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Friday, December 5, 2008

Overwhelmed

I can not even begin to express my gratitude and thankfulness for all of the prayers and comments that you wrote me regarding my last post. Some of you wrote me on facebook as well. I really felt the Lord leading me to just put it out there. I can't stand to not be real and this has been something very real and horrific for me. There were times I thought I know people will think I am crazy. Then, a lot of this started after I quit teaching in the Singles ministry so of course I thought I will never be able to teach again. Rod and I were going to try to have another child and the Lord gave me the verse over and over that no weapon forged against me would prosper. Most all of you know what a horrible time I have with pregnancy and I know that word was an answer to direct prayer. Anyway, the Lord has confirmed over and over that I have been called to a vocational type of ministry and I thought for sure I must have been wrong because there is no way I could ever have the strength and what if I had an episode and on and on. A lot of you know about the time when Beth Moore came to Birmingham and she was talking about Generations: Making a pact for high impact. She told us to go home and do some homework on that Friday night. She said I want all 18,000 of you to go home look at where you have been in your past, where are you now, and where do you see yourself going with how you've been gifted and to get to your promised land. O.K., so I went home and I asked the Lord to confirm His will that I was called to teach. I asked Him to put something on my heart to pray and I prayed the following: "Lord, if you are calling me to vocational ministry then I pray that she would call me out of those 18,000 people and I will know it is You." So, rewind a year or more to the Patriarchs taping...(I am retyping all of this for the ones who may not remember me explaining it before) she is talking about the seed of Abraham and then she calls all of the pregnant people to come up on the stage and she prays over them. Well, I was pregnant and thought wow God has special plans for this child Beth Moore prayed over her. Then, when Shelby died I learned that God's plans were about His glory and that Shelby's life brought Him glory.
So, oneday before Living Proof ever had a blog, I wrote on the comment page that was on her website. I DID NOT WRITE HER. I just shared some of my story in the middle of my grief and encouraged anyone who was going through a tragedy to just cling to the Word of God. Stay in the Word no matter what. Not only do we need a daily relationship through the Word we especially need to walk by faith and keep sewing the Word that God has given us when we don't have goosebumps from the Holy Spirit...if you know what I am saying. When, I lost Shelby I had to believe God even though I didn't understand. That is not being brainwashed it is walking by faith. I learned so much and continue to from walking through that valley. Well, Nancy from Beth's staff emailed me and told me how deeply grieved Beth was and that she would like to get in touch with me so I told her to tell Beth to fly out to AL and we could do lunch...JUST KIDDING. So, Beth sent me the sweetest, most precious letter in the mail. She did not know me from Adam. It meant more to me than anything since she had taught me so much and entered into my suffering and she had been such a mentor in the faith. Well, I sent word through Nancy to let her know that I was pregnant again with Morgan because Beth asked me to send word. I was like oh I will but I know she is so busy why would she have time for this?!?!?
So, I sent her a pic of me and Morgan and a note about God's faithfulness to me.

Back to Birmingham (and y'all please don't think I am boasting at all I am just trying to share this whole thing) she was teaching on Eph 1 and how personal our God is and how when we think He doesn't notice us...HE DOES!! Then, she sees me, stops in the middle of teaching, and she says, "You are the one who lost the baby! Get up here." So, I told everyone what I prayed and she blessed me and it meant so much that God would notice me in a crowd of 18,000. He does see each of us and if we ask anything in accordance WITH HIS WILL He will do it.

So, as the years have gone by I thought well, maybe I made all that up. Maybe I have out sinned God's ability to use me. Maybe God is punishing me with these panic attacks. These are just some thoughts I have had. I even have come to the point where I don't care how or in what form God uses me...I just want to serve Him. Hence the reason I am teaching preschool. LOL! I bought the set off of her website just to have it and Morgan keeps bringing me cd number 2 where she calls me out, and I know I need to listen to it but I just can't bare to. Plus I hate the sound of my voice.

Anyway, in even trying to have a child as soon as they switched my meds I started having more and more panic attacks so I had to go back to what I was on and who knows if I will be able to have a child again but if it is the Lords will I know I will. I am sorry for this taking so long to type but I just need to tell you how much I love you. Please know from my heart how deeply I care for each of you. It is such a crazy thing how God can take something like the Internet, that is used for so many horrific things, and use it to bear fruit.

So many of you I have hugged and laughed with...shared rooms with...prayed with...prayed for. I just need you to know what you mean to me and how you have encouraged me and spurred me on. If I weren't in a house full of company at my in-laws I would bawl my eyes out for your sweet care and concern over me. I love you dearly!! I see now how in the Word Paul would long to go and visit people he had never met as he oozed affection in his letters to the churches. God is so marvelous and I praise Him for this circle of believers that I have.

I love you!!!


17 comments:

ocean mommy said...

Typing through tears...love you and thank God for the way His hand continues to move over and in your life. He is all over you...

It's an honor to pray for you

Steph.

darla said...

I love you too

He Knows My Name said...

Jenny, You ARE being used by God right here! TRULY, YOU ARE! You certainly have a gift, you are an excellent student of the word, an extreme desire to be used to His Glory. I would just say, be patient, seek Godly counsel, pray and just do the "next thing". That is what the old pastor of our church preached one Sunday. He stepped down from being pastor, he and his wife did not know what they would do next. They began having people over for dinners, larger and larger groups that turned into cooking/serving dinner to large groups who attend our into. classes. They feel this is just where God wants them. There is a need and they can fill it. Just do the next thing that He puts in front of you no matter what that is. One thing will lead to the next. That's what he says and I think that is great advice.

Thanks for retelling this story I never new the whole thing. AMAZING.

You are so special. I loved hearing your sweet voice when you posted you and Morgan that one time. There is only one you, only one voice. He gave it to you and you choose to give it back to Him.

My computer has been in and out of functioning. I just caught up a little today and it went down again. I want to say if I hurt you by my previous post, I am truly sorry. I meant no malice at all! This child is going to give us all a run for our money, smart as a whip and fast as lightening. I love you dearly and would never want to say/do anything to hurt you and I think I need to be more sensitive in the future.

much love and prayers, janel

Lora said...

I love you Jenny.

Hugs across the miles dear one,
Lora

jennyhope said...

I have to speak here to you again Janel in no way did it ever cross my mind that you said anything hurtful. I love you to pieces. I have had a lot of family members treat me like it is in my mind or be real judgmental. That is primarily what I was talking about!! =)

Heather said...

He knows your name! He knows your every thought, He knows your every desire and He knows His will for your life. He will bring it to pass in his timing! Not easy to swallow sometimes ... I'm learning that in my own life as well as we walk through our stuff. I have to remind myself of this often. I will pray that you can rest in the knowledge that HE has it all under his control and HIS timetable. I pray that you continue (b/c I know you do) lay it at His feet and trust in his timing, trust that he can use an ox ... he can use you :) and me and neither of us have out sinned Him.

I will pray for you, for the panic attacks, for a future pregnancy and for a future ministry!

God is already using you so you can't escape that girly! :) Love ya!

Holly said...

Praying for you. Thank for you precious, loving, sensitive and passionate heart for Jesus.

You are highly esteemed, Jenny. And you know what? You make me smile!

lavonda said...

Jenny, I don't know you, but I sure have been praying for you. I think I've checked your blog like 10 times a day just to see if you'd commented on how you're doing. Crazy, isn't it, that we could have never met or even spoken, and yet here I am worried about you and praying for you.

I'll keep praying for you.
I'm praying for healing, and for peace.

Love in Him,
Lavonda

Fran said...

You are being used by God to speak to so many of us Jenny. You teach us, you encourage us, you inspire us, you challenge us, you are the real deal.

I love ya girl. I pray for you every day. God is doing great things in all our lives. He is simply beautiful and amazing.

Keep at Him. I know you will.
You are beautiful in His sight.

Sharon said...

Oh, my. One tissue isn't going to cut it today. What a beautiful and powerful testimony you have!!! Glory to God! His divine favor is being poured out on you, dear Sister. God is so GOOD, Hallelujah!!!

My heart is so tender towards your sweet Shelby. Reading about her sweet life glorifying Jesus made me cry out loud (I have a daughter named Shelby, too).

Please know that I love you, Jenny, and will continue to keep you in my prayers. May the Lord keep you and complete the good work He has started in you. For His glory! God Bless you!

Toknowhim said...

Thanks sweet one for sharing that story... That is amazing about how you prayed, and how she called you out... WOW!!!

Keep your eye on the prize... Run the race God has marked out before you :)

April in real life said...

Oh sweet girl I love you so... but even more your "Abba" Father loves you more than you can comprehend... and Jenny He wants to use you to bear much fruit for His Kingdom and glory!!! AND girl incase you don't realize it you already are!!! I love you so!

Darlene R. said...

You are just an amazing person. I have learned so much through you. I can only pray that God will use me in a way that impacts as many people (women) as you have.

You are truly a blessing, Jenny

Love you,
Darlene

Mary said...

Jenny -- thanks for sharing your whole story. God is just so very cool! And I'm praying for you -- for your panic attacks and now that God will make His path clear to you. He has called you out, be faithful to that call and it's His time (this is the part that I just don't do well with).

He has a great adventure for you~ and I'm praying for you.

Andreea said...

Wow. You have such an amazing story. I just recently started reading your blog b/c I found out you are one of the Siestas. :)

I may be wrong, but I don't think that God is punishing you with the panic attacks. In fact. I don't think they are His doing at all. I think He allows our trials, cause they do have some purpose. Like Beth says, He woudln't even allow us to go through the firey trials unless he knew that we weren't going to come out of them even smelling like smoke. (thats out of session 6 of the old breaking free).

I will continue to pray for ya!

Take care!
Andreea

Nikki said...

Jenny dear,
Thanks for sharing all that you've been through and are going through at this time. I just catching up on everything and I needed to let you know how your words moved me. And reminds me to remember that HE does care and knows the plan. And HE will take care of us.
I will be praying for you.
I hope we can meet up in B'ham on the 20th.
Love you girl!
Nikki

Groovewoman ♫ said...

Jenny, I am sorry that I am so late on reading this post and the one before. I think that it is very brave of you to share what has been going on with you. I know it was hard, but tremendous prayer and support and BLESSING will come out of you sharing your story. (All of it) It touched my heart so deeply. Please know that I will be praying for you.

Much love!