She Speaks Conference

1 Corinthians 14:¹²So it is with you. Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church.

I can't believe it is time again for the She Speaks Conference from The Proverbs 31 Ministry. Time is flying! Please visit the above sites to find out more information. The Conference helps to equip people to use their spiritual gifts and boost confidence.

Growing up was a very painful thing for me. My biological father left the picture when I was one years old. I saw him up until I was four, then that was it. I had such a yearning in my heart for a father. I grew up very fast in my opinion. My mom remarried when my twin and I were 6 and my older sister 7. We were soon adopted and I idolized having a father so bad. I clung to his side every second that I could. I also grew up and was abused until the age of 18. While most kids were working for insurance money, I had to work to survive. I lived on a lot of land growing up and I would go outside, look into the big blue sky and think. I wondered why I was here, where was I going, what was God like?
In my home we went to church but that was about it. I didn't have a clue about Jesus or any of the stories that other kids knew (that went to the baptist church...lol). We did not take our bibles to church. In fact I remember men and women at our church standing in the kitchen talking about those bible toting baptists, meanwhile I wished I was one of those kids who went to that "big" church. I grew up learning legalism. Nothing about a relationship, it was all about rote traditions that do not even come from the bible.
I prayed to receive Christ when I was 13 at a youth lock in. I was so on fire for Jesus but I never was discipled so it sort of fizzled out.
I really believed that I was going to get to heaven by being a good person. I had no idea about grace and the sacrifice Christ had made for me. In other words the church I went to did everything they could to make God as boring as possible. James MacDonald once said that he thought one of the greatest sins was to bore people with God's word. I agree because His word is alive and active.
Anyway, my life was one of co-dependency especially when it came to having to have a man in my life. The Lord literally stripped me of all of that and performed major heart surgery on me before I was ever healthy enough to be with my husband. The Lord wanted me to know that I would still live without a man in my life since I had idolized it so much.
Beth Moore said before that if you have a passion to tell everyone what you are learning you are probably called to teach. Growing up I had zero talent. I could run and that was it. I always wondered if I was in a talent show what in the world could this clumsy girl do? Make a bed on stage? Wash some clothes? I had it so embedded in me that I was not gifted or talented. Oneday, our singles minister came to me and asked me to pray about teaching. So, I began teaching for the next 7 years. It made me learn so much and challenged me so much. It gave me more joy than I could describe here. I was never once burned out. It gave me purpose and made me excited about life in general.
My very first exposure to a Spirit filled person was when I saw Beth Moore teaching Breaking Free right when it came out. When I saw her I felt the power of the Holy Spirit and prayed silently, "Lord, whatever she has I want that." She has mentored me along with countless others through the Moody broadcasting network over the last 11 years.
I married when I was 23. Our first daughter, Shelby Hope, died prematurely on August 20th 2004. I had gone to the Patriarchs taping and Beth Moore prayed over all of the pregnant women so I thought for sure this life was going to be so special. And it was. The Lord revealed to me that it wasn't Lazarus that He was crying over, but the Mary's and Martha's like me who are left with the sting of death. It was never meant to be that way. Her life brought God glory, even though it was one of the hardest times of my life. I had to stay in the Word and walk by faith even when I did not feel it. I am so blessed with my daughter Morgan hope now. We have been through more than our share of trials in getting her here and health problems in general. I feel like I can relate to most anyone who is suffering from what I have been through and how God has redeemed my life from the pit.
So to wrap up this long story...
I have felt a call to vocational ministry for several years. When the Living Proof Live conference was held in Birmingham, AL, she told us to go home and do some homework. Looking at our past, present, and how we wanted to use all of that to help the next generation. Well, I did my homework and I asked God to put something on my heart to pray. I prayed that if I was called to vocational ministry that Beth would call me out of that crowd of 18,000 people and I would know that this was the call on my life. So, she was teaching on Ephesians and how we think God doesn't notice us but He does when she stops teaching and sees me. She remembered that I was the one from the Patriarchs that had lost the baby. She made me get up in front of all of those people and I told everyone what I prayed.
Well, almost 4 years have come and gone and I have been tested and humbled until Psalm 130 has been engraved on my heart. I have been facilitating bible studies but nothing else. That is why this blog came about. I wanted to have an outlet to share what I am learning.
At times I have thought maybe the Lord has forgotten about me or that I have missed my calling. I am still just going to keep trusting Him. I feel so ill equipped but I also have such a passion for people to know God. To know Him through His word. To be set free from legalism, bondage, things that have happened in the past and on and on. I don't know where I would be without Jesus. I was headed for destruction and He reached down and took hold of me. If it weren't for other people who have stepped out to believe God, and be a voice proclaiming His word, I don't know where I would be. So, I just want to be a vessel that He can use even though I have sinned so greatly against Him. It amazes me that He has never dropped or abandoned me. I love Him so and want others to have more than a Sunday relationship with Him.