19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
Just for the sake of being real...I am having a really bad day. I know what I need to do but can't seem to do it today. I need to cast all of my anxieties on the Lord and when I get a minute with my two year old...maybe I can do just that. I am so disappointed about so many things. I have been folding laundry today wondering if life is going to get any better than this??? I have even been tempted to want to punch the wall or something...or maybe even throw something...like that would make it better. I am sick of the selfish (suck my will to live) people in my life. When will I be content? When will I not let trials, or people, or pretense get to me? I want the Lord to be ENOUGH. Things seem so mundane and I know I need to get my fix on things above. I feel like life has been one constant trial for so many years...and I want to be OK if that never changes. Rod and I are constantly at each other which makes doing life all the more fun. I want to be more obedient to the Lord, more yielded...and I find my soul warring to do what I want. I desperately want to believe God and be humble before Him and not have to wander in some desert of disobedience, wasting my years here. I want to just get on with it...and on so many days I just long to be in the arms of my Saviour. I just get tired here. I get sick of the sameness. I am tired of the enemy...and tired of myself. I woke up with a feeling of heaviness this morning and I just want it gone. I don't need any advice or for anyone to feel sorry for me...I am just wondering if I AM THE ONLY one who ever feels this way!! Also, I am tired of caring about what others think...I have spent too much time in rooms filled with facades and people who are fake (I'm not saying everyone is fake either). It makes me nauseas. I need some stinking mountains to move...because I am sick of them being in my way! I am tired of feeling like I am some hamster on a wheel stuck in a rut. God please show up in the dailiness of my life before I explode. I need a break for my soul. It has been so long since I have just been able to retreat. Rod hunts and gets to spend A LOT of time in the woods on a mental vacation...I guess I need something like that. Time away from all the noise for the Lord to restore my soul. I imagine that I am not the only one.
I am sure my outlook will be different tomorrow =)
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Posted by jennyhope at 1:18 PM