Monday, August 20, 2007

3 years ago today!

I just wanted to give a shout out and thank everyone for your sweet comments and prayers. I am kind of melancholy today just from lack of rest. Morgan has not been feeling well and she has been running a fever. Anyway, I am so thankful for the encouragement that you guys have brought me in remembering the life of my sweet little girl, Shelby Hope. I went to her grave yesterday on my way home from church and I prayed for all of the families (around her grave) that have lost their infants. I saw one that went to be with Jesus after 3 months of life here on earth. I can not even imagine the devastation that this brought on that family. I have stood by Shelby's grave for a funeral of another baby who was stillborn at full term. It just breaks my heart. I am okay though because of Christ in me and the hope that I have to meet with her in heaven again soon. The Lord has been so faithful to me. I don't want to even know where I would be apart from Him. One thing I was reminded of yesterday is just how faithful the Lord is. Yesterday Rod and I got in to an argument because he did not remember what today was. It just didn't affect him in the same way...but it did hit him hard three years ago. I guess it affected me because I have a mother's heart and he deals with things completely differently...and that is ok. I love my sweet Morgan fiercely! I tell her that no one loves her more than Jesus and her momma and I think that while Rod loves her...I love her more. Anyway, the Lord reminded me in my Spirit that He is there waiting to meet the deepest longings of my soul...even if my own husband doesn't remember something that important to me. He remembers what all I have gone through and He understands my hurts. I have had a spirit of gratitude for God's plan knowing that it has shaped me and that the Lord knew the plans He had for my life before the foundations. He is so infinitely wise and holy. My prayer this morning is that I would be rooted and grounded in His marvelous love for me. So many trips off the path have been because of my unbelief in His love for me. I don't even want to go there in my times of grief. One thing I want to say that has gotten me through so much in my life is staying in the word and praying for more of the Holy Spirit, and just plain crying out to God. If I had thrown my hands up and gotten out of the word and believed the lie that God is not good (because of this and MANY MANY other things) there is no telling what kind of bitterness I would have let take root. By God's grace I have developed such a holy habit for His word that in my moments of crisis, as well as dailiness, I have groveled in the word to get through the valleys that life has brought. So if you are in one now...please run to the Father. Some of my own valleys I have put myself in by my own sin...if you are in one of to the Father. He is ready to show His love and mercy to you...just come.

ps i am so thankful for each of you and how you have encouraged me over Shelby. I love you all so have no idea what it means to me.


Amanda said...

Hey Jenny,
Thanks for sharing your heart. I remember when I first heard about Shelby. My heart just broke for you as I remembered our dear friends who went through the loss of their firstborn exactly one year prior. Nothing has shaken me like watching them bury their daughter. I want to thank you and thank my precious friend for being an example of faithfulness and perseverance - a testimony of God's grace. I marvel at His work in your lives. And I praise Him for the gift of Morgan! God bless your sweet family.

Teri said...

Remembering you in my prayers today. When my Dad died I had a friend (who hasn't lost a parent) say some really nice stuff which I don't remember at all, but His wife,(who has lost both parents) said "You know, all that stuff Jimmy said was true, but what you really need to hear today is that death sucks. There isn't any other thing that someone can say that can truly articulate the truth of this day. You lost someone to death, and death just sucks."
I find it interesting that THAT is what I remember, mostly because it is true. Anyway, from someone who can somewhat relate. I am thinking of you.

Debra said...

I just don't think I have the right words to say what I mean.

You are a blessing. Your faith brings me to searching.

Praying for you today.

Heather said...

Hey girl! what a sweet post and you have such a great attitude towards this. I've never had to go through something like this so I do not know your pain. But, I'm thankful that we have a God who does. One that can meet you in your moments of need and hold you tightly in his hands! Just know that many have taken you before his throne today!

Kim S said...

I love you my friend!!

Susan said...

Sweet Jenny. I have not lost a child but I am a mommy and I CAN NOT imagine in my worst moments, the pain and the grief and the sorrow that must still grip you. My heart aches for you today. And my heart is also gladdened by the sheer Joy that you express, even today, in our loving God. Keeping you in my prayers this day especially.

Ang baylis said...

Dear Jenny,
You are such an inspiration to me tonight. I wish I had some profound words to tell you. Just know that I understand that we women do have a special kind of love for our children that is different from our husbands. That's great that you already came to grips with that one. (I hold on to unforgiveness). I am so relieved that we have a God who comforts us and wants to wrap His arms around us. You have run to Him...You have such a heart for God that you are reminding US to run to Him too even in the midst of it all!

Much Love to you, especially tonight!
Angie xoxoxo

Jackie said...

you are in my prayers. I can't imaging losing a baby. I have just recently (today) had my 3rd miscarriage and it sends me reeling towards God each time- begging for healing, hope, and strength. You are in my prayers and thank you for sharing your thoughts on this blog- your perserverance is a blessing to us all.

Faith said...

Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry for the tragedy but my heart is blessed as I see you using this to testify to God's love and faithfulness.

twinkle said...

Glad you were able to put your thoughts into words. Those are so powerful! Is anything too hard for our God? No. Not anything!
Love you.

Profbaugh said...


My heart is just so tender for you right now. I wish I was there to place my hand on your shoulder and pray for you. . . .for Shelby for all the dreams unfufilled. No one but the Father himself can truly comprehend the depth of your loss.

Praise the LORD that you've run straight to Him--that His Word has been a lifeline to you. Do you realize that not only has the Word comforted and guided you, but your testimony has been the strength and inspiration for so many other women? Only a few have posted here. I imagine there are far more lurkers that have been moved by your post--perhaps moved back to the loving arms of their Savior. Just think of that Jenny!! The LORD is using even your pain to draw lost sheep back to Him.

My dear Jenny, know that without a doubt you are loved so intensely by the Father that your love for Shelby and Morgan pales in comparison. Cling to that and let His love wash over you like falling rain.

Remembering Shelby Hope with joy,

Teri said...

Oh my gosh, Jenny, I wasn't trying to make you laugh, I was being serious...but that is the problem sometimes with the bloggy thing...
Anyway, I am from the north and sometimes we use words like "suck" when we shouldn't. Basically I just wanted you to know that I could relate to a small degree...and I really admire you for your strength.

Alissa said...

I remember the first time I heard about Shelby and I remember receiving a picture of you holding her in the hospital. I still have the picture in my email and in the 3 years since I received the picture, I have cleaned out my emails but that one will never be deleted. When I see it, I always open it, look at it, pray for you and I thank the Lord for the time that you had with her.

Heather said...

I was given your blog address to read. I am so thankful for your heart and your transparency in sharing about your daughter. You have really encouraged me, you allowed me a much needed cry. On August 29 it will be 4 years for us since we lost our beautiful little daughter. Looking back I can see so many times the Lord was there guiding us through this most difficult time. He is so good and has blessed us in the loss of a child and the children we have had.