Monday, June 16, 2008

My True Father

Galatians 4:6-7

6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

Romans 8:15

15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

I know that Fathers day is over but I just have to take a minute to talk about my Father. As most of you know my real dad was not in the picture after I was about three years old. Bottom line...the man needs the Lord. I think he has been married the maximum amount of times and has at least 15 kids. So, not to dishonor him but we were a burden off of his back since he never had to pay child support. My grandmother told me one time that I was almost three and I looked her in the face and asked her why my daddy didn't love us. She tried to explain it the best she could and she said that he was sick. I told her he wasn't sick he was mean. So, at an early age I was already probing and wondering and having an immense need for a father. I think that is just the way God wired us with the need for a mother and father when we are young. There are so many people who have had either their mom or dad not in the picture and my heart breaks for them. I grew up feeling so insecure. Wanting a dad. As my mom dated, I would sort of interview them and size them up. Finally, when she met the dad that adopted us I asked him straight up if he was going to marry my mom (first date). I was five years old.

My mom gets married when we were six and Heather was seven. We moved out to the country and began a new life. I clung to my dad like you have never seen. I was his shadow. Wherever he was, I was sure to be. I remember waiting at the window watching for him to come home most nights. When he got home I greeted him on the deck. I needed that relationship so bad.

When Shelby died I can remember everyone quoting Romans 8:28

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose. While I knew this verse I wasn't exactly feeling it at the time. I entered into the sufferings of Christ through losing her and I am able to share in others losses and sufferings because I know what it is to suffer. However, I didn't want that verse rattled off as if I could just get over my pain because it was working for my good. You sort of have to go through the whole process of grieving before you see any fruit.

All of that is to say that I had such a void that no earthly man could ever feel...not even an earthly father. While I do love my dad who adopted me...nothing comes close to Jesus.

I took about a year or so to heal from some hurts when I was 19-20 years old. The Lord did such a profound work in my life to teach me that He was my Father and that no one could meet the immense needs that I had but Him and that all along even in the bad times, times of questioning, times where I did not understand...God was working things for my good. He was working things out for me to have such an intimate relationship as Father.

This verse is so powerful to me:
Psalm 27:10
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Even if the people who should love you and should care for you forsake you the Lord will NEVER leave you or forsake you no matter how you feel (Hebrews 13:5). Yes I have had to work through my insecurities but I wouldn't trade anything for what I have with my Abba Father. No one can come close to what He means to me. I am so thankful that I have been adopted into the heavenly kingdom and that my Father loves me so much. I am thankful that He is holy and just and that in Him there is no darkness. Most of all...I have been the prodigal daughter and I can't fathom how great the love of the Father is that He would take a wretch like me back. His love is ever toward us. He is good. He is the Father of all creation and I am thankful that I am a sheep in His fold.

Lord, I have no idea where I would be without you. I don't even want to know. I pray that others that feel rejected and abandoned would come to know you as Abba. Thank you for loving your children and having compassion on us. You are so worthy.

On another note...We had a really good Fathers day. We bought Rod a watch and a gift card to his favorite outdoors store. He really is such a wonderful father. He loves Morgan so much and is so into protecting her. Sometimes to the point that it gets on my nerves. =)
I love the way he lights up when she is waiting for her at the door and he picks his punkin up and loves on that sweet thing. I never thought I would see such a manly man stoop to kiss boo boos. Or drink out of tea party cups but to my amazement he does. She has him wrapped. We thank God for the opportunity to parent sweet Morgan hope.


Little Steps Of Faith said...

First of all, I think you are amazing, and I think of you often.
Your influence in my life from afar has been unbelievable. Your words are from God, in every little bit, and I can see such a light shining from you.
I pray that God willing He lets me get back into ministry mode, right now I am so fragile, that I can't deal with anyone's drama around me, or really anyone yet.
I still love everyone, but its like God has taken me captive into true stillness, and I am ancy lol.
I know we haven't talked in forever, but you are one of my girls, you have known me a long time now, one of my original siestas, and you encourage me so much. Anyway, I just wanted to share that.
BTW, my dad tells me he loves me now before he gets off the phone with me, he never used to do that.
I can almost hear him cry when he says it. God is so amazing:)
Love you!


connorcolesmom said...

What a great heartflet post
We do have such a desire and need for a father and it does stem from needing our Heavenly Father
Thank you for reminding us
You are so precious
Much love

StaceyStace said...

Glad to know you have identified and dealt with this loss...and most importantly, that you know only our Abba can truly fill this void. That way, the dad who failed you can not hold you hostage - he is not your source of joy. In fact, no human is...praise the Lord!

ocean mommy said...

This is such a powerful testimony Jenny. I see how God is using your entire story to show His glory in you. (Your early life sounds a little like my husband's.)

Looking forward to meeting you in August!

Leigh said...

You have come so far, Jenny. Now you are able to minister to others. While I know that you have mentioned some terrible things in your life, I love the way that you have turned them into a positive and used them to God's work. Reaching people, helping people to know him. Understanding.
What a moving post. I can always count on that from you. You are such an inspiration!

Faith said...

What a precious entry! Thank you.