Morgans First Day of Big School K-5 and other pics

Here was her bday at BuildABear.





sweet girl

me and my baby

Kenley, James, Bre, Morgan, and Maddie

morgan at church!

her getting ready to ask the congregation to pray.

So before she left for school today she asked me to please not get out of the car
she wanted to go in on her own.

When she got back in the car I asked her a million questions. The funniest thing she talked about was a talk she was having with some of the kids. She was telling them that Jesus did in fact rise from the grave and her and another kid argued because he said that Jesus did not rise from the grave. Of course we told her she was right. That's some heavy duty K-5 talk on the first day. haha. She said she had a bad day. I was already hormonal, then sick with fever, so none of it all stacked well with me today. I was so sad and missed her.

her nap mat, new keens, and that ugly bag.

come on mom

Beth Moore's Schedule for 2011

CLICK HERE for her schedule for 2011. I can't wait!

Rabbi Jesus-- The Good Shepherd--Part 2

Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

I was talking to Morgan today and telling her how we are the LORD's people, the sheep of His pasture. Like a light bulb coming on she exclaims, "Mom, I am a pastor! We are all pastors!" Praise the Lord that we are not all pastors...amen! However I do love that verse.

I want to head back to the book I mentioned in the previous post before diving back into what it looks like to be a disciple of Christ.

One of the most popular images of Jesus is as the "good shepherd." who hasn't seen painting after painting depicting Jesus with a lamb slung tenderly across his shoulders? This image comes from Jesus himself, who said: " I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--and I lay down my life for the sheep" (John 10:14-15). His words conjure another favorite image, that of the shepherd in Psalm 23:1-3a:

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want...
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

Any rabbi worth his salt would have known that the mere mention of the word "shepherd" would have caused the rest of that passage to float through the minds of his listeners. Even now we find great comfort in this psalm.

They go on to write:

But Jesus was doing more than evoking a comforting image of himself. He was also evoking an image of power, because shepherd imagery is often used to describe kings.

Here is where it gets really good! What is shepherd imagery used to describe? Kings. Although some of you have studied David and seen him come from the fold of sheep to be anointed as future king over the people of Israel (2 Samuel 16) we normally don't think of a king when we think of a shepherd. Praise God for that little power packed verse tucked in the same passage when Samuel was searching for the king to anoint and David was not yet standing with his brothers:
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Morgan was getting in trouble today for her attitude and she said, "mom, I need a heart like yours." Well, I sure wouldn't go that far AT ALL. Yet her theology is so correct. The Lord looks on the heart regardless of outward appearances there is nothing hidden from the Creator of our hearts. The true prophets of the Lord were to lead, teach, guard, and guide the people of Israel from running after other harmful things. They were to teach them the word of the Lord.
Just like them shepherds performed the following duties: They would herd, tend, and guard the sheep. I love that picture of unity, then tending to their very basic needs and guarding them from any harmful pestilence. The Lord, our Good Shepherd is indeed good. He will never lie to us. He always has our best interest at heart and He will guard us jealously. His love is so measureless, so concerned, and so intimate. He knows us. He made us. We are His. A shepherd was a keeper, a defender, a protector and a guardian of those entrusted to his/her care. I love that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38) and how we have a defender alright. If anyone touches a child of God, they touch the apple of God's eye Zech 2:8 (the cornea metaphorically speaking. The most important part of the eye.)

So, I am just sick. I finished my post and it erased from this portion down.

Let me just try to persevere and remember my point...ugh!!

In Isaiah, for instance, King Cyrus of Persia is called a "shepherd" (44:28), and in Psalm 78:71-72 King David is pictured as "shepherding" his people. Most interestingly, in Ezekiel 34, God expresses his anger at the leaders of his people by describing them as "bad shepherds." He then promises to save his flock and to send a good shepherd to lead them. Could this be what Jesus was thinking of in John 10?
Listen to what Herod's counselors told him after his encounter with the wise men who had come looking for the newborn king of Israel. They quoted Micah 5:2 (See Matthew 2:6):
6" 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'"

When Jesus called himself "a shepherd" in John 10, he was hinting at his identity as the messianic king, the future ruler of God's kingdom.
Such a reference would have astonished his listeners. But they would have been stunned by another allusion. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 25:31-32:

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

Now listen to Ezekiel 34:17:
" 'As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats.

What is so stunning about Jesus' words is that by using the metaphor of a shepherd sorting his sheep, he is linking himself to God, who is often called the "Shepherd of Israel." No doubt many of his listeners were shocked. Others would have been scandalized. We need first-century ears to hear Jesus' claims to oneness with God the Father.

So are the teachers we are sitting under pointing us to Christ or away? Are we becoming more intimately acquainted with Christ or are we in it for what we think He has to offer us? I asked Morgan to go to the store with me the other day and she asked me if I was going to buy her something. I told her no so she said she did not want to go. We can so be like that with Jesus where if we feel like nothing is in it for us then we don't want to go along for the ride. However, we miss truly knowing and beholding the glory of God when we settle for the things that would so easily lead us astray. Christ is the good Shepherd. His love is a purifying, protecting, measureless love. It is in the intimacy that He leads us and none of that will happen by accident. We must sharpen our swords and stay alert.

Not really important post compared to the last one....

1-this is part of my old shutter project for the fireplace. They were UGLY brown.

I bought this table for 6 dollars at the Thrift Store. I spray painted it Krylon lavender. Morgan loves purple. It is for her room. Like she needs anything else. I am going to do some other work on it.


I got this for a really SWEET price at Hobby Lobby. I just love it.


This little end table was 20 dollars.

This is my favorite from Hobby Lobby. It was $39. I love it because I have a lot of bookshelfs going on in the house but none in my room which is sort of my sanctuary of study. I normally have books in piles all over my room and the guest bedroom from where I am reading at night.

Rabbi Jesus--Part 1

I have been a bit absent as of late but with good reason. I have been extremely busy with just life in general. Also, I have had the holy privilege to serve some of the most precious women that I know through bible study. We have been going through "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore on Tuesday nights and "Ruth" by Kelly Minter on Thursday mornings. I have had to prepare much and also deal with my own insecurities in the midst of teaching on the grand subject. Well, all that is to say that I know several of you are about to love some of the things I am going to share because you dig Jesus. So, what I am going to do is share some wonderful treasures that I am learning from "Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus" by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg. Out of all of the reading I have done not one book besides the bible has been as intriguing to me as this book. So here goes:

"Disciples of the wise increase peace in the world, for it is said, "And all your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children." - Babylonian Talmud, Berakhot 64a.

I can not tell you the times in the last 11 years where I have read the gospels and marveled and wondered at the call of the disciples. I am a very visual learner so I would try to picture Jesus walking up on the shore of the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 4) and calling Simon Peter and Andrew to be his disciples. I would wonder if He had some mysterious glow about Him or Holy aura and the disciples just drop their nets, leave their money, and etc sort of in a trance. No. This was a common thing for a Rabbi to train up people under Him.
First of all what in the world is a disciple? In Ancient Judaism it was customary for a Rabbi to begin his ministry at the age of 30. So, it makes perfect sense that Jesus' earthly ministry began when He was 30. I once had a girl tell me that the Lord would really be able to use me when I turned 30. Praise God He uses infants and children to ordain praise. I can't tell you how He has used my child to minister to my own life and heart. It was custom for a Rabbi to have at least ten or so disciples under him. They would walk where he walked, stay where he stayed, learn from him, eat with him and so on. Take a look at Elijah and Elisha in the Old Testament if you want to get a glimpse of the kind of relationship. A phrase was penned in 2 century BC that was attributed to Yose ben Yoezer that speaks of the Rabbi (which Jesus was a Jewish Rabbi lest we forget) "Let your house be a meeting place for the rabbis, and cover yourself in the dust of their feet, and drink in their words thirstily." So, the disciples were in essence what we would call modern day apprentices or an easier word, a learner. I loved this...I am quoting straight from page 58 of the book:

"The disciples would have shared the difficult life of their rabbi. But they would also have experienced great joy in the midst of it. After all, they were the talmidim of an extraordinary rabbi, learning from him about the deep things of God."

Let me break real quick to define talmidim:
"Talmid (tahl-MEED); plural, talmidim, tahl-mee-DEEM). A disciple or student, one who dedicated himself to learning a rabbi's understanding of Scripture and his way of living it out. In Greek, a disciple is a mathetes (plural, mathetai). In both languages the words mean "student" or "learner." A female disciple would be a talmidah in Hebrew, or mathetria in Greek. But were there any female disciples? Surprisingly, in Acts 9:36 Dorcas (Tabitha) is called a mathetria, a (female) disciple."

Stay with me here and please don't get lost in the fact that her name was Dorcas...haha.

Modern Christians have sometimes been confused about what discipleship is, equating it with "discipline." Of course discipline is vital to the spiritual life. Jesus himself said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34). But the overall goal of discipleship is not simply to grow in self-discipline, but to be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Imagine for a moment if someone were to define parenting only as discipline. Of course children need discipline. But we would have great cause for worry if discipline was the only thing a parent focused on.

Sometimes we hear the word "disciple" and conclude that it's too hard to become one. But think about the alternative. To refuse to become Jesus' disciples is to consign ourselves to perpetual childhood and condemn ourselves to a waisted, frustrating life. The more we enter into relationship with Rabbi Jesus, the more joy we will experience. To become more like Christ will deepen our relationships and allow us to live more authentically. It may not always be easy but it will certainly be good, and, as we follow him, we will find ourselves living with greater passion and purpose, experiencing a life of greater fulfillment."

We also can glean from Luke 6:11-13 that Jesus prayed about the chosing of His disciples.


Well, I am just about to pass out. It is almost 1AM and I have gone non-stop (glory!) all day long. Tomorrow I want to blog about the Rabbi-Disciple relationship/bond...it gets REALLY good.

Any thoughts?

Old Window Shutters

I love THIS blog on how to use old shutters.

I will post pics of what I did later.

So Long Insecurity Discussion Weeks 1 and 2

This is straight from Beths blog. Here are weeks 1 and 2 of the discussion
WEEK ONE: (CHAPTERS 1, 2, and 3)
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

4. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?

5. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?


WEEK TWO: (CHAPTERS 4, 5, and 6)
1. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?

2. After reading these three chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.

3. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)


FEEL FREE TO COMMENT HERE.

Awe

Eph 3:14 When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,

Sometimes there are just no words that can be said to describe how Great, Wise, Mighty, Loving, Gracious, and Sovereign the Lord is. All you can do is think on these things and then maybe like me, your mind starts to shut down over His greatness. I praise Him that we don't have to stumble around in the darkness. Nothing is dark to Him. There is no place that His light will not shine. Even if we have run from Him, like Jonah. Or sinned grievously against Him like Moses, David, or Jacob. His plans are far greater than what we can think. His light so bright that there is no need for the sun...darkness is as light to Him. No pit too deep that He can't pull us from. No love greater than Him sending His Son...for us. No sin that He hasn't already atoned for. Before one day came to pass...He knew it. Before one sin of mine was committed (past, present, or future) He paid for it. Who is this King of Glory? Who is this One who loves us so freely and so perfectly?

WHO IS THIS KING OF GLORY?
The LORD strong and mighty.

When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan...
I fall to my knees and pray to the Father.

The Loss of a Child

I remember shaking nervously as I took the pregnancy test. In just a few minutes my life would forever be changed. The test was positive. I stared at the results as everything on my insides sort of fell to my feet. I fell to my face and cried my eyes out to the Lord. How could I ever be a mom?, I thought to myself. I began to just bawl my eyes out over the weight of responsibility and blessing. Then, I screamed for Rod as my hands shook while showing him the results. He was thrilled and the excited person that I am isn't going to wait to start calling people. He is a lot more hesitant and wondered if we should wait to tell others but our joy overrode our caution.
For the duration of the time I was sick as a dog yet so excited over this child, this precious girl Shelby Hope, that was being woven inside my sinful body.
I will never forget the shock to the system my body received all due to the blessed hormones! Stinking Adam and Eve! I had no idea what in the world was going on with my sensitivity to smell and a whole host of other things. Hardly showing I packed my suitcase, bible in tow, and headed to Baltimore for the bible study taping of the "Patriarchs" by none other than Beth Moore (haha for those of you who know me). Beth began to talk about Gods faithfulness to the covenant that He made with Abraham. Her love for women is so evident and she is so in step with the Holy Spirit. She sees a precious woman that is pregnant and pulls her up out of the crowd. Then, she calls for anyone else who is pregnant to come down to the stage. Well, you would have thought that I was on the "Price is Right" and that Bob Barker had just yelled for all of the pregnant ladies to come on down! I was a' runnin'!!! Mainly because that was my hero in the faith and human as she is it meant the world to me that she was going to pray over my sweet baby (James 5:16).
After she prays over us I was on cloud nine. That woman had meant so much to me...still does...She has mothered me in the faith literally in the last 12 years.
I am a person who journals my prayers. I had been praying for my future child(ren) for several years prior, however, I thought that the Lord was going to have some special plans for Shelby. Several months go by and we just continue to prepare our home and our hearts.
Rod of course needed a manual. So, he read "What to Expect When You are Expecting" and told me every detail of it. We were excited, yet it all seemed so surreal and miraculous.
I am a big believer in memorizing scripture. We can all say that we are not good at memorizing scripture yet we can so easily memorize things that we are more interested in. I know some people that can quote you the stats of every football player for Auburn from the last 20 years but the only scripture they know is John 11:35 "Jesus wept."
I had some verses that the Lord kept giving me every time I turned around. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to memorize them and think how sweet the Lord was to continually remind me of them in various ways.

Let me just say I had a MAJOR stronghold of fear as a child and as a young adult...MAJOR. There have been so many things I have feared along the way that have never happened. I would fear stuff almost so I would never be caught off guard. Sort of like expecting the worst. Not good. So here is the verse:

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Now fast forward to August 19th 2004. I was having horrible back pain and had called the doctor that day just to make sure. I was new to this whole thing and did not know what to expect. I was told that if I was still having pain/bleeding to come in the next day. The pain was worse and worse and worse until I had to get to the hospital. They check me out and send me home. I stayed up all that night (I still remember what I was wearing) in pain. I finally can't take it anymore and wake Rod up to take me to the hospital. I did not want to be a burden but I could not tolerate the pain. The nurse checks me and of course I think everything is fine. The doctor is sitting at the foot of my bed not long after breaking some of the worst news of my life. Shelby was coming, there was nothing humanly possible that could be done, and her lungs were not developed. She would not live. I literally put my hands over my ears and quoted scripture not wanting to hear anything else. I let the doctor finish talking to Rod and of course we prayed like crazy that God would perform a miracle. Our prayer wasn't answered in the way that we had hoped. Yet as hard as it was to swallow, the unfolding events brought God glory.
God is infinitely wise. He is not limited by time. He makes no mistakes. The plan for Shelby's life was the same plan that was before the foundations of the world. Shelby would be born on August 20th 2004 and she would live for only 30 short minutes. What is so ironic is that in all of the things that I have feared...losing Shelby was not one of them. I never feared that I was not going to parent her or that I was going to bury my own child. Yet it happened. She was not ours and this world was not her home. The Lord birthed her, He knit her together, and He called her home after 30 short minutes. The plan was the plan from the beginning of time. God is in our tomorrows, today's, and yesterdays.
It was by far the worst day of my life and I struggled for so many more. Yet I struggled before the Lord and I stayed in the Word. Those things were key to my healing. No one, not even your husband, can walk certain roads with you and heal your heart but the Lord.
As soon as the doctor left the room after that horrible news the Holy Spirit reminded me of a certain family in the Word. I had heard the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus in John 11 taught a thousand different ways. Yet the Lord allowed no time to pass before He spoke so tenderly to my heart. I heard Him just speaking to my heart (mind you I had not studied this passage in months)almost as if to say: "Jenny...I was not just crying over Lazarus. I was crying for you and the Mary's and Martha's of this world that have suffered the sting of death. You were not meant for the sting of death and this is to my Fathers Glory. Eternity is set in your heart you were never meant for this fallen world."

You have no idea what peace He spoke over me and what a direct word it was. None of that cancelled the pain or tears yet I was comforted. If I could tell anyone that is suffering loss anything I would tell them to stay in the word even when you don't understand.

One of the funniest things was told to me months later. The doctors asked Rod if they could give me something to calm me down and they did. I was delirious for a portion of time. All of my good friends were in the hospital room and I was in the bed. I asked someone to read me my bible and they took turns. My friend Amy said that she couldn't believe how I went around the room and prayed for each person and made them hold hands while we prayed. If that wasn't the Spirit of God I don't know what was because I had NO...I mean NO remembrance of it! It was quite humorous. She said I prayed specifically for each one of them. I get tickled over that to this day since I don't recall doing it.

The coming months were hard and painful yet God never left me. He never forsook me. He is the God of my life and the length of my days.

Morgan wanted to go by her grave the other day. She knows that she is with Jesus but still. She prayed, cried, and wrote her a note. She grieves the loss of her sister and wishes she could play with her. We were listening to praise music so I had it turned up while we were standing there and just let Morgan take her time. It broke my heart that Morgan can care so much about someone she has never even met. I was so moved in worship that I lifted my hands to praise the Lord. I then held Morgan with one arm (and the help of my hip) and praised Him with the other. The day we buried her, Amy sang "Glory Baby" by watermark and I lifted my hands to the Lord and bent my knees to my Creator. It never occurred to me that I would be holding the delight of my life in the same place years later and lifting my hands in worship over the life that now lives. Redemptive.

Matthew West - Save A Place For Me (Official Music Video)

His Word Does not Return Void

Isaiah 55:10-11
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.


Lately I have really been trying to have a balance regarding my focus on being so hard on myself and saturating myself in Gods word regarding His love toward me. It is so true that we operate not only on how we feel, but out of what we think. We are told through the apostle Paul, in Ephesians 3:18-20 a prayer that he was inspired to pray that there is a love that surpasses knowledge. The Lord wants us to be able to grasp something that is beyond our mind and senses. We look for that everywhere, yet there is something greater than an earthly love. It is a lavish love that surpasses what our minds are capable of. The Lord calls us to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength...but why? Because in that we find our life because He is our life (Col 3:4) and the length of our days. We find wholeness and freedom. We find healing. It is a great paradox that we could love someone, in a world of love that fails us...a world of risk...the risk of putting yourself out there to love and only be rejected. So what keeps us from surrendering our hearts fully to the Lord? I would venture to say a couple of things but at the top would be old wounds, unbelief, and fear.
Old wounds- I know someone who has a sore that they have made on their face. They keep scratching and messing with the sore (for years now) and every stinking night this person puts neosporin on their face only to start the cycle over again when they get up. The answer seems obvious...quit picking at your face! Yet it is a habit. Sometimes we have lived with negative drama for so long that maybe we don't want to get well, maybe we keep picking at an old wound making it bleed mixed with trying to let it heal overnight, yet it results in failure. We cycle in and cycle out. I have used the same scenario over and over but I used to be extremely co-dependent. The Lord never ceases to work miracles because He changed me and healed me no doubt. I would beg God to change me when I finally gave the go that I was serious about my heart being healed. My heart wasn't safe because it wasn't satisfied fully by God. I was not attracting healthy people because I was not a healthy person. I had to bathe myself in the word and prayer. It took a solid year before the healing process let up. There were days were I let the idea that I was rejected because a man wasn't in my life eat at me. I could either pick that wound, act out of a wound, and make it fresh again...or I could allow it to scab over and heal forming a scar. Scars heal but they are still scars. I like to think that the scars stay as reminders of what the Lord has done. Sort of like a rock of remembrance.
Going on from there, it is partly habit to act out of our wound and never let it heal, and it is part of daily living and doing battle in a fallen world. We have to train ourselves to set our minds on things above or we lose and eventually default into a carnal mindset instead of the view Christ has of each of us.

Unbelief- Unbelief keeps me and you from so much. The idea that there is a cause and effect reaction seems to be dismissed from our thinking when we are wallowing in unbelief. Just like Proverbs 15 for example. Verse 1 talks about a harsh word stirring up anger. Yet how often do we want to get a jab in and not expect a ripple effect with the rock we just through in a bond?
Someone called my child a brat today. I forgave this person but let me tell you...when Morgan came in and told me I was livid. Them are fighting words. I was fine until that was said and then it stirred up anger within me. I am then reminded that in my anger I do not need to sin...yet I also need to put off falsehood and tell my neighbor the truth. So, I said something regarding the apple of my eye. Yet were it never said there would have not been the strife. My point, Gods word is true. His word is accomplishing. It does what it says it will do. Just like the rain has a purpose and waters and nourishes the earth, His word does what He desires because after all His word became the Word made flesh to dwell among us.

...to be continued. I have got to go to bed! =) blessings!

She is five

Jenny get a grip. I love to speak in 3rd person.
We just celebrated Morgans 5th birthday! I can't believe it. Some of you on this blog have watched her grow even to this age. Let me just type out a few Morgan-ism's mainly for me to remember.

For Morgan (where do I even begin?):

-you are one of the greatest sources of laughter ever!
Just yesterday you poured my $10 bottle of body wash in the tub to make bubbles. You knew way better. I proceeded to tell you that you were paying for another bottle out of your own money. You then said, and I quote, "OK Mom but get it at Wal-Mart because it is cheaper!"

Whenever I ground you from television you say, "that's OK mom, I will just watch Fox News!"

You have a red mark in the shape of a J on your forehead. Whenever you cry it appears. In your hospital pic it is very visible. So, I was telling you how Jesus knit you together in my womb and how you He took His finger and made a "J" for Jesus on your head. Then, I told you a couple of weeks ago how we in Christ are sealed unto the day of redemption and how we have a mark that is probably visible to the unseen realm. You looked at your cousins and said, "I have a J for Jesus on my head. Because I believe in Jesus. What mark do you have on your head? Whew! I could teach a whole lesson on that!!

Last month you went to bible study with me. When we got there someone asked you to tell them a bible verse. You did. Then you proceeded to talk about "booty stank"! I about died. You were then grounded.

You love Beth Moore. You always ask when you are going to go over to her house and play. ha! Too bad she lives in Texas!

You can pretty much talk your dad into everything.

You call your Aunt Steph everyday at work. We all forget that you are now 5 going on 30. She is your favorite. You ask her most everyday what she had for lunch or how her day is going?
-You were leaving her work the other day (so she could watch you after the booty stank episode) and she was waving to her boss. You then asked who she was waving to. She told you her boss Lam. You said, "oh you are waving to your mom?" Steph told you no and she explained that his name was Lam like a llama. You then said, "Oh, llama...like Obama our president...we don't like him." We about died!

You are my snuggle bunny! You LOVE to shop.
You start kindergarten soon and you want me to be happy for you!

I think you have the gift of mercy because you tell me that you feel sorry for just about everyone.

I love when you say Praise the Lord over something!

I love how you tell me I am your b.f.f. and you even gave me a bff necklace to wear.

Well, now I am getting sad about the queen of my heart being five. My heart just aches over how fast things are going.
I love you more than words could ever tell.

Fill my Cup

Isaiah 45:18 For this is what the LORD says—
he who created the heavens,
he is God;
he who fashioned and made the earth,
he founded it;
he did not create it to be empty,
but formed it to be inhabited—
he says:
"I am the LORD,
and there is no other.


Just like the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth, did not create the earth to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- the places that make up our heart, mind, and soul were not created for emptiness. We were created to be filled with something and in that hopefully man would reach out for something more than ourselves or this world in our search to be full.
The human race will do almost anything to feel something. We want something to either deaden our pain and problems or make us feel alive. Murderers, adulterers, thieves, gluttons, immoral people...all have one thing in common...they have a need in them that needs to be met at all costs and are fueled by how they feel. It's true. Someone who murders and has no regard for life, in essence they think they are "god" or greater than the one true God. Look at satan, he was a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). Either you are a child of God or a child of satan. You are filled with one of the two and there is no way around it (1 John 3:10). A good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree bad fruit (Matthew 12:33). Whatever is in our heart will come out of us since we know that out of the mouth our heart is speaking (Matthew 12:34). I was talking with Rod about the Lords supper on Sunday and Morgan (who picks up on EVERYTHING) asked me about it. She said, "Mom, Jesus came to the Lord's supper, He was there? You saw Him?" I told her I hoped that He was there...amen! How often though do we do things in our own strength without even calling on the Lord or inviting Him to overflow in our lives? It reminds me of the treaty in Joshua chapter nine where the people of Gibeon deceived the men of Israel by claiming to be a rag tag band of people who had come from a distant land fresh with their worn out sandals and moldy bread. Yet we see here ( 14 The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD.) that the men of Israel DID NOT INQUIRE OF THE LORD. They went off of what was on the surface. What was logical with human deduction. Um can I get a witness? I am just as guilty of plowing into something without even stopping to see if this is the direction the Lord has for me.
I thank God for His stubborn love over me. I want to be honest, even though I don't say much on my blog about this, but for the most part I did not have a happy childhood to say the least. It was chock full of bars that were raised too high, growing up way before it was time, turmoil...constant turmoil, and a real lack of peace period. I felt loved to the extent that I was able to perform. Sort of a works system. You had to do good to get love. That is one way I have tried so far to teach Morgan that her actions may be bad but she is not bad and that nothing will ever make me love her less. For so many reasons I was a perfect candidate to look for love elsewhere and find myself in one broken mess after another. In never feeling unconditionally loved as a child I sought that out relationally. Our souls are just wired to want to be loved unconditionally yet unfortunately human love will always inevitably fail us. Even if that love is wonderful it can not fill and satisfy us in the ways that only God can. Let me tell you I.LOVE.MY.CHILD. if you can not tell already. That child causes me to feel things I didn't even know were in me. Like the fact that I can greatly dislike another five year old if they are doing my child wrong. Just sayin'. I have already needed God to help me love a five year old that messed with my child. I mean really. I am very affectionate with her and if she is near me...she is on me. With my neck problems I am always telling her to quit pressing or leaning on me because is hurts my neck. God love her. Now she can make me furious...do not misunderstand. I was making Rod his favorite birthday cake last week and upon noticing that she was getting a little too close to the cake I told her not to touch it. I turned around and she had grabbed handfuls out of the cake and put them in cupcake holders. I had to tell her to get out of my presence until I could calm down. Anyway, we have this routine where one of us will say give me some sugars. (SIDE NOTE: Rod will ask me to give him sugars sometimes and I am like DUDE...I am not your kid...lol.) Anyway, I told her that I needed to get 50 sugars from her and she said in her most serious tone, "mom, I can only give you five...then I don't have any more." She cracks me up. Listen though...when I have felt really needy the Lord has made dang sure that I don't go make an idol out of someone. Bottom line...as people we just don't have it to give. We want 50 sugars when the only person has five! We can just put the weight of the world on someone and cause them to suffocate and we wonder why we can't get our needs met. Yet there has never been a time, not ever, never, that I have gone to the Lord with all of my neediness and He has not loved me back or filled a place in me that I needed filled. I may ache and have to come back the next day but man the Lord is faithful. He isn't going to berate me when I can't even put my finger on the need I have or cut me down when I am vulnerable. So may He remind all of us when we feel the need to overload a human being with all of our needs and expectations that no one will tend to us with such care and affection as Him. No one will satisfy but Him and people, as precious as they are, will prove to be broken cisterns to our soul. I am not knocking friendship, companionship or as Morgan says...b.f.f. I am just suggesting that we let God be God and let others off the hook. There is freedom in that. Put your hope in God. Half the time us being needy comes from insecurity. We have a need to feel wanted or validated so we literally sometimes can go to desperate measures to beg someone for love. Yet I have come to realize that I don't want someone to pay me compliments or drag themself to spend time with me if it is forced. Forced love is not love at all when you are trying to make someone be everything to you and you everything to them. Liberation comes when we know how loved we are by God and we can be secure in that. After God has done so much to heal me through His word and restore me to Himself, no matter what anyone says or does I am convinced to the core that God loves me and that He is my Rock, my Salvation.
I was broken over my friend that lost her husband, and my husbands best friend and I thought about Romans 8 and asked God to chase her and comfort her with the love that will never be separated from her even in the wake of a tragic loss like hers.

We were at the pool Monday and Morgan found a little girl to play with. She noticed the girl had gone to the "big pool" and asked me if she could go over and see her "best friend" (the one she met an hour before). Then she said, "mom, I am going to see my best friend, what's her name again?" It cracked me up! As adults we can be so locked in to having to have so many surface relationships to feel popular or wanted that everyone is our "best friend" but we may not even know their last name! LOL.

Lord, help me. Help us.

Greetings!

Hello All 2 People Who Read my Blog!!

So much to say...
I have been doing Beth Moore's (IMAGINE THAT) latest release "Here and Now...There and Then".
I have heard that it is on back order at some of the stores in Alabama but for the last couple of months I have been able to find it at mine just fine. I was shocked that Lifeway stocked it since it is through Living Proof but I am so glad they did! Drives me crazy when it takes a whole year for one of her studies to come out...yet they are worth it!
Anyway, digging a little deeper on my own I have been convicted to the core. Just a few things for application in my own life: A Call to WAKE UP...to strengthen what remains. Yes that is in the letters to the churches yet I personally need to look a little closer at my own walk and testimony. I don't want to walk through this life blind to the things of God because I was too full of the world to be able to see. With all of the facebook, twitter, text, email it is so hard to not get sucked in to the trap of mile wide communication with and inch deep of intimacy. For me personally I am not one to do most things in moderation...just sayin'. I was fine before all of those forms of communication but lately I have not been fine. I have seen where I have just plain been distracted. My heart is to be rich toward God and not fall in the trap of over communication and feeling like I will miss out on someones fb status telling me that Walmart was out of strawberry eggo waffles. I mean seriously. All of these forms of communication can be great tools but again I just fall into the trap of time wasting. There is so much about the Lord I want to know here on this earth and I sure don't want to stand before Him and say Lord, I know there was much to be had...but Father...I needed to check facebook. So...that is one of many areas from that one verse that have just hit me where it hurts.
Go here with me for a second: So many of you know that our first daughter, Shelby Hope, was born premature and is with Jesus...I have TERRIBLE pregnancies. Any of you that read my blog should be ever so thankful that I was not blogging during that time...ha! My pregnancy with Morgan was terrible, yet worth it, to say the least. I had MUCHO bed rest-o! Much bed rest. I thought I was the brute beast before the Lord in psalm 73 from being in the bed. The day I had her (I had been home for a month or so) I drove myself to the hospital but I had not walked in a few months. My rebellious self had to leave that hospital and I would also scoot down the stairs when no one was with me just so I could leave the room. So, needless to say I had some atrophy going on. I remember these crazy things I had to wear on my legs they made movement or something and I had to have those bad boys on at.all.times. Talk about a stinking pain when they are attached to the bed and you have to take them off every time you have to go to the bathroom as a pregnant woman goes to the bathroom. So, after I came home from the hospital I was physically week since any pregnancy for me requires not being on my feet for longer than ten minutes and not lifting over ten pounds...THE.WHOLE.TIME. So I was weak. I could bore you for paragraphs more but I won't...glory! Oh, one more thing. When I went shopping I was the girl in the electric wheelchair at WalMart who would ride around and then jump up out of the chair to reach what I needed and then sit back down. You know the people of WalMart site would have been all over that one seeing as most of the time I was not showing that bad until 5 or 6 months. Anyway, me ever so caring what people think, wanted to attach a sign to my chest that read: Really, I am pregnant, not lazy...and attach a picture of her ultrasound for proof because of course the wheelchair police may come by at any given moment. as.if. Just like when I was in Target recently and I had my eyes dilated. I had to wear sunglasses and seriously I told people that I normally would not wear sunglasses in a store but for the fact that I had just had my eyes dilated. I know they wanted 30 seconds out of their life back from that. So, application wise when I am not staying in tune with the Spirit I am obviously having a trade off for walking in the flesh. When I am not sensitive to the Holy Spirit I feel like I am asleep to the things of God. I sure don't want Him to have to give me a wake up call...I would like to beat Him to the punch. Yet, the Lord in His Godness...gives each of us opportunity to repent of the ways that are causing us to be ineffective. I uttered the words a minute ago that I am MISERABLE apart from a full dose of Jesus and the filling, instead of quenching, of the Holy Spirit. Anyone still reading is probably like dude she needs to quit writing at 3:08 am. I have been affectionately known as RANDOM for these reasons.
So, again...wake up! Get out a pen and paper and ask the Lord to convict you of things that you may not even be aware of. That is the Holy Spirits job. Our hearts can get so calloused from just living life that we may not even know how we descended to the place we now are. Ask Him for a few things that need to go. Then, in place of their departure fill up what lacks with learning scripture, spending more time in prayer, serving (preferably after you have been filled so you will have something to offer from your cup!) bible study. Something that breeds true joy instead of pseudo intimacy.
I have been dissecting the letters to the churches in Rev. and have asked God to not let me get bit by the bug of familiarity. He has been speaking loud and clear thru them to me!
We have to truly put our faith to the test and stretch the muscles that matter in our walk with Christ. We need to engage fully with our hearts, our minds, our mouths, and our hands and feet! And maybe too we should shake our booty in the devils face just to show that ancient serpent that by the blood of Christ and His resurrection that we are more than conquerors.
Oh and quick story: I told Morgan that the only people we are to HATE is the devil and his co-horts. She is cracking me up because she will say..."I hate the debil (not with a v)."

I guess I need to get going to bed which is why I was really writing anyway. I know that some of you have just been so stinking loyal to me and flat our encouraging. Over the last 6 years I have been NO stranger to trials health wise. For a stretch I really became a constant prayer request. I really feel bad for asking on here but if you think of me please pray for me. I have been "writhing" in pain tonight and for the past few days. So many of you know that I have a bad neck. Well, I went for ANOTHER (out of a billion) MRI Thursday. I possible have a pinched nerve or a herniated disk along with my neck being shaped wrong at the top in the first place. When my neck goes out it is the worst pain of my life. I would rather give birth 50 times over than go through that. I can't even move without terrible pain when all of that happens. So...I am in pain with my neck. One of the muscles is pulling to the left and causing me to not be able to turn my head. I have shooting pains down my back and arm. I don't want to complain as I have been dealing with this since I was 12 or 13. If anyone in my family gets wind of me starting to have the neck junk they all get worried and nervous about it since they have witnessed it going out and disfiguring my face over and over. God love them! I have tried everything you can imagine for almost 18 years doctor wise in an attempt to get some relief. However, as I get older it is worse. Every doctor says the same thing...they are sorry they have not seen anything like it and I had to have injured it but there isn't much that can be done. Hey...but God! He can do whatever He wants to do. Next to having my bible, I have to have my special pillows and my heating pad. Thank you in advance for any prayers. I hope to be able to share some more tomorrow! Much Love

A few random pics!

Morgan and her cousins Leah and Kate


Bless her heart she went so hard that she fell asleep at the table...she said she wasn't tired. ha!

Rod and Morgan

me and morgs

sweet Kelsie at Morgans graduation