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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sometimes it just isn't worth the mini-vacation

I have had a whole range of emotions today (not complaining here).
1. Rod had an all out crazy day of stress with work so I felt bad for him. He woke the whole house up this morning with an emergency with one of his accounts. Can anyone say loud talker?
2. Did some really hard bible study this morning. Really hard meaning looking in the mirror and letting the Lord show me some hard yet protective material.
3. Feeling like a bad mother because I slept late and felt worse when Rod mentioned that I did not go on any boat rides with Morgan. Well, first of all she is so busy that she pays me no attention at her MiMi and Pops. Not to mention I spend every waking second with my child. She is in no way neglected for love or attention or time spent. My child is VERY secure in her relationship with me. I had to remind myself of that.
4. I had someone speak in innuendos to me today, which is so irritating.
5. I wished I could have been of more help to Rod today, while all at the same time I wanted to spend time with my sister and brother. TORN
6. I went to meet my other sister in Tuscaloosa and felt like crud because sometimes I am not good at showing affection for my family even if I feel it. It comes so easy with others but I make some sort of barrier even though I feel. So, I was talking about me being the boss growing up. I was. She tucked me into bed for heavens sake. Well, it caused her some bad memories and she burst into tears and ran to the bathroom. Bad sister. I love her, and all of my sisters and brother so much and I hate my stinking flesh when I discount someones feelings.
7. I felt guilt for feeling so blessed.
8. Thought the Lord might come burst through the clouds and make His entrance to claim His bride. He already paid the dowry, so I am just waiting for that day. It didn't happen while I was driving home. boo. Crazy roller coaster of emotions and I had to pray that I would fix my eyes on Him. I truly blow it and can do nothing without Him working to accomplish His good purpose in me.
9. The cops just had to break into my house for me (did I say that? the politically correct legal way to say it would be "I let them watch me break into my house" but that would be a lie). I am so not a camper and was not about to camp in the car and tried my knife, finger nail file, scissors, and none of them worked for me. The officer showed me how to break in like a thief. Nice. His backup arrived and said, "You are the one with the mitral valve issues and panic attacks. Are they better?" Nice. Not only did I feel like an idiot for calling the police and not having my key...I felt like a freak that they know me and the whole panic attack thing.

NEW MERCIES LORD. BRING THEM ON. I need them. There is so much more in between but lets just suffice to say I need Thee Lord, I need Thee...every nano-second I need Thee.



8 comments:

Toknowhim said...

I have those kind of days too... I need Him as well, even when I think I am doing life ok...

Blessings sweet one... You keep seeking Him :)

Fran said...

I completely understand the showing emotions and love with my family. Can't do it. Its a problem. It stinks. Its just really hard.

Anyway...I love ya Jenny. I miss you. I miss everyone. Boo hoo.

Big hugs,
Fran

Jill_in_AL said...

One good thing, JHW, you aren't bored or boring LOL J

Still Learning said...

None of this stuff was funny and yet you have me cracking up. Oh, the cops, priceless. What a weekend. You must be exhausted. I sure hope you made up with your sister. Lord, sometimes we just have those days, sometimes those days are multiple days in a row, ha ha. When I get down I have been looking at quick reference scriptures of who I am in Christ. Very quickly from there I feel so built up!!
We had a crazy weekend too so I promised the girls a spa night to rejuvinate themselves. I burn some candles turn off the lights and have them lay down like at the spa and give them facials. Then they do me. Sounds like you need a spa day, lol.

Have a great day,

Jennifer

ocean mommy said...

Your day sounds like my day last Wednesday. I felt defeated in every area..EVERY area.

Love you girl,
steph.

mary said...

Jenny -- right there with you on showing emotion to family. I can do it with everyone else -- my girls, my hubs, his family, my friends, strangers I meet & like, but not my parents or sibs. It's hard. But it just is.

As for guilt over blessings -- I deal with this one alot. Let me share something. God is blessing you and He WANTS you to enjoy those blessings. He gives them to you for you to enjoy. Don't forget that. HE loves to see you happy.

He rejoices over you (Zeph 3:17)

BonnieO said...

Your weekend put my weekend into better perspective. Having gastric issues the last few days and learning to love my bathroom. NOT!!! Feeling guilty for not returning phone calls and will pay the price tomorrow when I call people back.
Psalm 27:13 kept me sane. "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."
I love your blogs Jenny and your willingness to share. Thanks so much.

BonnieO said...

Your weekend put my weekend into better perspective. Having gastric issues the last few days and learning to love my bathroom. NOT!!! Feeling guilty for not returning phone calls and will pay the price tomorrow when I call people back.
Psalm 27:13 kept me sane. "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."
I love your blogs Jenny and your willingness to share. Thanks so much.