Tuesday, March 25, 2008

five years of snoring

FIVE YEARS of LISTENING TO THE MAN SNORE. Well, almost five years but it seems like an infinity. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to stay in the Spirit or have peace with this obnoxious loudness going on (I can't even hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit over the noise). Last night, I literally almost freaked out because every time I would start to go to sleep a LOUD snore would burst forth (I went to bed at almost 2 am). Then, almost as if Morgan and Rod were plotting against me...she snores...then he snores...and the dance goes on. I really think their snoring is why I am so tired each day. There is no where I can go to get away from it. Here is my version based on a little bit of Psalm 139. And No, I am not adding or taking from the Word of God...

Where can I go from your snoring?
Where can I flee from your instrumental nasal passage sounds?

If I go up to the heavens, I can still hear you;
if I make my bed in the depths, still you are there pestering me and irritating my spirit as you sleep so sound.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your snoring will agitate me,
with your right hand you better defend yourself because I will hit you fast to try to make it stop. Anything for a moment of quiet.

If I say, "Surely the earplugs will hide me from the pestilence
and the noise of the fan become sound around me to drown you out,"

even the earplugs will not take away the sound of you;
the noise from the fan will not give me rest before the day,
for snoring is as breathing to you.

Oh wretched woman that I am who will free me from my lack of sleep? Please take this thorn from my flesh...not my will but yours be done. If it is not Your will please send me some grace in the form of sleeping pills to knock me out.

If I die before I was because the snoring was more than I could take.

And the question that is to deep for me to fathom: How can one such loud sound come from one man? It is more than I can take.


Heather said...

You crack me up! Thankfully my man doesn't snore tooo bad :)

StaceyStace said...

This is hilarious! Well, your artistic rendering of it is; I know the snoring isn't funny.

Maybe he needs a c-pap machine for sleep apnea. Send him to the sleep clinic, girl! You'll both get better sleep. Of course, you will think you are sleeping with Darth Vader, but you'll be in dreamland in no time and you won't care. (I guess you can tell I've done this - ex-husband slept on the couch for years and snored SO loud. I recommend taking care of this before you have to make separate sleeping arrangements - not good.)

He Knows My Name said...

oh my, this snoring is of biblical proportions!!! i think you have a case of goliath snoritis. hugs ~janel

Leigh said...

I understand. My husband had gotten better since weight loss. ASk hubby to go to specialist and see if he has sleepapnea. I will bet so, and get a CPAC machine and no more snore....and it can be dangerous if he has it and is undiagnosed.
If interested I can ask my friend Flo for doc recommendation. She and another friend Pat both have to wear them and said it has changed their lives as wella s their spouses.

Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...


I am printing this page and reading
it to my man tonight at dinner..... :) He will crack up...

I am going to pray that the Lord would SING LOUDLY over you tonight and drown out that freight train beside you. :)


BethAnne said...

I am with Staceystace --- send that man for some medical intervention before you have to start sleeping alone. He really may need some Doctorly advice on this one.......go take a nap!

BethAnne said...

Oh, have you tried ear plugs? My mom swears by them to block out snores

jennyhope said...

he is not about to go to a sleep clinic btw. Also, we already have to sleep in seperate places I cant take it with getting anxiety and all. Seriously. =)

Profbaugh said...

Oh Jenny,

I feel your pain, Siesta. Take it from one who's been married to a snorer for 25 years!!

Having said that, I have to say I was totally cracking up reading your post. Girl, you are just too funny.

Here's hoping for a quiet night tonight.


wornoutwoman said...

Although I sympathize for your predicament...I'm laughing out loud at this post! You're too funny! Have your husband wear a mouth piece to a bleaching tray (minus the bleach) or something to that nature. It helps my husband's constant roar of a snore!

SnappyCasualGifts said...

I'm so sorry to hear you don't get good rest. That is so frustrating when you want to go to sleep but are distracted by noise.

Sherry said...

Jenny, I have almost peed my pants!! THat is SSSSsssssssssssooooooooooooo funny! I feel you sister, I have a freight train over here myself! But I don't suffer from lack of sleep like you, honey!! Bless your heart!

Rachel said...

LOL!!! Love it. Nice touch of application....sort of ;)

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