my life to pour out to the person I felt so justified in wanting God to spank 15 minutes before.  You can't hang out in the psalms either without David's raw emotions and him wanting God to kill his enemies as he was clearly on the run hiding out in caves and had a very visible enemy you see his inspired words and how he moves to a place w all this paint and rejection and etc to being ok. That's one reason why I want others to take hold of His word and engage in a real live relationship even though we don't deserve that...because people fail us. We will be so disillusioned if we buy into the God that some false teachers are pedaling and we will think hey I tried God and He didn't work. Nope they tried a god but it wasn't the God of scripture who is our hiding place and our healer in a fallen world where we have our daily burdens that He will daily bear. They won't know that God isn't out to see to it that we have cushy lives full of monetary crap that will eventually be burned by fire.  He'd rather us live in a portolet and be rich toward Him which is where true prosperity lies...in our soul...not with earthly treasure that thieves can break into and steal, moths can eat and destroy... treasure that spoils and fades.  We would do so well with our disappointments and pain if we did view life through the lens of scripture and holiness. We wouldn't be out trading our inheritance in Christ left and right for a bowl of stew that ends up wreaking havoc on us. Maybe we like those mentioned in Hebrews 11...could truly grasp that our time is short here and we would believe God and look forward to a kingdom that can not be shaken, our very real heavenly Jerusalem.  If we could see that we are aliens here headed on pilgrimage to our true home the world would take note that we were ordinary but we had been with this Jesus and maybe just maybe like Hebrews 11 the men and women that stuck out like a sore thumb because they refused to bow to religion, people, the world...that it was said of them like an epitaph on their grave: THIS WORLD WAS NOT WORTHY OF HER! And how could any of us with a pinhole glimpse of His holiness dare think the world was not worthy of us...it's scandalous because it's only because of Him and Him being in relationship w sinful us! 

Sent from my iPhone

O That You Would Revive Us Again!

So, life has been nuts!  Rod had surgery then emergency surgery to save his life.  I just got my laptop fixed where I can type.  My facebook hiatus didn't last long because I was able to update everyone on Rod that way.  I am going to deactivate soon.  We have one more surgery to go.  Anyway, I just wanted to put this up real quick because I know someone has to be like me and in need of the Lord to give them some spiritual CPR because maybe life has just beat you down for a while and you have felt indifferent and are in need of His touch. If I have let stuff creep in and haven't tended to the garden of my heart which is literally the hebrew rendering of the word for guard in proverbs 4:23.  We are told to guard our hearts (the seat of our emotions...what we operate from) above all things because it affects everything we do.  We have to inspect our garden, pull weeds, sow seeds of prayer His word and tears in the good soil and not allow pestilence of trial or others to come in and destroy our plants.  We are meant to bear fruit and be affective...not just barely make it!  Ive been through a lot of personal trial lately and I don't want to lose heart or become hard because of it.  I want those things that have perplexed me and tried to rob me to turn to gold!  I want to be able to turn back and strengthen the brethren.  I want to cross the finish line and know I made it and did it with some victory with an enemy hard pressed against me. game over. my team wins.  I told the Lord I am so sorry for anything I have tried to fill myself with that is not Him.  Ugh so prone to wander and leave the God I love.  Yet truly I would rather live in a portalet  than be far from Him and have all the riches this world could offer.  I want Him!  Come to us Lord.  We need a double portion of Your Spirit. 

Seriously, I just got on my face (with Blair on my back) and asked God to rid me of any callousness or indifference toward Him.  I know someone out in blog land is miserable and desperately needs the Lord to come to them like the rain on the parched land of your soul.  I asked Him like in Psalm 119:37 to please turn my eyes from worthless things and that my face would be set like flint determined to do His will.  I need Him so much!  I'd almost rather die than live my life without His presence at work within my life.  I can get through anything with Him but in anyway that I have tried to go at it alone or meet my own needs has always proved to be a broken cistern that can't hold the living water I need. Asking for me and whoever else that the Lord give us renewed interest where we have been indifferent or where we have declined.  Hosea 6:1-3 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
    but he will heal us;
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth. ”

Getting Some Focus

1 Corinthians 10:23

 (NIV1984)

The Believer’s Freedom

²³ “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.

Goodness gracious!  I have one of the most addictive personalities that ever was!  I can't go inside of a Chuck E Cheese without losing my ever loving mind trying to win tickets in a kid casino!  I remember by grandaddy bringing home his chips from AA meetings when I was a teeny tiny little girl. I saw some bad examples growing up as to what alcohol can do to a person and I decided I was to never try it or I would have been a full blown alcoholic!  I'm talking sucking back the cough syrup alcoholic.  I can't tell you the relationships that ended with me because the person I dated was drinking alcohol. When I began to date Rod (he was buck wild before we met...I met him through the doorways of our church home) he thought he would make my roommate and I a dessert.  We went to Winn Dixie to buy stuff to make spaghetti and he was going to buy some rum (I think) to make banana fosters?????  I'm not sure if I am even saying that right.  I literally panicked when he thought that was an option for us.  He said the alcohol would burn out...um NO! NO! NO! NO! NO way was I about to make that purchase. I wigged out y'all.  I have come a mighty long way as far as now having zeal coupled with knowledge and not just zeal and not just knowledge...those two need to come together or you will just appear to be a legalist to the masses.  No condemnation to anyone this is just my conviction because I know how bent I am on being compulsive.  I don't half way do anything.  Anyway, I didn't marry a guy I met at a bar and the whole thing still stands...we just don't need anymore obstacles in our marriage then we have already had.  Besides I have had so many curve balls thrown at me that I would probably use alcohol to medicate me into an early grave.  OK breathe now!  I'm just needing you guys to get the picture of my personality.  I eat the same foods daily.  It's a mighty good thing that I started walking with Jesus a long time ago because I am flat out addicted to Him.  I have not gotten over Him and pray I never will.  I want so bad to be found faithful by Him.  I want to finish this race even if I am crawling to the finish line I wanna go strong! 

Let me tell you I have been begging God to revive me.  I have been asking for that heart that is totally whole toward the Lord.  Not divided.  I hate to be lukewarm and I know the Lord doesn't want that for His children.  I'd rather someone come out and tell me they hate me or love me but PLEASE for heavens sake don't tell me you are indifferent toward me. 

I have been SO convicted about the fact that each of us have a calling in our life.  We are going to have to be intentional about fulfilling it and it will also not come without cost or without warfare...but one thing I know...I'd rather be in the fiery furnace with Jesus showing up then living a life that doesn't amount to anything.  I don't want to just be a blot on the timeline because I wandered around living for what is so cheap, falling by the wayside like the Israelites that fell in the wilderness. 

Psalm 90:¹² Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Anyway, social media is so good in so many ways but it is such a distraction to me.  So, I had to just straight up deactivate Facebook and straight up delete...wait for it...Instagram (GASP)! 

So, you will see more of me because as I get focused on doing what it takes to seek Him and live out the things He has equipped me for I won't just be throwing my time in the trash. The enemy will keep us distracted if he can and it will lead to purposelessness.  So, for those of you who can take stuff in moderation I wish I was one of you!  For me though it's just time to sober up from the distraction of social media. 

I learn so much daily and it's not just for me.  It's for the whosoever that I come in contact with or the whosoever may read something I have learned.  I am drawing a line in the sand and driving a stake in the ground that I am going full force after Jesus and throwing off the things that hinder and entangle progress. 

I love 1 Corinthians 12 because it is so clear that one part of the body of Christ can not function without the other and if we are living in mediocre-ville like I have been lately we are robbing part of the Body. 

I am a runner and I am trying to get back on the track and return wholeheartedly from half-heartedness.  I want to glorify Him and make Him known...I'm pretty sick of Me! It's nauseating.  Also, my personality is one that easily gets into trouble so I am just setting some boundaries for myself since I was just straight up abusing my time.  We don't have long here. 

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

 

It's my responsibility to deal with my junk before the Lord.  No one can do it for me and no one can fulfill the calling on your life or mine but you.  I can't change a soul but I can come before Jesus and be changed.  Praise Him. 

I don't want to squander anymore time than I already have.  Lord help me! 

 

Isaiah 50:7

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁷ Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.

 

 

 

Guarding your heart from a common pitfall

Ive heard a lot of discussion as to whether Paul was ever married and I lean (in light pencil) toward yes because until you've been married you can not convince someone who is single that you will have less burdens and distractions. Marriage is good and God designed it for Companionship and for being fruitful and multiplying whether it be physical children or spiritual.  Yet you certainly are more distracted and can't have the same undistracted devotion to the Lord. But it is better to be married then burn w lust. Yet marriage does not solve a purity problem either. As you wait on the Lord, wait! Allow Him to work on your heart and make you whole so you can attract a healthy person to you. If you are co-dependent and don't deal with your strongholds or baggage (or let the Lord deal with your heart to heal you is what I'm saying) you are going to attract someone w baggage. If you have a past history of relational dysfunction (whether you found yourself in a mess from an unhealthy background and used relationships as a crutch) work with the Lord and be committed to the process even if it takes months. Stay in the scriptures and poor out your needy self before the One who is safe and will not reprimand you. He searches your heart and knows why you are the way you are better than you do. He discerns the thoughts and intents of your heart along w your hidden faults. You are free to completely be undignified and even have the ugly cries in His presence and not look like a desperate fool!  The Lord used to remind me that I didn't get in a stronghold over night and while He surely has the power to deliver me over night He was about relationship and intimacy and Him healing me of my co-dependence. If you always have to be in a relationship and it seems to define you and you aren't married...rest assured you have a problem if you can't be by yourself. I know it because I used to live it!  If you have a problem with immorality In dating relationships and etc the bible says that your way of escape is to flee immorality all together. You are powerless to flirt around a pit of sin in that area and not fall in it. It sounds rigid but if you have continually found yourself giving a piece of yourself away do cheaply you need to flee any situation that would put you in an all too familiar place. Make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires. The more you feed that beast the more your appetite for the flesh grows. Gods word can be trusted. He will be proved right in what He says and He is for us in Christ not against us. Yet just like the Israelites (His chosen people) if we turn from Him and turn to idols we will not be able to stand against the enemy. You are not your own you were bought at a price therefore honor God with your temple. We are the set apart ones and house the precious Holy Spirit. He will help us when our flesh is weak. Yet hear me again your out for not falling into sexual sin is to flee. Any man or woman worth their salt really isn't looking for a trashy guy/girl. It sounds extreme but it's not legalistic. We live in perilous days and you can't drive down the road or stand in a check out line at the grocery store without billboards or magazines appealing to your flesh. Even television or internet... Garbage in garbage out.  Just like Isaiah when He got a vision of the Lord he saw that he was ruined. He was a man of unclean lips and lived among a people of unclean lips. What we say reflects our heart. We can become so desensitized that we can harden our hearts and fall prey to the schemes of the enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy. He promises much and delivers total havoc. He is a liar and when he speaks he speaks his native language: LIES!  He wants to steal your witness, cause you to live in shame and defeat that's his game. He will kiss you on the cheek and betray you. It's interesting that Judas betrayed Jesus for 20 shekels of silver and Joseph was sold by his brothers for that amount. That amount of money then could hardly purchase a slave or disabled servant.  How many years have people reaped consequences for some little five minutes of pleasure only to be discarded like a piece of trash later. You are worth far more than that! If you will really get to know the Savior you an start to know deep down in your bone and marrow that He loves you with a love that surpasses knowledge. He also stands ready to save you from yourself and heal you of your past. He is a God of full redemption, with Him there is forgiveness therefore He is feared.  There are none like Him. Back to Isaiah...he saw his condition when he got a small glimpse of Jesus. He recognized he was ruined and just as sinful as the people around him as he was a prophet to Gods people. We are all on level ground at the cross. Don't let people shame you regarding your past if the Lord has dealt with you on it and you have cooperated with Him to be free. People will keep you enslaved but sometimes it is your own self keeping you locked up. To me full redemption means full redemption. Yes we have consequences but God doesn't just have you here to waste away until you die. Get on your feet, strengthen your feeble knees so that you can turn back and help the lame to walk. Turn back and snatch others from the flames. Tell others what he has done. Also, the biggest lie from the enemy when you have blown it is to put down His word or drop out of corporate worship. More than anything...even if you took a huge fall 5 minutes before...pick up the word, keep going to church wen if you feel hypocritical and be around others who expose themselves to the light. You can't stay in the dark and work to be free. 
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:1-3 NIV84)

Who am I, and who is my family Lord, that You have brought us this far?

August 20^th, 2004 is the day I became a mom.  I never aspired to be a mom. Getting married or being a mom would take away from my time with the Lord, I thought, so I really didn’t care about either of the two.  Yet there is nothing like getting in a singles ministry and seeing other girls in full blown crisis mode over the need to get married that will awaken your senses to your own urgency that you didn’t even know you had…to be married.  At times it seemed an all consuming fire to the people around me.  They needed to get married and then of course I thought I did too.  I guess I thought I would get married someday but I was certainly not one of those girls who had her whole wedding planned out as a child.  None of that nonsense for me, I thought!  Maybe it was because I came from a broken home and a dad that needs his own reality show called “15 kids and I lost count”.  Nevertheless, God had a plan for me whether “the Bobster” as I refer to him, was in my life or not.  Marriage was never a pretty picture to me.  As far as examples go the ones I saw made me decide that I really didn’t want to put myself through that. 

Thankfully, I know in my bone and marrow that the Lord is my Father.  It’s not just words on a page to me.  I learned truly that if I was forsaken by the people who should be expected to love me the most that the Lord would never do such a thing.  Tonight I was in the store with Morgan and a scripture from Psalm 91 caught my eye.  I took Morgans sweet little face, stooped down low (not too low as she is catching up with me on height) and recited that passage to her from the well of my soul.  It has meant so much to me.  I stood for a moment and told Morgan about how faithful He has been to me and that even when life has been like really hard the Lord has been hemming me in and leading me on and wooing me closer to His heart.  I began to have a knot well up in my throat and tears began to fall down my face.  I couldn’t even stop it nor blame it on “that time of the month” since I don’t have one of those any more. 

Psalm 27:10 (NIV1984)

¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.

Even during great times of oppression from the enemy, I can speak out one of the psalms of ascents that even if I have been greatly oppressed from my youth , the enemy has not gained the victory over me.  At times I have literally felt that I was in the black dirt and the enemy was plowing over me with intentions of crushing me or making me think nothing would ever grow from what was plowed over…yet through any kind of trenches left in my soul or impressed on my heart or mind, the Lord has allowed my tears and prayers to become seed that was planted and has produced a harvest so that maybe perhaps many will see and hear and put their hope in God.  He is about His children flourishing in their soul whether in a season of trial or maybe a season of rest.  There is purpose in our pain and loss.  Not only has He cut me free from the cords of the wicked, He has made it to where I will not settle for my own children to have to live and see some weak willed woman exist as a victim of circumstance her whole life (what a waste!), because of the Lord and what He has been to me I am anything but weak willed and Lord willing, I want to stay that way.  I praise Him because of His grace that the enemy hasn’t won!

Psalm 129:2-4

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

² they have greatly oppressed me from my youth,
but they have not gained the victory over me.
³ Plowmen have plowed my back
and made their furrows long.
⁴ But the Lord is righteous;
he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.

So, I get married and then one morning was praying about having children and again since I decided I wasn’t cut out for it I prayed and was ready for whatever answer the Lord had for me.  I will never forget walking in the bathroom and exclaiming to Rod that I had prayed about the matter and the Lord answered me with the following verse that I had to lookup in that particular homework I was doing:

Isaiah 54:1
[ The Future Glory of Zion ] “Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.

That was that…I was to have spiritual offspring through teaching and discipling and no biological kids of my own.  Of course Rod brushed it off as he continued to get ready for work.  One thing about me is that there was NO way I could ever picture the scenario in my mind so that must have meant it wasn’t going to be a part of my life.  The thing is the Lord doesn’t give us grace for things that we are not even living out.  We also are still called to walk by faith, not sight, nor feelings. 

I kid you not, a couple of days later I found out I was pregnant.  Like all three times when I found out I was pregnant, I fell to the floor and wailed before the Lord and told Him there was NO WAY I could be a mom!  No way!  Then, as soon as I called and told Rod he quickly and sarcastically reminded me of the “so called word” I had from the Lord as he chuckled.  I had some really hard pregnancies and many of you know that my sweet Shelby Hope is in heaven.  I became a mom the day she was born and the day she died.  I remember the panic when hearing the news that she was not going to live.  Then, holding my child only to release her to the One she belonged to anyway.  I was a steward of her for such a short time, yet it was too my Fathers glory that her life be what it was and every day was written in His book before one day came to pass.  I then began to beg the Lord to not let Isaiah 54:1 hold true for me. 

June 24^th, 2005 and 11:38 pm the Lord brought Morgan in this world and praise Him, I was a mom again.  Words can’t describe what it felt like when they put her on my chest.  If I could recreate the moment I would but the Lord allowed feelings to be invoked in me that I didn’t even know I was capable of.  I was smitten to put it lightly and drunk on love for that baby girl.  The Lord has continued to use her life to show me that as much as I love her on a good day, I can’t even fathom a drop in the bucket of His love that surpasses knowledge…for me.  Me.  It’s so humbling.  I also began to feel sorry for some people that I know that never were able to show their children that they were loved.  They are so handicapped in their heart that they just don’t have it to give.  Also, love comes from God and we love because He first loved us…yet if we are not seeking to abide in Him we really have nothing to give to anyone that’s authentic and flowing from His Holy Spirit.  I then knew what it meant that I was the apple of Gods eye because that baby girl sure was and is the apple of my eye.  Whoever touches her is touching the apple of my eye.  Just like several episodes where other kids have been ugly to her (and I’m not saying she is all innocent and never been ugly) I have wanted to snatch them bald headed!  No lie!  The other day even I witnessed how rude little girls can be but it was being dished out to my baby…and I never knew how bad I might want to hate a 7yr old (but only for a minute…wink wink).  I don’t really hate…but I walked out of her school talking outloud to the Lord, thanking Him that part of the work of the Holy Spirit is to restrain and had I not had Him dwelling with me, I would have been on the 10 O’clock news for beating up a 7 year old!  LOL.  I’m kind of kidding.

So, again I never imagined being able to love another child like I do Morgan until July 28^th 2011…my baby man child came into this world!  He was as stubborn as can be about getting here and was all about causing trouble.  Of course I asked the Lord over and over what I was going to do with a man child?  Me, the mom of a boy?  How in the world?  His daddy is VERY independent so I was scared from the day I found out about the little mister that he was going to come out being independent of his momma.  He came in this world with some mean little expressions and that boy is as sweet as can be when he gets up in the morning, and when he is around “the ladies”…

He loves his mommy but he is indeed polar opposite from Morgan.  And he has a tude.  No doubt about it!  Yet I am so overtaken with love for him.  I only wish he would quit trying to over achieve and stay a blasted baby for me!  He thinks he is SO big. 

Being a mom has definitely had its challenges.  I can’t tell you how needy I am for Jesus because I really realize in my parenting that apart from Him, I can do nothing.  I’m seeking the Lord over here and trying to live this life out before them the best I can and praying like crazy that they would embrace Christ for themselves and see that He is not just a number on a list of priorities, but that He will be their life and the length of their days, because that is what He is for me. 

I fall SO short, but oh I am so thankful to get to do life with those two.  I kid you not when I told you earlier that I was afraid that marriage and kids would take away from my time with the Lord.  I don’t get to spend as much time as I once did when it was just me and Jesus but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  I have come to know Him more intimately because of them.  There are so many days I am racked with guilt or conviction for being snappy with Morgan that day…I have even been known to wake her up and apologize and she is so gracious. 

Yet my heart does ache for those that want to be a mom, and for whatever reason they aren’t.  Or for those who may have a mom but she’s never been a mom to you.  Or for others whose mom is no longer living…

I pray that the Lord would give you your hearts desires and fill up the places that lack.  I pray that you would come to know Him as El Roi, the God who sees you in your barren land and may He meet with you in that place and provide a well of living water when you feel like you are about to die of thirst in this world that we live in (which is so bent on keeping us discontented).  If your answer doesn’t come in the form you wish it did, I pray that you would have such spiritual offspring that your heart is so full and the people too numerous to count. 

Loving your kids is risky since we don’t know what tomorrow holds, yet what a waste to self-protect and live in fear when we can know the Lord more by loving them heart wide open?

So, today I am thankful for all that they have taught me and how I have learned of the goodness and unconditional love of the Lord because of their sweet lives.

Morgan and Blair, I pray that you will look past mommy’s short-comings and failures and see Jesus the One I so desperately want you to give your life to.  He is so worthy of all of you.  There is no better place to be.  And to my precious Morgan, you are already so much more than your mom has ever been.  Your heart is so tender and sensitive to the Lord.  I pray that when you hear His voice, that like the boy Samuel you would reply, “Here I am Lord!”  Morgan, what I would give to know Him like you do already when I was your age.  I pray you never take your faith for granted and that you take hold of it for yourself…and I pray that for both of you.  The love I have for y’all is something I never knew I was even capable of.  You’ll never know what you mean to me.  But maybe some day you will get a glimpse for yourself. 

Up On A Rooftop...splish-ity splish! (How NOT to guard your heart)

2 Samuel 11

Don't you know David probably got to glory and was like Lord, why do you have to use me as an example so much to everyone.  I'm sure he is glad since his faith was made sight, that if his life would still speak to us and perhaps snatch no small few people from the flames of some of the fire they might light the match to in their own life.  So, I'm sure he was good with that!  If there is anyone in the Old Testament that I can relate to it is the man David.  The son of Jesse (whose name means son of man) so just as Jesus is so often referred to the Son of David and the son of man, David was technically the "son of man too".  As hard as I try I can't write something short but I will give it a whirl and if it turns out that I am not so long winded then good!

David was a man of great passion.  He literally went on the heights with the Lord and also ascended unto the depths of sin in his personal life.  The reason why I love him so is that he penned so many of the psalms.  He was a psalter indeed and I relate to him when he just gushes out his heart the best he knows how to articulate it to the Lord.  I'd love to go so many places with this post but instead I am going to stick to the point.

I am a thinker and also a very visual type learner.  When I read a passage I want to mull over it and even try to picture it in my head.  Well, so often I see David depicted as some pale white skinny dude with curly hair.  I'm not sure if those depictions came out of the Renaissance period or what but to me they are very inaccurate.  Here are some vivid descriptions of our main man real quick:

 

1 Samuel 16:12 (NIV1984)

¹² So he sent and had him brought in. He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features.
Then the Lord said, “Rise and anoint him; he is the one.”

The NET version (which is spot on by the way) says, "So Jesse had him brought in.  Now he was ruddy, with attractive eyes and a handsome appearance." 

I've  heard so many people try to explain the word "ruddy" but to me it just means he had a tan.  Maybe even a sunburn because I seriously doubt he was going to go to the local drug store and get some sunscreen. 

1 Samuel 16:21 (NIV1984)

²¹ David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers.

He is also described as a warrior and a man who could play the lyre with his hands.  If we had time to detour I would but our David was sent to play the lyre for king Saul (the king that the people had chosen).  At this point David had already been anointed by Samuel as the next king of the people of Israel.  God had rejected Saul because his heart was not loyal to him and chosen a king for Himself.  A king that we can trace Christ's earthly lineage to. 

This was not some weakling we are talking about.  To me I'd have to say he was hott!  Great eyes, tan complexion, I'm sure a very fit and chiseled frame.  A smelly dude that tended to sheep and did a lot of walking and tending.  I love that the Lord always chooses the least likely but that David was a shepherd and Jesus Christ is the Good Shepherd.  David was the youngest so of course his dad had him out taking care of the sheep.  It was a lowly job.  Why would he even think Samuel would anoint his baby boy, the youngest.  I love that God went out of His way in His providence to have Samuel pass by all of his brothers with none to anoint as king.  I LOVE that God clearly had a call on Davids life and that He pursued Him while He was going about his work of shepherding.  Gods plans and calling are irrevocable.  It's amazing to me.  Everyone had to wait while David was summoned from the sheep fold.  That encourages me so much whenever I start thinking that I've missed my calling or I may need to help God out a bit by manipulation.  Nope, not the case here.  I wonder if David ever felt like he didn't matter much.  I wonder if he looked up at the heavenlies and asked the Lord, "is this it?"  Is this what I was made for, or is there something greater?  I'm not talking about status or position but a desire that your life would matter a hill of beans.  I wonder if he wrestled those things out under the stars.  God sought after this man with a heart like His.  So, Saul is rejected and yet he is still on the throne.  I'm telling you one thing just like Moses says in Exodus 33 and my condensed version: "Lord, if Your presence doesn't go with me then I don't want to go! period!" 
I have people tell me I am too hard on myself in my relationship with the Lord.  The thing is after almost 15 years of time spent in the word, I CRAVE His presence.  I am not who I need to be without abiding in His word.  Its not just about a chore, a discipline yes...but truly whom have I in heaven but Him really?  Earth has nothing I desire besides Him.  My heart and my flesh are indeed going to fail me...but He isn't.  I can't stay in the Spirit without time spent with Him.  Sure there are days I don't feel like it but He is my reason for living.  I love my kids but they don't fill the need in my soul for Christ and His presence.

So, Saul is rejected and has an evil spirit torment him and someone suggests that he have music played to soothe his soul.  I love music, I really only listen to Christian music but it is so powerful and moves me.  It also comforts me and soothes my soul when things seem to be awry.  So, someones mind gets jogged in Sauls service (sounds sort of like Joseph when he is FINALLY called forth to interpret the kings dream) and David gets summoned to the palace to play for the king.  Don't you know he knew there was a calling and was told he was supposed to be king...but I am sure he wondered how in the world he would get to the place that the prophet of the Lord had anointed him for.  That's the same with me at times.  I feel a certain call but I just don't know how I will get there.  I just have to trust in His sovereignty and continue to walk with Him in the day to day living.

So, press fast forward on the parts we didn't have time to go into.  Lets jump straight to 2 Samuel 11.  We see that David is king and that he is in Jerusalem in the Spring (when most battle took place because the conditions for fighting weren't as tough...as if battle isn't ever tough!) So, he stays back instead of doing what he was supposed to be doing.  Somewhere along the way, he bought his own press.  He was at a lofty position  and at this point he probably didn't have much accountability.  I really think that's where we see a lot of moral failure come to play in leadership.  You start to feel above reproach and at times you can become deceived and lose any sense of accountability because after all, you are supposed to set an example.  People are supposed to be able to follow you as you follow Christ.  So, with my speculation I'm just saying David was on a slippery slope and he seems a little bored.

I want to talk about Bathsheba now.  Women are very smart.  I have heard people say so many times, "Oh if those women only knew how they were causing men to lust by the way they dress..."  Well, the thing is they do!  Women have power and they know at times how to wield it.  One thing I want to note about her based on her husband is that I think she was lonely and wanted to feel something anything, she may have been desperate for some passion but she was no dummy.  EVERYONE in Jerusalem and I do mean EVERYONE would have known that David stayed home.  Just like I'm sure as can be that Bathsheba was no innocent bystander.  She knew full well that the king had a good view of the top of the roof she was going to bathe on.  We can clearly site several inferences to the fact that her husband Uriah the Hittite, took his job pretty serious.  To me it would seem that he only cared about his job.  Nothing new from today's workaholic.  No doubt Bathsheba loved her husband but here she is again, alone, with the stark reminder I'm sure that she wasn't wanted.  Maybe somewhere along the way her and her husband had "lost that loving feeling" or maybe it was never there to start with. Even when Uriah was able to go sleep with her, he chose to lay on the floor at the palace instead of going home to have pleasure with his wife.  This is where I am getting into the part about the need to guard our hearts.  So, let's pick back up shall we. 

² One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “Isn’t this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” ⁴Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. ⁵ The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

Bathsheba is up on the roof top just a bathing.  Yes, she needed to cleanse herself meaning she had just finished her monthly cycle.  I wonder if she waited and watched to get a glimpse of the king.  I wonder if she imagined herself on his arm.  Someone who had authority, and someone with looks.  There is something women like about a man in power and to a desperate woman it can be a dangerous thing.  How many times have we heard the phrase, "I like a man in uniform"?  This is all speculation but I wonder if she saw him and then ran out to bathe?  The NET version says that Bathsheba was, "very attractive".  So, did she wrestle with her marriage commitment or did she have any secret wars going on in her mind for this king?  It's still me thinking out loud but home girl knew what she was doing.  The enemy is all about seduction and I'm sure she thought because of her beauty that if her husband neglected her then she could find someone that wouldn't. 
WE HAVE GOT TO GUARD OUR HEARTS HERE.  The enemy will kiss you on the cheek and make you think you deserve better, but God's plans were always for one man and one woman until death do they part.  Yet was she desperate to feel wanted and alive or not?

Lets try to hypothetically pick Davids brain for a minute.  He had been sleeping, he didn't go to war and he is just walking out on the rooftop.  Somewhere along the way had his heart grown away from following after the Lord?  I pose that question because times of prosperity have a way of getting to you and allowing you to not have that sense of urgency for God maybe like he had before he took the throne and was constantly on the run from the enemy.  Did he start to coast in his relationship and compromise here and there so much so that he felt entitled to whatever he wanted because after all...he was king.  Suffering and hardship have such a way of purifying our hearts if we let it have its way.  So many times in my life I have had to literally sleep with my bible impressed upon my chest and for no other reason then I just wanted to hold close what is so precious and the closest thing I have to knowing my Lord since after all Jesus was the word made flesh.  So in the dailiness and in all of the things he had to do life was no longer as simple as the days of tending to sheep. 

Instead of stopping and returning to the place where he started to get off track with the Lord, he inquired about Bathsheba and then sent for her.  I'm not a man and can't understand them but he wanted to feel something too because maybe being the king wasn't really all it was chalked up to be.  

He's hott.  She's attractive.  He feels empowered that he could just send for her and then she would come.  She could have said no and she didn't.  She was a willing participant.    They sleep together (at a time when women are very fertile) and she is clearly sent back home and I wonder if he had anything to do with her past those few moments of passion? Or did she use her power only to be used by one in power and then was she tossed aside as if she were just an object of lust and nothing more once he was done with her?  I don't know the exchange that took place but from this passage of scripture I think there is a word to those who are in Christ.  

1.  True lovers of God are capable of all manner of sin!
2.  David needed accountability.  At some point maybe he quit humbling himself.  Maybe he quit reading over the scrolls of Gods word.   As we see in Joshua 1, He could have still been in the word but maybe he was not careful to do what it says.  It's so easy to know and not do.  To be a hearer only or maybe for a time he neglected His word.  It's a dangerous place to be.
3.  If Bathsheba was feeling all of the things I thought up maybe along the way she felt unloved and rejected and decided that she deserved to be happy or wanted.  She may have justified her behavior by what her husband did or didn't do for her.  How many times is that the case with an affair?  You justify your behavior based on your spouses?  First off, marriage does not solve a purity problem.  We need whole hearts before the Lord.  You can't live in all out immorality and then expect that you will calm that monster down once you get married.  Especially when you have already been eating the forbidden fruit.
4.  Bathsheba needed to turn to the Lord instead of learning the hard way that in stepping outside of Gods boundary lines we will ultimately wreak havoc on ourselves.  Sin promises much and delivers little.
5.  Let God be the watchman on the wall of your heart.  As much as she maybe wanted to be loyal to Uriah, maybe in her loneliness she tried not to feel and decided to harden her own heart in efforts to guard herself from allowing Uriah to hurt her.  Guarding your own heart without God being the watchman on the wall...ALWAYS leads to bitterness.  It's like a defense mechanism to self-protect because just maybe you felt like you tried it Gods way and He didn't come through in the way you thought He should.  Bitterness is a root that springs up and defiles many. 
6.  We can not nurse a grudge if that were her situation.  I'm not saying it was.  If you nurse a grudge and continue to feed it it's going to grow until you feel like you may even hate your spouse for good reason.  Then, a sense of entitlement deceives your heart and mind.

Then, as the rest unfolds, her husband is murdered, she has a child and the child dies...Can you even imagine the self-loathing she must have felt?  Can you even imagine the regret and the what-ifs?  I'm sure they never imagined that it would get that out of hand...and they suffered enormously. 

Yet glory to God in the New Testament God called David a man after His own heart.  Even after the adultery and murder God saw his heart and he left word for us that David was no impostor...He was a man after the heart of God.  Yet in that segment of his life he experienced moral failure and bone deep anxiety and consequences.  The enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy.  Let's be on to Him.  He wants us to profane the name of our God.  Don't let him bait you and ensnare you but sister or brother if you are in that place...start crying out!  Lift up your hands in that pit you are sinking in.  The one with all of the mud and mire and allow Him to come lift you up out of it because you can't get out on your own.  Just like He sacrificed an animal and clothed Adam and Eve in their shame...He was the atonement for your sin and mine.  Not that there aren't consequences but there is such thing as full redemption.  Let Him restore You and then turn back and be a bull horn for others that might be headed down that same slope into the pit.  His mercy truly triumphs judgment.  You are who He says you are no matter how you feel.  That could mean that you preach to yourself when you are tempted that you are a temple of the living God and called and set apart for His purposes...or getting back on those feet, strengthening those legs and weak knees and living out the rest of your days with a heart fully committed to Him.  If You O LORD kept a record of sins, O Lord who could stand?  But with You there is forgiveness therefore You are feared!  Wait for the Lord and in His word...put your hope.  There isn't a time that you bank on the Lord that He won't eventually deliver when it's in His will and nature to do so!
THERE ARE NONE LIKE HIM.  I know no God like Him...No! Not One!

Joshua 1:7-9(NIV1984)

⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

A few recent pictures

   Here are a few recent pics of my babies!  I can't believe how slow life used to move and it seems like the older I get, the faster it fly's!  Johanna Cosby took three of these and the last one is where baby boy was eating and I just love those blue eyes but I doubt they will stay that way!  He is such a blessing.  So far his nicknames are: Blay Blay (Morgan), Blairsy Boo (by Rod), Honey Boo Boo Child (from toddlers and tiaras) and names from me Scruffy, Scruffy McScruffers, Grumps, Grumpers, mommies baby, and Big Boy!  His real name is Blair for those of you who don't know and for the cynics of course we won't keep calling him Blay Blay as he gets older!!!  I am so completely in love with my kids!  Morgan has been a tad challenging as of late!  She is so much like me and as stubborn as they come but she has a sweet heart for Jesus!  Sometimes I forget that she is only 6!  She loves people and loves to give.  She also is the nosiest thing I have ever seen and reads everything!  There is no spelling things in front of her!  She reads my text messages and anything within an eye shot.  It is so hard after 6 years with her and her being the Queen of my Heart to have to divide my attention with her and McScruffs!  So many of you will remember how that Morgan child will not sleep!  She still doesn't!  I prayed and told the Lord over and over the concern of my heart that I would have another one that wouldn't sleep.  Little dude has to go to bed around 9 or he is like what in the world?!?!?!?!?  He is all about his sleep Praise You Lord!  Yet from the time I get up until the time I go to bed one of them requires my attention.  Its been hard staying sane.  Sometimes I wonder though if it's my hormones considering I had him, moved (and I'm not all about change...in a world chock full of change I want some sameness) and had a hysterectomy!  It doesn't seem fair that my face breaks out and I have to dye my hair.  I should at least get a break on one of them!   As far as Morgan goes, I'm still teaching her the scriptures and praying like crazy that she will grow up to know and follow hard after the Lord Christ.  I didn't have the kind of instruction that she does and and I pray she doesn't take what she embraces for granted and that she will see the Lord as Her Life and the Length of her days!  Same for Blair!  Even though he is a mere 8 months I have been teaching him about bad girls like Delilah that may want to come his way and how he is going to have to stay away from them.  LOL!  Little dude is an overachiever already.  He wanted to crawl around 7 months and I would quickly pick him up because I didn't want him to crawl so fast.  I know I'm not right but he's my baby and my last baby!  He already says mamamama like my my my momma!  He says uh oh and da and we are pretty sure he is saying morga  since we sometimes call her morga.  The Mister is so expressive and loves the ladies so I already pray all over that heart and mind and private (hehe) in this age of seduction...I'm just begging for his purity!  Now that all of y'all think I am crazy!!!!  Here are the pics!!  So thankful for such joy from these two in a life that can be so full of hardship!