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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Siesta Scripture Memory

Psalm 94:9 Does he who implanted the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see?

The other day I was at my moms house scanning her book shelf to look for any of my old books. I had been searching for a particular bible and I thought I may have left it at home.
I started the Beth Moore bible studies when I was 18 and I had already moved out to live on my own. I was struggling literally to survive. I can remember not owning a stick of furniture and sleeping on the floor with just my clothes hanging in the closet. I worked more than any 18 year old should have to, for very little pay. I could not afford to buy a vacuum and my carpet was new in my apartment and it shed to high heavens. So, I would sweep it with a broom. The only dishes that I owned were what my sister had given me for leftovers from her wedding. How sweet of her not to return them.

Anyway, my eyes landed smack dab on a small NIV blue paperback bible. Is this it...I knew it was the one. Back then, I was not well versed by any means. I had NO CLUE what a verse or chapter was, much less a translation. The only verse I knew besides the rote saying of the Lords prayer was psalm 119:32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.
I remember sitting down and searching through this ancient yet alive and active text. I did not have a clue in the world. There was nothing about my heart that was free at that point. Little did I know that almost 12 years later I would be sitting here...still passionate and in love with His word. He has been the only consistency in my life. The only thing that has been constant and has remained. The Word made flesh to dwell among us.
I was at such a desperate point in my life. Stripped of everyone and I had gone without comfort for much of my life. Then there I was at the stream in the desert. Forever changed...not perfect. As I have journeyed on I have had my share in sin...yet I have fallen on the One who is Faithful and true. I have found mercy, unfailing love, forgiveness, acceptance and most of all a Father who loves me and a royal Husband who loves me right where I am at. In all of my weakness, in all of my frailty, He knows how I was formed and that I am mere dust. He is familiar with all of me, and you, and He loves us so freely.
My love for Him deepens as the time goes bye. I praise Him for His passionate pursuit of my heart and the Grandeur of His love over me. All of these things have been truth to my soul.

So, as I found the bible I LOST IT as tears flooded my face and all I could do is hold that bible and know that it was my starting place with God...a rock of remembrance. Being in the church for a number of years can make you forget the quarry from which you were hewn. Lord, may I never forget! LOST, destitute, doomed for destruction apart from Him. How steadfast He is. My family did not understand why I was crying but the Lord took every tear and stored them in His bottle. Tears of joy to the God I love. To the God who loves me and gives me the capacity to love. Where would I be without Him?? I don't want to know.

As I struggle on this journey I take comfort in the memory verse above...He made my ears...of course He hears me. He made my eyes...of course He sees me with perfect vision and you and I are the apple of His eye. He loves us so tenderly and with such affection. I pray that you will bask in that today just as I need to. That you and I will quit the self bashing and focus on His unabashed love for you and me. We need it.


10 comments:

Still Learning said...

That was really beautiful.

sammie said...

Very cool Jenny. One thing living this life with Him I've noticed is, it just flys by. You blink and wow,15 years have flown by. Yes there's pain and suffering but you get through it with Him. All I have to say is there better be a heaven, because this world just stinks.

Honea Household said...

Wow.

twinkle said...

I am just soaking all of your testimony in and marveling at His precious touch on your life and all of ours. Jesus knows. He knows our NAME! He knows our DESTINY! HE is our EBENEZER ROCK!
I'm crying, too, thinking about you holding that Bible and the overwhelming flood of gratitude you spilled out on it with your tears. Be blessed, my friend, you are HIS!

Georgia Jan said...

Jenny - if I could, I would get in my car and drive to AL right now, just to hug your neck tight and thank you for being so precious.

This is absolutely the most beautiful testimony and praise-filled post to the purity of your love for His Word. It grabbed my heart and touched me so much!

I love you girl - I know I'm just a "blogosphere woman" to you - but our bond in Jesus is real - and I too LOVE HIS WORD. It is life.

It broke me to read where you've come from - the hard times you had. But this I know - God never wastes a trial, and you are who you are because of Who He IS!

I remember searching and searching for my little blue leather NASB New Testament (with Psalms/Proverbs in the back). I had Worn it out, it was old and I had to have it rebound. I missed it for over a year one time, and then one day, it fell out of an old purse in my closet. I jumped around and shouted like a crazy woman - but I was so happy to find it - because I connected with it. I know exactly how you feel - and I rejoice that you found your Bible.

Jenny - you are so precious young woman. Stay clean and close to Jesus.

Love you,
Mrs. Jan

Emmy said...

That was beautiful! Wow! Very Powerful! Thank you Jenny! I think I am going to use that for one of my memory verses! I needed that today!

God Bless- Emmy : )

ocean mommy said...

Love this story. :) I love looking back in my Bible and journals from my youth...such a reminder of what Jesus has done.

Love you girl and can hardly wait until Memphis. :)

Hugs
steph.

Little Steps Of Faith said...

Wow. Think of how our Lord feels when the tears fall upon His Word:)
I know mine have plenty!:)
I love you girl, and look forward to hearing your sweet southern voice again soon:) Hopefully when the chaos of life settles...maybe I'll take a road trip ha!

He Knows My Name said...

Jenny may I post a link from facebook to this post. This is one of the most moving stories I have read and so moving.

love you.

jael

praisinyahweh said...

Jenny,

Stumbled onto you blog and I am thankful that I did. It is great that you are so honest and transparent, and it is obvious that you love our Father dearly. Thank you for sharing a moment of spiritual intimacy that you shared with Him, and may you have many more. :)

A fellow siesta,

Lisa