Thursday, September 9, 2010


Man life can be so brutal to the human emotions. Right now I am staring several uncertainties in the face. In a way I am so thankful because it forces me to meditate more on scripture and spend more time praying. It is tough being a jar of clay and realizing just how fragile and out of control you really are. Yet if you truly bring yourself before our Almighty and Sovereign God you find that He is steadfast concerning you and He is faithful. It is impossible for Him to lie or for His love to change. I need to know that and I think you need to know that deep down in the recesses of your innermost being. We need to know the love that surpasses knowledge. Morgan is always trying to tell me in some form of measurement how much she loves me. She will say, "Mom, I love you up to the sky...I love you times 100...I love you a hundred pounds." It is so precious to me but I am reminded every stinking time she says it how God birthed that in our DNA. We want to be able to know that we are loved and part of our human condition is that we will search the world over (in the flesh) looking for someone to love us so lavishly, so deeply, so perfectly, so unfailing, and we will search in vain until we find Him. He is the only one that can meet the deep and I mean deep, often times cavernous needs, of our soul.
I was talking with a woman last weekend and she asked me the normal chit chat questions like what do you do? are you married? and so on. She then said, " have been so happy in your marriage for 7 years!" Um, that was sort of an unusual question. I told her no (of course no relationship is all happy all of the time...and if you are searching to be happy 24/7 with a relationship hinging on your happiness you will live a very narcissistic life) and that I am sure Rod would say the same thing. It is the fear of the Lord that has kept us together at times when we would both rather part ways and call it quits. The Lord has been VERY gracious to us and very merciful (psalm 130). Along the way I have learned a lot about Rod and the Lord has taught me to the core that He is still my Royal Bridegroom even though I am married. The Lord defines me, the Lord is the only One who can fill me and even heal me. While He may use earthly relationships to bless us greatly I am convinced that if I had the perfect man in my life I would sure make him an idol. So, I can truthfully tell you that I have to cease striving where my expectations are concerned and just let some people off the hook. It doesn't mean I don't go through times where I feel needy or clingy but I have to take those things to the Lord or I will in essence suck peoples will to live trying to get them to make me feel special. I can say that even through marriage and earthly relationships that where I have felt let down or failed and have taken those things to Jesus I have been so thankful to see what He is to me that no one else can be. I wouldn't know that if I was constantly searching for it in every other way. I have also made it my prayer that I would see each opportunity where I feel hurt or needy as an opportunity to fall upon His limitless love for us. I love Rod now more than I ever could at the beginning because I see how God has used my earthly relationship to love my Heavenly Father more. But don't think I didn't try to suck the dregs dry only to come up empty before I learned the hard way.
So, what in the world does it mean to love God? Why in loving Him do we get to be blessed back? He knows how prone to wander we are and Him telling us that we need our hearts to be surrendered and wholly His means our liberation. We are safe to love others in the way that God would have us, even at times if it means to be guarded, when our hearts have been set at rest in His presence.

Mark 12:30 (New International Version)

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Part of loving God is trusting Him. Placing our trust and confident expectation in Him. Trusting that even if __________________________ (fill in the blank) leaves you or forsakes you that He won't. It is the whole "even if" that scares us to death. Some of you may not have one iota of fear concerning loss but I will say that you are not the norm. I had to personally think through some fears this week that were flat out giving me anxiety. I took them to the Lord and practiced what one of my favorite bible teachers taught. I knew good and well I was supposed to be casting my anxiety on Him. We don't need to throw off what we aren't carrying. He is telling people that are burdened, anxious, fearful, to cast ALL of our anxieties on Him because He cares for us. He is our Shepherd. We are the sheep of His pasture. When Israels kings or priests were often sited in the bible they were referred to as people who shepherded God's people. So lets not get a lowly view of Christ here. He is God on the Throne. He is in our tomorrow and He wants us to get up daily and seek Him as He gives us spiritual manna to feed our souls with what we need for that day. His word works. It brings healing and peace to my soul when nothing else will comfort. Yet we have to go and gather that manna like the Israelites had to do in the wilderness. It was supernatural that God fed them and the Israelites expected that God would deliver them and then that they would have no more hardship. That is so us. We want to walk with God and take what He has to give but we sure don't want trials. We don't want friends, husbands, kids, to walk out of our life. We can live plagued by fear over any of those things and just think that God is constantly out to get us. That is not God. He wants us alright. Our bodies to be the living sacrifices because when it comes down to it...those of us who are in Christ...He is all we really have. The only certainty. So, yes like the Israelites had to gather enough manna for them (otherwise hoarding manna would spoil)and God gave according to their need. He is not going to let us wig out with worst case scenarios that have not happened and give us grace to just sit there in our heap of worry and become paralyzed. That is not true living. Back to my fears and anxieties this week. I did a couple of things:
1. I petitioned several people that I knew would pray for me and asked them to pray.
2. I spent time in the Word.
3. I had to go to God over my fears ...myself. No one can have your relationship with the Lord for you. You won't find peace living vicariously through others relationships but not having your own. Isn't that why reality t.v. is so popular? Finding excitement in someone else's life. We NEED godly teaching and sound teaching but it can't replace our own intimacy with Jesus.
4. I walked what I was fearing through with God and thought about the worst possible situation that could happen (not to be negative). I found peace and comfort in my soul that I would ultimately be ok in this life because I have Him.

We literally are going to have to attach ourselves to Him, cling to Him, at times just fall on our faces before Him, make much of Him and you get the idea...if our hearts are going to be healthy. It doesn't mean they won't be broken but He is the One that binds up and heals.

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