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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Fill my Cup

Isaiah 45:18 For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.


Just like the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth, did not create the earth to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- the places that make up our heart, mind, and soul were not created for emptiness. We were created to be filled with something and in that hopefully man would reach out for something more than ourselves or this world in our search to be full.
The human race will do almost anything to feel something. We want something to either deaden our pain and problems or make us feel alive. Murderers, adulterers, thieves, gluttons, immoral people...all have one thing in common...they have a need in them that needs to be met at all costs and are fueled by how they feel. It's true. Someone who murders and has no regard for life, in essence they think they are "god" or greater than the one true God. Look at satan, he was a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). Either you are a child of God or a child of satan. You are filled with one of the two and there is no way around it (1 John 3:10). A good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree bad fruit (Matthew 12:33). Whatever is in our heart will come out of us since we know that out of the mouth our heart is speaking (Matthew 12:34). I was talking with Rod about the Lords supper on Sunday and Morgan (who picks up on EVERYTHING) asked me about it. She said, "Mom, Jesus came to the Lord's supper, He was there? You saw Him?" I told her I hoped that He was there...amen! How often though do we do things in our own strength without even calling on the Lord or inviting Him to overflow in our lives? It reminds me of the treaty in Joshua chapter nine where the people of Gibeon deceived the men of Israel by claiming to be a rag tag band of people who had come from a distant land fresh with their worn out sandals and moldy bread. Yet we see here ( 14 The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD.) that the men of Israel DID NOT INQUIRE OF THE LORD. They went off of what was on the surface. What was logical with human deduction. Um can I get a witness? I am just as guilty of plowing into something without even stopping to see if this is the direction the Lord has for me.
I thank God for His stubborn love over me. I want to be honest, even though I don't say much on my blog about this, but for the most part I did not have a happy childhood to say the least. It was chock full of bars that were raised too high, growing up way before it was time, turmoil...constant turmoil, and a real lack of peace period. I felt loved to the extent that I was able to perform. Sort of a works system. You had to do good to get love. That is one way I have tried so far to teach Morgan that her actions may be bad but she is not bad and that nothing will ever make me love her less. For so many reasons I was a perfect candidate to look for love elsewhere and find myself in one broken mess after another. In never feeling unconditionally loved as a child I sought that out relationally. Our souls are just wired to want to be loved unconditionally yet unfortunately human love will always inevitably fail us. Even if that love is wonderful it can not fill and satisfy us in the ways that only God can. Let me tell you I.LOVE.MY.CHILD. if you can not tell already. That child causes me to feel things I didn't even know were in me. Like the fact that I can greatly dislike another five year old if they are doing my child wrong. Just sayin'. I have already needed God to help me love a five year old that messed with my child. I mean really. I am very affectionate with her and if she is near me...she is on me. With my neck problems I am always telling her to quit pressing or leaning on me because is hurts my neck. God love her. Now she can make me furious...do not misunderstand. I was making Rod his favorite birthday cake last week and upon noticing that she was getting a little too close to the cake I told her not to touch it. I turned around and she had grabbed handfuls out of the cake and put them in cupcake holders. I had to tell her to get out of my presence until I could calm down. Anyway, we have this routine where one of us will say give me some sugars. (SIDE NOTE: Rod will ask me to give him sugars sometimes and I am like DUDE...I am not your kid...lol.) Anyway, I told her that I needed to get 50 sugars from her and she said in her most serious tone, "mom, I can only give you five...then I don't have any more." She cracks me up. Listen though...when I have felt really needy the Lord has made dang sure that I don't go make an idol out of someone. Bottom line...as people we just don't have it to give. We want 50 sugars when the only person has five! We can just put the weight of the world on someone and cause them to suffocate and we wonder why we can't get our needs met. Yet there has never been a time, not ever, never, that I have gone to the Lord with all of my neediness and He has not loved me back or filled a place in me that I needed filled. I may ache and have to come back the next day but man the Lord is faithful. He isn't going to berate me when I can't even put my finger on the need I have or cut me down when I am vulnerable. So may He remind all of us when we feel the need to overload a human being with all of our needs and expectations that no one will tend to us with such care and affection as Him. No one will satisfy but Him and people, as precious as they are, will prove to be broken cisterns to our soul. I am not knocking friendship, companionship or as Morgan says...b.f.f. I am just suggesting that we let God be God and let others off the hook. There is freedom in that. Put your hope in God. Half the time us being needy comes from insecurity. We have a need to feel wanted or validated so we literally sometimes can go to desperate measures to beg someone for love. Yet I have come to realize that I don't want someone to pay me compliments or drag themself to spend time with me if it is forced. Forced love is not love at all when you are trying to make someone be everything to you and you everything to them. Liberation comes when we know how loved we are by God and we can be secure in that. After God has done so much to heal me through His word and restore me to Himself, no matter what anyone says or does I am convinced to the core that God loves me and that He is my Rock, my Salvation.
I was broken over my friend that lost her husband, and my husbands best friend and I thought about Romans 8 and asked God to chase her and comfort her with the love that will never be separated from her even in the wake of a tragic loss like hers.

We were at the pool Monday and Morgan found a little girl to play with. She noticed the girl had gone to the "big pool" and asked me if she could go over and see her "best friend" (the one she met an hour before). Then she said, "mom, I am going to see my best friend, what's her name again?" It cracked me up! As adults we can be so locked in to having to have so many surface relationships to feel popular or wanted that everyone is our "best friend" but we may not even know their last name! LOL.

Lord, help me. Help us.

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5 comments:

Still Learning said...

This was really wonderful Jenny! I enjoyed reading it and you know, I think I really needed it too. What a blessing :) Thank you for sharing your heart.

Jenn

Yolanda said...

A ton of stuff packed into this posting, but I just read from the same passage this morning in John. Right where my bible opended up to.


2nd....wow 50 sugars when they may only have 5 is INTENSE.

3rd...best friends, why do we always title someone as that, yet we know that isn't true, and whom ever we are talking to gets hurt from that?

Just sayin.

Love,
Yolanda

michellemabell said...

Great post Jenny! Thank you.
I just love every time in the bible when God says "I am the LORD and there is no other"....gives me goosebumps.

I do have to say that I gasped when I got to the part when your daughter grabbed the cake with her hands...LOL
Still praying for you.
Blessings,
michelle

Jill_in_AL said...

LOL at the "best friend" after 1 hour....it's like girls that have 12+ bridesmaids in their weddings. How can any girl (and we all know girls can be so mean) have that many "best" friends. Please!

If we can be graced with a couple or three truly honorable friends who love us, support us and love us in our best interest then we are so rich. Then we can have lots of aquaintances that come and go and make our lives full of color. Just sayin'

Love you and see you soon, J

April said...

I just wanted to stop over and see if you had a new post up ... and I got to see your new blog look - looks good friend!