3 years ago today!

I just wanted to give a shout out and thank everyone for your sweet comments and prayers. I am kind of melancholy today just from lack of rest. Morgan has not been feeling well and she has been running a fever. Anyway, I am so thankful for the encouragement that you guys have brought me in remembering the life of my sweet little girl, Shelby Hope. I went to her grave yesterday on my way home from church and I prayed for all of the families (around her grave) that have lost their infants. I saw one that went to be with Jesus after 3 months of life here on earth. I can not even imagine the devastation that this brought on that family. I have stood by Shelby's grave for a funeral of another baby who was stillborn at full term. It just breaks my heart. I am okay though because of Christ in me and the hope that I have to meet with her in heaven again soon. The Lord has been so faithful to me. I don't want to even know where I would be apart from Him. One thing I was reminded of yesterday is just how faithful the Lord is. Yesterday Rod and I got in to an argument because he did not remember what today was. It just didn't affect him in the same way...but it did hit him hard three years ago. I guess it affected me because I have a mother's heart and he deals with things completely differently...and that is ok. I love my sweet Morgan fiercely! I tell her that no one loves her more than Jesus and her momma and I think that while Rod loves her...I love her more. Anyway, the Lord reminded me in my Spirit that He is there waiting to meet the deepest longings of my soul...even if my own husband doesn't remember something that important to me. He remembers what all I have gone through and He understands my hurts. I have had a spirit of gratitude for God's plan knowing that it has shaped me and that the Lord knew the plans He had for my life before the foundations. He is so infinitely wise and holy. My prayer this morning is that I would be rooted and grounded in His marvelous love for me. So many trips off the path have been because of my unbelief in His love for me. I don't even want to go there in my times of grief. One thing I want to say that has gotten me through so much in my life is staying in the word and praying for more of the Holy Spirit, and just plain crying out to God. If I had thrown my hands up and gotten out of the word and believed the lie that God is not good (because of this and MANY MANY other things) there is no telling what kind of bitterness I would have let take root. By God's grace I have developed such a holy habit for His word that in my moments of crisis, as well as dailiness, I have groveled in the word to get through the valleys that life has brought. So if you are in one now...please run to the Father. Some of my own valleys I have put myself in by my own sin...if you are in one of those...run to the Father. He is ready to show His love and mercy to you...just come.

ps i am so thankful for each of you and how you have encouraged me over Shelby. I love you all so much...you have no idea what it means to me.