The mister is 3! Happy birthday baby boy!!

Papa smurf! Who knew I'd have a 9lb baby full term?? All three of my pregnancies are war stories but one of the worst parts about this pregnancy was when I started to code. All heck broke loose and everyone descended on the room as we were in a real clear emergency. I was mad at rod and jokingly said I wasn't going to let him see Blair be born. Well, I'll never forget asking the anesthesiologist if my son was going to make it. He yelled ma'am... He might die but we are worried about you dying right now. (Rod says this conversation didn't take place and of course I was like dude you weren't even there! He had gone to tell his family I was having a c section and when he left all heck broke loose) uttered 2 things to The Lord: 1) Lord, I've lost one child before...I know you'll get me thru it again but surely not.  2) thank you for this anesthesia. By Gods grace I came out of emergency surgery and wasn't sick from anesthesia. My first words: is my son alive? I could cry. So rod and I both didn't get to see him be born. It was 3 or 4 something in the morning by the time I got rolled into see him. Rod asked me, "are you sure you want to see him tonight or just wait until the morning?" He carried Blair to the NICU and had already seen him. I was a little mad that others saw him before I ever did since it's such a sacred moment but it is what it is. Anyway, I went in and saw all his hair and was like is he mine??? He scared me for like 2 weeks because he had a furrowed brow and finally I was like I'm your mother child and pushed that cranky brow up with my finger. I'm still not used to the whole changing of the diaper and seeing "it's a boy!" yet. I don't know what to do with a boy!  Lol. Anyway, praise The Lord this dude made it. The NICU doctor that I was familiar with from Morgan didn't tell me until I was discharged that my boy didn't breathe on his own for 8 minutes and they had to bag oxygen him. I've yet to have one season of ease in my life. Everything is on the edge of my seat...go big or go home...enduring trials full of twists and turns and even almost near death!  I guess I'm really stubborn and need a lot of trials to keep me humble. Yet I wouldn't trade how I've come to know The Lord from them all. I'm so thankful for my firstborn in heaven that taught me that life is about Gods glory and to trust Him when there are no footprints in the sand. I'm thankful for my sweet Morgan and The Lord teaching me to have more faith and that even when I'm not faithful He remains faithful as He can't deny Himself. I wished with her I would have just believed God even if the outcome was wrong... That I would have gone forward with some faith. There were far to many scares and too much time plus hormones staring at 4 walls for months at brookwood. It caused me to see what a brute beast I was before The Lord in psalm 73. Now this dude!!! Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life. I never aspired to be a mom and got on my face and cried all three times I found out I was pregnant out of fear of being a mother and failing. Fail I do. Apologizing...I have to do a lot. But this boy teaches me and he's so much like me it's scary. I pray he grows to love Jesus and isn't a 1/4 of the fool I've been in life. If they make it out of my house without being totally dysfunctional it will be all praise to Jesus!!! I'm smitten with him!  And yes I mourn over them getting older. Some don't. I do. I've never wished away any stage of their lives. I feel so not fit to steward them but here we are!! The Mister!  Oh and he was voted best dressed in the NICU!  Lol. 

Devotions: 1

Genesis 4:7

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it."

Just like eve was tempted in the garden we too are tempted to focus on the one thing we can't have instead of all that God has said yes to. When we focus on the one NO that God puts in place we will desire that one thing and if we merely hear the word but don't obey it we will succumb to the lust of the flesh and the lies of satan. Remember he is like a roaring lion (that's pretty scary when you think about it. We are no match for the enemy. Only Christ in us and by drawing the sword of the Spirit which is His word and prayer can we take our stand) seeking those whom he may devour. He wants to have you all bound up in a stronghold. A stronghold can be a good thing if The Lord is our stronghold but when sin is our stronghold we remain stuck and also like Adam and Eve, we will hide from The Lord in our sin and shame.  Be sure of this the enemy wants you to self-destruct since he can't have the believer in Christ, as we are sealed unto the day of redemption, but mark this he wants us to be living in rebellion and disobedience to God and he wants us to doubt Gods goodness. Friend, remember Gods commands are for our good. Let's focus not only on what we can't do, see, taste or touch, and focus on what God has said yes to in Jesus Christ. If you're like me the second I've ever tried to go on a diet I'm focusing on everything I can't have. I open the refrigerator over and over craving and wanting those 3 bags of carrots to suddenly taste like chocolate pie...and before you know it I'm focused on the wrong thing and I'm then chowing down on everything and could eat my purse! That's the same thing in essence we try for a minute and instead of persevering and focusing on what God says is for our good we fail or fall and give up so easily. Baby steps... Make one right decision after the next and remember that whatever stronghold you are in The Lord is about delivering you but also about you knowing the deliverer. Some of the hardest times of obedience for me have been the most blessed lessons I've learned because I've come to know Him in ways I couldn't have otherwise. Keep you gaze on Him sister!  I beg you from one woman who has been such a fool and had to learn the hard way, don't  let the enemy cause you to self-destruct or drive his flag of victory over you. When you fall, get back up and run to Him (or crawl)...He is faithful. 

Father, thank You that You are for us and every yes and amen has been fulfilled in Christ. Lord give us eyes to see and ears to hear and not focus on what is seen but what is unseen. Fix our gaze on You. May our appetite be one of hunger and thirst for you in this dry and weary land and may we drink deeply from the well that never runs dry. May we understand that our battle is not against flesh and blood and that we have a real enemy crouching at our door wanting to devour us. Consume us with a holy hunger for You and Your word. Cut the chains that so easily bind us and set us free from our own flesh that we may not live as a slave to sin and may sin and satan not master us but Lord, You be our Master. We can do nothing apart from Christ working so powerfully in us. In Jesus Name, amen. 

Post surgery

Praise The Lord Oh my soul... I'm really fatigued today and can't seem to escape the plethora of trials and health issues (not for the last decade anyway)... But with not an ounce of pride (I don't have any room for extra ounces) I'm so thankful I have like 5 1/2 more pounds to lose to get back to where I was before they had me on meds and etc for my neck. I say that because I was thinking I was too far gone (I know) and what I mean by that is that when you are my size and you gain weight, it calls for a new wardrobe...pretty much. So since March I've been laid up and not been able to exercise or anything I'm so thankful that I don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe esp when I can walk in a room and my favorite thing is probably going to be the one that's the most expensive. Please still keep me in your prayers as I have more issues after I'm healed up from this. Praying that The Lord will just take away the aneurysm on my left opthalmic artery if He wants to do so and dissolve this breast (I hate saying that word) health issue they've been following, along with the adenoma on my pituitary. 

Also, I'm so thankful for all of the precious encouragers that I have, the friends who have prayed for me, brought me and mine meals, offered to run errands even if I say no, my fam who have watched my kids, cleaned my house...and just people who have been bearing with me through the long haul when I can't even return a phone call because of my neck. 

Also, I'm pretty much tired every waking second and feel a dump truck load of guilt that I can't be a full on mom to my kids and that they don't really have play dates or tons of friends and are cooped up in the house with me. Poor Blair has hardly been anywhere and he hasn't been in the car with me. But this huge stretch of trials over the last decade and countless health issues, and go big or go home experiences, have refined me yes and greatly affected my quality of life and moreover at times have made me feel like the one person you don't want to see coming...like oh no here's that girl with the plague. Maybe that's my own cloak of condemnation I'm wearing but it's been tough and people who have never suffered (Lord have mercy on them) can be so judgmental and uncaring. Thankful in all things that I have suffered that I can comfort those with the same comfort I've received.  Be it the death of a child, financial woes, chronic sickness with my kids, really random who gets that but jenny and her people illnesses, rod breaking his back, me having war story pregnancies, surgeries, crazy vital issues with my heart, MVP, massive kidney stones, meningitis (I'm feeling like the end of Hebrews 11 when there was not enough time to speak of it all. Lol) and a thousand other things...I have known The Lord as the God who sees me even when others don't understand and are full of judgment...there is such peace in knowing God sees and we don't have to explain our back story to Him...be it marriage trials or near death experiences... He sees and He knows and also your load and mine might not be the same but it's still our plight and not someone else's. We can't compare losses and we can't say oh God won't give us more than we can bear as it's not in the scriptures. We won't be tempted beyond what we are able to bear. He will provide a way of escape it's just whether we take it. However life can leave you feeling like a cannon ball is perpetually being launched through your insides, you may feel struck down but not destroyed. Like the heroes of the faith David, Elijah, and Paul you may even despair of life because it's so brutal. Life is not escaping trials or never going through the fire...it's about the ability to bear up under a load and persevere because of Christ. He owes us nothing and yet have us everything that we may have life and live with Him for all of eternity.

Morgan's 9th birthday

Yes I rhyme but Morgs is going to be 9 this week and that is sort of causing me to freak!!!

Now I lay me in the bed

All of a sudden I have feelings of dread. 

Morgan will turn 9 this week...

Where has the time gone?

Have I been asleep?

I want to stop time 

But it's like chasing the wind.

Even though she's only nine 

I've always known that she was the Lords & not mine...

My prayer for her has always been that she'd love The Lord with everything within...

Only The Lord knows what she means to me. 

With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat i realize that these days are numbered and this is not our home...

However, I cherish the days we've had so far...

From the moment she was laid on my chest there was no more  room to self protect...she held the key to my heart, unlocked it and then threw it away... After June 24th 2005... I'd never ever be the same. 

This long anticipated 5lb baby girl, was used by God to heal my tattered heart in places I didn't even know. 

And still keeps using her and teaching me as I go. 

I fail, I fall, I'm as imperfect as can be

But I doubt she will ever say, "my mom didn't love me!" 

She's giving and caring and sometimes too daring. She's loyal, brave and a lover of truth...she has her flaws but don't we stinking all??

Praying she loves The Lord for all of her days and that she will acknowledge Him in all of her ways. Take hold of Him my child because He isn't words on a page...NO! He is your life and the length of your days. 

Frozen party decorations

My good friend came over to bring me food after my neck surgery and told me she was having a frozen themed party and most of you know there aren't a lot of frozen things to buy yet for parties. Disney is losing some major bucks on that. So I immediately started rummaging through my Christmas decorations. I cut snowflakes on the cricut and made a quick photo booth and made snow out of glitter blast and poly fill 

I bought crate paper at the dollar tree and used 4 black foam boards from the dollar tree and a strip of duck tape at the top and the back side to put it together. I put my snowflakes on strings to hang and bought some fun stuff for the photo booth. 

Normally I make a banner for my kids out of different scrapbook paper but for Morgan's friend I wanted it to go with the theme and found this chalk banner at target and used a chalk marker to write her name. I also had to cut it into three portions and add string to the ends to hang it. I found the other paper decorations that are blue and purple at the dollar tree. 

I tied toile in between each letter. 

 I used a sheer curtain panel for the table and added ribbon to the back of the chairs. My friend Dedra already hung the paper decor on the lights and had put together a lot of stuff before I got there. 

We used deco mesh to decorate the doors. 

I made this table skirt out of toile and twine.  I was guessing as I did it from my house. I found stems from Christmas decorations that Dedra put in glass vases. 

I also pulled out Christmas balls that were blue and silver and Dedra decorated with them as well. 

Dining room. 

More close ups. 

Again you can decorate easily with the Christmas balls and keep with the winter theme. 

Dedra made the coolest curtain with white Christmas lights behind it and crate paper. 

Again I tied together silver and blue decomesh and we used that on the doorway. I also pulled this velvet chandelier out of Morgan's room to use as seen in the middle. Hobby lobby has cheap ones you can buy. 

Feather boas (sp) from the dollar tree, huge glasses and mustaches for the photo booth. 

More decor. 

Here is the poly fill and I sprayed it with glitter blast to decorate the bar. And Dedra had the frozen banner.  More stems and etc for decor. 

I added the rest of my snowflakes to the snow. 

Dedra printed out the color sheets. 

Here's where I want to be these kids. Haha. Love this that Dedra made. 

Dedra found these posters and framed them and added more Christmas balld. Love it. 

The other poster. 

Close up of the other table. 

I hope she has a great party and the decorations just made me happy!!! 

Hoosier cabinet refurbish

I usually don't post furniture stuff but wanted to post this since it was my project for a couple of days since my neck surgery. This was pretty non-strenuous and doesn't take much time. 

The bottom is the original green with the white knobs. The cabinets were weathered so I was either going to cut them out and keep the frame and add chicken wire but let's be real. I have kids and I'm sure seeing through the chicken wire would be a no go considering how I clean up after people all day. 

I love chalk paint and this time I used a cheaper version that I purchased from Michael's. I also used their light wax and dark which was liquid form. With Annie Sloan I use a paste. 

Here's the paint. 

So I painted over a table in my half bath and really liked it so I decided to go for it on the Hoosier cabinet. 

This is an old sewing table with the singer still in it. You can get these at the thrift store for a dime a dozen! The pic really doesn't do it justice. 

So I removed the hardware from the cabinet, painted one coat of blue. Used packages of old papers I bought and placed them to cover each door using Modge podge. Then, I went over the papers with triple thick. 

People usually aren't familiar anymore with the Hoosier cabinet but they were used in the late 1800s and into the turn of the century until they started building cabinets in homes. They had all their cooking supplies here and etc. They had a flower sifter built in and a lot of times mason jars. So instead of copying someone on Pinterest I want a piece unique to my taste and one that will go with everything. I have another piece I did like it and it's a big conversation piece when I have guests. 

Next, I added one more coat of the blue. Chalk paint dries so fast and that's the main reason I love it. After that I added the white (clear) cream wax as shown above. You let it dry and you can buff it with a cloth as long as it is one that isn't going to leave debri behind. I just wiped mine off a tad. Then, I used the dark wax which again was a liquid wax from Michael's. I painted it on with a paint brush which leaves the stroke marks. I always paint with foam brushes when I do furniture. It's not messy and it saves on paint. I let the dark wax dry and added new hardware. The drawer knobs at the bottom were $3.99 each but half off at hobby lobby. The top ones I gave a box of. So, on this piece I used a 60 grit piece of sandpaper to distress it. It just takes less time which I'm all about. 

Here is more detail on the old scraps. 

And the knobs from hobby lobby.  

I need to tell anyone and everyone always always wax with a clear wax before you do dark over it. If not, you may mess up and have to repaint the thing. 

So here it is in the kitchen. I was afraid it would be to big but it goes great. I'm going to add a few more touches to it and I'm done. 

Over communication and the breakdown of relationships

Over communication, technology, and the good and the bad with mass communication in our day:  I just saw a post where someone was saying how sorry they were over the death of a girl from a traffic accident in our area and her heart broke to find out that the young girl had gone to be with Jesus. Well, of course someone chimes in with all of the details on the girl and who hit the girl that died and etc. It flew all over me because I thought to myself is there anything sacred anymore or is our generation become that desensitized? I can't imagine how the family feels over this loss but just as equally tragic, how the person feels that hit her and what guilt they must feel and may feel for a very long time. I don't even want to know that kind of pain. Yet with "twitfacegram" (I just lumped them all together) people post things and others find out such devastating information that alters their life forever maybe by someone's tweet. Then, I got to thinking about how we are linked up and in and over and around with communication yet we are more disconnected from real life, love, contentment, and relationships than ever before. I can't tell you how many times I've had to ask rod to listen "with his eyes" because I'm not talking to him through his phone, computer, and no my mother wasn't a glassmaker so I won't be talking to him through the tv either. My kids have asked me the same thing. We are all guilty if we aren't intentional. Then, I thought man how many marriages are breaking up and broken down from mass communication? Confession: when I am in a disagreement with rod we text. Do you know how many words would be spared on both ends if we were not in this era of communication? Dude he'd have to get enough rolls of quarters and stop at every pay phone in sight for some disagreements. And before someone wants to get on here and bash me I'm just being honest and he texts me and is pretty wordy himself. Lol. But think about it. What if we exercised more restraint instead of going wait I called him 5 mins ago and why hasn't he/she answered? I'm going to blow him/her up (meaning call or text over and over) until they answer me. Really! Some of us are guilty but I'm just saying. How many relationships would still be intact if we were quick to pray instead of quick to call or text and blast someone out? What are we accomplishing anyway besides feelings of emptiness and as believers sometimes getting in the mud and fighting dirty with others all the while when His word poses the question of how can we love Him who we haven't seen if we can't even love those that we do see? There's so much noise and chaos and lack of peace because of the perpetual cycle we are in with having the ability to over communicate and acting on it instead of saying you know what...I can do this or that and say this or that or talk to this person or that person...but you know what? Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll choose like Daniel to be different and not defile myself or anyone else in this situation? Maybe I'll decide that hey I have to give an account for every idle word spoken and I'll just press pause here on this and go before the Throne of Grace and pour my heart out to God...and not go all dear diary media wise. I am not at all saying that we don't talk to the people God has strategically placed in our lives about the cares and burdens that pertain to us. We aren't called to just fellowship with Him vertically and not be in fellowship with others here on the horizon. That's enough to push anyone over the edge. I'm just saying that just because something is permissible doesn't mean it's beneficial. Self-control says I can do this but I choose not to. I choose to say yes to God and no to this. Really think about how many marriages would still be together if we were accountable and used some self-control. We are told that we are to be in this world but not of it and to not be overcome with evil but overcome evil with good. So I pray someone (yes maybe that one person that read to the end) will seek to build others up and not tear them down and bless others and not gossip or slander and help me Jesus as well but maybe won't press send on that scathing text or email you are about to send. Help us Lord!  We live in a whole different age then our parents or grandparents did. Back when we talked on rotary phones that were attached to a wall. We are saying more and yet saying less. Lord sanctify us through and through with our communication. 

The days are like waters gone by

My kids are so different even though they look just like rod. Blair is just like me independent and stubborn. Morgan, she zones out like her dad and they'd both let me clean up after them all day long. So since Blair is my last one I had great plans to baby him. The little mister can be so mean and bossy and he argues me to death and then when I tell him I'm going to spank him he says, "spank my body". He makes me laugh, and he won't let me baby him for nothing. Morgan would still let me if I tried. So he yells a second ago: "mom (we are on formal terms at 2 yrs old. When he turns 3 he will probably call me mother) I just went poo poo in the potty. I need some pay-pah towels (tp)" and I didn't even try to potty train the boy. I love that baby smell and the smell of fresh diapers and baby lotion from head to toe. He tells Morgan to jump and she basically asks how high. We are working on that. Redeem the days Lord because they are short.  I was doing my nightly praying over Morgan and looked at that baby girl who is almost as tall as me and has the sweetest and most loyal heart I know and just groaned a little over how fleeting the days are and as I held her and prayed while she was sleeping it wasn't so easy since she's growing so fast. I'm reminded and therefore have hope that this isn't our home as believers but we only have one spin here and the only way I've had one ounce of victory or made it through many long trials is Jesus and time spent in His word. I am sinful and fail miserably as a parent but keep seeking Him and it's just all I know... "Teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom". Please Lord!

We need to quit talking a big stick as believers and get down on our faces in prayer and face The Lord and build up and not tear down. Don't forget the quarry from which you've been hewn.

It's so funny how many can sing grace grace amazing grace, talk about grace, talk about mercy...and never extend it to another person. That usually tells me you've never really been a big recipient of that grace grace that runs down and covers you. Same thing about Gods love. We are to love Him and love others and love those who aren't easy to love. Sometimes that may mean loving at a distance if the relationship is abusive or if you can't stay out of the mud with the person while in close proximity but some of us (me included) need to shut up talking a big stick and be doers of the word. Even my statuses people read into them and assume I'm always talking about myself or whatever. Nope I'm doing life with people who are suffering and so many have no clue what these people are going through. And on my own end I've been judged or talked about with my health or people will chide when speaking to me, "oh wow y'all just don't get a break or you are just too young to have all of this! Or your break is coming!"  Well, actually I haven't had a break but I've come to relate to people in ways I couldn't have apart from suffering and I cringe when people talk to me like that with a judgmental attitude because I sure don't want The Lord to turn and have to teach them about what it means to endure a long suffering of sorts. So, instead of making every stinking thing about us when we think someone isn't meeting our needs or something seems off with them... Why don't we get on our faces in prayer and try to build up and encourage one another. Don't we all have enough without being beat down by others. Especially believers. I love to talk but in James where it says we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.  We aren't called to not speak. When Christ called the disciples peter was a big mouth and He became, by the power of the Holy Spirit, a big mouth for Jesus. But we are so quick to speak, slow to listen, and quick to become angry and quick to judge. My point is that I know so many people now that are suffering. I mean their lives are falling apart at the seams. So let's love The Lord with every fiber we have and seek Him and love our neighbor AS OURSELF!! Let's mend and not tear. I'm more open about some stuff but general so others can relate or feel they aren't alone but especially with our attitudes of judgement what is it doing for others? How is it helping others toward freedom in Christ? It's not and people don't feel free to confess their sins one to another for accountability and to expose it to the light without bearing the weight of judgment from others...how many men and women wouldn't have jumped off the cliff figuratively speaking if they could at the beginning stages of an area of sin or struggle could truly confess it to someone and expose it to the light? How much self inflicted pain could be spared if we truly were our brothers and sisters keeper. But no! So many people are living in darkness that they can't look you in the eye and certainly aren't going to get involved in someone else's life because they have no firm footing to stand on. We are losing this battle waging because we aren't in the word, walking in the light, or getting out of our comfort zones. We can't fix our gaze on people. It has to be Jesus. He has to be our anchor whether we are accepted or rejected we can't live for the approval of man and be servants of Christ. We desperately need our minds to be renewed by the word. So today...cut someone some slack, don't be a seam ripper, you never know what someone is going through.

A victim or an overcomer? It's up to you.

A mini novella for those 3 of you that will read something longer than a minute: I keep thinking about life being the sum total of choices. Some choices may have been made for you that were good or bad. Some it you may have had to grow up fast, suffered at the hands of cruel people, faced abuse or neglect, rejection or worse apathy. Some have suffered long with loss, financial difficulty, loneliness, depression, longings that have gone unfulfilled, some have sordid or sinful (don't we all) pasts that they feel branded by. We wouldn't have enough time or space to list it all. However, what will you do with that now? Will you remain a victim and grow bitter? Because really it is a choice and knowing Christ and taking hold of Him and following Him is the only path to lasting and true liberty of the soul but it's a choice. You can choose to hold onto the past of what so and so wasn't to you or even how the church or Christians have let you down. Let me say, if I was focused on people or the church I'd have sadly turned away from Christ on account of them because we (myself included) are so deeply flawed and yet we will all give an account. My daughters teacher gave the class an assignment. She gave each one a dollar and read to them the parable of the talents and they were to come back after an allotted time and see what they did with the dollar. I'm not at all boasting about my child but she caused me to humble myself when I saw her scraping together ALL of her money to turn in toward missions $52.60 and she even wanted to make sure where it went. That's certainly not what I would have done when I was 8. However, she came home and said one kid spent their dollar. It was such an illustration to me. We have this one life here and are we going to be victims? Are we going to lay down in defeat? Or perhaps would we see our need for Christ? Our need to forgive even if it doesn't mean reconciliation... Will we see that He is life and the length of our days and not a number on a priority list? He's it! Will all other idols be dethroned in your life? It's a choice. We can choose to reject Him or become a disciple of His. He came as fully God and fully man and of course was a Jewish Rabbi so Rabbis had followers and they went where the rabbi went and stayed where He stayed and covered themselves in the dust of their feet. They strung pearls as they listened to His teaching and passed along teaching by oral tradition. But just like Judas, many may profess Christ and yet never put feet to their faith. Never have fruit. Faith without deeds is dead and so many also will not open their bible and know Him for themselves. It takes time, commitment and a life of worship. You can't rely on people who peddle Jesus for personal gain. I can't help but think about something I heard Pastor Harry Reeder say about the judgment seat of Christ and how the sheep and the goats will be there (believers have no condemnation but will receive reward or suffer loss) however the goats will be separated and will suffer eternally as they chose not to live for Christ here and won't live with Him for all of eternity. Y'all that scares me to death. Not because I'm concerned over my salvation as there is nothing I'm more certain of in all of life...but for those who would rather live for this life and suffer for all of eternity. So many think of what they have to give up like God is the great killjoy of the cosmos and what does it profit a man to gain the whole world yet forfeit his soul? I remember standing at a crossroads at 18 yrs old and someone asking me how did I know I was going to heaven and I said because I was a good person and went to church. The most loving thing that person could do was tell me the truth. We can't earn our salvation. Our salvation is by faith alone in Christ alone but just like the disciples when Jesus told them one of them would betray Him they were all perplexed and wondered if was them? That's just it judas fit in so much so that he had them fooled. I don't believe in losing your salvation. I do believe that passage in Hebrews is so taken out of context and scripture interprets scripture so you can't base that off of one scripture. I'm not going to argue it either but I will say are you truly a follower of Christ or do you just go to church and have a form of godliness but deny it's power? To know Him and love Him means there will be fruit and why we get in our minds that we come to Him with all this baggage and then try to hide our sin or play fake it til you make it is beyond me and nonsense. We will all struggle with sin as the book of Romans speaks of in chapters 6 & 7. We should struggle so I ask (but please don't answer in written form) is there even a struggle? Are you in the faith? Do not lay down over what has been dealt to you or your past sin. By Gods grace get up!!!!! Return to Him. Repent.. Turn around from the direction you are going and turn back to Jesus if you have gotten off track. It's not too late. Use what the enemy meant for your harm to bring about much good in Jesus Name!  You are more than an overcomer!  

Don't put your trust in man or yourself either

You can't honestly or safely say you can trust others when you can't even trust your own self. Anyone who has ever seen the depths of their own sin nature knows what I'm talking about. However, I find such security in a world chock full of deceit that I can trust Jesus. There was no deceit found in His mouth and it's impossible for Him to lie and He does not change. He has no dark side. So let our gaze be not on who we can't trust or what we can't control but Who is in control and the One who sees everything. Everything is laid bare before Him to who we must give an account. Let that strike a holy fear in us as well. Truly all other ground you are trying to stand on is sinking sand apart from Him. So when your world seems to fall apart because of betrayal, or even your own doing fall on the Only Solid Rock and let Him rebuild and use what the enemy meant for evil for His kingdom and His glory. 

Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with malice. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongues they tell lies. Psalm 5:9 

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Hebrews 4:13 

"He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." 1 peter 2:22 

Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one." Isaiah 44:8 

1 Corinthians 2:9-10 

these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.

The woman at the Well

One of my favorite encounters with Jesus in scripture is in John 4 when He meets the Samaritan woman at the well. For one of many reasons: 1) I would have been her apart from the work of the living water of Jesus in my own soul. In fact I really was just like her in so many ways looking for a man to fill me and determine my worth. Had Jesus not saved me from myself and also had I not cooperated with Him to be free...I'm convinced that I would be on my 5th husband by now give or take a few but would have been one big relational disaster of a train wreck. 2) I've coined the phrase: the

Woman at the well syndrome... When I see myself or others who have looked or are looking for love in all the wrong places, only to come up thirsty still 3) I am a woman. She was considered unclean to the Jews because she was a Samaritan. Samaritans were despised because when the 10 tribes of Israel were taken captive to Assyria, the Israelites intermarried with their great enemies and thus were despised because of the evil Assyrians and their wicked idolatry. And she was an outcast however Jesus met her in her sin. I'm so sure she felt branded like she wore a scarlet letter but tried to at least wear it well, living up to her reputation as it was all she knew. I wonder if she thought she was just meeting the next man she could move onto? 4) I love how Jesus probes and cuts straight to the heart of the matter with her, being the great Soul-ologist that He is! He speaks to this Samaritan who is a woman, He exposes her sin yet doesn't condemn her but clearly gives her dignity. When we face God over our sin, He clothes us with robes of righteousness and removes our filthy garments...we can't face man, without facing Him first, and walk away with a shred of dignity. 5) she like us can't cut the bull with Jesus. He told her everything she'd ever done! By having our sin exposed to the light we can receive forgiveness for our sins and repentance. Shame is satans game. Jesus doesn't shame us. He shows us our need and offers salvation found only in Him. There is something so freeing that we can't keep it to ourselves after encountering Him. Especially, if we realize the quarry from which we have been hewn and how destitute we are in are wandering. How thirsty we've been searching for something or someone or anything that will fill us up, but never being satisfied. We sometimes think that maybe this is it...this is the thing that's going to do it for us and by the time we are in deep we realize we've wreaked even more havoc on ourselves and are as empty as ever. 

I love though that He is still the lifter of our heads. I wonder if she was able to look Him in the eyes? However, she met the Messiah at that well and I wish I could go into the geographical part of it and this not be even longer ;). He was tired and thirsty with the physical limitations of an earthly tent. He was still fully God but fully man. He was tempted in every stinking way that we are yet was without sin. Yet He pursued her and pursues us still. He meets us in our sin and great need. I'd like to suggest something to those of you with unrealistic expectations of men. Jesus is the Rider on the White Horse not your man or the man you think you are looking for. Drop some of your expectations that are so lofty and put them in Christ. No one can be Jesus to you but Jesus. Let others off the hook and I'm not talking about settling or abuse but only Jesus ruling from the seat of your emotions. He will not share His glory with another. 

Finally, I love that where the spirit of The Lord is there is liberty. She faced Him and was able to run and tell others because of the freedom of knowing someone knows you fully, forgives you, loves you unabashedly, and longs for you to come to Him. 

Jesus knows me this I love! 

Today if you hear His voice do not harden your hearts

 This would take teaching or a blog post but I was reading this morning about all of the evil of King Manasseh and how King Josiah comes out of the evil dark tyranny that had reined and starts issuing reforms and ridding the nation of it's idolatry and how the book of the law is found and there is reform and some stability under the reign of Josiah. However, he dies and so the story goes. The people of God are taken captive and return to their evil idolatry. I'd like to suggest a few things: 1) a nation like America doesn't look to a president for moral stability. Don't expect change if you aren't going to change from within. We must seek His Face Only and as people decline morally so does that nation. 2) If you have long standing addictions or idols, removing them from your life outwardly still doesn't change the inside. We must have The Lord eradicate the yeast that leavens the whole batch of doe. To the porn addict, removing the tv and computer won't retrain your heart and mind, it won't solve your problem even though you've taken steps. You must replace the old with the new and with any sin or addiction ruling over you...if you stay running around a proverbial pit of I will not see, I will not taste, I will not touch, you will jump back in the pit of whatever or just find a new one. 3) change or transformation takes place over time and following after Christ. Not just focusing on what you aren't supposed to do. The law can't save only the blood of Christ and being washed by the water of His word. We are made clean positionally in Christ but I'd like to suggest that we have to continually be washed by the water of the word.  Not unto salvation but for purity. Until we taste and see that He is good we won't know what we are missing and will be more and more conformed to this world and may have gained some temporary victory but nothing lasting. None of us come to Christ and get it together. We assume we are supposed to and it's to our own detriment. The Lord doesn't need us to play fake it til we make it. We aren't fooling Him. We can only pose so long and be good at it before we are the dog returning to his vomit. Jeremiah had desires for love and a mate and those were never met this side of eternity but the desires didn't go away either. He had to make choices and trust the One who is able to keep us from falling and present us without spot or blemish. I have my own struggles and temptations and carnal desires and even today I have to make a choice to say no to the flesh and yes to obedience. Satan will lie like a dog to you and me and make us doubt Gods goodness and we too will question at times if He is just holding out on us or justify our own sin. That's why we must be hearers and doers because that lie will be whispered and sometimes shouted at us but departing from Gods path has always meant suffering harm. If we suffer it's not to be for doing evil. We are to be good soldiers and not get entangled in civilian affairs. I have been the biggest fool ever to my shame and yet God calls and woos us to come to Him. To bring the heavy weight of sin and to return. Change has to come from the inside out. Not just outward manifestations that produce nothing. We must bring words with our repentance and have faith with deeds. His word is the only thing that's ever held my attention or freed me from myself. There are none like Him, I know not one.

Don't ever forget

Please don't ever ever for one second forget that as far as your fleshly desires, satan promises much and delivers so little. He has no heart and is out to destroy you. Don't forget it. He will kiss you on one cheek and then betray you. Always!!! You can take it to the bank. Gods word and His ways can be trusted. Anyone who has ever gone their own way and yet loves God will testify to this. The enemy has a plan for you and so does Christ. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in this world. This world and all that is in it and the lust of the flesh will all pass away but His word stands firm, fixed in the heavens and will never pass away. Gen 4:7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it."

He never grows tired or weary

It's so freeing to know that while we may wear others out or at times feel so needy... that we can go to the One who never grows tired or weary. We are never to needy for Him. In our finite minds we can't comprehend how One can be so vast and need nothing and no one to sustain Him...and be so attentive to each one of us at the same time. Oh the depths of the riches and knowledge of God how unsearchable are His ways...they are beyond tracing out. I'm so glad that I worship and serve a God that can't be explained away and yet He is so real and evident. Please hear it from one who knows. Don't spill what is so precious to you or your self so cheaply before people who can't fill you or redeem you or even begin to understand you. Get before Him and cry and groan and let His spirit intercede when you don't even have the words to pray.  I'll say it again: You'll never be to needy for Him. Most likely you will walk away full and not depleted. Confess, cry, repent, and return. 

"indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. (Psalm 121:4-6 NIV)

Self-centeredness

One thing I've noticed about our human inclination is how some people are so focused on what someone else wasn't to them, and live in the past carrying around dead bones and yet they are also usually the ones that don't recognize what's in front of them or just how blessed they really are. I mean how long do you live in the past and let it rob you of current or future blessing? It's also very narcissistic as far as being so centered on yourself, and as long as you are looking to the well of human flesh and blood to fill you...Newsflash: that well is dry in terms of deriving any lasting worth or confidence.  You can only build someone up so much and you can't be Jesus to them. You can't maintain someone else's happiness or personhood or worth. And usually you will be discarded easily so guard your heart like proverbs 4:23 talks about. It's the word for guarding or tending to a garden. People that are so centered on themselves and the past or on who wasn't what to them can't have room enough in their hearts to care about others and usually are never satisfied. They are robbed of contentment and have nothing to give. It really is a thief like Unforgiveness when we won't look to The Lord to deal with our past or present. 

Psalm 105:4 Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

His word is alive and active and invades

It's funny how scripture invades. I was trying to remember fractions tonight and need to re school myself but of course when I'm threading this needle a scripture comes to memory. His word is alive and active. It's one thing to know it and another to walk it out! Help me Lord! Matthew 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”

Streams in the desert January 24th

This has been right where I've been so many times and yet lately I've received so much encouragement but The Lord has used the silent times to teach me to derive my worth from Him and draw from His word. So fitting that I would read this just now. 

But the dove found no rest for or the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him... And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf (Genesis 8:9-11).

God knows just when to withhold from us any visible sign of encouragement, and when to grant us such a sign. How good it is that we may trust Him anyway! When all visible evidences that He is remembering us are withheld, that is best; He wants us to realize that His Word, His promise of remembrance, is more substantial and dependable than any evidence of our senses. When He sends the visible evidence, that is well also; we appreciate it all the more after we have trusted Him without it. Those who are readiest to trust God without other evidence than His Word always receive the greatest number of visible evidences of His love.
--C. G. Trumbull

Believing Him; if storm-clouds gather darkly 'round,
And even if the heaven seem brass, without a sound?
He hears each prayer and even notes the sparrow's fall.
And praising Him; when sorrow, grief, and pain are near,
And even when we lose the thing that seems most dear?
Our loss is gain. Praise Him; in Him we have our All.
Our hand in His; e'en though the path seems long and drear
We scarcely see a step ahead, and almost fear?
He guides aright. He has it thus to keep us near.
And satisfied; when every path is blocked and bare,
And worldly things are gone and dead which were so fair?
Believe and rest and trust in Him, He comes to stay.

Delays are not refusals; many a prayer is registered, and underneath it the words: "My time is not yet come." God has a set time as well as a set purpose, and He who orders the bounds of our habitation orders also the time of our deliverance.

Wrestling with God

I've said this before and it begs repeating but we must take our past, the good, bad, the ugly and face The Lord over it. Even if we wrestle in the word to "feel" forgiven we must wrestle. The Lord knew every sin you and me would commit before the foundation of the world. He sent His Son to atone for our sins yet so many refuse the peace He offers or live with what feels like a Scarlett letter tattooed on their chest. When The Lord met with the Samaritan woman at the well (I could teach a whole series on that lol) He told her everything about her and she ran to tell others about this Man, the Christ that she encountered and she was excited about it!  Jesus gave that woman, a Samaritan, a woman looking for love in all the wrong places, dignity. He will change your name proverbially speaking and robe you in garments of white, not keep you bound in grave clothes. Which brings me to the point. We are NEVER EVER as much as we want to...called to forget our past. Paul was saying,  forgetting what was behind, which were his past achievements mainly. So we can't live off of yesterday's relationship with The Lord. It has to be day to day. Yet when we've wrestled with God over the past and He does not condemn us, then who can? So, again I bring up this Hebrew word picture of a man rowing in a canoe backwards (please visualize) into the future but very much focused on his past. If we don't remember the quarry from which we were mined from we will not gain a lick of wisdom and we are likely to be the fool repeating his/her folly. We can't go back and undo what's done but we can pull something beautiful from the trash and do things different the next time. With the LORD is unfailing love and full redemption.  It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm and do not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!! Don't ever forget the pit He has pulled you from. 

Be careful what you ask for...

Be careful what you ask for. Be careful that you don't forget The Lord and what He has done like the Israelites in the wilderness. We all have God given legitimate desires but if we seek to get them met in an illegitimate way we will suffer greatly. Make no mistake. What's scarier is how we can get what we asked for or have made an idol out of and God can send leanness into our souls. He is so merciful but we also have something called free will. We can harden our hearts against God and yes according to Romans 1 He can hand us over to the hardening of our hearts. Scares me to death! Today if you hear His voice do not harden your hearts against Him!  So be careful what you ask for esp if it has become who or what you worship.  

But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness, and put God to the test in the desert; he gave them what they asked, but sent a wasting disease among them. (Psalm 106:14, 15 ESV)

Kiss of betrayal

I'm reminded once again that the enemy masquerades himself as light. He comes in the form of whatever is the thing that will bait you. He has nothing new up his sleeve but will prey on weakness. He promises so much then just like Judas Iscariot the betrayer, he ensnares you and kisses you on the cheek and betrays you. Never forget that satan has no heart. He will kick you at your lowest and leave you to hang yourself in a field with your guts spilled open. his ways aren't worth it. #jennyisms

Bringing calamity on yourself

In Jeremiah 2:17 the question is asked of Gods chosen people who had turned their backs on God and turned to idols and Even returned to lands of slavery like Egypt and to the vilest of their enemies, the Assyrians, as to whether or not they brought this calamity on themselves.  Why? They lacked fear of the LORD. They brought their calamity on themselves. I say that to say that I've studied a lot about pits in scripture and could go on into a 5 paragraph essay but I won't. Anyway, in Gods mercy we can  be different. He can and will deliver us from a slimy pit that we either jumped into or someone pushed us in. I love what Chuck Swindoll says when speaking of the life of Paul and how we tend to forget his gruesome past toward people of the way. Swindoll says, "The steel of greatness is forged in the pit.  It's true of all of us. Don't ever forget that, especially when you're in the pit and are convinced there's no way anything of value will come of it." God so rich in mercy is still in the business of rebuilding the ruins, bringing beauty from the ashes and also using our worst moments to help snatch others from the flames and even use our greatest failures and departures for His glory even if the school of hard knocks was not the way to go.  Until He calls you home, He has plans for you. You aren't done. Wrestle the thing out with God so that mans opinion fades and you are liberated and no longer the same. 

Have you not brought this upon yourself by forsaking the Lord your God, when he led you in the way? (Jeremiah 2:17 ESV)

#jennyisms